A week later, Colonel Fitzwilliam entered Darcy’s room to find him propped up on his pillows. Dr. Smith had come and gone with the happy report that Darcy’s fever had broken at last. Darcy insisted that it was time that he prepared for his departure to Hertfordshire. However, Colonel Fitzwilliam argued that it was not a good idea. “Darcy, be reasonable. Your fever has broken, but do you honestly feel well enough to travel?”
“I have been lying in bed for the last ten days,” said Darcy irritably. “I want to leave London. What must Miss Bennet be thinking of me? I promised her that I would go to Hertfordshire soon, and now it is nearly a month later and I do not even know when I will be able to return. She must think I have abandoned her.” He wished that he had sent a missive to her, societal stipulations be damned.
“I am sure she is not thinking such things,” said Colonel Fitzwilliam. “When you do return to Hertfordshire, you can explain the reason for your delay. Miss Bennet is a sensible woman. If she felt even for a moment that you had abandoned her, she will immediately realize the error in her thinking. For now, your task is to focus on a full recovery. Dr. Smith said you would be good to travel in three days. If you wish, I will have your valet prepare your things for your departure the day after tomorrow. There is no need for you to overexert yourself.”
“Fine,” grumbled Darcy.
***
For the next three days Darcy was as restless as a caged tiger. Now that his fever was gone, he was able to take care of all his remaining business affairs so he would have no distractions from his efforts to win Elizabeth’s heart. In between periods of rest, he was as efficient as usual, and he suspected he would have little to do in the field of business until the fall. His valet had packed all of the essentials, and Colonel Fitzwilliam remained his faithful watchdog, threatening to lambaste him if he stepped out of line. Darcy was quite relieved when the eve of his departure at last arrived. He was now fully recovered and eagerly anticipating his reunion with Elizabeth. He only prayed that she would not be disappointed, or even worse, disconnected when she saw him.
Five
It was the second week in June, and Elizabeth was conversing with her family in the front sitting room. It had been nearly two months since the disastrous encounter in Kent between Mr. Darcy and herself, and over a month since their chance encounter in Hyde Park and his visit to the Gardiner’s home. Over the last several weeks, Elizabeth had struggled with her feelings about Darcy, but had now convinced herself that they were unfavorable. She could not learn to love a man who had kissed her and left her with a promise to see her soon and then abandoned her. Did he think himself so important that he need not obey the rules of propriety? After all, her uncle had discovered them together. Had he decided that she was not worth the trouble? Or, maybe a prideful and arrogant man such as Mr. Darcy would consider a woman who had rejected him once hardly worth the effort. If that was the case, perhaps he also decided not to go to Bingley to correct his mischaracterization of Jane’s feelings. Elizabeth had not suspected Mr. Darcy to be as malevolent as this, but she was no longer confident in her own judgment. Her main regret now was that Jane’s future with Bingley could be forever ruined.
Elizabeth had contemplated the idea of telling her sister what she knew of Mr. Bingley, but she kept her silence. As the weeks progressed without Mr. Bingley’s return, Elizabeth began to feel a growing desire to confide in her sister and express her anxieties. However, the decampment of the militia along with the hasty preparations for Lydia’s departure had prevented a candid discussion with Jane about Mr. Bingley.
Though life in the Bennet household had now settled, Elizabeth still had not divulged her worries to her sister.
***
Later that day, the ladies of the Bennet family were again gathered together in the front sitting room. Jane and Elizabeth were side-by-side contently working on their embroidery, while Mary was reading a book of sermons in the corner to Mrs. Bennet. Kitty, with a frown still etched on her face, was perched on the window seat staring sulkily out the window when the bell startled them all.
A moment later, Hill entered, announcing the arrival of their Aunt Phillips. Entering the Bennet home, she immediately went to the center of the room. “Oh my dears, I have such news! Mr. Bingley is returning to Netherfield at last!”
Elizabeth and Jane immediately exchanged shocked glances, and Mrs. Bennet declared, “Why should we care that Mr. Bingley is to come back, after how he treated our dear Jane?” though her ridiculous smile belied her words. “Is it certain that he shall return?” Seeing Jane’s somewhat stricken reaction to both the news and their mother’s abrupt comment, Elizabeth knew that she must now report to Jane all that she had previously held back.
Mrs. Phillips assured them all that she had heard it from the housekeeper at Netherfield whom she had seen in Meryton earlier that morning.
Mrs. Phillips stayed for nearly an hour gossiping with her sister and it was not until she left that Elizabeth and Jane could excuse themselves so they could converse in private. They were sitting on the bed they shared when Jane asked, “What was so important that we needed to speak alone, Lizzy?”
“Oh Jane, I fear I have not been forthright with you,” said Elizabeth.
“About what?”
“When I was in Kent, I discovered something that I should have told you, but I felt it best that I should keep it to myself.”
“Whatever do you mean?” said Jane, sounding worried.
“When Mr. Darcy proposed to me, one of the reasons I refused him was because he helped Bingley’s sisters convince him that you had no feelings for him. He also concealed your presence in London. I accused him of ruining your happiness. I am so sorry,” she finished.
‘Lizzy, that is in the past. You did nothing wrong. You only thought to spare my heart any further turmoil. Do you think I am that much in danger? I am very certain that I can see Mr. Bingley as an indifferent acquaintance now. I gave up hope of him returning months ago.”
