“What have they said? What do you know?” I ask in a burst of sound that surprises me and makes Jeanine jerk her head back. A startled expression on her face. Connor’s shoulder bumps mine, and he repeats the same questions but calmer, much, much calmer.
“They’ve taken her into surgery. But beyond that I don’t know any more now than I did when I called you.”
“So, we what? Just sit here and wait?”
Jeanine gives me a disgruntled look. This I can deal with, some normalcy in the face of chaos.
“As opposed to what, Mr. Johnson, storming the operating room, interrupting what could quite possibly be a lifesaving procedure to get you answers.”
“Retract the claws, J. He’s struggling,” Connor says.
“Aren’t we all.”
“Where are the police? Shouldn’t they be here? Shouldn’t the ER be closed?”
Jeanine takes a deep, give me patience, breath before she says, “No, Mr. Johnson, that is not how incidents such as this work. Prior to your arrival, I spoke directly with the public information officer for Metro Police. He was very clear that the police’s primary function at this time is to locate and neutralize the threat and secure the crime scene. Only once they have done the other two will they begin investigations. Detectives will conduct the investigation. Depending on what the investigation turns up, the FBI, Homeland Security, and possibly the ATF may get involved.
“So, in the meantime we do nothing? Sit here and wait for the person who did this to walk through the door and try to do it again?” I say once again in a voice bordering on too loud and too angry. I can’t be the only one that sees how totally wrong this is.
“Mr. Johnson,” she says after a long pause. “I know how upset you must be. However, University Medical Center is the only trauma hospital for the entire state. Ms. James is more secure in this hospital than just about anywhere else.
“Those metal doors,” she says, pointing at the tall, black doors that have chips in the paint and dents in the metal where they’ve been hit by gurneys or wheelchairs or a foot kicking the door. “Are thick and require an access card to enter.
“The hospital has been kind enough to provide additional security, so fans and passersby cannot gain access, and as you can see, Sin City’s personal security and The Hotel security are here as well to assist with the task.
“The hospital assures me that after the shooting of Tupac Shakur, they put protocols in place for situations involving celebrity patients. But according to the hospital chairman they only shut down the hospital if, a”—Jeanine ticks off the point on her outstretched finger—“the President of the United States is in the facility for any given reason, b”—she holds up a second finger—“they are no longer able to adequately provide service because of the sheer numbers, or c”—she holds up a third finger—“there is an immediate threat to the hospital or its surrounding areas. None of which are the current circumstance. Please just take a seat, and if you believe in a higher power, maybe say a prayer. If you don’t then send her all your positive energy so she knows she’s not alone.”
It’s only then that I look at the other people in our group, the people here for Sin and understand that we’re all in the same boat. They love and are worried about her too, and they are scared to death that this might be the last time, and they didn’t get to say good-bye too. Miles has his arms wrapped around himself rocking back and forth, mumbling something under his breath. Dan is pacing from one side of the desk to the other and every so often stops near the doors that lead to the surgery area and stares at the entrance like sheer force of will bring the doctors out. Then my gaze lands on Adam. He’s sitting in a chair, fingering the dark red spots on his shirt. It’s not hard to miss the pallor beneath his natural surfer boy good looks. Blond strands hang in his face, some strands tinted dark red with what I assume is Sin’s blood.
I leave Connor and Jeanine and make my way toward the one person that means the world to my world.
I settle in the seat next to Adam, and he turns his haunted eyes to me. For the first time ever, we connect as people versus rivals. Two people that share time and memories and, at present, sorrow for the same person we both love. We’re each trying to make sense of this situation which is unexplainable.
Thirty maybe forty-five minutes pass with nothing. I heard what Jeanine said, but I still expected police officers to rush in, sequester the members of the band, and place the ER on lock-down but there are no loud sirens or the sound of heavy boots filling the corridors as SWAT moves in. There are only the sounds of the massive AC unit kicking on, one person on the other side of the room hacking uncontrollably, the pinging of cell phone notifications, and hushed voices that don’t want to be heard in the open space.
