She gave me a sympathetic look. “I’ll visit you again soon, and then you’ll visit me.”
“Could you at least mention me to those high school mean girls, though? Talk me up a bit, tell them how crazy you are about me?”
“I can do that.”
I took a sip of tea, wishing I could be there to show off my success in person. I wasn’t flashy in the least, but I had half a mind to show up in a rented Rolls Royce dripping in Tiffany diamonds next time I was in town. “Tell me they’re all washed-up hussies who popped out eight kids by twenty-five and never moved out of town.”
Looking exasperated, she rolled her eyes. “That, I can’t do. They’re doing pretty well for themselves, actually.” She paused. “Not as well as you, but – ”
“That’s all I needed to hear.” I gloated. “I’m going to stick with my mental image of them, so thanks.”
“You’ve seen them. You’re just bitter.” She sighed. “Anyway, how’s Spotty doing?”
“You mean SpotBot?”
“He’s called Spotty for short.”
I glared at her image. “No, he’s not.”
“He is now.”
“I created him, and I say he doesn’t have a nickname.”
“Too late, because I already nicknamed him.” She covered her mouth with her hand as if that’d hide her giggle.
I narrowed my eyes at her. Spotty, my ass. “SpotBot is doing well,” I said. “I spent most of the day talking with officials from different state agencies who are interested in buying a model.”
“Isn’t it going to be weird when there are fifty of him and they’re all over the place?”
“No, not really. There’ll just be more of him to love.”
Poppy rolled her eyes. “But he’s like your pet. Doesn’t it feel like you’re cloning your pet?”
“It didn’t until you just said that,” I laughed. “I think it’ll be fine, since all the ‘clones’ will be in different locations.”
“But won’t it be weird to see fifty of him in one place at the manufacturing plant?”
“I’ll get over it,” I said. “I think any weirdness is going to be overshadowed by how much great work he’s going to do.”
I smiled to myself, embarrassed to be proud of my own accomplishment. There were so many things SpotBot would be able to help with. I couldn’t wait to get him out there and actually doing things, rather than just testing him over and over and performing demonstrations.
“The one thing I’m worried about is fifty times the repair requests,” I said. “As much as we’ve debugged him, I’m sure there are going to be problems with his code.”
“You’ve been working on that robot night and day for how many years again?” she asked, shaking her head. “You’re going to be just fine.”
“I guess I’m just a single-minded person,” I said. “I get a little obsessed with something, and I dedicate myself to it.”
“Like me?” she asked, half-teasing, half-shy.
“Like you.”
*
Another day, another Skype call. As much as I wanted to see her in person again, I couldn’t pick up everything and fly to Grass Cove. Even for her, the trip was hardly worth it unless she took at least the Friday afternoon off work – especially given her fear of flying. And at this point in her career, she didn’t think “being madly in love” was enough of a reason to use up her sick days.
“What are you up to this weekend?” I asked, sitting at my kitchen table with my chin in my hand.
I’d set up my phone on a stand across from me, so that it almost felt like I was talking to Poppy over a casual breakfast. Since it was a Saturday, we’d probably end up talking for hours.
“I’m going to see my parents.” The screen showed her sitting upright in bed. “My mom isn’t doing too well.”
My heart skipped a beat. “What happened to her?”
“She’s okay,” she said carefully. “She just, well, she had a minor stroke the other day.”
“Oh, no.” I didn’t even know what to say. Poor Theresa. And poor Gary. Not to mention poor Poppy, who was biting her lip as if fighting back tears. “What about you? Are you okay?”
“I’ll be fine,” she said. “It just came as a shock. It happened out of nowhere. I was at work like any other day, and then the principal’s office was paging me. Next thing I knew I was in the hospital holding my mom’s hand, and she was so pale. One side of her face wasn’t working, and she was slurring her words.”
“Oh my God.” I couldn’t believe she hadn’t told me immediately.
“She’s going to be all right,” Poppy said. “She got checked out right away, and the doctors said it’s relatively common. She only had to spend one night in the hospital, and she’s doing great with her rehab exercises.”
I sucked in one ragged breath after another. Poppy shouldn’t have had to deal with all of this alone.
“I’ll fly out there,” I said, making a rapid decision. “I’ll be on the first flight.”
“No, Leah, I already booked mine to come see you in a couple weeks. My mom’s okay. I’ll be at work, so I won’t be able to spend time with you. You won’t be able to do anything, and you can’t just ditch your job like that.”
I slumped in my chair. She was right.
And yet, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I should’ve been there for her.
Seventeen – Poppy
“Why aren’t you going to be here this afternoon, Ms. Barnes?” Adele asked, waving her hand in the air as if she ever waited for me to call on her.
I leaned on my desk. I’d hoped that word wouldn’t get out about me taking the afternoon off and the substitute teacher would be able to slip into my place without any fuss, but word had apparently gotten around. Somehow, to my constant perplexity, these fourth-graders were more tapped into the school grapevine than I could ever hope to be.
“I’m going to be out of town,” I said, hoping Adele would leave it at that.
