by Geoff Wolak
‘They're both damn ugly Village People impersonators.’
With the gang laughing Monster asked, ‘What did we do?’
‘She's trying to remember the lad's names. Starting with the distinctive ones.’
Monster told her, ‘Don't get your knickers in a twist, Fluffy Bunny,’ as they walked off.
‘Fluffy Bunny!' I exclaimed.
‘Don't you dare!' she warned me as they laughed.
‘Mister Morten, Fluffy Bunny it is.’
‘Fluffy Bunny fits,’ Salome agreed, getting a stern look from A-Cup.
‘What's Israeli … for slut?’ A-Cup asked Salome.
Doc Willy cut in, ‘If these two start fighting, please don't break it up.’
Later, I found Swifty with nurse Sarah sat alone in the dark. ‘I hope you two are behaving.’
‘Not much privacy,’ Swifty complained.
‘There's a thousand miles of desert out there!'
‘And trigger happy men on the wire!'
‘Roof of the barracks,’ I whispered. ‘Big window in the toilets, ladder outside.’
They exchanged a look and headed off.
Back in the bar area, Fluffy Bunny and Salome were laughing and joking and hitting it off, and not at all fighting and tearing off their clothes.
‘What's with the princess?’ Monster asked me, a nod at Fluffy Bunny.
‘New lady medic, a bit stiff.’
‘You don't have a lot of luck with lady medics...’ he warned.
‘I'm not going to take her out. You have a go.’
‘Me! Ha!'
‘Maybe she wants a bit of rough.’
‘She threatened to knock Tomo's teeth out he said.’
‘Well, most people threaten to knock his teeth out, so no great surprise there.’
‘And she pissed off Dicky.’
‘She did?’ I puzzled.
‘Told him to get one more scar on his head, horizontal, and then we could play checkers on it.’
I laughed. ‘He is missing just the one line to make a board.’
My phone trilled, Murphy. ‘What you got Murphy?’
‘Well we got us some Serb soldiers, and they's hassling people at a roadblock, touching-up the ladies like, taking their money.’
‘How many?’
‘Six of ‘em.’
‘Kill them quietly, no evidence left behind.’
‘We got us some things from those partisans, we'll leave it behind.’
‘Good thinking.’
‘Problems?’ Monster asked.
I sighed loudly and theatrically. ‘We have teams in Kosovo, and so far the KLA – who we support – have been seen raping and pillaging, and the Serbs – who we're supposed to shoot – have been seen raping and pillaging as well.’
‘So what do the boys do?’
‘I had them kill all the idiots they found.’
‘Just as well, but … why they there?’
‘That's becoming an issue, because we're supposed to monitor and record the massacres without getting involved.’
‘Can't sit by when they're attacking the villagers.’
‘That's the conundrum here.’ I called Max. ‘Max, you got anything?’
‘Your boys just stopped a massacre, but they say the men are KLA not Serbs.’
‘Report it please, as being a KLA attack, photograph uniforms and faces and ID cards.’
‘But they're on our side..?’
‘Not if they're pillaging they ain't. Send it out, no mention of my men being in Kosovo.’ I faced Monster. ‘More KLA fuckers attacking villagers, and Max is there to report the Serbs attacking villagers so that NATO gets angry.’
‘It's always a fuck-up, ain't it.’
I stepped away into the dark and called No.1. ‘Listen, I need an opinion. We have a potential mission to Kosovo, and I have two small teams there now, but … they keep coming across KLA men pillaging the villages.’
‘What has David Finch said?’
‘That we get evidence against the Serbs pillaging.’
‘Well, might be best not to upset the KLA here, but … if their men are that bad then they're not suited to run the country after independence. Once a man has a taste for that he doesn't forget.’
‘So we kill them all?’
‘Those pillaging, yes, I'd say. But their commanders will get to know about it, and then you'll have an issue. The KLA could be a threat to your team in-country.’
‘There are a few hundred KLA, and I could place five hundred men in those woods, and soon there would no one left but the bears.’
