“I’m allowed more than a week,” I grumbled.
And I did have plans tonight – with my parents. Since I’d realized they were mortal, I wanted to spend as much time with them as I could. I savored every moment with them – and a side benefit was that I didn’t have to be alone right now.
They’d been devastated to hear I’d broken up with Leah, and I had a strong feeling they thought I should get back with her. Luckily they had the good sense to stay out of my love life. If they were the type to interfere, they would’ve lectured me about it more than Mary was currently doing.
“It takes you a week to get over, what, a two- or three-month relationship? No, it shouldn’t take that long.” She paused. “Unless this girl was the one, or something.”
I sat up straight. “What are you trying to say?”
“Nothing. Nothing.” She looked around innocently. “Just that you’re pretty upset about this, considering you were the one who broke up with Leah.”
I didn’t want to imagine how she had to be feeling right now. She probably had it even worse than me, and that’d be pretty damn bad. “I can still be upset even if I initiated the break-up. It sucks, but it’s the only way. It’s better for both of us to have broken things off early. I just need a little time to heal.”
“The only way? Really?” She shook her head. “You can’t think of one single way you guys could’ve managed to stay together?”
“No.”
She rolled her eyes. “Then you didn’t try very hard, which means you didn’t actually care about her too much, which means you need to stop wallowing in self-pity.”
“Self-pity!” I sputtered. “You need to check yourself. You’re making some pretty huge leaps of logic.”
“Am I? Or do you not want to hear the truth?” She stepped back, crossing her arms. “You’re crazy about Leah. I could see it from the first time I met her. You barely paid attention to anyone else at your birthday party, and you were burning with jealousy when you thought her friend was her girlfriend.”
“So I liked her. So what? I did date her, and now it’s over.”
She shook her head. “I’ve never seen you as happy as you were with her. Never. Even with the long distance, you were constantly talking about things she’d said or showing me pictures she’d sent you. You never shut up about the things you did together or how amazing she was.”
“I’m glad me being happy qualifies as ‘never shutting up,’” I grumbled.
“You know what I mean,” she said gently. “You were in love with her. You still are. You didn’t seem half this sad when you broke up with Kerry.”
She had me there, and I’d admit that was a little strange. “That relationship had run its course,” I said, trying to explain it to myself as well as her. “This one had barely gotten started. We only really spent three weekends together as a couple, and the third doesn’t count because I was thinking the whole time about how I had to break up with her.”
“Then why not let it run its course?”
“Because that’d only be worse!” I was sure I was right, even if no one else seemed to understand this. “If we got in deeper, it’d only be harder when it ended.”
“Like it was harder when you and Kerry split up?”
I bit my lip. She did have a point there. “I’m on my healing journey,” I said softly. “I’ll be back to my usual self in a little while. Just give me some time.”
“You wouldn’t have to heal if you got back with her.”
“She wouldn’t take me back,” I said automatically.
“Ah.” Mary’s eyes lit up as if I’d said something of vital importance. “That’s the real issue, isn’t it?”
“What? No. Of course not.”
I didn’t want to get back with Leah. Our relationship would eventually end, and then I’d have to go through this pain all over again. I was already feeling a little better about things – even if I still teared up every time I was alone.
“If I were to tell you she’d take you back, no questions asked, what would you do?”
I glared at her. “Tell me you’re not thinking of getting involved in this. It’s between me and her, not you.”
“It’s a hypothetical question, Poppy. Would you want her back?”
“Of course I’d want her, but…” I hesitated. The thought of going back to how we’d been was so tempting. We’d had so little time together. Wouldn’t it be amazing to enjoy some more time with her for its own sake? And wasn’t possible that we could somehow figure out a way to stay together?
“That’s what I thought.” She lifted an eyebrow as if she’d made a major point. “You still want to be with her. Your relationship didn’t run its course. You had an easier break-up when your relationship did run its course, so why are you doing this to yourself, again?”
“I…” I blinked. “It’s better this way.”
“Is it? Is it really?”
Before I could respond, she’d left the classroom – and despite my best efforts, I found myself thinking about what she’d said.
*
I lay in bed awake, which was quickly becoming my usual habit. I’d gotten less sleep this week than in any other in the past, with the possible exception of exam week in college. Even Late Night Talk Time didn’t put me to sleep. Ken Lawrence’s calm, deep voice only irritated me.
This time, rather than being sad about the ending of my relationship, I was tossing and turning over the idea of undoing that ending. Mary’s arguments had planted a seed in my mind, and it was slowly taking root.
Why shouldn’t I at least talk to Leah? I was utterly miserable right now, and talking to her couldn’t make things any worse. Even if she told me she hated me, or that she’d already moved on, it’d give me closure.
I doubted she’d say any of those things, though. Our split had been so one-sided. Wouldn’t it be fair to at least hear what she had to say? I was sure she’d been thinking about me a lot. Maybe she’d come up with an idea about how we could stay together.
