by Mj Fields
Becca laughs. “See? She totally knows.”
“Do tell,” Phoebe, bless her heart, asks with all the sincerity in the world.
“A kid at VBS, when I was like five. I don’t know his name. I think it started with a C.”
“And she shared her lunch with him,” Jade finishes.
I mean, not exactly, but it was so long ago that the details are sketchy at best.
The rest of the night, we play cards and laugh while listening to music and laughing some more as Jade and I take turns changing the words to the songs, personalizing them a bit. It’s a perfect night, a welcome distraction from the tension, both good and bad, going on in my life.
Unable to sleep, thinking about the letter in the backpack and knowing the girls are asleep, I quietly sneak out the back door with it in hand.
Sitting on the back porch, I open the envelope and pull out the letter. Before I even have a chance to start reading, though, I hear something in the distance.
I quickly hold up the flashlight and see Lucas standing about ten feet away.
I cover my mouth so I don’t scream out into the night.
“Seconds ago, you were smiling, and now there’s a V forming between your brows, Tessa Ross.”
“You scared the hell out of me.”
He starts walking toward me, and I look down, unable to look him in the eyes.
“And you can’t look at me. Why?” he asks, sitting next to me.
“I don’t know,” I mumble.
“I’m not that hard to look at, am I?” He rubs the side of my cheek, and I jump. “Wow.”
“Sorry.” I force myself to look up at him.
“I love your smile,” Lucas whispers, and I look away.
He takes the note from my hand and moves behind me, scooting up behind, legs outside of mine, and pulls me closer. He then wraps his arms around me and holds the note in his hand in front of us as he whispers. “So?”
“I haven’t read it yet.”
“So, read it now.”
“Okay, I skimmed,” I admit.
“All right, so the cliff note version is no different than the novel. I want to date you exclusively. What do you say?”
Sweet Jesus, I think then attempt to answer calmly. “I don’t want to jump into a relationship that’s going to fail or that I can’t give one hundred percent to.”
“Then don’t,” he says matter-of-factly. “Don’t let it fail. I see what’s going on in your life, and it sucks. I get it. But we could be good together. I have very strong feelings for you that I don’t want to push under the rug until a better time that may not ever come. After the football game, I know you’re feeling me, too. But, if I’m reading you wrong, let me know, and I’ll stop pressuring you. But I know damn well that you and I can be a good thing. I think we both know it.” He pushes my hair away from my neck, pressing his soft, hot lips to my bare skin and causing goosebumps to rise beneath them. “So, what do you say, Tessa? Will you let me make it to the top ten on your list of favorite things that happened when you were seventeen?”
I elbow him, annoyed that he was listening to girl talk, but not as hard as last time.
He chuckles. “Can’t blame a guy for wanting to get to know everything about the girl he plans to make his number one favorite thing that happened when he was eighteen.”
“Do you really have a list?” I ask curiously.
“Never had a reason or inclination to make one. Give me that reason now.”
The sincerity in his statement, the tone in his voice, the warmth of his body so close to mine, causes my feelings to form words and flow out. “I’d like that.”
His lips at my neck, he exhales, and something about its depth makes me believe it means more to him than I could imagine.
He folds up the letter, sets it somewhere, and then he somehow turns me so I’m on my knees, facing him.
Okay, so I’m sure I had some part of it, but yeah …
Hands on my face, he pulls me toward him and kisses my lips, tugging at my bottom lip with his teeth, and I open to him. His hot, sweet tongue glides against mine, and I whimper as tingles tickle my skin. He puts his arm around my waist as I grab his shoulders, squeezing them, and he groans into my mouth. Needing to be closer, I end up on his lap, and now I deepen the kiss.
When raindrops hit the tin roof of the cabin, I regretfully pull away, but Lucas pulls me back and kisses me harder and doesn’t stop until we both need a breath. My heart is beating so fast that it feels as if it could come out of my body.
Lucas pulls my head to his chest. Ear resting over his heart, I can hear his beating just the same. Then he lifts my chin and places a soft kiss on my forehead, my nose, and then my lips.