‘London, and NATO, might not like that.’
‘Look, the aim here is that the Serbs leave and that Kosovo becomes independent and peaceful and democratic and all that bollocks – yes?’
‘Well … yes, so if the Serb units disappear, and the KLA units disappear, then … it makes no difference really. Aim is independence, first step being to remove the Serb soldiers and to stop the massacres, a peaceful transition, or as peaceful as NATO can make it.’
‘And if London orders me not to shoot KLA men?’
‘Then you hide the bodies well, and given the hilly terrain that should be easy enough. Take a shovel.’
‘And if the Serbs send an infantry division across the border?’ I posed.
‘They'll lose a lot of men and have to explain it up the line. Against your men in the woods they'll be massacred.’
‘I'm not sure I want to do that.’
‘Well, you felt bad the last time, and these men have families and are just doing their jobs, yes. Not sure how it could be avoided. If you're in Kosovo and they decide to send in the troops you have to defend yourself. But you can block roads, and damage vehicles and wound men.’
‘That would be a first step, yes, to block roads and slow them up.’
‘It's down to David Finch, the PM and NATO. You need to walk a fine line.’
‘I'll let the press get mad about the KLA, then the PM can make a choice – loud public opinion in his damn ear.’
‘You are indeed becoming a pragmatist in your old age.’
The next day the British Wolves all completed three static line drops, many of the American Wolves practising HALO, and the day after that the British Wolves all made two HALO bag drops without serious injury, one twisted ankle.
Many of the Echo lads were teaching HALO to the American Wolves, and we were getting the numbers ticked off the list. At night, I rotated 2 Squadron off the wire and they all made several static line drops, a short ten miles walk back to us fully armed.
Seven days after arriving we had given each American Wolf a taste of HALO, just two men off with twisted ankles, one with a bust wrist. So it was time to practise a scenario. Teams of four were made up, and they dropped in various places at various times, a long walk to an RV, instructions given, a place to sneak up on, look at and sketch, a long walk back.
As that was going on, Admiral Jacobs flew in, Colonel Mathews down via a trip to Germany. I met them with my senior staff in the base commanders office, cold drinks provided, much talk of Panama and cruise missiles for the first twenty minutes.
Admiral Jacobs finally called order and I stood up front as many men sat. I began, ‘The Wolves, the new batch of American Wolves, have seen action in several places, so they have that under their belts, and they have a maturity. They received a great deal of static line parachute training in Arizona whilst they were waiting for me, and they've completed the HALO bag drop jumps here.
‘They had the map reading training in England, with the tricks, they had the first aid and the stitching of live pigs, and they attended the facility we call The Factory in the UK, and practised infiltration. As we speak they're practising a live scenario and, since there are a few locals who'd like to shoot them, there is an element of danger.
‘Those scenarios are a HALO bag drop insert, four men as standard, a long walk, an RV with a make-do spy, a move to a second location to sneak up on it and m
ake a sketch, and to withdraw in good order.
‘They've had at least as much training as the first batch, and have seen more action, and they've all had jungle training and a few live and dangerous patrols in Liberia, so they have it all covered apart from specialist areas such as explosives. A week from now they're ready for a live job.’
‘Thank you, Major,’ Admiral Jacobs said as he sat on desk. ‘And I'm mindful that the scuttlebutt is all about Kosovo in Europe. You could use them there?’
‘Kosovo is all hills and trees, sir, so yes – it's ideal, small teams sneaking about, not an artillery duel or a tank battle.’
‘And the Serb defenders?’
‘Are thin on the ground and a bit crap, sir. We have teams there at the moment, and the Serbs are a disorganised local rabble.’
‘But they do have some good divisions?’
‘In Serbia, yes. The will to use them against NATO? Unlikely, sir.’
‘And the aim of the Kosovo operation?’
‘To liberate Kosovo and make it a small peaceful democracy, later to join Europe and NATO – our first Muslim nation.’
‘Muslim?’
‘They're all ethnic Albanian Muslims, sir.’
