“Sweetheart?” I see Lauren and Dad standing at my bedroom door.
“What do you guys want?” I sigh. I know Dad will try to stop me from leaving; he has been since I told him I was going to New York. He doesn’t want me to go there alone.
“Can we sit?” Lauren asks.
“I'm a bit busy. I have a plane to catch tonight.” I continue to place clothes in my suitcase.
“That's what I want to talk to you about.”
“No offense, but if my dad can't stop me, what makes you think you can?”
“Pumpkin, just listen to her. Hear her side,” Dad pipes up, and I glance from the task at hand to Dad then Lauren. I see her looking hopefully at me.
You forgave your dad for giving up on you in your time of need and choosing someone else. Why can't you do the same for your mom?
“Okay.” I swallow.
Dad leans in to kiss my cheek. “Just hear her out,” he whispers in my ear. I nod slightly. “Love you, pumpkin.”
“Love you too, Dad.”
Once he leaves, Lauren and I stand in awkward silence in the middle of my bedroom. This is the first time we've been alone since I found out she was my real mom and blew up at her for blaming everything on my dad.
“I've never been to New York. I always wanted to but never got the chance.” She sounds so sad as she stares off into the distance.
“Lauren, are you okay?”
“Yeah, yeah. I'm fine.” She smiles. “Can we sit?” She points toward my bed. Nodding, I sit beside her. “I know you hate me for abandoning you.”
“I don't hate you, Lauren. I'm hurt. There's a difference.”
“Well, maybe if you let me explain further what my life was like before I had you, you might get a clearer picture of why I did what I did.” Again, I nod.
She inhales a deep breath and closes her eyes. “Okay.” When she opens her eyes again, I can see torment, fear, and hurt, like this is more painful than she first thought it would be.
“Lauren, you don't have to explain right now.”
“No. No, you need to hear this. You need to know. You deserve that much from me.” Another breath, and she begins. “My childhood was a normal white picket fence scenario. A mom and dad who loved me, neighbors that would come over for dinner at the weekends, big street parties for big holidays. July fourth and Christmas are my favorite holidays.” She smiles, looking at me. “Anyway, the day I turned seventeen, I had to leave my nice, normal life behind when my parents died in a car accident. I had to move in with my aunt here in Phoenix. She tried her best to support me and help me through their deaths, but I was too stubborn to accept any help.”
“Sounds familiar.”
“Yeah. One thing I’ve passed on to you.” She chuckles before her face falls again. “I got into the wrong crowd, got into drugs before I met my husband, Nico’s dad. He saved me.” Tears fill her eyes when she's thrown back to that point in time. “Or so I thought.”
“I can see how much this hurts just thinking about it. You don't have to tell me.” I grab her hand and squeeze it. As much as I want to understand why she gave up on me, I don't want to see her hurting. She places her other hand over mine and smiles through her tears.
“No more interruptions. I need to get this out.” I stay silent and let her talk. “He was part of this motorcycle gang, Aprendiz Del Diablo. He was so handsome. Tall, with dark, almost black eyes. I thought he was some kind of god, and I told him everything. How my parents died, and all about my childhood.” She smiles. “He asked me to marry him after two months, but on one condition. I came off the drugs. I was on cloud nine, and I thought my life was finally going the way I had always planned. A husband I loved, and a roof over my head. I got off the drugs and we married not long after that. It wasn’t the most romantic wedding, but I had the man of my dreams in front of me, and that was all that mattered. He was my heart and soul.” Her eyes fog over, looking at our hands still clasped together.
“I thought he loved me as much as I loved him, but as soon as that ring was on my finger, he changed into something unrecognizable. He wasn’t the kind and gentle man I had first met. He became violent and manipulative, and I started to hate him. The longer we were together, the more violent he became. Before I fell pregnant with Nico, he beat me so badly that I had three miscarriages.” I can’t hold back the tears, thinking about those beautiful babies she lost at the hands of that evil man.
