by Smith, T. O.
I couldn't fucking tell her what was wrong. I couldn't tell her I left the club for her. I couldn't tell her my views changed on life because of her. I couldn't fucking tell her I was jealous of other fucking men that got to touch her!
I grabbed her face gently in my hands and kissed her. When I pulled away, she was a little breathless. I took a deep, calming breath and released her. "Please, Amelia, just leave me alone for a little while. I don't want to talk about it. Don't ask again. Do whatever you want. Just don't leave the hotel room."
She put her hands on her hips, ready to argue with me again, but I already had my reasons. "Amelia, that bastard and his crew are out there somewhere and I have no doubt in my mind that they're waiting for the perfect moment to catch you alone without me anywhere around. Stay in the motel room. If someone comes in, scream as loud as you can and try to get into the bathroom, alright?"
I gave her another kiss, though this one was much smaller and shorter. I walked into the bathroom to get a shower.
Fuck, I needed to calm down. Two kisses and I was hard. What kind of man was Amelia turning me into?
~*~*~
Amelia's POV
I felt his hand constricting around my neck. I wanted to breathe. Fuck, I was trying my goddamn hardest to breathe, but his grip was too strong and it was unrelenting. I could feel the loss of oxygen to my brain. Black spots began to dance in front of my vision.
This was it. He was going to fucking kill me.
"Amelia, baby, wake up." Someone shook me. "Come on, wake up."
I gasped, my eyes flying open. My eyes met Cole's immediately. He was holding me on his lap, his hand on my neck. It wasn’t tight, and I’m sure it was supposed to be comforting, but I still panicked.
I slapped his hand away and jumped off his lap, running a hand through my hair. I walked into the bathroom and splashed water on my face. Fuck, I hoped these nightmares stopped fast. I couldn't get this shit out of my head. It wasn’t even flashbacks that I was experiencing. It was fucking shit that my mind was conjuring up on its own.
"Are you okay?" I heard Cole's deep timber voice ask me.
I looked over to where I heard his voice come from and found him leaning against the door frame of the bathroom. "Fuck, Cole, I can't fucking do this." I muttered.
He raised an eyebrow at me. "Do what? Do you want to go back? I'm not going to fucking let you. Those bastards -."
I cut him short, my temper finally letting loose. I was pissed. I couldn't deal with the card that had been dealt to me. I didn’t deserve any of the shit that I was being forced to deal with.
"No!" I yelled. "That’s not what I fucking mean!" I paused and pressed my fingers against my temples. "For fuck's sake, Cole, all I've ever done is try to do what was best for the fucking clubs. The only fucking payment I get is for everyone, including my own fucking parents, is to allow me to receive the worst end of the stick, the fucking stick that's meant to hurt the whole damn club."
He stepped towards me, his mouth open to speak, but I cut him off by holding my hand up. "Don't. I'm not done. This shit that I've been dealing with – it’s building up way too fucking much. I push it off, not wanting to deal with it, because the club relies on me to be strong, but Cole, I can't be strong anymore. Fuck, it hurts so damn much. All of the horror I've been through is catching up to me. I've never had nightmares before; I've always been able to block out everything that I didn't want to deal with, but now – now it's catching up to me and I'm getting all of these fucking nightmares that are terrifying the shit out of me."
Cole looked pained at my speech. "Amelia, I never expected you to be strong.” He murmured. “Jesus, the only thing that I've ever wanted from you was for you to let go of everything and to vent and to deal with the shit that you've been through, but you always pull back from me. You had to get away from there, so I did what was necessary to get you away because if you're there, you're going to continue to drink it all away and not deal with it."
I clenched my fists and slammed them on the bathroom counter. "I don't want to have to deal with it Cole!" Fuck, my mind was all over the place. I was confused. I didn't know what I wanted or needed. I just knew I didn’t want this bullshit card I had been dealt.
I was tired. I was angry. I was sad. I was feeling so many emotions that it was twisting me up inside.