“Happy birthday, Tessa Ross.”
Thunder rocks the woods, and we both jump up.
“See you in the morning.” He kisses the top of my head then heads back toward the dark, and I make my way back inside.
When I walk into camp, I see the digital clock reads: 12:02. It’s officially my birthday.
I know the last few pages will be filled with a lot of angst for age seventeen, but the kiss and Lucas will make the top ten list. I also know that I will definitely be writing all these feelings going on at this moment into year eighteen immediately so that I never forget them.
Lightning crackles outside, lighting up Doe Camp, as if the sun has risen, and I see Jade rush inside.
Our eyes meet, both of us shocked to see the other. Thunder booms, and Jade jumps and screams, and then we both bust up laughing.
“What on God’s green earth is going on?” Becca asks, sitting up and rubbing her eyes.
“It’s raining,” Jade responds, hurrying to me.
At the same time, I say, “A storm woke us.”
Phoebe sits up. “Oh no, the boys are in the tent.”
Again, Jade and I begin laughing.
“Why is that funny?” Becca asks.
Just then, the boys stumble in.
“Looks like we’re crashing in here,” Alex announces.
Lucas smiles at me as he follows Alex inside, carrying a sleeping bag, one that still has tags on it.
“We’ll take the loft.” Alex’s nods toward it, and they follow him.
Lying beside Jade, staring at each other, both of us smiling from ear to ear, the rain begins pounding on the tin roof and, like a lullaby, it lulls me to sleep.
The morning is quiet, near silent except for the birds chirping. But, if you listen closely, I’m sure four hearts could be heard beating faster as the four of us steal glances—all of us now thieves—while cleaning up.
By six thirty, Alex had breakfast on the table—scrambled eggs, toast, and bacon. By seven, Phoebe and Becca headed out to get home to get showered and ready for church. By eight, the camp was cleaned, and we all said our goodbyes. Lucas and Tommy rode with Alex to the top of the hill, and as we drove by them, they were getting into his Trans Am.
“Tommy said Lucas’s father bought him that this summer. Must be nice to get a brand-new sports car handed to you, right?”
“I’m more of a four-wheel drive kind of girl.” I laugh then ask the burning question, “How was your night?”
“It was amazing, Tessa. He’s amazing. He’s funny, too, and we kissed a lot. I swear my head is still spinning. He asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes. I mean, why wouldn’t I?”
“You wouldn’t.” I grin.
“How did your night go?”
I laugh. “Pretty much the same.”
Standing with the choir, Jade and I immediately notice Lucas and Tommy walk in with Alex, all three wearing suits. They are as handsome as can be, even though I will admit that I prefer jeans, tees, and white hats. I swear my face catches fire when I see Dad behind them. His brow arches when he sees me, and I lift a hand. He nods.
“Nice poker face,” Jade whispers, and I elbow her.
Lucas whispers something in Tommy’s ear, and then they look up at the high ceilings.
I’m not a lip reader, but I could swear Tommy says, “Looks sturdy enough.” Then they both chuckle.
I watch as they make their way to the third pew on the left, where our family has always sat. Then Lucas is shaking Jake’s hand then … Mom’s. She smiles at him, but it’s in no way from the heart.
When the pianist starts, the choir walks in. Once seated, I make sure I look anywhere but at Lucas.
I’m not embarrassed to be in choir. I love our church, and music is an important part of my life, but I certainly try my best to avoid looking at the boy who makes my heart beat faster and whose smile provokes my own. I’ve seen said smile in the mirror, and I swear I look like a dork when I think about him.
The pastor asks for announcements, and Dad is the first to stand. When he reaches down for Mom’s hand, she takes it, and then they stand together.
In that, I feel hopeful that maybe this is, in fact, just a break.
I force myself not to slouch down in my chair as he says, “Our Tessa is celebrating her eighteenth birthday today.”
