by Najwa Zebian
future
beyond you.
OceanofPDF.com
When new love knocked on my door.
- Part 1-
I dove into the ocean
before I knew how to swim.
I aimed for the sun
before I had my wings.
I built castles in the sky
and forgot to build the stairs.
I claimed a crown,
but there was no kingdom in the land.
And when it all came crumbling down,
I abandoned my oceans.
I abandoned the skies.
I vowed off building castles.
I vowed off having dreams.
I vowed off jumping
because I’ve fallen before.
I vowed off venturing without knowing
where my destination was.
I vowed off feeling.
I vowed off love.
OceanofPDF.com
- Part 2-
And out of nowhere, you just came,
asking me where I came from and
what was my name.
I can tell that you’re honest.
I can tell that you’re genuine.
Your values and principles are
everything I’ve ever wished for.
But where did you come from,
asking me to trust again?
Where did you come from,
asking me to start all over again?
Where did you come from,
asking me to smile again?
Where did you come from,
asking me to love again?
OceanofPDF.com
I am still
bleeding from my
first wound.
OceanofPDF.com
Tragedy
Don’t think that your
departure carving a scar
into my soul
was the tragedy.
The tragedy of someone
leaving
has been the definition of
my life.
The true tragedy is that
you had the chance to be
different and
stay.
You are no different from
anyone who came before you.
If you wanted to be different,
you should have stayed.
OceanofPDF.com
To choose to fall in love is
to choose to take
a risk.
To be hurt or
let go is
a tragedy.
And it is
possible.
But to choose to
not
take the risk and
miss the chance of finding the love of
your life is
a bigger tragedy.
And it is also possible.
OceanofPDF.com
I stopped choosing you
months after
you stopped choosing
me.
You let me go so easily because
you never really cared about me.
And if you did,
I was not worth the fight.
I could not let you go because
I loved you more than anything.
You lost my love, and
I lost your
nothing.
Congratulations on losing
a love like mine.
OceanofPDF.com
You had my wings chained to the
ground.
And when you let
me
go,
I struggled to
fly
on my own.
You were my home.
I did not want to leave.
But now, the higher
I fly,
the smaller you become
in my eyes.
Perhaps you could not
contain me because
you knew I was a bird
and that I would leave
one day.
OceanofPDF.com
They minimize your pain by
telling you that you have
no right
to feel a certain way.
As if they are the ones breathing for
you,
living for
you,
feeling for
you.
They don’t know that feeling takes
courage
and healing takes
time.
But you know that, so
have the courage and
feel.
Give yourself time to
heal.
Don’t tell me how to
feel if
you don’t know what it feels like to
feel the way I’m
feeling.
OceanofPDF.com
You add to the beauty of this world just by
being you.
Even by your imperfections and
your flaws,
by your up and
down times,
by your stresses and
your fears.
All that is different is
unique.
All that is unique is
beautiful.
Your soul is
beautiful because
it’s unique.
OceanofPDF.com
I used to think that
you accepting me into your world
would make me
the luckiest person on earth,
as if luck belongs in
places or
humans.
Today, I
am thankful that there was no place
for me
in your world.
I have created a world of my
own.
And for that,
I am lucky.
OceanofPDF.com
Take your empty words and
swallow them.
Take your broken promises and
untell them.
I thought you were great.
I thought you were different.
I thought you were faithful.
I thought losing you would be tragic.
I refused to see you through the eyes of
those who love me.
And I refused to see myself through
anyone’s eyes but
yours.
The eyes that lied and made mine
cry
don’t mean a thing to me even if I
try.
So take my heavy words and digest them.
Because you forced yours down my throat
way too many times.
Turn around and
walk away like you did before.
Don’t look back, because
all you will see is
a closed
door.
OceanofPDF.com
Maps
All of the roads that lead to
you, I
have kept on my
map to
remind myself of
all of the places that
I should never again
head to.
OceanofPDF.com
My Address
Find me where
kindness
is. I
dwell in
the peace of
heart
that kindness
is.
OceanofPDF.com
If you ever get the chance
to treat them the way they
treated you,
no matter how hurtful it was,
I hope that you
choose
to walk away
and do better.
One day,
someone will ignore them
the way they ignored you.
One day,
someone will belittle them
the way they belittled you.
One day,
someone
’s voice will be
higher than theirs,
as theirs was higher than yours.
One day,
they will be defeated by someone
as they defeated you.
I just hope that someone is not
you.
You are better than treating people
the way they treat you.
OceanofPDF.com
If pain built a home in
your heart,
remember that it has
doors.
And it has
windows.
Open the windows to
allow happiness in.
Better yet, open the doors and
walk outside.
