Sitting up from his lap, I wring my fingers together on my thighs, looking down. “I know.”
“So?” His hands cover mine.
I look up into his blue eyes. “I killed a man. I killed Brad. I'm not a killer, Austin. I'm not. He was someone's son. Someone's brother. And I killed him.”
“Out of self-defense, Daria. That bastard tried to kill you, not once, but twice. He deserved it.”
“No one deserves to die, Austin.”
“That's your Catholic side shining through.” He chuckles a little.
“No, it's my human side.”
“That can't be all. This was happening way before the Brad thing.” He places his fingers under my chin, lifting my head to look at him.
“It's all just getting too much, Austin. I don't know how much more I can deal with. I'm either a milk machine for Evan, chaperoning Emily to whatever class she has that day, fighting with Striker about shit that doesn't even need to be fought over, fixing the rest of the house, still starting up the business. Plus, I'm battling with voices in my head.”
“Voices?”
“Yeah. Since I was fifteen, I've been told to be a certain way, to act and look a certain way. For two, almost three years, I was mentally abused by Denise. Maybe even before that. I don't know. She took me to Dr. Fitzpatrick because I was rebelling too much,” I scoff, shaking my head. “You know what I did? I took a cookie from the cookie jar and a can of soda. That wasn't the way a Denver should act. Denver women don't eat anything other than tasteless salads.”
“DeeDee, you should be telling Striker this.” I grip his hand tighter and shake my head violently.
“I can’t, not yet. I need to filter through this process before I even think of telling him and the others.” I know Striker deserves to know this and I know I will have to repeat what I have to say. Austin nods understanding, squeezing my hand gently, that gives me the encouragement to continue.
“I thought Dr. Fitzpatrick was nice at first, then the second session, he started saying things a grown man shouldn't be saying to a fifteen-year-old.” His hand tightens around mine. “It started with a touch on the knee, a gentle touch of the hand. A hug at the end of a session where he would fill my head with everything that was wrong with me, making me hate myself. The complete opposite of what he was supposed to do.” I wipe my eyes. I begin to tell him about what happened that day of prom in Dr Fitzpatrick’s office, about how he touched me and how I was scared about what was happening, and how scared I was of Denise and the power she had over me.
“I hate myself for letting it happen, but I didn’t know how to stop it, or how to tell anyone what had happened. Or if they would even believe me.” Tears cascade down my cheeks. Austin pulls me to him. “He caused me never to be able to trust a man or anyone other than Jess and your family. I can't let anyone in because of what they did to me, Austin. I want to let them in; I want to trust everyone I let in my life fully. I want to not accuse Striker of screwing the whores because I know he wouldn't. He loves me; he tells me that every day. He shows me every day by not giving up on me when he so easily could have, and he should have.
“I can't lose him, Austin. It will kill me if he leaves me.” More tears flow down my cheeks.
He pulls me to him, hugging me tightly. “The day of the prom?” He rubs his chin. “That night, when I picked you up from prom, you were upset, and we ended up sleeping together. That’s why?”
I nod, hugging my arms closer to my body like I’m trying to shrink away to nothing, the feelings of guilt eating me up. “I wanted to forget he was the one to take my virginity. I wanted to replace his roughness with love.”
“You're so hell-bent on helping others that you've forgotten and neglected the one person who needs it most.” Austin looks at me with watery blues, tucking my hair behind my ear. “You. You need to tell Striker and the others what you just told me.”
“You're right.” I nod, agreeing that it's for the best, and they deserve to know how deep this runs.
“Come on.” He stands, holding out his hand, which I take and stand in front of him. “I'm proud of you, Dee Dee.” He takes my face in his hands and kisses my forehead. I inhale a deep breath and follow him out.
I close my eyes and take a long breath in. It’s time to tell them my whole truth, finally.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Striker
“Striker, sit down. You're making me dizzy.” Jess sighs, handing me a coffee.
“I can't. They've been up there for an hour.”
“They're just talking, man.”