“So many times, I tried to leave, but he kept finding me and threatening my remaining family members. I couldn’t let others get hurt because of me. The beatings got worse every time. Then Nico came along,” The smile that graces her lips at the mention of his name could light the whole of America. “He saved me from returning to drugs. Just looking into that little boy's eyes, I knew I had to survive. If not for me, then for him. I thought, once Nico was born, it would get better. If anything, it made him worse. He passed me around the men in his club like a whore, and he said if I didn’t, then he would kill Nico and make sure I watched. I stayed and took everything they did to me.” Bile rises in my throat. I feel so guilty for dismissing her and blaming her for everything.
“He let me out on a girls’ night out. I was shocked he let me out alone, but I grabbed that chance of freedom. He had his reasons for wanting me to go though. He brought whores back to our house and made sure I knew he was fucking every single one of them. I didn’t care. Nico was safe at my aunt’s house, and I was having a night of freedom. I bumped into your dad when I was dancing with the girls.” The biggest smile I have ever seen spreads across her face, and if I’m not mistaken, there’s love in her eyes. “He was gorgeous. Tall and muscular, like he worked out every day. Short ash brown hair, but it was his kind, gentle eyes that stole my breath away. I knew instantly he was a kind soul. He used these cheesy lines that no one should ever say. I giggled and told him never to say them again. We hit it off and, well, I’m not going into detail.” I scrunch up my nose. I don’t want to know about my parents’ sex life.
“I couldn’t stop thinking about him for months after. I found out I was pregnant with you. I didn’t tell Ramon, and I tried to get something arranged to get out of there with Nico, but he found the sonogram picture.” Finally, I have a name to go by. “He was furious I had gotten pregnant again. He started hitting, kicking, and punching me in the stomach. I was numb. All I could think about was protecting you, this precious little miracle in my stomach. He threw me down the stairs. Nico walked in and witnessed it. No child should ever have to witness anyone yelling and swearing at their mother or father, let alone laying a hand on them. He was four years old and had seen far too much in his short life. I thought I had lost you.” She looks into my eyes and places a comforting hand on my cheek. “He told me to get rid of you, and again, he threatened to kill Nico. I wrote your dad a letter, asking him to look after you, give you the best life, and that I was sorry. I had to do the worst thing any mother could ever do. I had to give up my baby girl to save my son. I watched as your dad looked down into your bassinet. He looked around, searching for the person who had left a newborn baby on his doorstep. He read the letter, then picked you up, kissed your forehead, and called you pumpkin.” A tear slips from my eye. “I cried all the way home that night and have cried every year on October second for the past twenty-eight years. Daria, there wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think about you. My sweet baby girl.” Lauren sniffs. “I wrote letters, bought birthday cards and gifts every year. I sent you a gift on your sixteenth birthday. A star necklace with your birthstone in the center.”
Touching my neck, I finger the delicate white gold pendant I’ve had for twelve years and never taken off. “That was from you? I thought it was from Denise. Dad told me it was from my mom. I just assumed...” Tears fall faster as she sees that I’m wearing the chain.
“I didn’t think you had gotten it,” she whispers, staring at my neck. “Ramon found out I had sent you the gift and gave me the worst beating of my life. Nic
o found me covered in blood and told me we were leaving. He said Striker’s dad would protect us, and he wanted to join the Demon Disciples MC. I was reluctant to begin with. I know how these motorcycle clubs work. But they were different. They were all about protecting their own. The men were faithful. Well, some of them were. I had known Striker since he was in first grade, tried to help his mom off the drugs, but she was too far gone and OD’d when the boys were twelve.