The entire congregation, in sync, wishes me a happy birthday, and I smile and wave. “Thank you.” Then, my eyes land on his, and he mouths, “Happy Birthday, baby.”
My heart skips a beat, and I spend the next several minutes of my time focusing on keeping my face from doing what it does in the mirror and overanalyzing the term baby. However, none of the moments between thoughts last more than mere seconds without looking back at him.
Until … the sermon begins. The topic? adultery. Then my eyes pretty much stay fixed on my lap.
When it’s time for “Joyful Noise,” Jade, me, and the other two junior choir members stand then walk to the front of the church. Becca sits at the piano.
I squeeze Jade’s hand, sensing her anxiety about not only her first solo, but it being in front of Tommy.
“Just be in the words, Jade.”
She nods, and then Becca begins to play “Here I Am.”
Jade starts out quietly, but when she’s mid-solo, she’s singing like I know she can—loud and beautifully.
When mine starts, I’m not at all nervous as I sing. I have sung a million times; the first as a child while attending vacation Bible school in Cape Cod when I stayed with Aunt Anne.
When the song ends, Tommy stands up, whistling and cheering.
Jade’s face turns red, and then typical Jade, she laughs, smiling at him.
When I walk out into the fellowship hall, someone grabs my shoulder.
I look back and see Pastor Zach smiling. “Happy birthday, Miss Ross.”
“Thanks, Zach.”
“The big eighteen, huh?”
“Yep, officially one year closer to nineteen.”
He throws his head back and laughs. “Have you given any thought to the wedding?”
“Things have been pretty busy, so I really haven’t even had a chance to look at the date.”
He hugs me. “Heard the road is bumpy right now.”
“Yeah.” I give him a squeeze back.
From behind me, I hear, “I’m Lucas, Tessa’s boyfriend,” and then I feel a possessive hand grip my hip.
Chuckling, Zack steps back and shakes his hand. “I’m going to assume you’re part of the reason Tessa hasn’t gotten back to me?”
Looking at Lucas, I immediately sense he’s angry.
I push his hand from my hip and step to the side. “Lucas and I actually just decided to date.” I say firmly.
Lucas narrows his eyes at Zack. “Exclusively.”
Zack holds back a smile and nods. “Nice meeting you, Lucas. Talk to you soon, Tessa.”
As soon as he leaves, I whisper annoyedly, “You can’t come to my church and act like that.”
“Me?” He laughs maniacally. “Like seriously? I came here to be with you, and you’re hugging some guy right in front of me? That’s not how I want my girlfriend to act.”
Before I have a chance to say anything, he takes my hand and pulls me through the crowd.
Once away from the masses, I yank my hand back and set to putting him in his place.
Before I have a chance, though, Jade is by my side, asking, “What were you and Pastor Zach talking about?”
Lucas’s eyes widen as I answer her, “Before the interruption, he was asking if I looked at his wedding date.” I look at Lucas. “He and his fiancée asked me to sing at their wedding.”
“Awesome, Lisa must be so happy.” Jade, being on cloud Tommy, misses the fact that I’m annoyed at Lucas.
“I’m sure they are.” I turn and walk away before I flip out on Lucas. And because I’m fuming, I’m not thinking at all when I walk over to Dad … and Mom.
Mom hugs me. “Tessa, you sang beautifully. See you at the house in a few?”
Right, the family birthday lunch, I think as I nod.
“Let me hang my robe, and I’ll go home.”
Walking down the stairs, I am fully aware that the guys are following Jade and I.
“Want to see the eleventh and twelfth grade classrooms? They’re pretty cool,” Jade asks them.
Coming up with an excuse to do anything but be around him, I tell Jade, “I’m going to the bathroom. I’ll be right in.”
After I pull my choir robe off and splash water on my heated, angry face, I open the door to find Lucas standing there, arms crossed, leaning against the wall.
“I’m sorry I acted like that. I just can’t stand to see another guy touch you.”
