by Jessica Moor
Don’t go blabbing.
Not yet, Nazia.
We’ve got to pick our moment.
Got to wait till it’s the right time.
Can you do that?
It was such a little splash, like the river’s asking what all the fuss was about and nobody knows the answer.
Death’s still standing there, watching her. He knows exactly what he’s done. And now I know, too.
I stood there and stood there and I thought now it’s too late no now it’s too late no now it’s too late and even now she’s still screaming along silently in the current of that river and any hand – my hand – could have been enough to pull her out.
She’s still under there, she’s still waiting, and I’m still not brave enough. Maybe one day though.
I still can’t feel anything, not even a hand.
Maybe I’ve got a truth inside me. Probably I’ve got a truth inside me, and all you need to do is strip everything that’s covering me away and there it’ll be, small and pink and naked.
I gave that little seed of truth to Nazia when I told her what I saw, and the two of us can plant it in a pot and let it grow until it covers the sky and we can shelter underneath it. Maybe others too. Katie, or a girl like Katie.
Till this fucking rain stops.
Acknowledgements
Firstly, I’d like to thank my incredible agent Marilia Savvides for her acumen and her passion. I couldn’t ask for a better advocate. Thank you to the rest of the team at PFD, particularly Alexandra Cliff, Rebecca Wearmouth, Jonathan Sisson, Zoe Sharples and Laura Otal. I’m so lucky to have you guys in my corner.
Thank you to Katy Loftus at Penguin UK, who understood this book and what I wanted to do with it straight away. Thank you for editing this book so wisely and sensitively, for caring deeply, and for being a joy to work with. Thank you, Rosanna Forte, for your insight and support. Thank you, Shannon Kelly, in the US for your enthusiasm and your perceptive editing. Thank you, Ellie Smith, for managing the editing process and Sarah Day for copy-editing. Thank you to all my fellow students and teachers at the Centre for New Writing in Manchester, and in particular to Beth Underdown for sharing your wisdom when things got overwhelming!
My deepest gratitude to Jeanette Winterson, a once-in-a-lifetime teacher and mentor. Thank you for believing in this book from the very beginning, and for your practical support in so many different ways. Your writing made me believe that it was worth it to pursue the life I wanted, and your confidence in me has given me confidence in myself. Thank you also to all my teachers over the years.
Thank you to the legendary Val McDermid for generously lending your time and eagle eye to read an early version of this book. It means so much for a writer finding her feet to have your feedback. To Grace McCleen for reading a draft that was mostly a mess and encouraging me nonetheless. Thank you to Natasha Green for sharing your expertise in domestic violence, to Josephine Knowles for your guidance with Jenny (and for your important work at Beyond the Streets), and to Assallah Tahir for your help with Nazia.
Thank you to all my friends and family. To Mum and Dad for supporting me in every way, for reading the book and helping me find my way forward with it (since that first long car ride, Mum!), and for never once showing anything but total faith that I could do it. I’m very, very lucky. Also Joe, Izzy, Granny, Grandpa and the rest of the clan (including the various cats, though frankly, overall, they contributed very little).
Thank you, Carys Lapwood, my dearest friend. For being my dearest friend.
And thank you, Jason Gwartz, for patiently tolerating every one of my various crises, for politely disagreeing when I insisted that the book was crap, for sticking by me through four cities, three countries and God knows how many homes. I couldn’t do this without you. Love.
* * *
• • •
And last of all, thank you to all the practitioners working to end violence against women, and to survivors for sharing their stories.
Author’s Note
One of the biggest shifts in my understanding of the world over the past few years has been the realization that, far from being occasional, outlying behaviour, violence against women and girls is stitched into the fabric of our society. These issues are, unfortunately, very real and widespread, and they are all connected. This drove me to write The Keeper.
Perhaps you have been affected by one or more of the issues depicted in this novel, or you know someone who is. The organizations listed below can help you:
The National Domestic Violence Helpline is available 24/7. Call 1-800-799-7233.
Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN) is the nation’s largest anti-sexual-violence organization. It operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline and the U.S. Department of Defense’s Safe Helpline. The organization also runs programs to prevent violence, assist survivors, and ensure that rapists are brought to justice. Their website is: www.rainn.org. Call 1-800-656-4673 for the 24/7 hotline.
Unchained At Last is the only organization dedicated to ending forced and child marriage in the United States through direct services and advocacy. You can call their helpline at 908-481-4673. They also have a contact form on their website: www.unchainedatlast.org.
The US Department of Justice offers information and resources for victims of stalking, and a description of what constitutes stalking, on their website: www.justice.gov/ovw/stalking.
There are extensive listings on the website for the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, at www.ncadv.org/resources.
Several of the people who have read this book have told me that it made them feel angry and that they needed to do something. There are many organizations – too many to list – that are doing incredible work to support women. All are doing important work and none have enough money, so below are just a few suggestions for where you might like to donate:
Southall Black Sisters: https://southallblacksisters.org.uk
Imkaan: https://www.imkaan.org.uk
Centre for Women’s Justice: https://www.centreforwomensjustice.org.uk
Beyond the Streets: https://beyondthestreets.org.uk
Level Up: https://www.welevelup.org
If you’re a man reading this, then I urge you to take the White Ribbon pledge to ‘never commit, excuse or remain silent about male violence against women’ at https://www.whiteribbon.org.uk.
There is no quick fix to this epidemic of violence, but we can demand that our local and national governments take it seriously. If you want to make your voice heard then please do write to your representatives, engage with your local women’s charities and hold your local government accountable for their provision of services for survivors of domestic abuse.
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