"It doesn't matter if you want to deal with it or not, Amelia. It has to be dealt with, or it's just going to continue to get worse and worse until you do something bad to yourself because of all of your built-up emotions and problems."
Problems?! I have fucking problems?!
"What the fuck are you trying to say?!" I yelled at him. "I don't have fucking problems, Cole!"
"The hell you don't." He told me, the muscle in his jaw ticking. I could see the visible struggle on his face not to yell back at me. "You have problems like no other person I know. You have so much shit to deal with. You've been raped and beaten too many damn times and it's not fucking fair to you. It's caused trauma and you're not willing to face it. Dammit though, I will fucking make you deal with this shit if it’s the last goddamn thing that I do, Amelia. You’ve got to heal. I can’t stand seeing you like this.”
I felt tears fill my eyes and I immediately started crying. Fuck, I couldn't do this. I wasn’t cut out for this kind of shit. I could handle getting messages across to other clubs through damage like nobody's business, but when it came to shit happening to me, I couldn’t fucking cope with it.
Cole pulled me into the circle of his arms and ran his hand over my hair. "Amelia, you will get through this and I'll help you." He promised.
I yanked away from him. "I don't want you to help me!" I yelled at him. "You don't even care about me so, just fuck off!"
Be angry, Amelia. You can do angry.
I could visually see when Cole lost his temper. The muscle in his jaw began ticking even faster and he clenched his fists, his body going tense. "Dammit, Amelia, I do fucking care! If I didn't, I would have fucking left you with the clubs to deal with everyone by yourself and rode off into the fucking sunset. So, don't you try pulling that bullshit card on me!" He roared.
I slid down the wall behind me, dropping to my ass on the floor. Cole knelt in front of me and grabbed my chin in his hands, forcing my eyes to meet his. "Amelia, you will be okay. I know you better than I know anyone, possibly even my own self, so I know this is all going to turn out all right."
I sighed, giving up. I was at rock bottom and I was going to have to work my way back up to the strong person that everyone knew – hell, the strong person that I knew, the one who knew what she wanted and got it.
And as much as I didn’t want to admit it, I needed Cole right then.
~*~*~
Cole's POV
I sat on the sidewalk in front of our motel room drinking the coffee I had picked up from the gas station across the street. Amelia was still sleeping. She hadn't slept well until I finally forced her to get over her fear of sleeping in the same bed with a guy and forced her to sleep in the same bed with me. I guess holding her all night helped to keep away most of her nightmares.
I didn't turn around when I heard the door to our room open. I knew it was Amelia. The second she came around me, my body became aware of her.
She sat beside me on the sidewalk and took the coffee cup from my hand, taking a sip. I took one look at her and groaned, running my hand down my face. She sure as hell wasn’t going to make it easy for me to not fuck her into oblivion. She was wearing jean shorts that barely covered her ass, leaving her long legs bare. She was wearing a tank top that left her breasts on view for me to see. Even though she was covered in bruises, Amelia could still make my dick hard just at the sight of her.
I jumped up, running my hand through my hair. "For fuck's sake Amelia, do you mind putting some damn clothes on?"
She looked up at me through her lashes. I groaned, banging my head on the metal pole holding the awning up to our room, trying to knock some goddamn se
nse into my head. Where Amelia was concerned, I never seemed to have any.
"I am wearing clothes, Cole." She retorted, smirking her little devilish smirk that I loved seeing on her.
I looked down at her. "Unless you want me to fuck you against the wall and on every surface in that motel room, I'd advise you to at least put on a fucking t-shirt or a tank top that covers more of your chest."
She smirked at me and went into the motel room. That's when I noticed she still had my damn coffee. "Hey!" I called after her, going into the room. "You took-." My words were cut off when she turned to me wearing nothing but her shorts and a black lacy bra. I swallowed hard and turned around, forcing myself to walk out of the room. My sexual aggravation caused me to slam the room door shut behind me. Jesus, didn't she know there was a fucking bathroom that she could have changed in?
