by Jazz Taylor
“Like a speaking part? Not the crew?”
“Yep.”
“Oh God, so I gotta hear this for six months?”
“Six weeks.” I grab my script and turn away from him. “Now I have to practice. Go away.”
“Why’d you try out? I thought you hated singing in front of people.”
What is Andrew’s deal today? He’s not even on his phone. “What do you want?”
“Nothing. Just curious,” Andrew says. “I just know how you can get when you’re stressed. I don’t wanna deal with it.”
Man, what a jerk. I sit up straighter and take my headphones off. “Dad says I can do it.”
“Yeah, well.” Andrew finally moves to the door, thank goodness. “Dad’s an optimist. I’m realistic.” He puts his hands in his pockets but doesn’t leave. He looks deep in thought.
“What now?” I finally ask.
He looks at me. I’m surprised when he’s not smiling. “Don’t do it for Dad. Do it for you.”
What’s that supposed to mean? I’ve already tried out. It’s too late. “Okay?”
Andrew waves and leaves. Without closing my door. Ugh.
I slump against my desk chair. I don’t get Andrew sometimes. Before we moved, he was a nice brother. We played Pokémon together (even though he never let me win). He’d take me to the movies. But since the move, he’s been awful. And now what’s this? Giving me advice? Andrew doesn’t know anything about theater. He played basketball at his old school. Maybe that’s part of what’s wrong. He’s not playing basketball now and has too much time to annoy me.
I practice a little more, until I’m satisfied I know Juliet’s part on the first song. I climb into bed, but right before I fall asleep, I remember what Andrew said. Don’t do it for Dad. Do it for you. But why? Dad was really excited. I can get excited about it too, after more practice maybe. It’s a long time before I fall asleep, but I take it as a good sign the song is stuck in my head until I do.
“With more feeling, Miss Williams,” Mrs. Thompson scolds me on our third run-through of the script. I’m supposed to be saying a line about how hard it is to love the rival donut shop’s donuts more than the ones your parents make, but I’m almost at my limit. Everyone is staring at me. My armpits are a sweaty pool. I want to go home. I’m about to faint.
The bell rings, mercifully, and everyone starts packing up their bags. I sink into my chair, breathing raggedly. My script is damp from my palms. This isn’t working.
It’s been a couple of days since I got the part and my whole life fell apart. I’ve been getting better at reading my part in class, but when I look up and see them watching me, I get freaked out. I hope I can fix this before Valentine’s Day, because otherwise this play is gonna suck. And what’s worse is that Nic hasn’t looked at me in two days. She probably wants nothing to do with me since she saw me freak out. It figures—I get a terrible part in the play, I have a panic attack that makes Dad worry, and my crush thinks I’m disgusting. The trifecta of suckiness. Maybe I’m cursed. Maybe I kicked puppies in a past life and this is my punishment.
I wait for everyone to leave before visiting Phantom. I play with her for a while—I wish I could get her cat toys, but she seems happy enough batting around bits of paper with me—but the whole time I’m listening for Harper. I haven’t seen her since we talked, and I’m kinda disappointed. She seemed cool, and maybe we could be friends. Maybe. If I don’t have a panic attack around her, I guess. Which I have a bad track record for so far.
I wait until four thirty, but Harper doesn’t come, so I close Phantom’s door and head home. It’s getting dark already. Dad would kill me if he knew I wasn’t home. Lucky for me that Andrew isn’t home either, so he can’t snitch on me.
I’m passing the park by my house when I hear someone call my name. I turn in surprise, and my stomach does a funny flip—it’s Nic. She’s running toward me, out of breath. I shuffle my feet uncertainly. What does she want? I thought she didn’t want anything to do with me anymore …
Nic catches up to me, panting. She meets my eyes, and I’m even more surprised to see she’s almost crying.
“Hey, Avery.” She takes a shaky breath and stands up taller. Her expression is focused and solemn. “I’m sorry for what I did. I’m really sorry.”
I blink at her uncertainly. “Umm … what did you do?”
Nic’s resolve crumbles, and she looks confused. “I made you have that breakdown, remember? It’s all my fault. I thought you knew about the results, but you didn’t, and I made you go through something awful. I’ve been trying to talk to you, but I thought you might be mad. But I had to apologize.”
