by JN Welsh
“I’m sorry, girl. At least you tried.” Tess pierced Elle’s recollection with the present state of affairs.
Elle sighed. “I fucked this one up so bad, Tess. I’m the worst person on planet Earth.”
“Wow, the whole planet.” Tess handed her the bottle of spiced wine.
Elle wasn’t a supporter of drinking on the job, but this was an emergency.
“Look, we have our New Year’s Eve plans all set and I know you are going to try to get out of it, but I’m not going to let you. The New Year is coming and with it a whole lot of changes for you to celebrate. You have had a great year. I know this is a suck situation right now, but let’s salute the past year with a bang and welcome the new one with an even bigger greeting.”
“I don’t know, Tess.” Elle had a hard time controlling her emotional outbursts and the last thing she needed was to have a blubbering episode at a fancy New Year’s Eve party.
“I will not let you wallow in this pitiful sludge of your own making. You’re going and that settles it.” Her truthful delivery followed by a rallying cry was so contradictory that Elle didn’t know whether to punch her in the face or hug her.
“Fine,” she mumbled, “but if you end up wiping boogers from my nose during the countdown, remember this moment.”
Over the next few days, Elle stalked Cole’s business an email via his contact page, which gave her an error because they’d never set it up. She saw that his paperwork had been approved, which meant he was open for business. He had good traffic going to his website after she had done some advertising collateral for him.
She immersed herself in her work. When she was involved with a design, and navigating software on her computer screen, it focused her in a way that allowed her a reprieve from the toxicity of her emotions.
The phone she used for her graphic design business rang. Though Elle didn’t recognize the number, she answered.
“NR Graphics,” Elle said.
“May I speak with Noelle Rudolph, please?”
“Speaking.”
“I’m Dr. Helen Ginger. Nicholas Partridge referred me to you. I saw the work you did for him and his website is amazing. We have a large organization and I need a dedicated company to rely on for graphic design. Are you interested?”
Elle tried to absorb the information. She was conversing with a celebrity doctor and Cole had referred her.
“Miss Rudolph? Are you there?”
“Yes. I’m here.” Elle’s senses returned. “I’m very interested in working with you. It would be a good idea for us to set up some time to go over your needs and then we can work on the specifics.”
“Sounds wonderful. My assistant will be in touch to schedule.”
Elle scribbled the information down on a nearby pad before she and Dr. Ginger offered each other some closing remarks.
Cole had thought enough of her and her work to refer her? Even though they weren’t together, he was still taking care of her.
During the week, Elle continued to get several calls where Cole referenced her design work. It was great but only served to make her miss him more. She allowed herself to go down memory lane. They had created some good ones with the kids and her family. She wanted nothing more than to curl up into bed and feel his warm body around her, inside her.
She had berated herself day and night as punishment but being without Cole was the most painful punishment of all. She hoped and prayed that wherever he was, he was okay.
She had to pay some bills before the New Year and did the usual evaluation of her finances. She checked her balances and noticed that something was off—way off. She had more money. Having more money was a good thing except she was pretty good at crunching numbers. If her balance was this off, a bill hadn’t been paid and that wasn’t good for business. Elle evaluated the figures, comparing what she should have with what she actually had. Her account was off by exactly ten thousand dollars. She ran the numbers again to be sure.
She gasped. “Cole didn’t take the money.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Elle wasn’t up for a party, but she put on the red and donned matching lipstick to appear festive. She had only one New Year’s resolution—to find Nicholas Partridge. He hadn’t taken the money for being her escort over the holidays, even though they had a deal. She never thought having more money would make her feel horrible.
Despite the cloak of sadness weighing her down, Elle looked forward to the New Year, her clients, and her new career opportunities. Tess and her husband Nathan still did their best to raise her spirits at The City Street black tie event. The party was one of New York’s premiere holiday events. When Elle had first agreed to go, she was seeking a boyfriend and new clients for NR Graphics. The party would have potentially afforded her the opportunity to resolve both, but now she hoped it distracted her from heartbreak.
Elle finished tearing up the dance floor with Nathan and sipped a cranberry spice cocktail. The unexpected taste of ginger cleared her sinuses and gently burned the tip of her tongue. She was mid-swallow when she felt like she was being watched. Following her intuition, her eyes landed on Cole’s broad shoulders and toned body filling a white and black tuxedo. His crisp white shirt, black bow tie, and polished patent leather shoes made him stand out in the crowd.
How did she not see him? Her pulse raced. Cole was the hottest flame and she, a fluttering mess of a moth. She wanted to run to him and throw her arms around him, but she didn’t know what he was thinking. Was he angry? Had he moved on? Did he even want to hear what she had to say?
Here goes nothing. She tentatively advanced toward him.
When Cole’s eyes met hers, he stepped back as if awkward in his own body. Elle continued, undeterred by his behavior and fueled with the determination to talk to him. To be close to him again—even if it was the last time.