“Barron took us in, and we were protected. For the first time in my adult life, I felt safe and had a family. I was just missing my little girl.” She smiles sadly at me. “Nico got patched in, and as much as I hated it, I was proud of him and the man he had become. I knew he would be the best husband and father anyone could ask for. I remember the night he came home and told me all about Jessica, and then years later about a girl that got Striker all twisted, and she had his daughter.” She laughs a little. “He said she was a vision with balls of steel, standing up to Striker and any man that thought she was a meek little girl. I saw you and Nico hugging at the barbecue. I’m not going to lie, I thought there was something more to it. I thought you were sleeping together behind Jessica’s back. You turned around, and the smile you gave me… there was something in the way you smiled at me that felt so familiar.” She wipes the tears away. “Then I saw Nicholas walking toward us, and I knew then and there that you were my lost little girl. I’m sorry, sweetheart. You have to know that if I’d had a choice, I would have grabbed Nico and left, but we would have forever been looking over our shoulders and moving from place to place. That’s not the life I wanted for my children. That’s no life for anyone.”
“I forgive you. I forgive all of it. I’m sorry for not giving you the chance to explain sooner.” I pull her into my arms as we sob.
“Oh, my sweet baby girl.”
After our cries subside to just sniffs and stray tears, I ask her something. “Why don’t you come to New York with me? I know it’s short notice, but it would give us a chance to bond and get to know each other better.”
The smile she gets when she speaks about Nico or my Dad appears on her face. “I would love that. I’ll finally get to spend a birthday with my little girl.”
***
Dad dropped us off at the airport and waved us off. Nico told me to call him as soon as we landed and check in every so often. Also, that if we have any trouble to call Kit, who’s the president of the New York charter.
“Nico, chill out.” He keeps telling me to be safe and to call that guy, Kit, if we need anything. “I’ve been to New York multiple times before. I’ll be safe.”
“You’re my sister, get used to it.” I roll my eyes. “Don’t roll your eyes either. It’s rude.”
“Whatever. I’ll call you when we land.”
“Just, please be careful.”
“I will, I promise.” I hang up and turn to see Lauren and Dad hugging. “You ready?”
“Yes.” Lauren grins widely at me.
“Bye, Dad.” I hug him and kiss his cheek. “I’ll call you as soon as we land.”
“Enjoy your birthday, pumpkin.” We say our goodbyes and board the plane.
***
“I'm pregnant,” I blurt out when we’re in the air. Lauren’s eyes bug out of their sockets.
“What? Is this why Striker has been acting out?” I look at her. The crease between my eyebrows deepens when she mentions Striker acting out. Has Striker been acting out?
“No. Only Dad, Alex, and Jess know. And now you.”
“Do you think maybe if you told him, he would start acting like the loving guy I know he can be?”
I know how loving he can be, and I’ve seen how much he has changed since coming back into our lives. When I see him around Emily, it’s like he’s a completely different person to the dickhead I first met. Sure, he still has angry outbursts but it’s not without a cause. Most of the time, it’s because of me. He needs to be with me for me and not because I’m pregnant. I’ve been there and I’ve got the mental scars to prove it. Being with someone because they’re pregnant or have a kid together is no way to live. “No. I want him to be with me for me, not because I'm having another child with him.”
“Baby, you have to tell him.”
“I know. I will. But I just don’t want a repeat of eleven years ago.” I look out the window.
“What do you mean?” I don't answer her; I'm not ready for this conversation. “Daria? What do you mean?”
“This isn't the right place to discuss this.” I shake my head, still not looking at her.
“Okay.” She pats my hand.
“Will you come with me to my appointment next week?” I ask her.
“Of course I will, but wouldn’t you rather Striker be there?”
“No.” I link my arm in hers, place my head on her shoulder, and close my eyes as she kisses my head.
I don’t want to think about Striker, or what he’s up to. I just want to enjoy this time with Lauren, get to know her better, and build a relationship with her.
***
Arriving in New York, I feel a sense of relief, like I can finally breathe. I kind of expected Striker to appear at the airport when we landed. Expected or hoped?
“Wow.” Lauren looks around the apartment Jake and I spent many nights together in when we were married. “How did you find this gem?”
“It's sort of mine.” I place my bag down on the breakfast bar.
Her head swings around from looking out the floor to ceiling windows. “Yours?”
“Well, my ex-husband owns it.”
