by Lina Langley
“Yeah, twenty-seven. And no. I’ve been on a lot of dates, but only had two serious relationships. I bet if someone was counting every single date that you’ve ever had, you’d also come across as a slut.”
“I didn’t say you were a slut.”
“I felt accordingly shamed.”
“Fair enough. Let’s not count the dates I’ve been on that haven’t been successful.”
“No, let’s. That’ll be fun.”
“I’m sorry,” Dallas replied, finally. “That was unkind of me.”
Simon shook his head, exhaling heavily from his mouth. “No, it’s okay. You’re not used to someone being in the public eye, I shouldn’t have snapped at you. I’ve had two long-term relationships. They both ended amicably. What about you?”
“One. It was a shitshow.”
“I have a hard time seeing that,” Simon said. “You’re so put together.”
“This is a mirage.”
“You’re good at the mirage.”
“Well, I wasn't always. I used to be a disaster, a very obvious disaster, if you want to hear about that.”
“Yes, more than anything.”
“Strap in, because this one is a doozy,” Dallas replied. “And I acted like a real cock in it. You may not like me after I’m done telling you this.”
“I mean, cut me some slack here. You know all about the people I hooked up with.”
“I’m sure there’s a bunch the tabloids don’t know about.”
“A lady never tells,” Simon said, winking at him.
Dallas shook his head, smiling. “His name was Jason. I went to school with him, I always thought he was cute, we were kind of friends. He sat next to me during AP Calculus.”
“AP?”
“Advance placement. Like college classes?”
“Oh, right. So he was smart?”
Dallas nodded. “Oh, yeah, one of the smartest students at school. Really nice and popular too.”
“So naturally you had a crush on him.”
“Yeah, naturally,” Dallas said. “I had just come out a few months before this. This was at the end of my senior year and people were relatively okay with it. I mean, I got teased a little, but it wasn't too bad.”
“Right.”
Dallas took a deep breath as he prepared himself to tell the rest of this story. He didn’t like talking about Jason, it made him feel sick with himself, with the way that he had handled everything back then.
He didn’t like to even think about Jason if he could help it, but Simon was watching him, obviously expecting him to continue, and Dallas supposed that it was only fair. He had read all about his relationships in the tabloids, but Simon couldn’t read about his.
He swallowed down the lump in his throat, licking his dry lips before he continued talking about his high school boyfriend. “And then Jason decided to ask me out. I didn't know that he was asking me out at first, I thought he was just asking me to hang out with him. And then he took me to the movies, and it was just the two of us, and we held hands during the trailers. My hands were so sweaty, I was surprised his didn’t slip off.”
“Definitely a date.”
“Yes, definitely. We watched the movie together, he squeezed my hands during the scary bits, held me close when I jumped. It was so stupid.”
“It doesn’t sound stupid. It sounds fucking adorable.”
“I guess.”
“He sounds nice. Is it okay if I’m a little jealous?”
“Sure, but don’t be weird about it.”
“Noted,” Simon said with a smile. Dallas thought that he was trying to make him feel better. He wasn’t sure if it was working, but he normally couldn’t tell this story without breaking down.
“He's very nice. Still very nice, I'm sure.”
“So what happened?”
“We ended up making out in the theater, we left when the staff kicked us out, and we started dating after that.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes, immediately and very seriously. This was around the beginning of our senior year and everyone knew that we were together almost as quickly as we got together.”
“Did you want people to know?”
“I don’t know. I think part of me thought it was so cool that I was dating someone as fun, as interesting, as popular as Jason. I thought that it meant that I was… I don’t know, doing gay right?”
“What does that mean?”
“Baby Dallas was stupid, okay?”
“Same. You okay?”
“Yes,” Dallas took another deep breath as he continued talking. “Before Jason, the fact that I was gay was kind of just tolerated by every other student at school. They didn't do anything to me, but I noticed that some of them sort of went out of their way to avoid me, or some of my friends didn’t want to hang out with me as much. The moment that Jason asked me out, my high school became pride city.”
“Pride city?” Simon raised his eyebrows.
“I'm not even joking, on top of the trophy display in the hallway, the principal hung a rainbow flag.”
Simon smirked. “No way.”
Dallas nodded. “Yes way. Trust me, I couldn't believe it until I saw it.”
“You didn’t like it?”
“I did, at first. I liked Jason… but I started to resent everything that was associated with him.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. I liked the thought of being popular more than I liked being popular, because I prefer not being on anyone’s radar, something that only became clear to me once I was one of the popular kids.”
Simon licked his lips, staring right at Dallas. “Did it have its perks?”
“It was nice to be able to have a boyfriend and to just hang out with him, but then everyone was very artificial about their support, they always wanted to hang out with Jason, and they only wanted to hang out with me when Jason was going to be there. It sucked because I really liked him, but I started to associate him with these people, the ones who were being fake to me.”
“Right. So far nothing to hate you for. Also, you learn to weed those people out.”
