by Lina Langley
Simon rolled his eyes. “You try going on a cross Atlantic boat trip.”
Dallas shook his head, horrified. “Why would I want to do that?”
“Because this celebrity that you’re kind of friends with invited you to, because they’re afraid of flying, and because there’s this annoying bunch of paparazzi that follow you everywhere that aren’t going to be on a boat in the middle of nowhere.”
Dallas smiled. “That doesn't seem like a problem that I would have.”
“Well, maybe not yet,” Simon mumbled in reply. Dallas waved him off, not wanting to address that yet. He didn’t want to think about any of the practicalities of being in a relationship with Simon—it wasn’t like they had even discussed whether they were in a relationship or not, they hadn’t even put a label on their relationship yet.
Prince and pauper was the only one that he could think of. He didn’t want to think about that, not when talking to him was so good, when the sex was so good. Not when just being around him was so good.
“So, do you regret that you had to come back?” Dallas asked as he cocked his head. “I mean, nobody was following you around back in San Leandre.”
“Yeah,” Simon said, sighing and sitting down next to Dallas. Dallas was munching on a Danish pastry, having a delicious cup of coffee, but Simon was only drinking black coffee right next to him. Dallas noticed that there were circles under his eyes, something that hadn’t been the case when he had been staying at The Butterfly Inn. Then again, he supposed that had been Simon’s vacation, he couldn’t expect his daily life to be like that. That was part of what scared him about being there, about everything being so perfect. This perfection, everything surrounding him, it had an expiration date. Being around Simon while not being worried about money, or the inn, or the fact that he was a freaking prince, those were all things that had an expiration date.
His feelings for Simon might not--he still wasn't sure, he didn’t think that they would, but he could only know that by spending more time around him--but everything else did. Dallas didn’t even want to think about it, he didn’t even want to contemplate the future, because it terrified him.
“I mean, I had to come back. My father expected me to and I can’t run from my destiny forever.”
Dallas blinked. “What is your destiny? I mean, I know your brother is going to become the king, but what about you?”
“I mean, I'm never going to be king. If that's what you're asking.”
It wasn’t, but Dallas’ felt relief washing over him the moment that Simon said that.
“Mostly what's expected of me is to run a bunch of charities, decide which organizations would do better with our money.”
“That’s your job?”
“Philanthropist is a job.”
“No, I know, I just… I guess I just wasn’t sure what to expect.”
“I get that. I can also be my father’s representative in different countries, so my schedule is usually pretty busy. My father can’t meet with a bunch of political dignitaries. Frequently when people come over to our country, my father is abroad. I'm expected to receive guests, as is the rest of my family.”
Dallas nodded. “Okay, so you're like professional hosts?”
Simon smiled. “Yeah, I guess. Something like that.”
“So you’re doing your job right now?”
“No, it’s different with you.”
“What about your family?”
“They haven’t even met you yet.”
“But they will.”
“Yeah, sure. They’re excited to. It’s been a while since I brought someone home.”
“That feels like a lot of responsibility.”
“It’s not a lot of responsibility.”
“Yeah, okay, you don’t even have to meet my parents.”
“That’s fair,” Simon said. “And a shame.”
“It is. I think my father would have loved you.”
“I hope so,” Simon replied, tucking a strand of loose hair behind Dallas’ ear. “You’re so beautiful and amazing. I would have done anything to impress your dad. I might even go there in full regalia.”
Dallas smirked. “Don’t think my dad would have been that impressed by your title.”
“What would he have been impressed by?”
“I don’t know,” Dallas replied. “The way that you treat me, I guess.”
Simon smiled, his eyes shining. “Let’s make sure your dad stays happy, then.”
“Okay,” Dallas said, smiling back at him. “But aren’t you going to eat anything?”
Simon looked down at the plateful of pastries on the tray, the one that he had put on the nightstand and had left for Dallas to enjoy by himself. Dallas kissed Simon’s cheek, putting his head on his shoulder and sighing deeply.
“Didn’t you say we needed to have some energy?”
“No, I said you did,” Simon replied. “I’ve done this trek hundreds of times.”
“And you won’t expend any more energy this time,” Dallas replied, biting his lower lip. “For any reason. Right?”
“Fine, fine,” Simon said, leaning over and grabbing a pastry. “I guess I’ve just been spoiled by better breakfast food.”
“Hey, your chef is great, don’t knock them.”
“Would you like to meet him?”
Dallas widened his eyes. “Oh my god, yes.”
“Okay. We’ll arrange that after dinner. How does that sound? You’ll get to tour the palace kitchen.”
“Really?”
“See, I thought you would be excited about the waterfall.”
“Yeah, well, I’m a huge food nerd,” Dallas replied. “Can you blame me?”
“I guess not. I’ll make sure there’s a car waiting for us.”
“Fancy.”
“Get used to it.”
“You’ll spoil me.”