“I couldn’t stop the bleeding. I tried,” Adam says suddenly. His voice a hoarse. Opening his fingers wide in a helpless motion, his eyes never leave his bloodstained hands.
“She’ll be okay. You know Sin,” I say instead of demanding he tell me every nuance of what happened, so I can hunt down the man or woman or persons that did this.
“I’ve always protected her. Always. But the one time she really needed me. I let her down.” Tears leak from the corner of his eyes, leaving trails in the mixture of blood and dirt on his face. He doesn’t wipe the wetness. He balls his hands into fists and rotates them almost like he’s trying to see them from a new angle or locate a clean spot.
“Adam,” I say, placing my hand on top of his to stop the incessant movement. He looks up at me with crushing despair. “This isn’t on you. You did everything you could. No one plans for… this. How could you?” I look around at the sterile white walls and the broken, worn chairs. It’s all so normal. Looking at the inanimate objects in this room, one would never know my life is tearing apart at the seams.
Seeing Adam covered in Sin’s blood is a reality I’m not ready for. A confirmation that constricts my heart to the point where it’s struggling to beat.
I just got Sin back. I can’t lose her, not yet, not like this. I dig the tips of my fingers into my eyes, trying to staunch the tears that burn the back of my lids. If I let them fall, the thin thread I’m holding will snap, and it’ll be a flood of emotion that I won’t be able to rein back in.
“She’s going to be okay. She can get through this,” I tell him, but I know it’s more for my benefit than his.
Before I can say anything else, a tall, African-American doctor walks through the doors in blue scrubs with a Kente cloth cap over her hair.
“Are you all here for Sinclair James?” We all stand and crowd in on the doctor like a pack of wolves circling prey.
“Yes,” Connor says when everyone else in the group remains silent.
“She’s out of surgery and has been moved into a recovery room. Once she wakes from the anesthesia, we’ll get her into the private room.”
My knees almost buckle with relief. I have no idea how I’m still standing. I can only imagine I’ve been running on pure adrenaline, and hearing Sin is alive makes every ounce I had drain from my body. Chills race down my body and my limbs shake. Sin is alive. She’s out of surgery and in recovery.
The doctor clarifies further, “I don’t want to set the wrong expectation. The recovery will be difficult, but I don’t see any reason why Ms. James shouldn’t come back stronger than ever.”
“Are you all”—she peers around at our group—“Ms. James’s family?”
Adam and I both walk forward without hesitation.
A frown creases the center of her brows. She looks at Adam first. “And you are her…”
“I’m her brother,” he says.
The doctor looks him up and down, skepticism lining her face, but she doesn’t challenge him.
“And that would make you?” She looks at me?
“I’m her…” I want to lie, tell this woman that can’t possibly understand us, that I’m her husband, because in a different life I could’ve been, but in this life Sin is so well-known, she�
�ll recognize the lie and shut me down. But what am I? Her boyfriend? Her jump-off? Her man? I clear my throat and start again.
“I’m her boyfriend?” I ask, frustration finally making the words hard and angry. Hospitals don’t give a damn about boyfriends. If I’m not a spouse or family, she has a legal obligation to withhold information from me.
When she turns her attention back to Adam, dismissing me, I have to fight the urge to curse and demand she tells me everything she knows.
“I’m Doctor Pippen, chief of surgery.” She holds out a hand to shake.
“Adam Beckett.”
“Okay, Adam,” she says in a quiet voice. “Let me give you the basic rundown of what we repaired, and where I think we’ll go from here.” She gently tugs Adam toward the doors she just exited. I can still hear their conversation although she’s speaking low.
“Your sister had a significant injury to the right lung. We were able to repair all the damage and remove the bullets and debris from the chest cavity. We still have to run a couple more tests when she’s awake, but while we wait for that, I can take you in to see her. As her family, you can authorize other visitors to see her, although we like to keep the number around two at a time.”
