by Mj Fields
“Shall I be the fireman?” What the hell is wrong with me?
“Holy fuck, Tessa. I thought you were a virgin and shit. I mean—”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t—” I quickly move off his lap and stammer as I rush to the bathroom, “I mean … wow. Oh my God, I was just trying … I’m sorry.”
Inside, I lock the door, and it’s a good thing, because he’s trying to open the door.
“Dammit, Tessa. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. Please, open the door. I wasn’t trying to upset you. I apologize, baby … Please, open the door.”
Wrong choice of rooms to hide in. I now understand the term claustrophobic, so I open the door. With his hands on each side of the doorframe, I skate under his arms.
“Will you please take me to school? I don’t want to be late.”
As my feet hit the kitchen floor, he grabs me around the waist. “I said I was sorry. I just thought, because you’d never been kissed, you were a virgin, and then you started talking about role playing. I thought you wanted to take this slow. I’m sorry.”
“I am a virgin, you asshole. You were my first kiss. But I haven’t been living under a rock for eighteen years. So, yeah, I am a virgin, not an idiot,” I snap.
He laughs, and I elbow him, harder than the first time, and he lets go.
I hurry to the door and open it. “If you’re not going to take me to school, then you should leave now.”
When he doesn’t reply, I square my shoulders and force myself to look at him. He leans against the kitchen counter, all four feet of it.
“Tessa, I’ve never met anyone like you. And when you’re straddling me on my lap and kissing me, your kisses do things to me. I want you.” The last part, his voice sounds like gravel. “But I am trying to respect you and not … well … you know, push things along.” He takes a deep breath and runs his hand over his face. “Damn, Tessa, you confuse me.”
“I don’t want to be late. Can we go, please?”
“No.” He steps up to me and grabs my shoulders. “Not until I know we’re okay.”
“We will be. I’m just”—I pause, resting my hands on his hips and looking down—“embarrassed.”
He pulls me into him, hugging and kissing me tenderly on the head. “I’m sorry, Tessa.”
“Me, too.”
He kisses my head again then steps back, takes one of my hands, uses the other to grab my book bag, and walks us out the door.
When we get to his car, he opens the passenger side door.
To stop the awkward silence, as I slide in, I ask, “So, this from your father?”
“Yep, to replace the one he bought for my seventeenth birthday,” he answers before shutting the door.
“Replace?” I ask as he gets in.
“Yeah.”
“He must have been really trying to buy your love that day.”
He laughs as he starts the car then pulls out before taking my hand.
“How many girlfriends have you had?”
“Tessa, do you really want to have that conversation now? ’Cause I’m thinking maybe we should wait until we can play our game again.”
“Now, please.”
“I really don’t know. Lost count.” He starts to turn on the radio, and I grab his hand, stopping him.
“What was the longest relationship?”
“Do we have to do this now?” he asks again, looking out of the corner of his eye nervously.
“Yes.”
“Eight months.”
“Was it Sadi?”
“Yes.”
“Did you have sex with her?”
“Tessa …” he sighs out.
“I want to know.”
“I cannot believe I am answering this, but yes, I did.”
“Was she your first?”
“Really?” he asks as he pulls into town.
“Please?”
He clears his throat. “No. I’ve had a lot of sexual partners. My first was when I was fourteen.”
I gasp.
“See? We shouldn’t have had this conversation now.”
“How many?” I ask, voice squeaking.
“Sadi was number twelve.”
I hate math, but did he really say twelve? And did he really say fourteen, because that’s like an average of three per freaking year.
As soon as he parks, maybe even before he actually puts it in park, I jump out.
He catches up quickly and grabs my hand. “They were all before you, Tessa, and none were at all like you. You’re just … better. I don’t have time to explain it now, but I will after school. Please, just don’t be mad.”
I give him a weak smile and a peck on the cheek. “I’m not. See you at lunch.”
The first bell rings, and I run like a thoroughbred at the Kentucky Derby.
“Why are you so late?” Jade calls from behind me as I rush down Make-Out Hall.
“Long story. I’ll catch you up later,” I call back.
Sitting in class, listening to the whispers behind me, the same girls who were talking on day one, I look out the window, thinking about the number—the dirty dozen; twelve, his jersey number—and what Mom said to me. “Remember what you were taught and who you are.” The problem is, when I’m around him, I just don’t want to remember any of that, but on the flip side, I don’t want my first time to be with someone who’s just going to move on to the next person as quickly as he seems to.
From the whispers in the hallway, those behind me now, and his admittance, I’m quite sure that’s what I would be to Lucas Links—thirteen.
Chapter Eight
Tuesday’s game was called due to severe thunderstorms, and practice was canceled because the football team was taking up both the gym and the weight room.
It was a good excuse to put some much-needed space between us.
He still walked me to class, held my hand, sat with me in lunch, and near me in the classes we shared, but he was acting differently, too.
When he called that night, and basically all week, I made up excuses as to why I could only talk for a couple minutes, thus avoiding deep conversations that would lead to any talk about his sex life and my lack thereof.