‘Those Albanians, they ain't exactly on the FBI's least wanted list.’
‘They … have had a coloured past, yes, sir. They like to export their criminal gangs around Europe.’
‘And we're gunna help them?’
‘To piss off the white Christian Serbs? Yes.’
‘Seems odd. I'll need to do so some research.’
‘If you get the tourist guide, the oldest Christian churches in Europe are in Kosovo, about to become mosques.’
‘And Albania?’
‘Would not join Europe or NATO without a serious effort to fix the country, sir. Would take twenty years. Right now they have horses and carts and a communist regime.’
‘What an upside down fucking world,’ he sighed.
‘Politics.’
He jabbed a finger. ‘Don't swear at me, mister!' He stood and faced the Wolf captain. ‘You happy with this batch, Captain?’
‘Yes, sir, they're solid, and we've weeded out the idiots and the killers. They did well in Liberia, several killed and wounded, and then again in Panama. And if they can survive a weekend at GL4...’ He held his hands wide as men laughed.
The admiral faced me. ‘You all healed up?’
‘Just a bit of a limp, sir, be a few weeks before I'm disco dancing again.’
He waved up Colonel Mathews. Colonel Mathews began, ‘We'll have Wolves based in Africa on rotation, and some Stateside, the aim being Central America and the cartels, and border patrols – although that is being kept quiet.
‘This is the last batch for a while, but we have an officers batch, forty men so far. You can torture them soon.’
‘How many did you start out with, sir?’ I asked.
‘Sixty-eight. We've had a high drop-out rate compared to the men. With some … the attitude was not great, so they reported. We want some kept with you, for the publicity.’
‘They might try and kill me,’ I teased.
‘We hope not, and you have luck on your side.’
Admiral Jacobs led me and Colonel Mathews outside. ‘This latest shit sorted?’
‘Yes, sir, we're rounding up the foot soldiers at the moment.’
‘And who was it?’
‘A secret group operating within the FBI for forty years.’
‘Jesus. So J.Edgar Hoover was doing his own thing, in a pink dress or otherwise.’
‘He was, and he passed it on, but we got the main players, just a few loose ends to follow up, sir.’
‘And the cruise missiles?’
‘To be used to kill a few cartel bosses, yes, but also to sink one of your carriers, to get the folks back home all riled up and wanting revenge.’
‘And that uranium?’
‘A lesson for you, sir. We think it was to be dropped in Iraq, then discovered by UN inspectors, a reason to invade.’
‘So they want a war with Iraq? We'd need a lot of firepower, Saddam has a big army.’
‘The Saudis would not wish you to attack him, sir, since he keeps the Iranians away from the Saudi border, and he doesn't support al-Qa'eda.’
‘But some of the power brokers Stateside do want a war..?’ he pressed.
‘Someone does, yes. Question is … who, and what influence do they have. The existing Democrat president would never support it, so I guess they wait till he's out of office, or impeached.’
They laughed.
‘Next election is 2000,’ Colonel Mathews noted. ‘Two years. Not long, and time for some posturing.’
‘Republicans will get in,’ the Admiral suggested. ‘Two terms of Democrats and they always swing back.’
‘Your political system is indeed predictably flawed,’ I told them, making them laugh.
After an hour greeting the teams and observing para drops they flew off, both heading up to Europe for meetings, maybe even meetings about the planned NATO role in Kosovo.
David Finch called at 5pm. ‘Your reporter Max has a story out, a KLA massacre on a small scale. Not quite what the power brokers wanted...’
‘What do you suggest, oh wise one?’
‘Well, maybe that he notes the Serb massacres.’
‘I don't think they publish a list of planned massacres in the local papers...’
‘Well, no, but if he sees another KLA incident he could … look the other way.’
‘David. Boss. If we report problems on both sides, and our soldiers end up as peacekeepers, will we not be seen as prudent and fair peacekeepers? And not … biased against the Serbs in the eyes of the Russians and others?’