Happiness is at your door,
desperately waiting for you to
open the door and
let it in.
Trust your heart and
open that door.
OceanofPDF.com
Darling,
When did your heart become so weak?
When did the glare in your eyes fade?
When did you disappear into the darkness?
When did you start believing that you are
nothing?
Did you forget the beauty that
once shined from your soul?
Did you forget to see yourself
through your eyes before you saw yourself
through theirs?
Did you forget that happiness comes from within
you?
Smile, darling.
You are beautiful.
You don't need them to look at you
before you look at yourself.
You don’t need them to love you
before you love yourself.
OceanofPDF.com
You are worthy of respect
no matter what their mood is.
Do not accept less.
Your love for them speaks of
you,
not them.
Don’t you ever
regret your ability to
love.
OceanofPDF.com
If they know that you deserve better,
they will pretend not to want you.
They know that you will figure that out
one day.
They reject you to avoid the pain of
you leaving them.
OceanofPDF.com
You do not need the permission of
the one who hurt you to
feel the pain that they caused
you.
Just because they don’t acknowledge it,
it doesn’t mean that
it doesn’t exist.
OceanofPDF.com
Crystal Ball
You told me to wait for you to
find yourself, so
I waited because
your love was worth it.
I lost myself waiting for
you, hoping that you
would find me with you.
And when you found yourself,
you did not find me with you.
I learned the hard way to
never put myself under the mercy of
anyone’s
crystal ball.
If I cannot be in their present,
I do not want to be in their
future.
A crystal ball does not
contain you or
your glory.
OceanofPDF.com
When pain knocks on your door:
The pain is just meant
to cleanse you.
If I had to choose between
numbness and pain,
I'd choose to be
in pain
for years than to
put on a mask of strength
where my laugh is
empty and
my tears are too proud to spill
an ocean.
One day, the pain will end,
and
I will laugh my heart out.
It may take years, but at least
I will keep my heart
alive and pure
instead of
numb and tainted by pain that I refused
to feel.
OceanofPDF.com
I trusted you to not
break me further,
but you did.
You promised that you
would take care of
the pieces of me
that I trusted your heart with.
Now I know that
no one owns my pieces
if I do not own them.
OceanofPDF.com
To a narcissist I once loved:
I know that you are waiting
for me to break down and
contact you.
I know that you must be thinking
that I am miserable waiting for you
to give me attention.
But, you see,
I am not the person I once was.
You destroyed me over and over,
but I built myself back up
into someone you will
never
have the honor of
getting to know.
OceanofPDF.com
Sometimes,
the best thing you can do
for someone you love
is let them go.
Set them free.
Wish them happiness and
set them free.
Set yourself free.
OceanofPDF.com
Just because you are feeling
lost,
it does not mean that
you need to go back their way
even if they were the only home
you’ve ever known.
You left it for a reason.
Remember?
It is better to stay lost
and search for a better home
than to return to
the home that was never really
a home.
Build your own
home.
OceanofPDF.com
If your heart hurts,
be thankful.
At least you have a heart and
at least it feels.
So many out there are
in denial.
They inflict pain on others and
don't feel it.
They commit selfish acts and
call it self-love.
They break your back and tell you that
it's your fault for being in the way.
If your heart hurts,
be thankful.
At least you know that
you will not inflict pain on others because
you know how it feels.
You know that you will not love yourself if
it means hurting someone else.
You know that you will not break
someone else's back just
to get to your destination.
If your heart hurts,
love it back to peace.
OceanofPDF.com
Stop dwelling in the past.
No, you could not have known
better.
No, you would not do things differently
if you went back.
No, they would not have
treated you differently if
you had acted,
looked, or
cared differently.
They are who they are regardless of
who you are.
They were thrown your way
for a reason.
Accept that
you
cannot change people unless
they
want to change.
And it’s not your job to
fix what’s been broken by
someone else.
OceanofPDF.com
Just like you made the choice to
hold on,
you can make the choice to
let
go.
And if it’s hard, then
it must mean that you held on too tightly.
Be proud of your sincerity with your
feelings, but
realize that if holding on is
hurting you, then
you must
let
go.
OceanofPDF.com
I stopped choosing you when
I chose to
stop
choosing you.
OceanofPDF.com
One day,
the tables will turn,
and your voice will be
stronger than theirs.
One day,
you will be heard,
and they will have to listen.
One day,
you will have the opportunity
to say what you’ve been waiting to say.
And I hope, on that day,
that you are wise enough
to say only what needs to be said.
And walk away.
OceanofPDF.com
Just because they do not
listen,
it does not mean that you
are not worthy of being
heard.
Your voice may scare them because
it causes thunder
in their soul.
OceanofPDF.com