I mean, truth be told, we’d only been together a few days, and it probably shouldn’t have gone as far as it had gone so quickly. Also, I couldn’t easily use that as an excuse to back away, since I was the person who brought it there.
On Friday after school, we had a short practice, because Blue Valley High’s first Friday night under the lights game was tonight, and when I say first, I mean the absolute first in the history of Blue Valley football. We never had lights before, and the only reason we did now was because an anonymous donor had donated them.
I managed to talk Mom into letting me bring Kendall and Jake with me and keep them overnight, but of course, it came at a cost—Tuesday night at her place.
I would not be sharing that information with Lucas. I mean, if we’re still together at that point, I’m pretty sure he’s going to jump off the Tessa train and hop a more … experienced one.
“What was the score again?” Jake asks as we walk on the field toward Alex and Lucas, who are surrounded by a slew of female fans.
“Thirty-four to fourteen, Saints,” I tell him.
“Alex, Lucas,” Jake pushes through the crowd toward them. “Awesome game! Good guys win!”
I watch through the crowd as he proceeds to give them both high-fives.
“They certainly are good.” Some red-haired girl in the crowd of Sadians smiles seductively in their direction.
I watch as Sadi looks at Lucas. “I know personally that the quarterback is very good.”
I watch his reaction—an annoyed eye roll—and then he scans the crowd and his eyes find mine. He smiles in that way that makes me smile back, and not the one I know makes me look like a weirdo.
Sadi follows his line of vision and sees he’s looking at me. “Here come the prosti-tots.”
My blood boils imm
ediately, and I want to kick her ass all over the field.
“Tessa, baby, they were all for you!” Lucas yells so that Sadi can hear him.
Way better than kicking her ass, I think. Smirking as I watch him push through the crowd to me, where he kisses me sweetly on the cheek, picks me up, and spins me in a circle. “My good luck charm.”
The cheek?
“I’m gonna get these two home. Make sure you head that way soon,” Dad says from behind me, and I wonder if that’s the reason for the cheek kiss.
“Nice game.” Dad shakes Lucas’s hand.
Lucas nods. “Couldn’t have done it without the rest of the team.”
“I know a thing or two about the importance of a man’s team,” Dad says, eyes slightly narrowed.
“Understood.” Lucas nods.
“Dad,” Alex says, jogging over to us, “you think the ice cream shop is still open? I could go for a brownie sundae.”
Kendall and Jake both yell, “Yes!” and Alex tosses me the keys.
Waiting for the boys to shower and come back out, Jade shows me some Polaroid’s she took during the game.
“I got some good ones of Lucas, too.” She beams, handing a few to me. “The last one is my favorite.”
I flip through them and get to the last one. It’s of him holding me up in the air, me smiling down at him as he smiles up at me, during the spin.
“Now you need to bring your camera to the game so you can get some of Tommy and me.”
Our aunt Josie gave us both Polaroid instant cameras for Christmas. I wasn’t really good at remembering to bring mine to anything, except the falls. Jade knows this.
“I promise to make a point to do so.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I notice a big blonde blur and her friends, who don’t go to school here, walking toward us.
“You think he likes you, Tessa?” she yells to me.
I nod and try to reel in the anger. “Yeah, I do.”
“You’re just the flavor of the week. I’m the only one who lasted more than a month with him. He’s going to get sick of you, farm girl.”
“For the record, he and I have already discussed his past, um, how shall I say it?” I tap my finger to my lips and hold up a finger. “Oh yes, mistakes? Yeah, that’s a perfect word for it. He’s done with you. You should try to let that sink in. I’m not the reason you two broke up, so maybe you should get off my case.”
“It’s never over between him and me. He’ll be back,” Sadi says, “and you’ll be on your ass. Just like the rest of them.”
Looking her up and down in disgust, I spout off, “Maybe you should get a bit of self-respect. Seriously, why the hell would you want me, or anyone else, to know you’ve been a revolving door for him? You’re pathetic, and you’ve done that to yourself.”
“Don’t look at me like that, bitch.” Sadi swings on me.
I quickly move out of the way. “That all you got?”
She then lunges, grabs me by the hair, and I swing, making contact with her face. She falls to the ground and attempts to bring me down with her. She fails.
Jade grabs me and yanks me back. “Tessa, don’t.”
“She deserves so much more than that!”
I see Lucas and Tommy running toward us and, apparently, so does Sadi, because she starts acting like a wounded animal and cries. “Did you see what your little whore did to me?”
“Yes, and I saw how it started.” He takes her arm and yanks her toward her little black car. “Go home, Sadi. We aren’t doing this shit, not ever again.”
Her friends pile in with her.
“What is that thing? A fucking clown car!” I yell.
“Oh no, she said fuck,” Jade gasps. “Tommy, she said fu—”
“It’s a BMW, farm trash.”
I start toward her. “I’m gonna kick her ass all the way back to hell where she—”
Tommy wraps a firm arm around me, and I’m sure it’s to hold me back as he chuckles. “Easy, tiger.”
She pulls out, and I watch as Lucas stands, arms crossed, looking at the car as if he’s … wounded.