He took a long pause. ‘You may be right, and we may look like we're in the middle instead of taking sides. I'm going to borrow what you just said for my next meeting.’
‘Ten dollars a word, without the capital letters.’
‘Foxtrot Oscar.’ He cut the call.
‘Well that was rude,’ I muttered as I lowered the phone.
At the bar, I quietly asked Swifty, ‘How's the roof?’
‘Great for looking up at the stars,’ he whispered. ‘How long we here?’
‘Another week at most, maybe five days.’
I joined Salome and Fluffy Bunny. ‘So you two get along now?’
‘Me and the slut, sir,’ Fluffy put in, Salome grinning. ‘She's been corrupting me.’
‘That I can believe, yes.’
‘How long are we here?’ Salome asked.
‘Another five to seven days. Kosovo might be next, but I don't think it will a quick operation.’
‘We attack the Serbs?’
‘No, we observe, and we keep the peace.’
Salome frowned hard. ‘That is not for us.’
‘I have no formal orders yet, so I don't know what we'll be doing. There are two teams there now, observing, and … shooting the soldiers who pillage the villages.’
‘Serbs?’
‘No, Kosovan soldiers.’
‘Why do they attack their own people?’
‘There are Serb villagers as well, remember. It's not all Kosovan Muslims.’
‘Pah! Stupid men. We shoot them.’
‘Well, that's what I figured we'd do, yes, just that NATO wants evidence against the Serbs, not against the Albanian nutcases.’ I faced Fluffy. ‘You para qualified?’
‘Not yet. Not great with heights.’
‘Tomorrow, get it sorted, or you can't stay with the combat medics.’
‘It … has been on my mind,’ she admitted.
‘It's easy,’ Salome told her. ‘And when you jump … an orgasm and wet pants.’
Fluffy laughed, shocked.
‘You will see,’ Salome told her. ‘Tomorrow, we jump together.’
‘If you're planning on showering together afterwards, let Doc Willy know,’ I told them.
The following evening I called ev
eryone together in the bar, including the SEAL members not on duty, and announced that Fluffy Bunny had made her very first parachute jump. They cheered, followed by drowning her in beer to some shocked screams, Salome pulling down Fluffy's shirt to more cheering – and more shocked screams. A camera flashed, Morten.
He told me with a smile, ‘Should we ever need to blackmail her.’
I nodded conspiratorially as Fluffy ran off soaking wet. ‘Get me a copy.’
She was back half an hour later, in clean clothes. ‘Rotten sods,’ she told us, but with a smile, handed a beer.
I told her, ‘You go back up tomorrow, you need three drops a year, or four I think, so you best do them here and now, weather is unpredictable in the UK.’
‘I can do it,’ she bravely told us.
‘Commando Fluffy Bunny,’ Haines noted, getting a scowl from her.
Four days later, and with all of the American Wolves trying at least two HALO bag drops each, and with Fluffy Bunny developing a taste for parachuting, I called a halt and waved the Wolves goodbye as they set off for the States, Echo and the remainder soon on a Tristar and heading north to the cold and wet lands.
We touched down at 7am, and Brize Norton offered us a stiff cold breeze and rain.
‘I fucking hate this country,’ Swifty told me as we negotiated wet steps, collars done up.
‘It's OK for a few weeks in June,’ I quipped.
We were soon in the buses, police and MP escort, and heading back to GL4 along damp roads in a very green land, a stark contrast to Mauritania. My house was ready, the gate guards informed me, and so Swifty, my nurse and I dumped kit inside the door and smelt the paint and new carpets.
The house also now had the special green fencing around it to a height of about eight feet, to catch stray rounds – as well as intended rounds fired. We now had a gate. Inside the fence, my house was isolated from Moran's, but all the other houses were joined inside the fence; they could pop next door to borrow some sugar.
The kitchen cabinets were the same, our things still in them, the drawers untouched, and our kit had been moved over from the Officers Mess. The house did, however, now offer extra safety glass which was – according to Graveson – mostly bullet-proof.