“I’m sure you’ve learned how to do it.”
“It’s important in my line of work. I still don’t hate you.”
“Wait until you hear how I handled it.”
“I’m waiting.”
“I could have talked to him, but instead I kind of just got annoyed with him for it, even though none of this was his fault.”
“It wasn’t?”
“No, he was just a nice person. Of course people wanted to spend time around him, I wanted to spend time around him.”
Simon stared at him. “But not around his friends.”
“No,” Dallas replied. “Not around his friends. He started to realize it, he asked me what was going on. I told him that I was struggling with things, especially things related to our relationship.”
“But you didn’t tell him what?”
“No,” Dallas said as he bit his lower lip. “I was never specific.”
“Why?”
“I don't know, I guess I was a little embarrassed because this was supposed to be the kind of thing that made me happy. I mean, I was a gay kid, I was so afraid that everyone would start hating me the moment that I came out.”
“But they didn’t.”
“They didn’t, and when Jason and I started to date, they didn’t just accept me, they liked me,” Dallas said then sighed deeply. He hated how this made him sound, he hated where the story went, but he was going to be upfront with Simon about it. It was only fair. “I always wanted to be popular when I was a kid. Didn’t we all?”
“Don’t know, did we?”
Dallas laughed quietly. “Guess you wouldn’t know.”
“No. Keep going.”
“I started to pull away from him but he knew that something was wrong. He came over to the inn and asked me to talk to him. It was horrible, there were tears in his eyes when we were talking.”
/>
“Ouch.”
“Yeah,” Dallas replied. “I told him that I didn't want to see him anymore. It was hard because I really liked him but I just couldn't stand the way that people were acting around me for much longer. He told me that he would change things, if I would just tell him what was wrong.”
“Did you?”
“I couldn’t hold it back anymore, I did. I told him that I couldn't stand his friends, I hated it that Jason used our relationship for what felt like popularity tokens. He got mad…”
“Is that how it ended?”
“No. He got mad, but then he handled it, and his friends would never bother us anymore. I don’t know what he told them, but they gave him space. In theory, it was great. It was exactly what I wanted, right? It was what I needed from him.”
“But it didn't work?”
Dallas shook his head and sniffled. This was the hard part, but it had been emotionally exhausting to even get here. He didn’t talk about Jason to anyone, not even his closest friends, except to say that he—Dallas, not Jason--had been a dick noncommittally.
There was something about Simon that made him want to talk, even though the fear that he would judge him was ever present. Then again, they were deciding if they liked each other, so he supposed that it was important that he was honest with him.
“Dallas?”
“No, it didn't work. He was miserable and I was upset that I had made him feel like that. I felt like it was my fault that he was so sad.”
Dallas took a second to take a deep breath.
“So what happened?”
“When I told him things should go back to the way they were before, he told me there wasn’t a chance. He said that he liked seeing me happy, but I liked it when he was happy too.”
“Sounds like a conundrum.”
“Right? Instead of talking it through with him, coming up with a solution, like normal people, I decided that I was going to have to take matters into my own hands.”
“Take matters into your own hands,” Simon repeated. It wasn’t a question.
Dallas nodded, licking his lips. “I wanted to be left alone, Jason wanted to be popular, so I thought I should come up with a plan.”
“Oh no.”
“Exactly.”
“What did you do?”
“I dumped him. In public, while I made a huge scene. He looked shell shocked. I thought I was just doing what I had to do. I thought that he might be a bit humiliated but his friends would protect him. I was right, they did, and I was appropriately ostracized for the rest of the year.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Dallas replied. “The worst part was how upset I made him. I freaked out at him, said that he was a bad boyfriend, told him all this shit. I hadn’t been planning on that part of it, but it all just came out. It was stupid.”
“What happened after that?”
“Not much,” Dallas said. “Never spoke to him again.”
“That was your last boyfriend?”
“Last serious boyfriend, yes. What about you?”
Simon shrugged. “My relationships were less dramatic. Most just fizzled out, because of, y’know, distance.”
Dallas stared at Simon. “We’re a match made in heaven, huh?”
Simon snickered. “Yeah,” he said. “Tell me about it.”
“Do you feel better now that I’ve told you about my failed relationships?”
“Not really,” Simon replied. “I thought it’d make me feel like we’re on even ground, but I realize that I hate to see you upset.”
“I can turn the camera off.”
“No, don’t.”
“Fine. I won’t, then.”
“Okay. Good,” Simon said, smiling. “I know this seems a little fast, but I really do hope you decide to come over.”
Dallas smiled back at him. “Yeah,” he said. “I’m thinking about it.”
CHAPTER NINE
Their virtual dates had become even more frequent lately. It had been thrown out as a random suggestion by Dallas when they were joking with each other. Dallas knew that Simon was a busier man than he was so he didn’t think that Simon was going to take him up on it, but when he had brought it up, Simon had instantly agreed. When Dallas had asked him if he wasn’t already taking up too much of his time, Simon had shaken his head and told him that he was the best part of his day.
