by T. S. Joyce
“Oh, you don’t want to spend all morning in the kitchen. You’ll miss the decorating,” Helena exclaimed. “Tell you what. I’ll make the breakfast, and you finish up out here with Graylan.”
“Okay,” Emry said on a startled breath as Helena bustled inside.
“Hope you don’t mind,” Graylan said, sauntering over to her with the confidence of a man who knew his exact place in the world. “I grabbed the decorations out of your room this morning.”
He reached around to the chair behind her and grabbed another strand of garland. She inhaled sharply as his lips came within inches of hers. He smelled divine.
“I thought you worked last night. Don’t you sleep?”
His eyes dipped to her lips as he eased back. “I got a couple of hours of shut-eye. I have to go back to plowing soon, so I wanted to get up and do some work around this place before I have to go out again.” His boots made hollow sounds as he strode across the porch toward a strip of railing that wasn’t decorated yet.
Emry grabbed a strand of lights and a trio of oversize red bows and followed him. “When you came into my room, was I…?”
“Snoring?”
“No, I don’t snore. That I know of, at least. I just wondered…did you see me sleeping?”
“I did, and you were fucking adorable.” Graylan inhaled sharply and shook his head. “Sorry, I don’t know why I said that. I mean, it wasn’t like I was staring at you. Much. I wasn’t just standing there watching you or anything. I saw you in passing. As I was grabbing the box. Shit.”
“It’s okay,” she blurted out.
They worked in awkward silence for a few minutes as they finished up the last of the porch decorations. Finally, when she mustered the nerve, she said, “I thought you weren’t much into the holiday spirit.”
“Why did you think that?”
“Because you called this stuff crap yesterday.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. Turning, he leaned against the railing, arms flexing under his rolled up sleeves. From where she stood, she could see a tendril of tattoo ink curled under the cuff of his left forearm. Oh, she liked tattoos, and the mysteries around Graylan piled up another layer. She wished she could see all of it—see what the tattoo was a picture of.
“I shouldn’t have been so harsh with you yesterday. This stuff isn’t crap. I just haven’t seen anyone so excited about the holiday season. It’s…refreshing.”
“What is?”
“Seeing you two caught up in the thrill of the season.” He cleared his throat and crossed his arms over his chest. “I saw your holiday sheets on your bed.”
Emry groaned at how un-sexy that must’ve looked to a man like Graylan.
“No, don’t get all self-conscious. They were cute. It just made me think about how much fun Christmas used to be, when I let myself get into it like that.”
“When you were a kid?”
Graylan laughed and nodded. “Yeah, like a five-year-old kid. And I don’t think I ever got a holiday sheet set.”
“Well, you’re missing out. They are flannel and very comfortable.”
“Do you have them on your bed all year round?”
“No! Don’t make this weird. I just like the season.”
“Why?”
Emry leaned on the railing next to him and canted her head. “You’ll laugh.”
“I swear I won’t. I’m just honestly curious.”
“You can blame that one on my mom. She was a Christmas elf.”
“An elf?”
“I mean, not literally, but my dad and I always joked she was. She was into all the traditions and made it such a big fun time of year.” Ache bloomed in her chest as she sighed. “Mom passed away, but she left her love for Christmas in me.” She shook her head, feeling silly. “I just really love how everyone is nicer around the holidays. The snow, the way Breckenridge is all lit up with holiday lights, the movies and hot chocolate, the stockings and decorations, carolers and Christmas trees. Everything. Every single part of this season makes me feel all mushy inside.”
Graylan didn’t respond, just stared at her with an unreadable expression.
“What?” she asked.
He shook his head. “Nothing. You’re just…different from other women I’ve met.”
“Different as in weirder than other women you’ve met?”
“No, Emry. Just different. Not in a bad way.” Frowning, he pulled his attention to the door. “Helena doesn’t have a Christmas tree, and the rest of those decorations in the box are ornaments.”