I stare at her for a full three seconds before a laugh bubbles out of me. “Nic, that’s not how it works. At all.”
Nic searches my face anxiously. “What do you mean?”
“You didn’t make me have a panic attack.” I wipe my eyes, still grinning. “It’s more of a … me thing.”
“I still don’t understand. I told you about getting the part, and then …”
“Sometimes I get really stressed out,” I explain. “And my body freaks out. It’s not your fault.”
“Oh.” Nic’s face crumples with relief. “I’m so glad. I mean, I’m glad that it wasn’t my fault. I felt terrible. I haven’t slept in two days, you know.”
The last of my laughter is gone, and suddenly I’m aware that I’m talking to Nic again, all alone, in front of a park. Heat fills my face, and I inch toward home. “Umm, well, I should go—”
“Wait! Is that why you can’t talk sometimes? Because you’re stressed?”
Oh man, hitting me with the hard questions. It’s getting dark and I’m starting to feel sweaty and light-headed. “I—I have to go! Bye!”
Nic says something, but I take off running. I run all the way home, up my steps, and into my room. I’m panting, my lungs restricting, but I’m grinning. Nic Pearson talked to me! And I didn’t pass out! And she doesn’t hate me! I grab my pillow and scream into it, dancing in a circle. I did it. I talked to Harper and Nic in one week. Maybe I’m getting better!
Maybe Nic and I can be friends after all.
“So, do you like him?” Nic says, her tone playful.
“Yeah,” I say, my eyes glued to my script. “I like him a lot.”
“He is pretty cute,” Nic continues. I look up from my script, and she’s smiling at me. “Eleven out of ten.”
Why am I so hot all of a sudden? We’re just reading our parts for the play. She’s Juliet’s best friend, and I’m Juliet. I gotta focus. “There’s no point in having a scale if you’re just gonna break it.”
“Don’t be so uptight!” Nic laughs and I swear my heart is beating triple time. She has dimples. I never noticed until now. She leans closer, even though we’re sitting across the room from each other. “So, have you kissed him yet?”
The bell rings, and thank God because I am definitely not thinking about kissing Romeo.
“Good job today!” Mrs. Thompson yells over everyone packing up. “We’ll start the singing rehearsals soon! Make sure you’re practicing!”
Oh boy. And just like that, my good mood’s gone. But it’s not all bad; Nic gets her backpack and waves at me as she leaves. I try to wave too, but my hand is glued to my side. I hope she sees me smiling.
I put my sweaty script away, but I notice someone out of the corner of my eye. It’s Emily and another girl from our class, Haley. They’re talking with Thomas.
“She’s doing okay now,” Emily says, her voice hushed. I strain to hear her, putting my script away extra slow.
“She’s only good with Nic’s parts,” Thomas says. “She sucks with mine.”
My stomach drops. They’re talking about me.
“That’s ’cause you’re so dry,” Haley teases him, elbowing him in the side. He doesn’t smile back at her.
“I just think you should be qualified to get the leading role in a play. I mean, she was in the crew last time. How is she gonna
do a lead part?”
Emily glances at me, and we meet each other’s eyes. I hope she can’t see mine are full of tears.
“Uh, let’s go, guys.” Emily ushers Thomas and Haley out of the theater, and I’m the only one left. Even Mrs. Thompson is gone. I run to the back of the theater, already crying.
I reach Phantom’s closet in record time. Phantom meows and circles my legs while I wipe my eyes.
“It’s not fair,” I choke out, my breathing ragged. “I’m trying. I’m practicing. Why is it so hard for me?”
Phantom puts her front paws on my leg and meows again. I pick her up and hug her to my chest. She purrs and licks my tears away. Eventually, my breathing calms, and soon I’m just sniffling. I bury my face in Phantom’s fur.
“At least you don’t care about plays. You probably don’t even care about Romeo and Juliet. It’s a dumb story anyway.”
“Yeah, I agree.”
I turn in shock. Harper’s standing right behind me, grinning sheepishly. “I heard you crying, so I— Holy cow, is that a cat?”