The doctor swipes a card to unlock the door, and she and Adam quickly disappear behind the steel gray doors. I stand at the doors until the lock reengages. A firm hand on my shoulder guides me to sit in a chair.
“Come on, Jake. We need to talk strategy. Is Adam Beckett the only family that she has?”
“I think so.”
“You think so, or you know so. If Sinclair has any other family, we need to call them and let them know what happened.”
“Only Adam,” I say with more conviction. “Well, Adam and the other guys from the band.”
“Okay, that’s easy enough because they’re all here. J?” he calls over his shoulder. “Get her publicist, and anyone else you can think of on the horn. We need to get in front of the camera and address this as soon as possible.”
“It’s already done, Connor. Everyone is appraised and all hands are on deck.” Jeanine swipes at the tears still gathering in her eyes, and with renewed purpose, she straightens her glasses and takes a phone out of her pocket. Her fingers begin to fly over the keyboard.
The energy in the room is quiet when compared to the remnant of chaos that was still hanging on when I first walked in, but I still feel crazy, like my world exploded into a million shards, and there is no way I will ever be able to pull it back together.
“You heard the doctor, Jake. She’s going to be okay.” Connor says his hand on my shoulder squeezes until I look at him.
He holds my gaze for a long beat before he repeats. “Sinclair is okay”
“She’s going to be okay,” I repeat his words letting the reality sink in past the panic and anxiety that are still bouncing around my system.
“And when she wakes up, she’s going to need you.”
“Sin has never needed me.” Want me? Maybe. Sometimes. But need has always fallen squarely on my side of the line.
“Bullshit,” he says in a weary voice. “It’s time to take the blinders off, man. Everyone sees it. The tabloids, the fans. The hotel surveillance teams that have to delete footage from rooftop escapades, and unauthorized entrance into a certain secure villa that is supposed to have a nameless guest who not only doesn’t pay for said villa but requested that only her personal security have entry codes.”
“Shit, Con?” My mind immediately plays all the times I’ve shown up at her door and that first night on my knees in front of her with my mouth working her core.
“Why would I lie?” he asks. A signature smirk curls one side of his mouth.
It all makes sense now. The ease I had getting access. As the moneyman, I never had to deal with security and cameras. Cameras apparently hidden on the roof of a building that saw a mostly naked Sin and me, doing what we had no business doing, especially in public.
“Did you see…?”
“Enough to know that if you hadn’t cockblocked me I would’ve had a lovely experience with Ms. James? Indeed.” That smirk moves to a full-blown smile.
“And you never said anything. Why?”
“Because it’s not for me to say anything. I told you. If you want her, then I want her for you. It would have been nice if you weren’t so sloppy but I gotchu. It’s that simple.” Connor stands to his full height, buttoning his suit coat and smoothing a hand over the wrinkles on the sleeve. “This is going to be a long night, Jake. But by the time the sun peeks over Sunrise Mountain, I promise, things won’t look so bleak.”
“Right,” I say and as a second thought I say, “Connor?”
He looks at me in question.
“Thanks…” for getting me to the hospital, for being solid when I was nothing more than a puddle, for taking care of stuff by yourself because I can’t do it right now. I don’t say all the words in my head, but he nods like he heard them.
“You know, I don’t believe in all that love shit, but even I can see that you two are perfect together.”
“Perfect, huh?”
“Abso-fucking-lutely,” he says with a wink before he walks away and joins Jeanine on the other side of the room.
I stay parked in the seats right in front of the doors until they open hours later. Adam stands on the other side of the threshold and waves me inside. The bloodstained clothes and haunted eyes have been replaced with blue scrubs and a hopeful gaze.
“She woke up a couple of minutes ago. Just long enough for the nurse to check her vitals and shove papers in her face.”
“That’s huge,” I say. He nods and turns to me.
“It is man. It really is. I thought…” He doesn’t finish the sentence, but I already know. I had thought the same thing.