“I was planning on chopping one down, lumberjack style.”
Graylan snorted and looked like he was waiting for the punchline.
“No, I’m serious,” she said. “I bought a saw and everything. Helena has a ton of evergreens around here.”
“Okay, we’ll chop one down then.”
“You want to look for a Christmas tree with me?”
“Why not? We can try to get Helena to come, too.”
“She won’t.”
“Maybe not, but we can try.” Graylan smiled and jerked his head toward the front door. “I smell pancakes.”
Graylan pushed off the railing and headed for the door. Emry watched him walk away, excited and confused by his change of attitude overnight. The more she got to know him, the more she wanted to know.
“Hey, Emry?” he asked, hesitating at the door.
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry about your mom. I understand how hard that can be. My parents are gone, too.” With a sad smile, he patted the doorframe and disappeared inside.
Her heart ached for him. No family and no crew. Graylan must really feel alone.
No wonder he hadn’t given much thought to Christmas before now.
****
Helena hadn’t wanted to venture out to find a tree. For a moment at breakfast, it looked like Graylan almost had her convinced, but she’d smiled, shook her head, and politely declined. Emry had been disappointed because it had felt so close, but Graylan had seemed to understand and patted Helena’s arm, then lightened the mood with a joke about how miserable he and Emry would be searching for a tree in this kind of weather. And just like that, he shifted the conversation away from Helena’s discomfort to the different evergreens and which kind Helena would prefer to decorate her front room. She had a fondness for spruce trees. He’d even sketched various branches of different trees and told her the pros and cons to decorating each one so Helena could make an informed decision.
Graylan sure knew an awful lot about an awful lot, but perhaps that was just how it was with bear shifters. Maybe they knew about the outdoors because it was instinctually programmed in them to connect with nature.
Full of pancakes and tucked into her warmest winter jacket, pink scarf, hat, and mittens, Emry followed Graylan out the back door. He brought the saw with him and nothing else. No sled to pull the tree back, but she supposed if he could push an entire car up an embankment, dragging a tree would be cake for a brawny man like him.
Elated by the thrill of an adventure with Graylan, she bounded through the snow after him. His strides were long and confident, and he never seemed to take a misstep. She, on the other hand, was stumbling around like a drunken sloth and falling way behind. The snow was up to her knees already.
“Another day of this snowfall, and we would’ve had to wear snowshoes,” she said conversationally.
Graylan doubled back and waited, saw slung over his shoulder. “Why don’t you walk in my boot marks?”
“I would if they weren’t two yards apart. Your legs are ridiculously long, and mine are stumpy.”
“Here,” he said, offering her a gloved hand.
Nylon against nylon sounded as she slid her mitten against his hand and squeezed. “So who was she?”
“Who?” he asked, frowning in the direction of her feet tromping through the snow.
“Your ex. The one you broke up with in a small town.”
His dark eyebrow qui
rked up under his charcoal gray winter hat. “My ex-girlfriend’s name was Bethany. Beth.” He inhaled deeply before going on. “She’s human. We broke up when I registered as a shifter.”
“Why did you break up?”
“Because I hadn’t told her what I was. She found out with the rest of the public.”
“Oh, shit. Graylan, why didn’t you tell her?”
“Because we weren’t dating that long.”
“Were you planning on ever telling her?”
“No.”
“But if she was your mate—”
“Mate?” he asked, halting in his tracks as the snow crunched under his boots.
Heat stung her cheeks, and she looked down at the snow-caked hem of his jeans. “I did some research last night.”
“What kind of research?”
“A local newswoman here, Cora Keller, runs a website for people who are curious about bear shifters. It has video and articles and terms and definitions. It even has discussion forums where the Breck Crew comes on and answers questions.”
“I know of the Breck Crew, and I’ve even visited Cora’s site, but Beth wasn’t my mate. She was my girlfriend, nothing more. If she was my mate, I’d still be back in Utah trying to win her back.”