I’m too shocked to really feel the panic at first. All my brain can do is go over the facts. Harper is here. She heard me crying. She saw Phantom. Well, she’s seeing Phantom right now, because she’s cooing and holding out her hand for Phantom to sniff. Phantom does cautiously, then rubs her head against Harper’s hand, purring.
That snaps me out of it. I back away, holding Phantom like a lifeline. “Wh-what’re you doing here?”
Harper frowns. “I heard you crying, remember? Whose cat is this?”
I’m finding it hard to breathe again. I didn’t think about what would happen if anyone found Phantom … Will Harper tell? Will Mrs. Thompson take her away? What if Phantom won’t come back anymore and then I’ll have exactly zero friends? But wait, I need to calm down. Phantom is calm, still purring. She’s not too worried about it. I gulp in some air. “I—I found her here. She’s my cat. Sorta.”
“You found her in the theater?” I nod and point at the closet. Harper opens the door, and her eyes widen. “Oh wow! This is so cool. I love cats, but my mom said we can’t have any pets. Can I hold her?”
I want to say no, but I know that’s not cool. Phantom must like her, because she usually runs when she hears someone coming. I hold her out to Harper, and Harper scoops her from my arms and cradles her against her chest. She grins at me. “Oh my God, she’s so cute. What’d you name her?”
“Phantom. Like Phantom of the Opera. ’Cause she lives in a theater.” I’m talking too much. I shut my mouth as Harper pets her.
“Did you buy all this stuff for her?” Harper asks, nodding at Phantom’s bed and bowls. I nod, and Harper examines the cat stuff, saying “Wow” and “This is so cool.” She’s pretty excited, which helps me calm down a little. It’s kinda cool that someone else knows now.
After a while, she puts Phantom down, and Phantom flops onto her bed.
“She’s pretty fat for a stray,” Harper says, folding her arms. That’s what I said! “Do you think she belongs to someone?”
Yeah, me. But no, I guess I never thought about that … Maybe someone’s missing Phantom. My chest constricts at the idea of somebody coming to claim her. “I don’t know, maybe?”
“We should look for her owner,” Harper says. She grins at me. “If we don’t find anyone, you can keep her!”
I shake my head. “I can’t. My brother’s allergic.”
“Oh, that sucks.” Harper’s face falls. There’s a long silence, like she’s waiting for me to say something. But what? We stare at each other for a few more uncomfortable seconds. Finally, Harper says, “Do you want to look for her owner anyway?”
Oh! Warmth fills my face. She wants to hang out with me? Even though I’m so weird? And I mean, if we do find Phantom’s owners, that’s better for Phantom. It has to be lonely in the theater. Even though then I’d be the lonely one.
“Okay.” I smile at Harper. “I’m in.”
“Awesome!”
“But it has to be a secret. We can’t tell anyone.” If we tell Mrs. Thompson, or even someone else in theater, they might take her away from us. I want to find Phantom’s owners, if she has any, but I want to spend as much time with her as I can. I get a pang of sadness when I think of her leaving the closet. And me.
“Definitely. Our secret.” Harper grins back at me. “This’ll be fun! It’s late now, but maybe we can start looking Wednesday after school?”
“Like … online?”
“Yeah! I don’t have a smartphone, so we can use the library.”
I nod, a little overwhelmed. I was scared Harper would tell on me, but she’s pretty cool. And we’ll get to hang out after school. I don’t want to jinx it, but this is almost like … what friends do.
The next day, I walk to the park after school, deep in thought.
I’m in a weird place. Nic talked to me yesterday, smiled at me in class. Then Harper invited me to go somewhere after school. She stopped me today in math and said she was excited to look for Phantom’s owner with me. I’m a little confused. I haven’t really said much to Harper or Nic, but they’re being really nice to me. I don’t want to get my hopes up though. This has happened before, and it didn’t go well.