Dallas was looking forward to tonight. He had made up his mind about going to Maitje and he still hadn’t told Simon about it. He wanted to get his reaction, see his face when Dallas said that he was going to meet him there after all.
He did know Simon. He was sure that going to see him in person was a good idea. They clearly got along extremely well, something that Dallas needed to know before it translated into a more physical relationship. He’d tried to initiate things virtually before and while Simon had smirked at him, his eyes shining, he had reminded him that their communications were still being monitored.
Dallas was still feeling a little weary about leaving the inn behind for a few weeks, but he had started to make arrangements, training Eros more and more. Eros had asked him for a raise months ago and Dallas hadn’t been able to give one to him, but now that all the taxes were paid and that he had started to pay himself a normal salary again, the possibility started to exist again. He didn’t have enough work for Eros most of the time, since he worked so much, but since he would be replacing him, Dallas supposed that it was time that he gave him that raise.
He still hadn’t talked to him about it, not before he talked to Simon. He heard the familiar computer ring, answered almost instantly, and smiled into the webcam.
“You’re early,” he said.
“I practically race to my computer every morning,” Simon replied, smiling back at him. “Of course I’m early.”
“Aren’t you tired?”
“Exhausted. I missed you.”
“I missed you too.”
“How was your day?”
“Good. Long. Lonely.”
“Lonely?”
“Without you, yes,” Dallas replied then bit his lower lip. “It’s weird that the only time I feel like I’m not alone is when I’m talking at a computer.”
“Relatable.”
“How’s your dad’s investigation going?”
Simon chuckled. “So far, the Kingdom of Maitje seems relatively satisfied that there’s no official ploy to kill any of the princes.”
“So you could come back to America?”
“Not yet,” Simon replied, shaking his head. “I mean, I could, technically, but Father would be furious.”
“Not worth it?”
“Didn’t say that.”
Dallas smiled. “I think I’m going to do it.”
“Do what?”
“Go see you.”
Simon’s smile turned into a grin and he got closer to the camera. “Really?”
“Yes. Two weeks, right?”
“Make it forever.”
“Two weeks seems like less commitment.”
“Two weeks works. Send me your info, I’ll have my secretary make arrangements.”
“Great. Your poor secretary.”
“Hey, she gets paid well.”
“Fair enough,” Dallas smiled. “I can make my own arrangements.”
“Not if you’re coming to see the prince of Maitje. If it were up to me, we’d rent a cozy room somewhere, but it’s not.”
Dallas looked at Simon. He couldn’t believe that they had only really been around each other for a few days, because he felt like he was so familiar with his face. With the way that his eyes glimmered, with the fact that when he closed his lips they didn’t sit quite right against each other, looking slightly puckered and apart, with his one slightly prominent canine.
Simon was gorgeous, he had known that he was gorgeous the moment that he had walked into the inn. Since he had started to get to know him, Dallas had found imperfections on his face, a little freckle on the
bridge of his nose, a little patch of skin on his cheek that hair wouldn’t grow on.
These imperfections were what made him so attractive to him, they were what Dallas thought about when he closed his eyes as he went to sleep, his bed far too big and empty for him.
He needed to do this, not for Simon but for himself.
He needed to find out if they were compatible after all, in person, where they could touch, kiss, hold hands, laugh with each other.
Dallas had dreamt about pushing him into the bed under him, having Simon bite his shoulder, having Simon say his name into his ear as he lost himself in his skin.
Dallas needed that to happen, because having an online chat buddy was a completely different thing than finding someone that he wanted to date. That was as much as he could think about that. Dating terms were the only terms that he could assign to their relationship.
He didn't dare to think about what would happen afterward, whether they got along or not. Because Dallas had the inn, and Simon had... Well, he had the whole royalty thing. Dallas still wasn't sure how he was supposed to refer to that.
“Dallas?”
“Sorry,” Dallas said. “I was daydreaming of what we would do when I got there.”
“You were?”
“Yes.”
Simon looked at him and took a deep breath. “Can I tell you a secret?”
Dallas nodded. “You can tell me anything.”
“Okay, so you know how I keep asking you what your menu is, like, every day that we talk?”
“Yeah, you're always very interested in brunch,” Dallas said with a chuckle.
“I like brunch, Dallas, I'm a normal person,” Simon replied, smiling “That's not the only reason I was interested in your menu.”
“Oh?”
“I was interested because I wanted to cook what you were making.”
“Pretty sure crepes wouldn’t keep.”
“I know. So I’ve been having my personal chef make me the food you’re talking about.”
Dallas shook his head. “Hold on, you've been asking me what I'm putting on my menu and then having someone cook it for you?”
Simon looked away from the camera then, and for the first time ever, Dallas thought that he was blushing.
Dallas licked his lips. “How has it been?”
