by W Winters
Her pale rosy nipples are already hard as I reach down and pinch one with my forefinger and thumb, pulling back slightly and making her head fall back. A moan slips through her lips, and it forces precum to leak from my cock.
I’ve wanted her for so long, I know I have, but the anger has kept me from reaching out to her, from touching her. I harbor so much resentment for the day she left that I’ve feared this moment just as much as I’ve desired it.
“Jay,” she whimpers my name as she shudders, and it’s my breaking point. The last restraint I have snaps. I tear the nightgown off her body. The fabric comes apart with a loud rip, accompanied by her gasp.
She wants me to punish her. I will.
She wants me to have her. I’ll take every piece of her and leave her with nothing. Nothing without me from this day forward.
I shove my hand between her thighs and her panties are already soaking wet. She writhes under me as I nip her neck and work my hand over her panty-covered cunt, pressing my palm to her swollen nub and ruthlessly forcing her first orgasm from her.
She doesn’t expect the first release; it comes quickly and rocks through her body. As the ripples leave her lying limp, I tear through the thin lace and spread her legs for me. I kick off my jeans and boxers and stroke my thick cock just once.
I don’t even hesitate. I’m not gentle; I don’t give her a chance to acclimate. I thrust into her, slamming my hips to hers and taking her in one swift motion.
Her back bows and she screams out, but I’m quick to press my chest and lips to hers. It calms her as I pull nearly all the way out, feeling her opening at the tip of my cock and then shoving myself all the way back in. She’s already wet and hot for me, making it that much easier for me to fuck her so ruthlessly.
I pound into her over and over again, feeling her tight walls spasm around my cock. Each hard thrust is met with a whimper escaping her lips. Her sharp nails digging into my back only spur me to fuck her harder, faster.
I take her with a punishing force, relentlessly pistoning my hips.
Even as she cums on my dick again, so hot and tight and sucking my dick in further, begging for my cum, I refuse. I groan into her neck, grinding my teeth and digging my blunt nails into the flesh at her hips to keep my release from surfacing.
She screams out my name over and over, but I stay still, holding my breath and ignoring the tingling at the base of my spine. My toes curl and my balls draw up, but I deny it. I stay as still as I can, buried deep in her tight cunt until her orgasm passes.
And then I do it again.
And again.
I spread her wider and fuck her deeper and harder each time. Letting the waves of her orgasms build and crash through her, leaving her limp and destroyed each and every time. Her breathing is ragged as she arches her neck and pleads with me.
“Please, Jay,” she moans and her voice is a strangled cry. Her words barely audible. A cold sweat forms over every inch of my skin as I ride through her words, not letting up. Her body tries to roll away, in a desperate effort to leave me and I grip her throat tightly in my hand, squeezing as I piston my hips between her legs, forcing her small breasts to bounce. Forcing her hands up to clutch at my wrist. Forcing little cries of pained pleasure from her lips.
“Please what?” I ask her as her lips part with the need to breathe. Her fingernails just barely scratch at my hand, but she doesn’t try to pull it away. It’s only to make this last one the most intense. To shatter her completely and intensify it so that she’ll be more than ruined.
“Please,” she tries to speak, but the threat of another orgasm creeps up through her body, making her arch and writhe. As the silent scream is met with her body going stiff, her heels digging into the mattress, I pump my hips again and again, bottoming out against her cervix until my dick pulses and I relent.
I loosen my grip on her throat, listening to her gasp for air and scream my name with nothing but pleasure. My own orgasm finally tears through me, demanding its own relief and forcing her name from my lips. I whisper it in the crook of her neck, her hot breath on my face making my entire body chill.
Our mixed arousal and cum leaks between us as we both catch our breath. And I fall to the mattress next to her sated and mesmerized by the way she lies there panting for air. The way her eyes are dazed and her body trembles. Because of what I’ve done to her. Because of what I’ve given her.
She whimpers and tries to move when she realizes I’ve left her, but I merely splay a hand on her hip and she stills, waiting for me to tell her what to do next.
Her thighs scissor slightly, simply because I’ve put my hand on her but it’s met with a small cry and her brow furrowing.
I lean over her, kissing her gently on the lips before pulling the covers up and around her.
“Don’t leave me, please,” my little bird begs me, and it destroys every bit of me.
“I won’t,” I lie to her just to ease her worry. “I’ll be right here when you wake up.”
Chapter 19
Robin
He couldn't help but leave me.
It’s all I could think while I stood in the hot stream of water.
I run my fingers through my damp hair as I sit on the bed in the basement.
I’m not sure if John is coming or not. I haven’t seen him since he left me yesterday, but it seems fitting to wait for him here. At least one of them will come.
I was foolish enough to think when the bathroom door creaked open and the hot steam drifted away from me that it was Jay, but it was only Toby. Hours later and still no sign of Jay.
My heart splinters as I cross my legs, and I have to close my eyes because of the aching reminder of last night. It was everything I thought it would be and more, but now I’m left alone, just like I was this morning.
I pull the lone pillow on the bed into my lap and lean against the wall, staring at the door. What a good little victim I’m being for him. My stomach sinks and my mouth dries up. I stay where I’m told to and spread my legs for him, begging him to ruin me.