I pulled my phone out and looked at the texts and missed calls on my phone that I had ignored yesterday. I looked at the latest text and heavily blew out a sigh.
Cole, your mother was just admitted into the hospital.
I called my dad, feeling pissed off before the conversation even started. "Hello?" He answered, sounding extremely tired.
"What the fuck did she do?" I asked him, cutting straight to the chase.
"She took off last night with the Bloody Royals without letting me know. Apparently, she blew up one of the ATL's warehouses and she received some almost fatal burn wounds because she couldn't get away fast enough." He paused, sighing. "Cole, she needs you here."
My temper was already flared up because she blew up a warehouse of the fucking ATL. So, I fucking exploded when he told me he wanted me to come home. Does he not realize the fucking shit he just buried Amelia further into? For fuck's sake, I left so they could hopefully realize they had shit they needed to figure out! Instead they just further try to help the ATL make a fucking death warrant for Amelia?
I heard the motel room door open, but at that moment, I didn't give a damn. I was pissed. "Are you insane?!" I roared. "You really think it's a good fucking idea for me to come riding back home with Amelia after you just let mom blow up the warehouse of the man who killed my fucking sister and brutally fucked up Amelia?! Are you trying to get Amelia fucking killed?! There's no way in hell I'm fucking coming home! All of you assholes can burn in hell!"
I hung up the phone. Amelia grabbed my wrist and turned me to face her. Her eyes were large and filled with fear, her face white. My heart twisted seeing her look so afraid. "Cole, what happened?"
I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "Mom fucking blew up a warehouse that belongs to the ATL. So, we've got to move soon and get farther away. I'm going to trash this phone and get a new one. We can get something to eat and then we'll ride out." I looked down at her, my eyes and face intent, showing I wasn't playing games with this. This shit was serious, and I would be damned if she got hurt again. "I won't have you hurt, Amelia. Not on my fucking watch and not anymore if I can help it. I will do what I have to do to protect you."
She sighed. "Cole, you're giving up your entire life, everything that you know, for me. I can't ask that of you."
I kissed her lightly, rubbing my thumb over her cheekbone. "Amelia, you don't have to ask me. I'm doing it because I care about you, okay? I won't let anything else happen to you while I'm alive. Those fucking bastards have fucked with the two things in my life that mean the most to me: you and my family. I'll be damned if I let either one get hurt or killed because of me again." She started to speak, but I put a finger to her lips. "Shh. There's nothing you could say that would change my mind. Come on. Get your bags together and get them loaded on your bike. We're going to get something to eat and then we're riding out."
Nine
It had been a week since Amelia and I had ridden off from the motel we were staying at. She was looking significantly better and I could tell she felt better, too. She hadn't had nightmares in a couple of nights and her confidence was back full force. That much was proved last night.
~*~*~
We sat in a bar in the little hick-town we had been in for the past week. I needed a drink – badly, and Amelia wouldn't leave me alone about finding a place to get shit faced, so I finally dragged her into the bar last night. There was a small stage with a couple of girls dancing, giving some of the men a little bit of entertainment. Amelia was sitting beside me downing another shot. I had lost count of the number of shots she had already thrown back. I was sipping at my beer, not drinking much because I knew I would have to be the designated driver because we only rode my bike here.
A guy walked over to her. He was wearing dirty jeans and scuffed up boots with a dirty flannel shirt. His beard was grown out and reached to the top of his shirt. He was wearing a hat and his long hair was tied back into a low ponytail. He had a gleam in his eyes that I knew would only lead to trouble.
I clenched my fist in fury, ready to punch his face in until it was flat if he even tried to talk to Amelia.
"Fuck off." Amelia snapped at the man before he could say anything to her. My eyes widened in shock. She actually spoke like her normal self to someone other than me.
"That's not a way to talk to a man, baby." He rasped, leaning into her a little too close for my liking.