Nicholas walks in with an ashen face, holding a book in his hand. “Nicholas?” Lauren walks up to him.
“I failed her. No wonder she is the way she is. I failed our girl, Lauren.” Lauren takes him in her arms.
“What are you talking about?” Lauren asks, but before he can answer, Daria walks in with Austin. I glance down to their entwined hands. I want to snap his fingers off. My eyes travel up to her red, puffy eyes. She peers up at him and gives him a small smile. He nods, letting go of her hand, and sits beside Jess and Travis.
“Baby?” I step closer to her.
“Um, you’d better sit down. I need to tell you all everything.” Her eyes swim with unshed tears and her arms hug her midsection. “Please.”
I sit down. All of our eyes are on Daria. Everyone but Nicholas, who stares down at his feet, his knee bouncing up and down.
“I, um, I don’t know how to begin this. I thought I was never going to have to speak about this.” She starts playing with her necklace, a tell she’s nervous about what she has to say. “I just want to apologize to you all for my behavior the past year or so. This is no excuse for the way I acted. Especially to you, Striker, and you, Jess.” She wipes a rogue tear away with the sleeve of my hoodie she claimed as her own.
“I was fifteen when Denise took me to see Doctor Fitzpatrick. I was being too much of a brat and not doing as I was told, being a normal teenager.” She shakes her head slightly. “He was nice, and I felt comfortable with him. I told him what Denise was like and how I felt Dad loved his campaign and Denise more than me. How I didn’t want to disappoint him and would do anything to make sure he was proud of me.”
“Oh, Jesus,” Nicholas gasps out. I glance over to him. He’s rocking back and forward with his elbows on his knees.
“It was the day after my sixteenth birthday. Denise booked me in for another session. He sat closer than he normally did. I felt uncomfortable and tried to move away from him. He touched my knee. I asked him not to. He apologized and took his hand off my leg and continued the session as normal. Every session got worse; it was a kiss on the cheek here, a slight brush of my ass when he passed me when Denise was booking me in for another appointment. Everything he did was subtle. I eventually confided in Jess about the touching. She wanted to go and kick his ass, but I begged her not to say anything to anyone. I made her swear she would never breathe a word of it to anyone.” She looks over to Jess, who offers her a small, watery smile. “She kept her word. But I lied to her. I told her that it was just a touch of my thigh.” Daria’s chest moves up and down like she’s struggling to breathe. “The night of prom, I had a session before Jake picked me up. Denise picked him to be my date. I had no choice, much to Jake’s disgust. He wanted to go with his actual girlfriend.” She looks over to Jake, smiling at her ex-husband.
“Anyway, Dr. Fitzgerald told me to strip down to my underwear. At first, I said no. He said he would tell Denise and dad a bunch of lies so I would be punished further. I did as he asked. He then told me to put my hands on his desk, facing away from him. He hit me with his belt; I still have a scar on my hip caused by the buckle.” She told me that was from a dancing injury. She squeezes her eyes closed and looks up, trying to blink away the tears that continue to fall. “He pulled my hair back so hard I thought he had ripped out a chunk. I was frozen; I couldn’t do anything. My voice was gone, like someone had stolen my vocal chords.” My heart pick
s up speed. I fist my hands so hard my nails dig into my palms, my knuckles turning white. “He raped me in his office.”
The whole room is silent, no-one knowing what to do or say. My body heats like hot lava has replaced my blood. I crack my knuckles as my muscles start to convulse with anger for that bastard. My jaw is painful from grinding my teeth so hard, but nothing compares to what kind of pain Daria has been in for the past fifteen years.
“Dee.” Travis is the first to speak. “You should have told us.”
“I couldn’t.” Her voice sounds so unlike Daria.
“I knew I should have beat that step-bitch’s ass when we saw her.” Lauren sneers.
“Mom, I went into labor, remember?”
“Still should have punched her.” Lauren takes Daria in her arms and whispers into her ear so only she can hear.
“I should have been there for you,” Nico says quietly. “I’m your big brother. I should have been there to protect you.”