I close my eyes and turn away from the closed door as Toby whines on the other side.
Jay’s not the only one fucked up in the head.
I’m so busy wallowing that I don’t hear John come in. It’s not until he clears his throat and the door shuts with a thud that I realize he's here now. The air is tense and awkward between us, and I instantly wonder if he knows.
“There you are,” he says and attempts a pleasant smile but he fails. “How are you feeling today?” he asks me cautiously, striding to the camera to turn it on and then fiddling with it as if there’s anything new to focus on. I think it’s just so he doesn’t have to look at me.
“Used,” I tell him flatly, watching for his reaction. He stills for a moment and my heart beats faster, but then he moves to the chair, the blinking red light greeting me as John takes a seat and the metal legs scrape and produce that irritating sound.
“Are you okay?” he asks me, leaning forward. It’s feigned concern. He doesn’t mean it. The realization makes tears prick the backs of my eyes, and I hold the pillow tighter.
“Why do you care?” I ask him out of anger. My words are shaky, and I use my middle finger to wipe under my eyes. I won’t cry over this. I refuse to.
“Robin,” John says my name with sympathy and compassion before rising from the chair and quickly coming to the bed. “Did he hurt you?” he asks me, and I simply shake my head. He rests a hand on my back, but he’s holding back.
“You don’t-” I try to speak, but my words are muted by the lump in my throat. “I’m hurt because I feel as though I don’t matter to you.” I tell him the truth, the raw honesty cutting me deeply. He doesn’t even remember me. My eyes water at the thought, and I wish I were stronger. I take in a steadying breath and focus on him. How much he needs me.
“Do you like me, John?” I ask him. “Do you think if things were different, that you would like me?” The question carries a heavy weight to it. He has
the ability to break me and crush me into a million pieces. I need him as much as I need Jay.
“Of course I do,” John answers although he doesn’t hold my gaze. I close my eyes, feeling my body turn cold and nausea stir in the pit of my stomach. The way his voice is tense, the ‘it’s-not-me-it’s-you’ tone is there. It feels like a breakup. I struggle to breathe for a moment while he speaks, but this is all my fault. I know better than this. It’s Jay who makes me weak and stupid, who left me feeling like this. But I knew it would end like this. I’m the one who pushed.
“Yesterday, when I left-” he stops to rub the back of his neck and lets out an uneasy sigh. “I don’t know how to handle this, Robin. You’re fragile, and this situation-”
I cut him off and say, “It’s intense, but I-” I ball up my hands in frustration and scoot away from his touch. “I need you to know that what you think of me is very important to me.” I swallow thickly and gauge his reaction.
“What I think doesn’t matter,” John answers, shaking his head slightly.
“It does, John.” I reach out slowly and risk placing my fingers in his hand, and that small touch is what breaks down his walls.
He wraps his strong hand around mine and sits closer to me on the bed, scooting back and licking his lips before looking up at me.
I can feel my eyes widen as I wait with bated breath for the truth. I can tell that’s what he’s going to say. “I feel for you,” he says, and my heart thumps. “I feel a very strong urge to protect you, and to…” He trails off and waves a hand in the air as if he’s looking for the right word.
“You don’t have to sugarcoat it, John,” I tell him as I keep my composure.
He looks back at me with an intensity that shocks me.
“This is fucked up,” he tells me in a lowered voice, his eyes lightening as he says, “What I want to do to you is even worse.”
I have to break his gaze and I stare at my fingers as I pull my hand away from his and grip the sheet on the mattress. I take a chance and peek at him. “What do you want to do to me?” I ask him.
“I want to take you away and keep you,” he says, and a warmth flows through my body. He leans forward and I think he’s going to kiss me, but he doesn’t. Instead he puts his lips close to my ear and whispers, “I want to fuck you until you forget. Until you’re only mine.”
I close my eyes at his admission.
He backs away, and the chill from the basement air breaks the moment we had.
“But you’re in love with Jay, and there’s something between you two. I don’t have a place interfering.”
He’s so wrong. So, fucking wrong. I part my lips to tell him just that, but as he sits back on the bed, straightening his shoulders, I see the blinking light.
Always watching.
I have to be careful. I have to tell John, but it would be so much easier if he could just remember.
Chapter 20
John
Days pass easily, each one bleeding into the next. She’s addictive. The sound of her soft voice and the even cadence when she tells me stories charm me.
But they’re about her and Jay. What her life was like before and after.
About missing him and how she could never forget what they went through.
What shreds me is her guilt, the way she describes moving on with her life as though it’s a confession. It shouldn’t be that way, but it doesn’t matter how many times I tell her. That pained look in her eyes only gets worse.
The fluorescent light above my head flickers, and I look up to watch it. These sessions aren’t moving things forward, and doing them in the basement is only aggravating me more and more.
“Is everything okay?” Robin’s soft voice calls to me from across the room. She’s on the bed as usual, her heels propped up as she hugs her legs, leaning back against a pillow with her head against the wall.
I clear my throat and glance at the camera, the red light blinking and wonder if Jay even watches. He doesn’t ask about them in the least.