“Ex-husband?” Lauren blinks a few times, her mouth agape, shock registering on her face at the bomb I just dropped.
I let out a heavy sigh. “We need wine for all these conversations.”
“You're pregnant.” She smiles. “We don't have to have them right now. It's late. Tomorrow we can go out and explore.” She stands in front of me, taking my hands in hers. “You can show me where to get the best pancakes.”
“How do you know about my love of New York pancakes?”
“Your Dad mentioned the time he brought you to New York, and all you wanted to eat was pancakes.”
A nostalgic smile pulls at my lips, thinking back to when I was ten. He brought me with him when he needed to go to a meeting, and Denise refused to look after me because she had other, more important, things to do. I dragged him around every café, eating all the pancakes and trying to find the best ones in New York.
“I'd like that.”
***
My eyes spring open from a very vivid dream I just had of Striker. It felt like he was here with me. Even over two thousand miles away, I can’t get away from him. I look at my cell and see a few messages.
Happy birthday, Mom. Love you loads xxx
Happy birthday, cupcake. We'll have drinks when you come back.
Happy birthday, Dar. Dinner when you come home? Love you. xx
Happy birthday, pumpkin. I love you to the moon and back. Dad xx
The one that surprised me the most and made my heart stop was from Striker.
Happy birthday, I hope you have a great day and get spoilt the way you deserve. S xx
My heart twists and tears spring to my eyes. God, why does he have to be like that when I’m trying to forget about him, even if it’s for a few days?
“Happy birthday, sweetheart.” I look up from my cell and see Lauren with a tray with a birthday bag, a cup of coffee, a glass of orange juice, and a balloon that says Happy Birthday across it. She walks in closer and sits beside me in bed. “Here.” She hands me the birthday bag.
“You didn't have to get me anything.”
“I do, and I did. Now, open it.” I open the bag and rip through the tissue. My vision fogs when I see what it is. “Two tickets to Cats.” My voice is barely a whisper.
“It's my favorite musical. We can swap them if it's not your thing and go see something more your taste.”
“Are you freaking kidding me? Cats is one of my
favorite musicals of all time.” My eyes light up when I look at her. “Memories always gets me.” I hold the tickets close to my chest, sighing contently.
“Well, then. We’d better get ready for a full day of birthday fun. You're not paying for anything.”
“Lauren...”
“No. Your father gave me strict instructions to let you lose on his card.”
We walk into a little cafe down 42nd Street. The little bell above the door alerts the woman behind the counter.
“Welcome to Buddy's. Table for two?” A beaming smile is on her face as she looks between Lauren and me.
“Yes, please.”
She takes us to one of the window seats facing the street. “I'll let you have a moment to look over the menu. Can I get you any drinks?”
“I know what I want.” I smile just at the thought of the pile of pancakes I’m about to devour. “I'll have the pancakes, maple syrup and bacon please, and a chocolate milkshake.”
“I'll have the same, only a coffee instead of a chocolate milkshake, please.” Lauren is staring at me with a big smile on her face.
“What?” I ask.
“It’s the first genuine smile I've seen on your face since Nico and Jessica's engagement barbecue.” When she mentions that day, I can't help the guilt that runs through me for the way I treated her and everything else that happened.
“I'm sorry for the way I acted.”
“Sweetheart, you have nothing to be sorry for.”
“Come on. I acted like a spoilt brat.”
“No, sweetie. You acted like a girl who had been hurt deeply, and I don't blame you. You were right. I was blaming everyone but myself. I was just as responsible.”
“Lauren?” My voice shakes. I don’t like the look on her face, like she’s about to cry.
Her hazel eyes, which match mine, cloud over. “I never stopped thinking about you. I wished that one day I would meet you, and Nico would have his little sister.” Her eyes cast down to my neck, first to the little scar courtesy of Striker, then to my necklace. “He was so mad at me. He said that, had he known you were his sister years ago, he would have saved you from Striker and kept you from him.”
Nothing Else Matters (Demons Disciples MC Book 2) Page 5