I shrug Tommy’s arm off my shoulder. “I’m gonna go. Can you give Jade a ride?”
Tommy looks at me as if he understands. “Sure thing.”
I don’t bother pulling out the main entry, not wanting to have to drive by him and see the way he looks at her. Because I’m likely to get out and knee him in the nuts. So, I use the maintenance road and head out the back way.
I see the line outside the ice cream shop around the corner and am glad I’ll be going home to an empty house where I can try to chill the hell out before they get home. If it wasn’t dark, I’d run to the falls.
Pulling in, I notice headlights following me and realize I won’t have that kind of time.
Once parked, I hop out and start toward the house when I realize it’s not Dad. It’s him.
“Screw that,” I growl as I move faster toward the house.
I’m not even sure he gets the car in park before he jumps out.
“Tessa … wait!” I hear him running toward me. “Why are you angry with me?”
“I saw how you looked at her. I’m not stupid. You care about her. Go be with her and leave me alone.” I try to sound pissed, but it comes out more pathetic. “I told you that I don’t have time or want—”
“Tessa, come with me.” He grabs my hand and starts to basically drag me toward the barn.
“Get your hands off me. I can walk.” I try to yank my hand away, but he just keeps pulling me behind him.
Inside the barn, he lets go and sits on a bale of hay. “Just give me a chance to explain. Sit with me.”
“I’ll stand, thank you very much,” I snap.
“Okay, listen. I’m going to trust you with something, Tessa, because I know who you are and that I can. Maybe you’ll start seeing I’m the same. But no matter what happens, this is between you and me.”
I cross my arms and tap my foot.
“Sadi and I dated for about a month before we had sex. She was really good at playing head games, and it drove me crazy. I told her I loved her, feeling she needed that, and at the time, I thought I did. We were together for four months when she got pregnant.” He scrubs a hand over his face. “I wanted her to keep it, wanted a family of my own, and she said that’s what she wanted, too. But she had an abortion when I was at football camp, so I broke things off.”
I hold my hand over my nauseous belly. “I’m sorry, Lucas.”
“I hooked up with a girl, and we dated for about a month. Sadi threatened suicide. We got back together. We broke up, and she started seeing someone else. I was hurt, which was her intention, and we got back together for the final time. She was”—he pauses—“is a complete bitch. I broke things off again and started sleeping around.”
He sighs. “I guess I do care, Tessa. I don’t need someone ending their lives because of me. But I don’t love her. I feel sorry for her. Pity her. I know what I want and what I don’t want. She’s obviously fucked-up about it. I’m not. I’m sorry if that hurts you.”
Feeling a bit dizzy, I walk over and sit beside him. “That’s a lot to absorb, so I’m sure it’s incredibly hard to live. I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry you got hit because of me.”
Folding my arms around my midsection, feeling a bit ashamed, I look down. “I hit her in the face. That was a first for me.”
He wraps an arm around me and tucks me into his side. “She attacked you. It’s called self- defense.”
We sit in silence for a long time, because I have no idea what to say to him, and I’m sure he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore than he already has.
When a car slows down, almost stopping in front of the house, I start to stand.
He tightens his grip. “I think that’s her car. Baby, I’m so fucking sorry for dragging you into this shit.”
“We farm trash are tough stock,” I joke as the car pulls away.
“Don’t ever
call yourself trash. And don’t pick on the farm thing. Kinda what sealed the deal for me wanting to be with you. Like your dad said, he has a little team here.”
“Yeah,” I agree, and then remember how broken that team is right now. “Maybe.”
“No maybe about it. It’s a fact.”
She drove back by, slowing down a bit again.
“I shouldn’t ask you to be part of my fucked-up life—hell, I should tell you to run—but I’m crazy about you, so I’m going to ask you to stick with me.”
I lean into him, and he exhales a held breath.
“Do you think we should keep our distance and—”
“No. Hell no. She does not get to take you from me, too.”
Tears build behind my eyes as I wrap my arms around him.
“Christ, Tessa, do not—” He stops and lifts my chin. “If it’s too much, I promise that—”
I shake my head. “I don’t want that, either, but you looked so sad, and—”
“That wasn’t sad. That was me wanting to get her the fuck out of there before you or I lost our shit. One of the girls with her, the redhead, her father owns the sports station in Ithaca. He’s covered me for three years now, and I can’t mess that up this year. Not when college scouts are already showing up, and we’re only two games in.”
“College scouts?” I ask.
He smiles, and it’s not the sweet one. It’s the cocky, confident one. “Yeah, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m pretty good at this football thing.”
“You’re hard not to notice.” I smile back. “Especially now that you’re all lit up on the field.”
“Let’s be real here. It could be pitch dark and I’d still shine.”
He kisses me, and I think to myself, He’s pretty good at that, too.
After a second kiss, more intense this time, I sit back. “They’re going to be home any minute.”
He stands and reaches out his hand to pull me up.
At his car, I get a hug, a really good hug.
“Call me when you get home?” I ask.
“Yeah, of course.”
“Drive safe.”
His eyes smile as he slides in. “Will do.”