“First of all, you don’t know me, and I certainly don’t know you enough to do this … this … thing.” Overly emotional, I stutter. “My family is falling apart. With that, school, hockey, choir, church, and trying to keep things normal for my little brother and sister, I’m not ready for this thing with you. And what the heck were you thinking?” I snap my mouth shut when I realize my anger has boiled over.
Lucas pushes off the wall and wipes away the stupid tear that falls.
“I messed up, okay? I apologize. But seriously, don’t be sad. The same stuff was going on in your life last night, and you weren’t upset like this. But this thing, as you call it, Tessa, can be the distraction you need. I’ve been through the family crap. Let me help you. I want to help you. I’m sorry. Please say you’ll forgive me?” he asks, searching my eyes.
“Just don’t get angry at me when you have no idea what’s going on. And like, before you grab me in public, I should be given the opportunity to tell my family we’re dating.”
“I already told my mom.” He says it like he won some sort of challenge, or race against me.
I roll my eyes but smile. “Ask me questions when you have them. I’ve never done this—I’ve never been anyone’s girlfriend—but I can tell you that I’m nothing if not trustworthy and honest.”
Without notice, Lucas kisses me.
Without thought, I open my mouth.
Without a warning, Jade scolds me.
“Tessa!”
We both jump away from each other as Jade stomps down the hallway.
Feeling as if I just got busted by my mom … again, I quickly tell Lucas, “That can’t happen again here, okay?”
“If you say so,” he says, eyes twinkling.
After a dinner of chicken, salt potatoes, a salad, and feeling like the last few days were a bad dream as we all sit around, talking about the first week of school, I am stuffed.
Mom stands up and nonchalantly asks, “So, Lucas Links?”
“Asked me out,” I answer.
“He what?” Alex gasps.
Kendall smiles. “Lucas is your boyfriend?”
I look at Molly, who smiles.
“Yeah, I guess he is.”
“That’s so cool.” Jake grins. “Maybe him and Alex will be best friends now, and he won’t miss—”
“Not sure they’ll be best friends, but I do hope they can become good ones,” I cut Jake off, worried that Alex will get quiet again.
“Already liking Jade’s guy better. At least he had the decency to as
k me if it was okay that he dated her,” Alex grumbles.
“Yeah, well, I don’t think I have to ask permission to have a boyfriend. Never saw that in the rule book.”
“May not be,” Dad pipes in now, “but there will be some new rules added now.”
“That’s seriously not fair. Molly didn’t have rules.”
Dad arches a brow. “Molly dated Cory. Known that boy all his life.”
“Well, I think it would be weird if I dated him, too, don’t you?” I smart back.
Molly laughs. “You think?”
“I’m not dating Cory. He’s old.” Kendall laughs, too.
“How about cake?” Mom says, placing it on the table in front of me.
“It’s beautiful. Thanks, Mom.”
“We helped, too,” Jake adds.
“Well, thank you, too. Do you think it tastes as good as it looks?” I wiggle my brows at him.
We eat the cake and ice cream, as a family, and then it’s time for presents. Mom and Dad give me a new hockey stick, one that I admired at the sporting goods store when we were shopping with Mom. They also give me money.
My brothers and sisters give me another pair of new cleats and blank cassette tapes.
“How did you know?” I ask Mom.
“Mrs. Brooks.” She smiles proudly at me as we clear the table together.
“I would like you to come stay with me one day this week. Is that doable?” Mom asks, causing the perfect birthday bubble meets reality dart and burst.
“I guess so. I have a game Tuesday. Maybe after that.”
By eight thirty, Jake is zonked out on the couch and Kendall is fighting to stay awake so she doesn’t miss the rest of Louis and Clark.
Yawning, she rests her head on my shoulder. “He looks kind of like Lucas, right?”
“If I squint my eyes real tight, maybe.”
“Doesn’t throw hay as fast as that boy or Alex.” Dad laughs.
“He’s got me on football, though, so I’ll call us even.” Alex shrugs.
The phone rings, and I sigh as I start to get up. “I’ll get it.”
“I got it right here,” Dad says.