She glared at him fiercely and I smirked, loving the fact that the woman I knew was finally back full force. "I wouldn't give a flipping fuck if you were my fucking mother, asshole. Don't talk to me. I'm really not in the fucking mood." She snapped at him again.
He wrapped his hand around her hair and yanked her head back to stare him in the eyes. I jumped up out of my chair ready to wrap my hands around his throat and break his nose. Before I could do anything, though, Amelia narrowed her eyes and grabbed my half empty bottle of beer and smashed the man in his face with it. He yelped in pain, instantly letting go of her. She wrapped his hair around her hand two times and then slammed his face onto the bar.
That's when all hell broke loose. I grabbed her hand and made a mad dash for the door.
~*~*~
I rolled over in bed and saw Amelia still passed out next to me. I poked her belly, grinning, knowing it would piss her off. The more I got her out of her shell though, the more she'd become my Amelia again.
She opened her eyes and quickly squinted them shut again. "Fuck off, Cole." She grumbled, pulling a pillow over her face.
I got out of bed and snatched everything off of the bed, including her pillow. She shot up into a sitting position, shooting daggers at me with her eyes. "If I had any idea where my fucking gun was, I'd fucking shoot you." She spat at me.
With the fire in her eyes, I had no doubt in my mind that she probably would. I checked my phone and sighed, ignoring her. My dad had called 33 times and left about half that many voicemails. I called him back, running a hand through my hair. "What?" I snapped into the phone when he answered.
"We've got a war on our hands, Cole, and we could use you back here at home. The ATL have finally struck us and they struck us bad. Drew is in a coma and Jasper is dead. They trashed the club grounds and blew up two of our warehouses."
"Fuck." I cursed, glancing over at Amelia. "We'll begin riding back today and should be in by tonight. Keep a lookout for me."
"Will do."
I hung up and sighed. I really didn't want to take Amelia back there, but as pissed as I was at my entire family and the clubs, if we all went down, I would go down with them. When it came down to it, we were family and we protected each other.
"We've got to ride back." I told Amelia. I wasn't even going to waste time trying to break the news to her. That wasn't my style.
She spun around from looking through her bag and glared at me. "Why the fuck are we going back already?" She spat at me.
"I’ve got to." I said. "You can keep riding if you want to, but I'm going. We're at war with the ATL and I've got to be there to help."
She grabbed some clothes and walked into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind her. I blew out a breath in anger.
She didn't even fucking reply to me. Who the fuck did she think she was? Jesus Christ, my family fucking needed me. Of course, I was fucking going back!
I stormed into the bathroom. When I tried the door, I found it locked. I groaned in frustration and kicked the door in. I flung the shower curtain back and she glared back at me. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" She yelled at me, placing her hands on her hips.
I forced myself not to run my eyes over her wet, naked body. "Why the fuck are you so pissed off?" I asked her.
"I can't fucking go back there, Cole, and I don't have the fucking brains it takes to stay off of their fucking radar! What the fuck else am I supposed to do?!" She screamed at me.
My anger boiled. I fucking already promised her I wouldn't let anything happen to her! "Do you not listen to a fucking word I say?!" I hollered at her. "I fucking told you that I would protect you! I don't fucking go back on my word, Amelia, and you know that!"
"Get the fuck away from me." She ground out, reaching out to grab the shower curtain.
I flung her shower curtain closed for her and I threw my clothes off. This conversation wasn't over, but I wasn't going to flood the fucking bathroom trying to talk to her. I stepped into the shower and she gasped in shock, and quickly glared at me again. "Cole!" She yelled at me.
I narrowed my eyes at her. "Yell at me one more fucking time and I will effectively shut you up." I said quietly, losing my patience with her. She was wasting time that I could be using to be getting home, and it was really beginning to piss me the fuck off.
"Why don't you just fucking leave?!" She yelled. "If you need to go back so badly, then just fucking go!"