“I have to go let the boys know what’s going on, but I wanted to let you know first. Seeing her like that was the worst fucking moment of my life, but I’d rather be by her side than on the other side of the door. So, I know you gotta be tripping right about now.”
I was…” I say but I correct myself. “I am. I just need to see her with my own eyes.”
He silently studies me as he’s done so many times before but this time there is no derision, no judgement.
“She’s this way.” He starts down a typically nondescript hospital hallway and I follow. Sin’s room is at across from the nurses’ station. Adam stops at the door, bracing himself before he walks inside, and I do the same.
The room is dark. One light over the bed, illuminating Sin lying on her back in the center of the mattress. She looks so tiny and frail. Her normally rich brown skin has a grayish pallor. The woman always so full of life and passion is abnormally still. I take a step forward blinking over and over, trying to force my brain to comprehend the sight in front of me.
I stand there afraid to move forward but to too scared to go back.
I watch as Adam walks right up to the bed and leans forward until his lips are next to her ear. He speaks in hushed tones. His voice words hidden by the bleeps from machines. When he’s done, he rubs a gentle hand down her cheek and looks at me.
“I was just letting her know that I’m going out to give the boys an update, and I have to check on…” He suddenly stops. “I won’t be that far away.”
“Oh, okay,” I whisper in response as I finally step next to him.
“I’ll be back in a bit,” he whispers back.
Adam walks out, leaving me us alone and I stand there for minutes taking in the rise of her chest and the whiz of air when she exhales. I gingerly run fingertips down her arm, but she doesn’t respond. Not a wince, no jerk. I need her to know that I’m here. I lace her unresponsive fingers with mine.
“Sin,” I utter on a choked whisper. “It’s me.” I stare at her closed eyelids expecting them to flutter open like they do in the movies, but that doesn’t happen. She doesn’t move.
A lump of frustration gathers in my throat as I try again. “Baby,”
I say, running my hand back up her arm, moving it into her hair, and letting the curls twine around my fingers. She always loves it when I play in her hair.
“Just open up your eyes and look at me.” I lean forward the way Adam did a second ago. I let my lips brush the edge of her ear with each word. “If I can see your eyes, I know everything will be okay. Please.” I lean back to take in her face. “Just let me see your eyes.” I know it’s irrational because she’s not just asleep. She’s dealing with trauma to her body and the effects of anesthesia.
I soothe my fingertips over her eyebrows and down the bridge of her nose. “If you open your eyes, I’ll go get you a grilled cheese from In-N-Out and a strawberry milkshake,” I say as a bribe. “I’ll rub your back, and your feet, and your hands. You love when I rub your hands.” To demonstrate I turn her hand, so the palm is facing me and rub circles along the lines that cross her skin.
I squeeze her hand in mine “Come back to me. If not to me then to Adam, and Miles, and Dan. They’re all here.” I talk until I run out of words and my throat aches. And then because I can’t think of anything else to say, to do. I finally sit down in the chair next to her bed and lay my head on the mattress at her hip. I hold her hand in mine and close my eyes.
I don’t remember drifting off to sleep but Sin’s hands pull away from mine and I immediately look up.
She blinks her eyelids open, and her normally warm brown eyes are glazed with pain or maybe the residual effects of the anesthesia, and she seems unable to focus on my face. She tries to say something, but nothing comes out. She tries again but gets the same result, and her eyes get wild with panic as she opens her mouth wide, trying to force out sounds.
“Babe, calm down. Please. Just let me get a nurse. Okay?” Eight long strides take me out of the door and to the front of the nurses’ station where a youngish nurse in pastel blue scrubs with unicorns and rainbows is sitting. He looks up at me in question.
“Excuse me but Sin, my…” I clear my throat. “My girlfriend just woke up and she’s not… it’s like she can’t… She’s a singer and her voice…”
Exquisitely Broken (A Sin City Tale Book 1) Page 23