“That’s the plan,” Simon said. He kissed the tip of Dallas’ nose again and smiled at him, his eyes shining.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Dallas had never seen a place like the one that he was in before. It was breathtakingly beautiful and it smelled of rain and mud and grass. There was dew on the handles of the bridge and even Simon had a soft blue light around him that made him look like he was in a fairytale.
They had climbed up a bunch of stairs together, and then they had hiked up a mountain, and now they were standing in front of a waterfall that cut through the middle and fell down a very green and imposing mountain, the most imposing of all of them. It fell so hard and so fast that there was mist rising from the bottom, where the river was. They were standing on a small rickety bridge, one that Dallas wasn't too happy to be on, but Simon was there, holding his hand, which made it easy for him to ignore that if he took one wrong step, he would probably fall into the river below them and die a horrible death.
“You okay? You look a bit pale.”
“I’m fine,” Dallas said, his voice shaky. “Just… okay, I might be a little bit more afraid of heights than I thought.”
Simon squeezed his hand. “I know it’s pretty high up here, but it's private.”
Dallas flashed him a thin, completely insincere smile. He did like it, the view was gorgeous, he liked being with Simon, he liked holding his hand. He just wished that he wasn’t doing it on this rickety bridge. If it had been a regular bridge, he would have probably been less afraid.
Simon sighed. “If I had taken you to a restaurant, we would not have been left alone.”
Dallas sighed too. “Because you’re a celebrity?”
“Yeah, something like that,” Simon said, letting go of his hands and turning to look at the waterfall. It was loud where they were, but they were so high up, it wasn’t so loud that they had to shout, though they were definitely being louder than usual.
When Dallas didn’t say anything to him, Simon continued talking. “There are some restaurants that we can go to, without calling in advance, but there are few in the city, never mind the country.”
Dallas looked at him. There were beads of sweat on his face from the hike, and the hair was sticking to his face, just a little bit. He smiled. “Did you call in advance for lunch?”
“Yeah, but it wasn't me,” Simon said with a shrug. “It was our head of security. She’s the one who takes care of this kind of stuff.”
Dallas smiled. “How many staff do you have?”
“Me personally or the palace?”
“Let’s start with you.”
“Just ten.”
“Right. Just ten, huh?”
“Well, technically, only one. My secretary. She’s in charge of everyone else. And I have a page for palace business.”
“So she takes of people like your footman?”
“Like my accountant,” Simon replied, winking at Dallas. “Are you sure you’re okay? You’re being a little…”
“What?”
“I don’t know.”
Dallas sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry. I know I’m being a dick, I know. It’s just—it’s just starting to sink in now, y’know. Who you are.”
Simon watched him, his brow furrowed, his eyes still shining. He was so beautiful even like this, even though Dallas didn’t want to talk to him about this. It felt like breaking the spell. He could have waited until the last day he was in Maitje to break the spell, he didn’t have to do it on the rickety bridge with the fairytale mist.
“Is that a bad thing?”
“I’m not—I mean, I don’t want to press for more, y’know?”
Simon shook his head. “I don’t, sorry. What do you mean?”
“You’re just ridiculously out of my league.”
“Strongly disagree.”
“You’re way—”
“Don’t start comparing yourself to me, Dallas,” Simon said. “I’m aware of my privilege. Look, I had no say in where I was born. I was just really lucky. It doesn’t make me better than anyone.”
“I mean, I know it doesn’t make you better. But if you had a job, like, as a banker, I would have an easier time imagining a future together.”
“So this is about the future?”
“This is about my life and where it fits into yours, I guess,” Dallas replied. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, this is amazing and beautiful. I couldn’t be more grateful that you put this together for me.”
“Right.”
“But I’m nobody compared to you. No, I know how that sounds, I don’t mean I have less value, just in the grand scheme of things. The things you must’ve seen, the people you must’ve me…”
“I don’t get it. What’s your point?”
“If we… If we decide to make this a thing, I’m going to have to fit my life around you. And I’m worried there won’t be any room left for me.”
“Why wouldn’t there be room left for you?”
“Look at your life, Simon.”
“I know, I know. It can be a little restrictive.”
“It’s not just that it can be a little restrictive,” Dallas replied, shaking his head. “There are people around you who work around the clock just to make sure you're safe, to make sure that you have food sent up to you in the morning for breakfast and ready for you at night.”
“I know, but—”
“You have a person who’s exclusively employed to make sure that when you go out to a restaurant, nobody bothers you.”
“That’s true,” Simon replied and then licked his lips. “Is that what you’re worried about? That I’m always surrounded by people? Because I can send those people away. They don’t have to be around us whatsoever.”
Dallas closed his eyes. “It’s not about them.”
“What is it about, then?”
“When… If… you decide to make this serious, I'm going to not only be your boyfriend, I'm also going to be your father’s employee.”
“You mean like if we get married?”
“I know I’m probably jumping to conclusions here,” Dallas replied. “I know this might just be one in a string of flings to you, but I really like you. I want to be able to consider having a future with you. I know, I know this is probably really intense, but it’s important to me.”
“Dallas.”