She missed Cole so much that she had woken up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, searching for him. She couldn’t shake him. She wanted and needed him and no matter what happened in the past, they were so right for each other. But she had let him go, even when he wanted to stay and make their relationship work. She didn’t know if forgiving her was even an option anymore.
His body shifted as if he were deciding on whether to stand ground or take flight.
She gave herself an encouraging nod. This wasn’t going to be easy, but this wasn't the time to rethink her strategy. It was time for action and this time, Elle was going to fight for him. She would defend him from anyone who fucked with him, the way he did for her with her family. She’d protect him like he did that afternoon on the ski slopes. She’d hold him close and love him body and soul like the moments they shared at Lake Placid. She would leave the past behind and keep moving forward with him. That was, if he could forgive her and take her back.
“Hi.” She dialed her greeting down to cordial.
“Hey.” Cole blinked a few times. “What are you doing here?”
“I was invited.”
“Are you here with that guy?” His eyebrows knitted to the point where she thought he’d have permanent damage.
“Yes. I mean…sort of. That’s my friend Tess’s husband. I’m here with them. They’re the ones who invited me.”
Music and conversation bustled around them yet the silence between them was deafening.
“You look good, Elle.”
“Thanks, you too.” She needed to get it together. “And thanks for forwarding those clients to me. I’ll be able to do graphic design full-time now. You didn’t have to do that, especially after—”
“Glad to hear it. It was no problem.” He scratched his forehead with his thumb.
Elle cleared the frog tap-dancing on her tonsils. “I saw your paperwork was accepted. Congratulations.”
“I couldn’t have done it without your help. Thank you for keeping your word, despite everything that happened.”
“About that—”
Cole held up a hand. “We don’t have to rehash it.”
A woman swanned over and kissed his cheek. The woman in black delivered parting words to him and it was clear they weren’t together, but Elle’s initial jealousy almost had her tucking her tail and heading back to Tess.
“Are you here with anyone?” Elle asked when the woman left.
“After all that’s happened, that’s what you wanted to ask me?”
“No. I mean.” Elle wanted this to be easier. To win her man back…but this was foreign territory and that feeling of failure churned in her stomach. She inhaled. Come on girl. “Can we go somewhere and talk?”
“I’m leaving.”
Elle bit her lip to keep it from quivering. She peered down at his polished patent leather shoes. She had told Tess this was a bad idea and that she was too emotional to be here, much less reunite with Cole. It was over. He didn’t want to work things out. He didn’t want her to try anymore. Cole wanted to move on without her.
He touched her chin, lifting her gaze to meet his. “But I have time for one dance. Want to join me?”
“I’d like that.” Elle blinked back the tears distorting her vision.
He led her by the small of her back to the dance floor as a slow song played. They swayed to the rhythm of the music.
By her calculation, she had five minutes tops to talk to him.
“Why didn’t you take the money?”
“It was your Christmas gift. I was going to return it and tell you how I felt about you, but that all turned out… differently.”
She brushed his shoulder even though it was lint free.
“I miss you, Cole.” Elle felt a weight lift. It was the weight that kept all her emotions lodged in her chest. Tears she thought she had depleted over the last few days blurred her vision.
“I told you I loved you and you pretty much showed me the door.”
“I know I hurt you.”
“Hurt is what you do when you skin your knee, Elle. I’m in love with you and want to spend the rest of my life with you, and you pushed me away like that shit didn’t matter.”
He said he loves her—present tense. That had to be a good sign.
“You weren’t the only one I destroyed that day. I damaged me, too. I was so afraid I’d eventually lose you that I was so scared to have you. I couldn’t let go of my beliefs and what that said about me.”
Elle waited for him to say something, but he remained quiet.
“I’ve been a hypocrite. I was the woman who knowingly deceived her family. The woman who loves you but couldn't put the past aside.” She pleaded with his blue eyes. “I was so wrong, Cole.”
Cole continued to listen but offered her no words as they glided over the dance floor.
“You’ve protected me and despite my flaws you’ve loved me in every way. You helped make me stronger so I could stand up to my family and…” She tried to push the words past the lump constricting her throat. “I can live without you, Cole, but I don’t want to. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you. And I want to fight for us.”
Cole pulled her closer and for the first time since she’d seen him again, there was a true glimmer of hope.
Elle held her breath. “Can you ever forgive me?”
“I’ve already forgiven you.” He nuzzled her neck.
Elle’s entire body respired. “Do you still want to fight for us, too?”
“’Til the day I die, sweetness.” He kissed her lips and she never wanted to be apart from him again.
Elle held him so tight her arms ached.
EPILOUGE – One Year Later
Elle stood transfixed in front of the flat screen television that hung above the fireplace at her family’s vacation home in Lake Placid. She had missed this episode of The Dr. Ginger show. It was surreal seeing Cole on television this way. He was discussing sexual surrogacy for those who needed to overcome sexual trauma. Elle was proud of him for all he had accomplished in such a short time.