I sit down on one of the swings and check my phone. I scroll through my texts, all the way until almost a year ago. I stop at Layla’s name, but I don’t touch it. I miss her sometimes, but she hasn’t texted me in a long time. At first, we would text at least every two days, sending each other memes and cat pictures. But then she joined the swim team and it was once a week, then once a month. Even after I told her happy birthday, she waited a week to answer and it was just a “thanks.” I stopped texting her after that. Dad says when someone shows you how they feel, believe them. I do believe her. But I don’t know how that translates to Nic and Harper. Maybe they want to be friends, but maybe they just think the girl who can’t talk is weird and they’re curious.
I put my phone away and draw a circle in the sand at my feet with one toe. I wish I could talk to someone, even Phantom, but she wasn’t in her bed after school. Cats have busy lives, I guess. Busier than mine.
“Avery? Is that you?”
I look up in alarm. Nic’s voice—there she is, by the fence. She waves at me, and before I can wave back, she comes into the park. I scramble to my feet, my heart pounding. What does she want?
“What’s up?” Nic asks, like we’ve been friends forever. Like she’s not the prettiest girl in school. “Do you walk this way to go home?”
I try to answer, but my tongue is glued to the roof of my mouth. I manage to nod.
“Oh, cool!” Nic doesn’t seem bothered by my silence. “I come here a lot because of the dog park! Well, when it’s my turn to walk her. Which is all the time since Eric is so lazy.”
Walk her? Eric? I can’t keep up with the conversation. I want to ask for clarity, but my throat is tight. Not yet.
“So, umm, I think you’re doing really well in class,” Nic says. She’s still smiling, but she looks a little uncomfortable. I’ve gotta say something, quick. “What do you think about the songs?”
I struggle to find words for a second, but I get distracted when a huge dog gallops to the edge of the open park gate. There’s a dog park next to the regular park, but honestly this is the first time I’ve seen a dog in there. Nic pats her leg, and the dog lopes to her side, tongue hanging out.
All my panic is gone in an instant. I love cats, but I really like dogs too. I hold on to the edge of my pants, aching to pet it. It’s got curly tan fur and golden eyes and it’s so cute! I wish every day Andrew wasn’t allergic.
“Do you want to pet her?” Nic asks.
Nic is an angel. I owe her my life.
My tongue finally unsticks itself from the roof of my mouth. “Yeah, thanks!” I bend to pet the dog, and she runs to me. Her fur is so soft, and she’s so cute. “Is she your dog?”
“Yep! Her name’s Noodle.”
“Noodle? Are
you serious?” When Nic nods, I grin and rub behind the dog’s ears. “That’s the best name I’ve ever heard. Is she a goldendoodle or a labradoodle? I like both, but goldendoodles have a better temperament, I think. I don’t have a dog, and I really want one, but my brother, Andrew, is allergic. Isn’t that awful? He’s a jerk and he has allergies, so I can’t even get a pet to talk to. And it sucks because Dad’s working all the time, so it’s just me in that big empty house with no one to talk to ever.”
Nic stares down at me as Noodle rolls onto her back for a belly rub. She’s quiet for a second, then says, “Avery, that’s the most I’ve ever heard you say.”
Heat immediately fills my face. I scramble to my feet and back away, even though Noodle whines and nudges my hand. “Oh, umm, sorry.”
“No, this is great!” Nic’s smiling, and her freckles are so adorable in the low lighting. “You like dogs, right? Maybe Noodle can help you.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re having trouble reading your part in class, right? Well, just the parts with Thomas, but he’s terrible so that’s expected. Anyway, what if we practice with Noodle?”
“Uh …”
“You’ll read your part to me, maybe while Noodle is there, and eventually you won’t be scared to do it for real!”
This is definitely not gonna work.
“I see you’re doubting my plan.” Nic stands up tall, her chin elevated. With her hands on her hips, she looks like a superhero. “Trust me, Avery. We’ll make you the perfect Juliet.”
“Okay,” I say slowly. It sounds like a terrible idea, but I think about Emily, Haley, and Thomas making fun of me and wince. It’s worth a try. I don’t want to ruin everyone’s play. And Noodle is really cute … “But when will we practice? You can’t bring Noodle to school.”
“Oh, you can come to my house.” My jaw must be on the floor, because Nic looks away, laughing. “Only if you want to!”
Come over to Nic’s house. The prettiest girl in school. Me. And I get to play with her dog? This has to be a trick. This can’t be real.