“What do you want to gain from this, Robin?” I ask her, my heart rate climbing. It’s obvious she has no intention of leaving. What’s happened between her and Jay has touched them both deeply, but I’m a conflicting factor. Every day it gets harder to leave. Every day I grow jealous. I get angrier.
This isn’t the man I am. I need to get the fuck out of here.
“I want to know more about you, John,” she answers me after taking a moment. She seems nervous as she watches for my reaction.
She wants me. I can fucking feel it, and I want her too. It only makes the situation that much more fucked up.
“What do you want to know?” I ask her, crossing my ankle over my knee and rubbing the rough stubble on my jaw with my thumb.
“Tell me about growing up?” she asks. It’s an innocent question, but the look on her face is so serious. As if the answer will affect her deeply.
“There’s not much to me,” I tell her and sit back. “My story isn’t like yours or Jay’s.” A sigh leaves me as I rub the back of my neck and look at the door.
“Tell me about your parents,” Robin offers and my eyes flick to hers. I watch how she picks at the comforter as if her idle hands need to be taking notes. It makes me smile and reminds me there’s so much more to her than the past she has with Jay. It also reminds me that she’s probably used to this. Being the questioner and not the questionee.
“I was adopted when I was younger. And I was visiting the orphanage when I met Jay.” The hint of a smile on my face vanishes at the memory. “My parents were young and they did what they thought was best when they gave me up, but Jay…” I can’t finish the thought. He needed someone so badly. I saw how everyone looked at him. How they judged him.
I clear my throat and rub my palms on my jeans. “Anyway.” I tell her the basic rundown. “I did alright in school, B student mostly. I wasn’t really interested. I guess I was kind of quiet.”
“And you’re a mechanic?” Robin asks, and I nod my head.
“Yeah, I’ve always loved working on cars and bikes. It made sense.” I nod my head and remember the shop just sitting there, but the bills aren’t going away. “I enjoy working for myself but the downsides are the long hours and the lack of socializing.”
“Are you a social butterfly?” Robin asks with a bit of humor. A rough laugh rumbles up my chest as I shake my head.
“Never really been into crowds,” I answer her honestly.
“Not a lot of friends?” she asks.
“I’m not a loner like Jay,” I answer her, feeling defensive. “A few guys work for me at the shop and we hang out occasionally. I can take them or leave them. I guess I’m a bit of a loner after all.” I hadn’t realized it until she questioned me. The bartender at the local pub and Steve a mechanic looking for part-time work are my two closest friends. And of course Jay.
“I’m a loner,” Robin says, interrupting my thoughts. “I’m very much alone.” She gives me this sad smile.
“Why’s that?” I ask her. She shouldn’t be alone ever. I could talk to her for hours and hours every day and be content with nothing else. She’s the type of person you feel like you already know before she even lays eyes on you. She should definitely never be alone.
“I don’t know why,” she tells me and then looks down at the sheet. She stretches her back and then asks me, “Do you like to be alone at night?”
“Not in particular,” I answer without thinking about anything other than her company in the evening. “I wouldn’t mind company at night,” I say and my blood heats as she holds my gaze and fire sparks between us.
“Why do you leave at night?” she asks me like it’s a sin.
My brow furrows, and the pit of my stomach fills with guilt. “Do you want me to stay?” I ask her.
Her eyes search mine for a minute, as if she’s not sure of the right answer. It fucking guts me.
“You love Jay?” I ask her, changing the subject and putting the attention back on
to her. I know she does. It’s why I can never have her. Why I feel compelled to carry on with this charade.
“I do,” she says and my blood turns to ice. It’s one more reason I need to leave. When I peek back up at her, she looks as though she’s going to cry. It happens almost every day. When she breaks down and holds back from me.
I hate it. It keeps me coming back to her because I want to be the one to help her. The one she leans on. The one she leaves with.
I know I should tell her that it’s okay. That it’s natural to love him. That he loves her, too. But those aren’t the words that come out of my mouth.
“I really hate that you get so upset. I just want to help you so you can move past this.” So she can get away from Jay. I keep the thought to myself, but it’s true. I want to keep her far away from him. But right now, she feels she needs him. She feels for him.
“Then help me, John,” she says with a strained voice. Like she’s so close, yet so far away.
“Tell me what you need,” I tell her. And I mean it. I don’t want her to be upset or hurt in any way. She’s a strong, beautiful woman who should be happy. The past is where it’s supposed to be, and she should know she deserves happiness.
“I need you to remember,” she whispers and stares deep into my eyes.
“Remember what?” I ask her, my heart beating slow and my body heating. It’s fear that keeps me still. Fear that I’m somehow involved in what happened all those years ago. I’ve tried so many times to think back to how I know this woman, but nothing comes to mind.
I must though, because she calls to me in a way I can’t deny.
She gives me a small smile, but it’s sad. Everything about her is a beautiful shade of sadness. “Can you tell me what you know of me again?” she asks me.
I sit back with slight relief, but the feeling that I’m failing her is so heavy on my chest I can’t speak. “Can you tell me how we first met?” she asks me. Pushing me.