“Nico, don’t.” Daria sniffs. “Don’t blame yourself. Besides, there was nothing you could have done.”
“I could have cut his dick off and shoved it up his ass,” Nico mutters.
“Why couldn’t you tell me?” Jess sobs. “We tell each other everything,”
“Jess, I hate burdening you with everything. I was ashamed, and I hated myself for letting it happen. I wanted to forget.”
I can’t stand listening to her blaming herself anymore. I storm past her and head into the kitchen to catch my breath. That fucker raped her. He raped a sixteen-year-old girl. I grip the side of the counter hard, the marble biting into my skin. I welcome the pain.
I’m no better than he is. I fucked her a year later and got her pregnant.
Tears start falling down my face, thinking about all the shit I put on her and the way she described what he did to her. It echoes when we first had sex in my room. I made her put her hands on my desk. I pulled her hair, choked her. I threw her away like she was nothing, but she was everything, even back then. Grabbing the glass in front of me, I launch it to the wall, crouch down, and let out a scream that can only be described as a war cry.
“Striker?” I look up to see Daria standing in front of me, looking around at the carnage. Nico’s behind her, looking down at me. All I can do is shake my head and let the tears fall. “Striker.” She gathers me in her arms. Even after all she has said tonight, she’s still being strong and comforting me.
“I love you, Daria. I swear no-one will ever hurt you ever again.” I cradle her beautiful face and peck her lips.
“I love you too.”
I stay in the kitchen and clear up my mess while Daria says goodbye to everyone. “Striker?” I look round to see Nico, Austin, and Travis. “What do you want to do about him?”
“Your call,” Austin says, his face red with anger.
“The only thing good enough for an animal like him is to slaughter the bastard.” I curl my lip.
“You tell us when and where and we’ll be there,” Travis vows, shaking my hand. He and Austin turn to leave, so it’s just Nico and me.
“You okay?”
“It’s not me that needs to be asked that question, Nico. Let’s just concentrate on Daria and getting her the help she needs to get through this.” I sigh.
“I know, but I’m worried about you too, Striker.”
“I’m pissed, Nico.” I snap. “Should have killed the fucker when I had the chance.”
“We’ll get him. No-one will recognize him after we’re done with him.” I nod, and he leaves.
Everything fizzles away when my eyes land on the beautiful woman standing in front of me. She stares at me with troubled hazel eyes. There’s a storm swirling behind them, and I want to stop it. Bring back the sparkle that was always there. My chest tightens when I remember she let Austin in; she confided in him before she told me anything. I turn to look out the window on to our yard.
“Striker?” Her hand runs lightly up my back to the middle of my shoulder blades, her other hand on my bicep.
“Why couldn’t you tell me, Daria?”
“I don’t know,” she whispers.
“I’m your fiancé. You told Austin. Do you have any idea how that feels? That my own wife-to-be can’t trust me enough to tell me something like that? That even after everything we’ve been through together…” I keep my voice low and controlled.
“I was scared.”
“Scared of what?”
She looks up at me. “Scared you would leave me and see me as what you’ve always called me. A whore.”
“Baby, I don’t think that. I’ve never thought that. I lashed out and called you that to push you away, because I thought you deserved more than me.” I sigh.
“I didn’t want you to look at me the way you did when I told you.” She removes her hand and turns away from me. “Like I’m disgusting, and I don’t want people’s pity either.”
“You’re not disgusting, and I don’t pity you. Those words never even entered my brain.” I turn her gently. She looks up at me through watery lashes. “What you did took guts, and I love you even more than I did before, if that’s possible.” I wipe a tear from under her eye with my thumb. “What that asshole did was disgusting, and I pity him when I get my hands on him.”
“No.” She shakes her head violently, stepping out of my reach. “No, Striker. Please. I don’t want any more blood spilled because of me. I don’t want anyone else dying because of me.” Her voice quivers, tears filling her eyes again.
“Okay.” I wrap my arms around her. “I won’t kill him.”