“I don’t understand. What’s the difference?”
A muscle ticked under Graylan’s eye, and he turned abruptly and stomped off. “Forget it.”
Glaring at the back of his head, Emry marched after him, knees high to avoid dragging her boots through the snow. “How long did you date?”
“It’s none of your business, Emry.” Graylan’s voice cracked with impatience and something more—something that made the fine hairs rise up on her arms despite her warm clothes.
“How long?”
“A year,” he snapped, rounding on her.
“An entire year, and you never told her. Why?”
“Because I knew she’d run, and I was right. The second she found out what I was, she looked at me differently. Even with her impeccable poker face, she was scared of me. I could smell it on her—acrid and bitter. She made fun of what I am to her friends on the phone at night when she thought I was asleep. She’d take the calls in the other room, but I heard every word. Bear shifter hearing.” He made a clicking sound behind his teeth and jerked his head. “A blessing and a curse. She tried to stay with me for a month, but she couldn’t even bring herself to fuck me anymore. She started thinking intimacy with an animal like me was wrong.” His voice had turned hard and bitter, and he wasn’t looking at Emry anymore. He was looking off to his left at the snow, hiding the hurt in his eyes.
She came to a stop in front of him and cupped his cheek, pulled his gaze back to her. “It isn’t wrong. I’m sorry she hurt you, but I’ve seen the Kellers with their mates, and most of them used to be human. They take care of each other and seem to love each other very much. I can’t see anything wrong with being with someone you love, not even if one is a shifter and one is a human.”
Graylan searched her eyes, his chest heaving with some emotion she was helpless to guess at. His gaze dipped to her lips, and he took a step closer and dropped the saw into the snow beside his boots. “You don’t see anything wrong with a bear and a human pairing up?”
“You aren’t just a bear, Graylan. You’re a man, too.”
“A shifter.”
“Which makes you the best of both worlds. Beth was wrong, and I’m sorry you got hurt, but there was a reason you didn’t share your real self with her that whole time. She wasn’t meant to be yours.”
He leaned forward and brushed his lips across hers. Shocked into stillness, Emry gasped. He cupped her face, the material of his glove rough against her cheek.
Heat washed through her like a tidal wave, and her stomach fluttered curiously as he angled his head and kissed her again. This time, she was ready and sucked gently on his bottom lip. He tasted like maple syrup from the pancakes at breakfast. She melted into him as his mouth moved against hers, and when her skin was buzzing to be touched, she parted her lips. As his tongue brushed hers, a helpless sound escaped her throat. He yanked off his gloves and threw them to the ground, then cupped her cheeks as a soft rumble sounded in his throat. She should’ve been afraid of a feral noise like that, but all it was doing to her right now was revving her up until she felt white hot. His kiss had started slow enough, but the more he explored her mouth, the less control she had over her need for him. He kissed her harder, deeper as she slid her arms around his neck, and when their affection transitioned into that desperate, raw, primal need, Graylan lifted her off her feet and dropped to his knees in the snow as she straddled his lap. The rumbling sound in his throat was steady and louder now as she rolled her hips against his. There were too many layers of fabric between them, but she could still feel Graylan’s thick erection pressing against her.
Graylan gripped the back of her hair and trailed nibbling kisses down her neck. The snow was soaking the knees of her jeans, but she didn’t care about that right now. She didn’t care about anything but the way Graylan felt pressed against her.
Her middle was humming, filling with pressure every time she brushed against him. “Please,” she begged, arching her neck and closing her eyes from the gently falling snow. “Touch me.”
“Fuck,” he rasped out.
The sound of her button snapping preceded the slow rip of her zipper. She bowed forward and nibbled his earlobe as he slid his hand into the front of her jeans, cupping her sex.
“Damn, woman,” he growled out. “Already wet for me.”