I rolled out of bed and put on the kettle. If I was to be completely honest, I had an idea of my own. I could quit my job, pack my stuff, and move to San Francisco. It was the only way that made sense.
I loved my life here. My family, my friends, my job… But I’d grown up and left the nest – my parents would understand if I couldn’t see them all the time anymore. My friends could keep in touch. And I could always find a new job in California, maybe even a better one.
My heart beat harder as I poured boiling water over a teabag. I’d resisted the thought before because I knew that picking up my life and moving across the country would be hard. I hadn’t thought it’d be worth it.
But I was beginning to realize that Leah was worth it. What we had was worth it.
I wasn’t going to find a relationship like this with anyone else. Mary was right – I’d never been so happy. I was constantly smiling when she was around, and when she wasn’t, I was laughing over her emails and texts. She was good to me. Good for me.
I’d dated plenty of people in my life, and I’d never had a connection like what I had with Leah. She’d been there since day one, literally, and she’d known how great we could be together long before I had. Our connection was special, and I’d trampled all over it and threw it in the trash.
I should’ve been willing to move anywhere for that woman. I shouldn’t even have given it a second thought. My parents were my parents, and while they were incredibly important to me, even they didn’t want me to put my life on hold for their sake. It said something that they’d encouraged me to date Leah.
Clutching my tea between both hands, I froze. I’d been so terrible to Leah when I hadn’t realized she was into me, and now I was doing the same thing again. I’d neglected her so terribly, and then I’d treated her like she was nothing.
How could I get back with her, knowing I’d probably hurt her again and again? How could I even ask her for that, considering the type of person I was?
I couldn’t reach out to Leah, as much as I wanted to. She was good for me.
But clearly, I was no good for her.
Twenty-Two – Leah
“Let me see those pictures again.” I reached for Neeta’s phone, which had the Tinder app open. “There’s no way she was four feet tall.”
“I swear to God,” she said, putting her feet up on the couch. “That’s why I was so surprised!”
“But how could you not notice the whole time you were sitting at the bar with her?”
“I could tell she was short, but not that short!”
“So, no second date?”
“I mean, we had a good conversation, but I’d never stop feeling like I was out with a ten-year-old.”
I laughed softly. I still hadn’t managed to completely get my sense of humor back, but two weeks after the break-up, I could at least chuckle a little. Even if the wound hurt like hell, it was beginning to scar over.
These late-night hang-outs at Neeta’s place were less depressing than they’d been at first. We discussed other topics besides Poppy, and I wasn’t in tears the whole time. Still, the slightest thing could send me over the edge.
“What about you?” Neeta asked. “Are you thinking about getting back out there yet?”
I gulped. The thought alone made me uncomfortable, and I didn’t particularly want to discuss it. “I’m not ready. I don’t know if I’ll ever be.”
“It could be good for you.”
“No, I don’t think so.” My heart squeezed. “The love of my life broke up with me. I’m not going to be up for casual dating for a while. Besides, it wouldn’t be fair to whoever I met up with. They’d go home and laugh to their friends about that weirdo who was so hung up on her ex.”
“Fair enough.” She picked up her beer and ran a finger through the condensation, making no move to take a sip. “Have you thought about reaching out to Poppy?”
“No. She asked me for no contact, so that’s what I’m doing.” I didn’t want to bother her or invade her space – plus it’d be like the break-up all over again if she told me to leave her alone.
“No contact forever, though?” She finally took a quick sip. “If she’s really the love of your life, don’t you think it’s worth giving it another try?”
“That’s not a decision for me to make.” My heart was breaking a little more with every second. “Could we talk about something else, please? Are you chatting with any other girls on Tinder?”
“Yeah, one or two.”
I spaced out as she told me about them, barely seeing the pictures she showed me on her phone.
“Leah, are you still thinking about Poppy?”
That got through to me, and I coughed in guilty shame. “Um… yes.”
She grabbed my phone, which was sitting on the coffee table. “Call her.”
“No. No way.”
“Do it. Call her.”
I glared at her. “I already said no. What’s wrong with you?”
“What’s wrong is that I’m sick of sitting here and watching you make the biggest mistake of your life!” She sounded more vehement than I’d expected. “I thought no one could be as great as you’d built her up to be. I thought you’d realize that and get over her. But you didn’t.”
“I’ve made progress.”
“Sure, suppressing your emotions.” She glared at me. “You think I don’t notice you’re still constantly on the verge of tears? That’s not normal, Leah. You’re still in love with her, and I have a feeling you might always be.”
“What am I supposed to do? She broke up with me.”
“So fight for her!” She stood up, squeezing her fists. “You had what all of us search for – true love. And she loved you back, you know she did! She might’ve broken it off, but you’ll never know if she might reconsider if you never fucking try.”
“She made her choice…”
“And you didn’t try to talk her out of it. You own your company! You don’t think you could move your center of operations to Grass Cove if you really wanted to? You couldn’t even open a branch there?”
I’d thought about that, too, but… “She broke up with me,” I said again, weakly.