What a difference a year had made. Elle had gotten over Cole’s past and not only encouraged the work he was doing now with Dr. Ginger, but was his biggest fan. Dr. Ginger had seen his talent and expertise once they started working together, and he now co-hosted both the television and radio broadcast of The Dr. Ginger Show.
“Jeez, cuz. You can stop drooling over the television,” Holly called to her as she nestled next to her husband. Holly and Spencer had continued counseling and according to Holly, made some breakthroughs when they returned home after last year’s debacle. When her brother Jasper’s now ex-girlfriend ousted their martial problems, Elle wasn’t sure what would happen. But she was thrilled they decided to save their marriage.
“Is this episode any good?” Kimberly Cane, Jasper’s new girlfriend approached and watched the screen for a few seconds.
“They’re all good,” Elle stated.
Elle’s family really liked Kim, who joined them for their Lake Placid holiday vacation since Kim’s parents had decided on a holiday cruise. The Rudolph-Berry clan was glad to have Kim with them, and Elle was especially thrilled. Kim and Jasper had spent time in the city with Elle last summer. During a break in Elle’s busy travel schedule, the visit afforded Elle a chance to get to know Kim and her intentions toward her brother.
“Just let me know if the kids are coming so I can turn it down or off depending on what they’re talking about.” Elle scoured the family room for little ones.
“It’s like you’re addicted.” Kim joked and left her to plop down on a love seat next to Jasper.
“She is,” Jasper added and draped his arm around Kim’s shoulder.
Elle was happy to be with her family again for the holidays. They had made amends with the situation from last year and Elle promised she would never again hire someone to play her fake boyfriend for the holidays.
As she continued to watch the screen, she felt hands slide around her waist and Cole’s familiar fragrance filled her nostrils. “You can catch up on episodes anytime, sweetness.”
Elle scratched the 5’oclock shadow growing on his chin. “I know, honey, but I'm hooked.” She kissed his lips but her eyes were still glued to the screen.
“I’ve created a monster.” He nuzzled her neck. “It’s time to eat and you know how your mother gets about meal times.”
“I didn’t hear the bell.” No sooner did Elle say it that the dinner bell rang.
“See?” Cole laughed into her neck.
“Break it up newlyweds.” Jasper pretended to gag. “We’re about to eat. No one needs your tongue tennis as a visual.”
“Jasper,” Elle scolded.
She and Cole had a busy year. In March, they had travelled to meet his parents in Gambia, Africa, in between filming for Dr. Ginger’s show, attending Anil and Harper’s wedding, and moving in together. Cole’s parents flew in for their fall wedding, as did all her family. The exchange of their nuptials was a large, quickly put together, yet intimate and emotional affair.
Even now Elle got goose bumps when she remembered how Cole looked in his tuxedo, waiting for her at the altar. He had been so dapper. The tears had fallen from his eyes when he saw her, dressed in her white mermaid gown, as she approached. Elle could barely see through the curtain of tears, impeding her ability to march straight down the aisle, but her father’s protective arm guided her.
Now they were back at Lake Placid for the holidays and Cole pulled her to the dinner table to join the family and break bread.
“Are you guys going to ski again this year? This time Cole can babysit Elle on the slopes,” Jasper teased.
“Elle won’t be skiing this year,” Cole declared.
“What’s wrong Elle, did you hurt yourself sexing Cole all summer?” Holly taunted.
“Holly.” Aunt Joy reprimanded. “Not at the table.”
“She just needs to be a little careful.” Cole suggested and kissed her hand.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait? Are you?” Holly couldn't get the words out.
“Noelle?” Shandra held a h
opeful breath.
“I am.” Elle revealed. “We’re expecting.”
“I knew it! I told Jasper and Anil that you guys would be pregs before you even got married,” Holly shouted. She was up and out of her seat, hugging Elle in seconds.
Cole beamed proudly at her. “We’re really excited.”
When Elle had told Cole, she had been nervous as hell because they had just gotten married. And though she knew he wanted children, she didn’t know if it was too soon for him. The night she had delivered the news he was so happy he wept right into her belly and made love to her all night.
“I’m going to be a grandma.” Elle’s mother started to cry, and her father embraced her.
Dinner was interrupted but no one cared. They were all so excited about the new addition that would be arriving late spring.
“Congratulations, Cole.” Terrence Rudolph shook Cole’s hand so hard that Elle thought her husband might lose his arm.
“Thank you, sir.” Cole’s boyish smile warmed her heart.
Cole’s arm found her shoulders and he squeezed her against him. “I think they took that well,” he whispered.
“Yeah.” Elle embraced his waist and hooked her finger into one of his belt loops.
Later that night as they snuggled in bed together Cole molded her to him. “Thank you for making me the happiest man on planet earth.” He used one of her lines.
“Funny.” Elle tapped her nose. “I was about to say the same thing to you.”
He kissed her tenderly and then Elle broke away. “Oh, it’s after midnight. It’s Christmas! I have something for you.”
“You have given me every gift that I could ever hope for or want. You’ve accepted my hand in marriage, you’re carrying our child, and my family has grown exponentially.”