Her hips jerked as he slid his finger into her up to his knuckle and bumped her clit.
“Sensitive too,” he murmured. Was that pride in his voice?
Breath erratic, she pulled closer against him and rocked her hips. He wrapped his free arm around her waist, pulling her hard against his hand with every stroke.
“Graylan,” she panted out as the pressure became too much. She shattered from the inside out, pulsing in quick succession around his finger.
The growl in his throat softened as he brushed his lips against her neck. For an instant, she thought she felt his teeth against her skin there. “Well, that escalated quickly,” he murmured against her sensitive skin.
“Oh my gosh, I’m sorry,” she said, slamming back to earth as the last of her aftershocks faded away. “You probably just meant to kiss me, and I begged for more.”
Graylan chuckled a deep timbre that relaxed her. “Woman, don’t you ever apologize for wanting to fool around with me. I didn’t go into this unwilling.”
Legs no better than jelly, she pushed off of him unsteadily and fastened her pants. “That’s not me, just so you know. I’ve never… I haven’t done something like that after just meeting someone. You have my head all confused.”
Graylan sucked his finger, the one he’d skillfully used on her, mortifying her to her toes.
“Why did you do that?” she whispered.
“Because I wanted to see if you taste as good as you smell. Which you do, by the way. Fucking delicious.”
“Graylan!” Why was she whispering? No one could hear her out in the wilderness.
“You know, you’re adorable all embarrassed, cheeks gone rosy like that.”
He was teasing her at a time like this? Her feathers felt utterly ruffled.
“This isn’t funny.”
Graylan shook his head and pulled his gloves back on. “I don’t think it’s funny, Emry. I think it’s sexy. Needy, sensitive little human, bucking against my hand, begging for me to touch her.” He stood, too lithe and fast to be human. Pulling her up in his arms, he wrapped the backs of her knees around his waist and whispered in her ear, “Even your embarrassment is turning me on.”
Emry tried not to giggle, really she did, but he was killing her reserve. When she pressed her teeth against his neck, the growling sound returned. Easing back, she rested her arms on his shoulders and smiled smugly at him. “Thanks for the early Christmas p
resent.”
The smile dipped from his face, and his eyes dimmed. “You’re welcome. Come on. Let’s get this tree and get it back before this storm opens up on us.”
“Can you tell it will get bad with your bear senses?”
“Something like that.” He leaned forward and kissed her soundly, then settled her on her feet and squeezed her backside. His nostrils flared, and a wicked grin spread across his face.
Emry dipped her chin and glared up at him. “Stop sniffing me.”
“Can’t help it. You smell good.”
Rolling her eyes, she picked up the saw, then pointed to the eight-foot-tall spruce tree closest to them. “I pick that one.”
Graylan’s eyes went all thoughtful as he studied the tree. “Helena did say she wanted a spruce.” Nodding slowly, he circled the evergreen. “I think you found the perfect one.”
“Good.” She handed him the saw and gave a private smile as he knelt down to cut it at the trunk.
She’d never admit it out loud, but she hadn’t picked the tree for Helena. She’d picked it for herself, so that every time she passed by it in the house, she could be reminded of how Graylan had made her feel warm, special, and alive out here in the snow, right beside it.
And as he slid the saw against the trunk with powerful strokes, cutting down a Christmas tree for his landlady on his few hours off work, Emry’s heart tethered to him a little more.
Chapter Five
Emry cast another shy glance at Graylan in the cab of his ride, but this time he caught her and grinned. Heart stuttering, she giggled and looked out the window, only to have her gaze drawn to him again.
“Say it,” he murmured in that deep, growly voice of his.
“It’s not weird between us now, right?”
“Not for me.” He draped his arm behind her neck and pulled her close, then kissed her hairline. “Now stop fussing about it. We had fun.”
Swallowing an excited squeal at how damned sexy he was, Emry turned his stereo to the local holiday station. “Do you mind?”