The kids liked having substitute teachers because they thought they could get away with doing less work, but they also worried I was sick or that something was wrong. Last time I’d taken a day off for a doctor’s visit, they’d interrogated me for what felt like hours about whether I was “really, truly” going to be okay.
“Where are you going?” Adele asked, bright-eyed.
I sighed. The same curiosity that made her my star student was also exasperating when she turned it toward my personal life. “I’ll be visiting a friend in San Francisco,” I said.
“You have friends?” a boy in the second row asked.
Before I could finish rolling my eyes, Adele had whipped around to correct him. “Of course Ms. Barnes has friends. We already saw one of her friends. She showed us the robot, remember?” Her eyes lit up, and she turned back to me. “Oh! Didn’t the robot lady live in San Francisco? Is she who you’re going to visit?”
“Mind your own business” was at the tip of my tongue, but I kept my mouth shut and simply smiled instead. I picked up James and the Giant Peach, the book we’d been reading, and waved it silently at the class.
Adele paid no attention to my nonverbal cue. “Are you going to play with robots?” She looked thrilled at the mere possibility.
“Ms. Barnes,” a quieter girl in the same row whispered, “is that lady your special friend?”
My cheeks heated, and I decided to ditch the subtlety. “Books open,” I called out. “Page 149. Derek, you’re reading first.”
*
A month to the day after the last time I’d seen Leah, she was finally, finally back in my arms. “I missed you so bad it hurt,” I said into her gorgeous, perfectly-scented hair. “Let’s never go this long without seeing each other again, okay?”
“Sounds good to me.”
She gave me a long kiss filled with all the passion I could’ve ever hoped for. I kissed her back, hard, not caring if the entire airport saw. I was in love, and that was nothing to be ashamed of. I pushed Am
anda and Julie’s doubts out of my mind. This was working right now, and it was going to keep working.
Leah took my hand and led me toward the exit. “The plane ride wasn’t too bad, was it?”
It’d been far from pleasant, but… “Seeing you is worth it.” I’d actually taken an allergy pill to knock me out for the duration of the flight, and it’d helped a little. Now I was still drowsy, though, and I only had so much time to spend with her.
I wouldn’t have told her this, but I felt a little pressure to make the visit worth it for her, too. She’d paid for everything, like last time, and I also knew she would’ve been working if I hadn’t been here. She seemed to work around sixty hours a week, if not more.
“You didn’t have to rent a car to pick me up,” I told her as she pulled her keys out of her purse in the parking lot. “I’d be perfectly capable of taking the BART.”
The lights on a Jetta flashed, and she opened the door for me. “I wanted to,” she said. “Besides, I’ll be shuttling you all over town so we can do all that tourist stuff we talked about.”
“Oh, we’re finally going to do that? Not just hide out at your place?”
“That could be another option.” She pecked me on the lips, then turned the key in the ignition. “How’s your mom?”
That was the first thing she asked me every time we talked. Mom had basically gone back to normal about a week after her stroke, and so far it looked like she was going to stay that way. “She’s good,” I said. “No changes since you asked me the same thing yesterday.”
“Well, I have to check.”
“She’s talking about doing some substitute teaching soon,” I said. “I told her just not to do it at my school.”
Leah laughed, and some of the pressure on my heart eased. Truth be told, Mom had given me a major scare. I’d always known in theory that my parents were mortal, but it was different when you actually saw them in the hospital, struggling to form sentences.
“I’ll tell her you said hi,” I said.
As Leah drove, I took the opportunity to drink the sight of her in. She was in the same blazer she’d worn in the fall – last time I’d seen her, it’d been cold enough for a winter jacket. Her hair was down, and it seemed to be a tiny bit longer. She wore light make-up that looked like it’d recently been touched up, and I warmed inside at the thought that she’d done that for me.
I could hardly wait to get my hands on her, and I wondered how I’d ever doubted the passion between us. It’d laid dormant for so long, but now I could feel a burning in my core whenever I was around her. If anything, I felt more passionate because it’d taken us so long to get together. I’d known her inside and out before anything had ever happened between us, and I’d fallen for her soul long before her body.
Even if she’d fallen for both, years ago. It still felt strange to know how long she’d had a crush on me and how strong her feelings had been. I kept having flashbacks of things she’d said and done when we were teens, and it pained me to know how oblivious I’d been.
Once we were back at her place, we were barely in the door before our clothes began to come off. The garments fell in a scattered trail on the way to her bedroom, and we had nothing on by the time we reached the bed.
Fingers and tongues collided with skin and flesh. With her wetness on my hands and in my mouth, her musky scent hung thick in the air. Arousal pulsed through my core until we’d satisfied each other over… and over… and over.
“Holy shit,” I sighed when it was over. “That was insane.”
“It always is with you.” She lay on her side, tracing a finger down my arm. “I still can’t believe I have you.”
My heart twisted, and not in a good way. Fuck, it made me feel guilty when she said things like that. She’d tormented herself over me for so long, and I hadn’t even known. Meanwhile, as soon as I’d realized what was in front of me, she’d handed herself to me on a platter. It hardly seemed fair.