She picked up the phone and held it out to me. “Call her. Go back to your place if you want. Just stop being stupid and call her.”
*
I went back to my place, annoyed with Neeta’s pushiness – and with the fact that she was right.
I had given up too easily. I’d been so shocked and hurt by Poppy breaking up with me that I’d just let her go without even trying to fight for her. Even if her decision had seemed final at the time, I had no idea if she’d thought about things or reconsidered. She was well aware of my no-getting-back-together stance, so there was a good chance she wouldn’t reach out to me even if she wanted to.
But didn’t one of us have to? I paced around my apartment, shaking my head at myself. I’d thought she was the only one for me… that we were soul mates. If I really believed that, weren’t we actually fated to get back together?
I was getting silly now. I didn’t believe in things like fate or soul mates. I was a scientist, for God’s sake, an engineer. And yet when it came to Poppy, all of my logic and reason went out the window.
I grabbed my phone. Before I could stop myself, I’d dialed a number.
Not hers. I was going to respect her wishes for no contact… and maybe I also wasn’t ready to hear her voice.
The number I called was Ken Lawrence’s, the host of Late Night Talk Time. He picked up, sounding sleepy. I kicked myself for not realizing how late it was. He was an older guy, and he’d probably been in bed.
“I’m so sorry to bother you,” I said. “This is Leah Perry from PupTech. I had an interview with you a few months ago.”
“You’re not bothering me. I gave you my personal cell number for a reason.” He stifled a yawn. “How can I help you?”
“Well, I was hoping I might be able to come back for another interview. Not about SpotBot this time.”
“Oh? What’s going on?” He sounded intrigued, as if he’d just sat up to grab a pen and start jotting notes.
“I need to get my girlfriend back. I mean, my ex-girlfriend. The one you met when I came in. She’s a huge fan of yours, and I thought – ”
“Say no more.”
*
The next morning, I took a seat in the sound booth where I’d first been interviewed months ago. My heartbeat picked up as I slid on the headphones. I only had one shot at this, so I had to make this good.
Ken was being more than generous by allowing me a few minutes on his show. This was a hugely popular show with hundreds of thousands of listeners. It got booked weeks in advance, if not months, and he was cutting another interview short to let me speak.
I knew Poppy liked to wind down her nights listening to him. She’d be utterly shocked when she tuned in and heard me talking about her. Realizing I was holding my breath, I let out a long exhale. This was going to go fine. What could possibly go wrong?
Making eye contact with me, Ken tapped his microphone. “Now, we’re going to take a short break from our regularly-scheduled program. A guest I had a few months ago is back to visit, but she’s here to talk about something else entirely. Leah Perry from PupTech has an issue with her personal life, and she’s hoping the right person’s going to hear it. Go ahead, Leah.”
I took a deep breath. “I came here to talk about the best friend I’ve ever had – the one I was briefly lucky enough to call my girlfriend, Poppy Barnes.”
“So it’s over? What happened?” Ken prompted.
“She broke up with me.” I swallowed a lump in my throat. “Her mom got sick, and I think that made her feel like she had to choose between us. I didn’t make it clear how much I value her. I didn’t realize myself that I’d do anything to stay
with her. Even if that meant moving across the country.”
“But how could you move when you run a business right here in San Francisco?”
“I could sell it.” My throat was tight, but I knew the words were true. “I could have someone else take over while I stay on in a consulting role. I could even start a new company, build a new robot. I could be anywhere in the country, even Grass Cove.”
“That’s your hometown, right? You weren’t happy to get the eff out of Dodge?”
“Oh, I was.” I chuckled. “But I’ve realized I could be happy there with the right person. And there’s only one right person for me.”
Ken hit a button on his control panel, and a chorus of “awws” came through my headphones.
“Poppy, if you’re listening, I don’t want you to feel pressured or uncomfortable. I told you I wouldn’t contact you, and I’m sticking to that. But you said you would’ve been with me if you could see a future for us, so I’m telling you now that we could have one. The ball’s in your court.”
Ken nodded. “That’s about all the time we have for you, Leah. In fact, we’ve already gone overtime. Is there anything else you’d like to say to Poppy?”
I leaned closer to the mic. “I love you,” I whispered. “You’re my soul mate.”
“A beautiful love story,” Ken said. “We’ll be crossing our fingers for updates from Leah and Poppy.” He hit a button, then took off his headphones. “I really do wish you the best. Let me know how it goes for you two, would you? Even if we don’t put you on the air again, I’m personally invested now.”
“You sure are.” I tried to smile. “Thanks so much for letting me do this.”
My legs were shaky as I walked out of the building.
I’d done all I could now. All there was left to do was to wait.
Twenty-Three – Poppy
“Poppy, are you listening to Late Night Talk Time right now?”
I frowned. Mary never called me this late, and definitely not to ask whether I was listening to a particular radio show. “No, I haven’t been listening to it lately.” It reminds me too much of Leah, I decided not to add.
The Marriage Contract Page 12