I won’t. But I won’t stop Nico, Austin, or Travis from killing the bastard.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Daria
It’s been two weeks since I revealed everything to everyone. Dad has been distant from me, and it’s slowly breaking me down. Every time I try to talk it out with him, he changes the subject or snaps, saying he doesn’t want to discuss it. So I gave up trying. Sounds familiar.
I walk into Mom and Dad’s to pick Mom up to go wedding dress shopping, and Striker has gone with his dad on a fishing trip and taken Evan with him. We’re meeting Jess and Emily at the store. They’ve gone shopping for some things, and they know I hate shopping so it’s their little bonding session. They’ve done it since Emily was little.
I walk farther in and stop at Dad’s office when I hear him talking to someone.
“I failed her, Tomas.” His voice breaks at the end. “That bitch and asshole doctor were abusing her, and I turned a blind eye. I knew something was going on with her, but I thought it was her being a teenager. I should have sat her down, tried to get to the bottom of it, and been there more for her. I should have seen what Denise was doing.”
My throat burns hearing Dad blame himself for all of this.
“No, Nicholas. None of this is your fault!” Uncle Tomas snaps at Dad. “It's their fault; that dick of a doctor and that stupid cow of a woman. They did this to an innocent fifteen-year-old, who was doing as she was told by someone who should have cared for her and kept her safe.” My uncle's Scottish accent is stronger than I've ever heard it. “If you have to blame anyone, blame them.”
“But I'm her dad. I'm supposed to keep her safe, and it’s my job to protect her from all the evils in this world. Maybe I should have given her up when she was a baby. She would have had a better life.”
My heart aches and my eyes sting with unshed tears.
“Don't you ever say that again, Nicholas. You don't mean that, and I know you don't. How do you think Daria, who loves and worships you, would feel if she heard you say that? She would be crushed. You were the only parent who chose her when she was born. Don’t look at me like that. I understand why Lauren gave her up, and I love her as I love you, so stop looking like you want to kill me.” He chuckles; I can imagine the look that he’s giving Uncle Tomas right now. “What if you did give her up? You would have regretted it as soon as you saw her getting taken away. I know you, Nick. You'r
e my baby brother, and you loved that little girl as soon as you saw her on the doorstep.” His voice softens as he says the next part. “What if she was given to an abusive family? You would hate yourself. You gave her the best life and taught her everything to help her through life. Do you know how I know that? I see the way she has brought Emily up.”
Tears fall down my cheeks.
“Dee?” I turn around to see Nico frowning as he walks toward me. I run to him, throw my arms around him, and just cry.
“Hey, what's going on?” He cradles my head, rocking me back and forth.
“Pumpkin?” I hear Dad’s confused voice. “What happened?”
I hold Nico tighter. “I’m sorry,”
“Why are you sorry, shortie?” Uncle Tomas asks me softly.
“For everything I’ve put you through.”
“What?” Dad asks.
“You said you should have given me up.” I hiccup. “That I would have a better life with someone else.”
Dad pulls me from Nico’s protective embrace into his own arms. “I’m just mad at myself for not protecting you from Denise and that doctor.” He kisses my hair. “I should have seen the signs and paid attention more.” He cradles my face in his hands, staring down into my watery eyes. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, pumpkin. Your uncle is right, and I would have regretted it as soon as they took you from my arms.”
“I love you, Daddy.”
“I love you too. Please don’t take what you overheard to heart. I should never have let Denise into your life.”
“Dad, without Denise in our lives, I probably wouldn’t have rebelled so hard and gone to the clubhouse that night, and I would never have met Striker.”
“Exactly.”
I roll my eyes at him.
“He’s not that bad,” Nico chortles.
“Without Striker, we wouldn’t have Emily or Evan.” I can’t imagine my life without them all. “We probably wouldn’t have found out Nico was my brother, and you wouldn’t have reconnected with Mom.” Nico puts his arm around my neck, pulling me into his side and kissing my head.
Nothing Else Matters (Demons Disciples MC Book 2) Page 28