Even when I’d found out she was into me, I hadn’t even jumped at the amazing opportunity. I’d had to think about it and debate with myself, open my eyes to the fact that I was actually in love with her. I still felt terrible about the pain I’d caused her that first night.
Instead of ordering in, I cooked dinner for her. I didn’t say anything about my reasons, but I hoped this could be one small step toward making up for what I’d done. I’d never be able to take away the pain, but I still planned to adore and cherish her every day for the rest of my life.
“This is delicious,” she said, slurping potato soup from her spoon.
She looked so cute with a drop of soup on the corner of her mouth. I had the sudden urge to kiss it off, so I went ahead and did it. She kissed me back, humming with happiness.
I stroked her cheek, letting her hair brush against the backs of my fingers. I was happy, too – but something felt off. My happiness wasn’t as genuine or pure as hers, and I felt fucking terrible about it.
*
That night, I struggled to fall asleep. The allergy medication had knocked me out on the plane. I’d been so tired afterward, barely keeping my eyes open while I hung out with Leah. Now I lay awake, replaying parts of the day in my mind.
The morning had been fine, even if the kids had been annoyingly nosy. The flight had been bearable, even if I’d still bitten my nails through the part that I was awake. Being back in Leah’s arms was incredible… even if I couldn’t shake my guilt over not getting here sooner.
What was the future of this relationship, anyway? Where would we be six months from now? A year? I could spend more time with her over the summer, when I wouldn’t be working, but what’d happen after that?
I couldn’t do the long-distance thing forever. My high school friends had a point – it didn’t work long-term, only a temporary stopgap measure. It was hard enough not seeing Leah every day now, and we’d only been together for a little while. I needed a partner who could be a stable fixture in my life, not someone who’d always be just far enough out of reach to make my heart ache.
Leah hadn’t mentioned anything about either of us moving, but it had to be on her mind as much as mine. As deeply as she felt for me, this kind of relationship wouldn’t be enough for her long-term, either.
My job was in Grass Cove. My friends… my family. My parents weren’t going to live forever, and I wanted to be with them. What if one of them got seriously sick, or even… died? My throat choked up, and a tear dripped onto the pillow. I’d spent my whole life in Wyoming, and as much as I wanted to be with Leah, I wanted her there – not the other way around. I didn’t want to move.
And neither did Leah. She had SpotBot and PupTech, Neeta and Hanna and Jasmine. She’d forged a life for herself here, and she wouldn’t want to leave it. She’d already experienced life in Grass Cove, and it hadn’t worked for her. How could I even consider dragging her back to that?
I rolled from one side to the other, pausing to admire her sleeping form. She was so beautiful, so perfect, and I wanted nothing more than to be with her forever. But how was that going to be possible?
She gave a soft snore, and my heart broke. She was too adorable for words. And more than that, she was too good for me. Even if we loved each other, was that enough? Couldn’t two people in love just not be right for each other?
If the situation was different, or if the timing had been different, things could’ve worked out. But right now, lying there wide awake and staring at the ceiling, I couldn’t see a future for us. I just couldn’t.
And what was the point of the present, if we weren’t going to have a future?
Eighteen – Leah
The weekend was over way too fast. I’d waited what felt like a million years to see Poppy again, and once she’d finally gotten here, it felt like the whole time lasted only a few minutes.
I’d tried to savor every moment with her, and for the most part, I had. The sex had been spectacular, and the time we’d spent together outside of the bedroom was just as good. I c
ould’ve talked to Poppy all day every day without getting bored, even with our clothes on, so it was heavenly to get to do that with our clothes off.
Something had been off, though. Just a tiny bit. Someone who didn’t know Poppy as well as I did wouldn’t have noticed anything. Even to me, the slight decrease in her bubbliness hadn’t been obvious. It’d taken her a millisecond longer to laugh after I made a joke, and her voice was infinitesimally softer than usual. She’d been a little withdrawn, and that wasn’t like her in the least.
Now we were at the airport, and I tried to wrap my mind around the fact that I didn’t know when I’d see her again. I planned to fly out to Grass Cove as soon as I could, but that wasn’t saying much. Work kept me so busy, I’d barely managed to take this full weekend off. Finding the time to travel anytime soon was going to be tough.
It hardly seemed fair. I’d been in love with her for so long, and now that I finally had her, I never got to see her. Being with her was better than even my wildest dreams… and I only ever got enough of her to make me crave her more. These weekends together were nothing more than a tease, not nearly enough to satisfy me.
I clung to her hand as we stepped forward in the check-in line. I was going to miss her terribly, and I hoped she knew that. My bed didn’t feel right without her in it. My apartment was desolately quiet without her there.
“You have to let go,” she said softly. “I need to check in.”
My stomach twisted, but I stepped off to the side. I watched her as she spoke to the ticket agent, memorizing every detail of her face. She still looked sad, and although that could’ve been from having to leave me, I suspected there was more to it than that.
She came back to me, and as she squeezed both of my hands in hers, I saw her swallow.
“You have your allergy medication?” I asked. “I don’t want you to have a hard time sleeping on the plane.”
“I have it.”
“And your snacks? Do you want to get more? We still have a little time.”
The Marriage Contract Page 10