“I'm not sure if I'm okay with that. Becoming your dad’s employee, I mean. I know, this is probably really stupid, I’m getting ahead of myself.”
Dallas felt Simon’s hand in the back of his neck, holding him there, his fingers soft and warm against Dallas’ skin. “No, first of all, don’t apologize for that. I love that you’re already thinking about this.”
“Really?”
“But I do take issue with one thing you said,” Simon replied. “You’re much more than just a fling for me, Dallas. If you weren’t, I wouldn’t have brought you out here.”
“You mean to meet your parents?”
“No,” Simon said as he shook his head. “I’ve had people come over to meet my parents before. I’ve never brought anyone to the waterfall.”
“What?”
“I didn’t want to overwhelm you by telling you my life story. I know that you’re already dipping your feet in totally unfamiliar territory and that there’s no one here you can turn to other than I. I didn’t want you to feel isolated if I came on too strong.”
“I mean, I’m already talking about marrying you, so…”
“Fair enough,” Simon replied with a quick chuckle. “When I was a teenager, the press started to get to me. See, my brothers were all older than me and they had all grown up with the press and they seemed to be getting along just fine.”
Dallas watched him as he leaned over, putting his arms on the edge of the bridge as he looked at the waterfall. He wanted to touch him, reach out, tell him that it was okay. But he didn’t do that. This felt personal, intensely personal, and Dallas already felt like he had crossed a boundary by telling him that he had been thinking about the future with him.
“But I couldn’t. I was way less… how do you say this? Lowkey?”
Dallas smirked. He always forgot that Simon’s first language wasn’t English because his English was so good.
“You mean that you were flashier?”
Simon moved his head from side to side. “Not exactly,” he replied. “I mean, I guess I’m flashy compared to them, but I just wasn’t as discreet. That’s the word. I mean, I’m also queer and proud, so I’m sure that didn’t help.”
“I love that you’re queer and proud.”
“So does the press. But this happened before I was,” Simon replied. “I kissed this boy in the garden and some paparazzi had long lenses for their cameras and they printed it in the front page of the tabloids.”
“That sounds terrible.”
“Yeah. It was summer, I was only home for a few days and I met this boy that I really liked.”
“The press found out?”
“I was only fourteen years old and fuck, I hadn’t come out to my parents or anything.”
“Yeah, you were only fourteen. That makes sense.”
“The worst part of it all was that I still didn't know what I was. I guess I didn’t know what I could come out as, right?”
Dallas nodded. He hadn’t had that experience, but a few of his friends had talked to him about it. Being gay was hard enough, not knowing what he was sounded worse to him. Then again, how would he know? He’d only ever liked boys, they’d been an obsession ever since he could get crushes on people. His father had known he was gay way before Dallas had come out to him. When he had, his father had rolled his eyes and then he had asked him if he was going to tell him that the sky was blue next. It wasn’t the reaction that he was expecting, but he was grateful for it all the same.
“What did you think that you were?”
“I don’t know,” Simon replied. “I liked girls, I liked boys. It took me a long time to realize that I could just like whoever I wanted to like. Back then, it felt like I had to choose. Like I had to be straight or I had to be gay.”
/> “I mean, you could always just say that you were bisexual.”
“I did, eventually. I mean, it’s great that I have some of the terminology down now that I’m an adult, but I wasn't sure of anything back then. I was a kid. And I was trying to find myself.”
“That makes sense.”
“With him, I felt that I was safe from the outside world. I trusted him, and I trusted the fact that the walls around the palace were so tall that they could keep people out of them.”
“But they didn’t.”
“He tipped them off. He was the one who called them, to tell them that there was something that they wanted to see about the youngest prince.”
“Fuck.”
“I know. They got those long lenses for their cameras and they climbed up the scaffolding in the buildings around us. They rented penthouses and took pictures of us walking around the royal palace gardens hand in hand, kissing under the trees, in front of the entrance of the maze. His head was in my lap in one of the pictures and he was looking up at me and he had this smile on his face. Looking down at him, I remember thinking that it was going to be one of my favorite days ever.”
“But that’s not what happened.”
“No. I was angry about that day for such a long time,” Simon replied, his voice barely above a whisper. “They took pictures of us, and then they printed them in the tabloids. I even remember the font when my dad walked into the sitting room holding the paper. Prince Leopold, is he gay?”
Simon had paled while he was telling Dallas this.
“My father… he sat down in front of me and he waved his hand. My father isn’t a scary man ninety-nine percent of the time, but I was terrified of him then. The moment that he waved his hand, everyone disappeared. My mother, my brothers, any staff that was in the room. They all knew what he meant. They left and I was… fuck, Dallas, I was so afraid.”
Dallas watched him.
“I remember thinking that he was going to exile me. It was ridiculous, I know it’s ridiculous, I knew it was ridiculous back then,” Simon said with a chuckle.
“Anyway, I was sitting across from him, in one of those big sitting chairs. He was sitting on the sofa, and he was looking at me with this look on his face that I've never seen before and I've never seen since. Thank God for that, seriously.”