“Oh Jane, you cannot give up. I am very certain that when he returns he will make you an offer.”
“We have no way of knowing this, Lizzy. He may not even call on me.”
“I am very certain he will. We all could tell that Mr. Bingley was quite in love with you, and from what I gather, Mr. Bingley has been unhappy without you.”
“Lizzy, I cannot bear to think of dear Bingley in pain!”
“Well, I think he no longer will be when he returns to Netherfield.”
“Do you think Mr. Darcy will join him? Lizzy, you have not been the same since our last night in London. Will you not tell me your feelings about Mr. Darcy?”
“Jane, I hold no affection for Mr. Darcy in my heart. I hope he does not come with Mr. Bingley. Why should I care for a man who kisses me and then abandons me?”
“Oh Lizzy, I am sure that Mr. Darcy had no intentions of abandoning you. He was clearly devoted to you in London.”
“No, Jane, you do not understand. I fear I have kept something else from you.”
“Whatever do you mean?”
“Mr. Darcy promised that he would return to Hertfordshire weeks ago. Now it is a month since we last met. He broke his promise to me.”
Jane looked baffled, so Elizabeth elaborated. “You see, Mr. Darcy asked me if Mr. Bingley would be welcome at Longbourn and I assured him that he would be, and then when we said goodbye, he promised he would return with Mr. Bingley to Hertfordshire. I did not tell you because I did not wish to raise your hopes. I prayed that Mr. Darcy would keep his promise, but as the days went on, I worried that Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley would not return. I am sorry for concealing this from you.”
“Oh Lizzy, you were only trying to save me from further anguish,” said Jane, “but as far as Mr. Darcy is concerned, I am sure that there is a good explanation for his delay. He loves you very much. I am quite certain of it.”
“I do not love him. I no longer even like him. I put my trust in his word and it was forsaken. It was f
oolish of me to trust him. After all, I really had no basis for affection. I had no reason to believe that he would ever determine that I would be worth the effort. I simply did so because I liked his kisses and spent one pleasant evening with him.”
“Lizzy, I am sure it is not as bad as all that. I pray that you will give him a chance to explain himself, if he does come with Mr. Bingley.”
“I will consider it,” murmured Elizabeth, convincing herself all the while that Darcy was out of chances.
***
The next day the Bennet ladies were spending a pleasant morning together, each girl working on her own project and Mrs. Bennet lounging on the sofa. Jane had dressed with particular care that day, wondering if this would be the day that would bring Mr. Bingley to Longbourn.
Her hopes were brought to fruition when Kitty, who was sitting in her usual position at the window seat, said, “Oh look, it is Mr. Bingley riding up the lane, and who is that with him?”
“It must be an acquaintance of some kind,” said Mrs. Bennet. “But never mind that, oh Jane, such an honor it is to have Mr. Bingley call on you. Come, Lizzy, help me with Jane’s dress.” Mrs. Bennet was already smoothing out the pleats in Jane’s light blue gown. “Mary dear, fetch me that dark blue ribbon. He will be here any moment!” Kitty retrieved the ribbon, and Mrs. Bennet quickly tied the thick ribbon around Jane’s waist and pulled it tight. Then she smoothed out a few curls that had escaped the tight confines of Jane’s hairstyle, finally pinching her daughter’s cheeks for added color.
Kitty was still peering out the window and said, “Look. Mr. Bingley has brought Mr. Whats-his-name. The tall, proud man.”
“Mr. Darcy,” cried Mrs. Bennet with a tone of dislike. Whatever has he come here for? No matter, any friend of Mr. Bingley will always be welcome at Longbourn, but I hate the sight of that wretched man.”
Mr. Darcy! Thought Elizabeth with some alarm. How could she face him after all that had happened? She just knew that seeing him again would uncover the feeling of abandonment that she had managed to bury deep within her heart.
Elizabeth sat down and picked up her needlework, as to appear busy when the gentlemen walked in. Mary was sitting silently with her book, while Kitty stayed near the window giggling softly at her mother’s words. Jane, with color in her cheeks, sat demurely beside her sister.
Moments later, Hill entered the room. “Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy,” she said with a curtsy.
The gentlemen walked in and Elizabeth was pleased to see that Bingley’s attention instantly went to Jane, even as he greeted each member of the Bennet family with utmost civility. His friend, on the other hand, said as little as civility would allow. However, he, too, had his attention fixed on a certain person in the room. Had Elizabeth not averted her eyes at the sight of him, she might have noticed this. But as it was, the gentlemen each sat across from the elder Miss Bennets, neither having eyes for anyone but the women they loved. Had Jane known of Bingley’s love, she would have proclaimed herself the happiest creature on earth. Elizabeth, however, was uncertain if Darcy still loved her and even if he did, she was certain that she could not love him.
Mrs. Bennet immediately went to the gentleman. “It is such a pleasure to have you back in Hertfordshire, Mr. Bingley, you have been greatly missed.” After a moment, and a glance at Mr. Darcy, whose attention was focused on Elizabeth, Mrs. Bennet added, “and Mr. Darcy, you have been missed as well.”
Darcy nodded politely made a rather perfunctory reply, only glancing at Mrs. Bennet for brief moment, before returning his full attention to Elizabeth. It did not matter to him that Mrs. Bennet was not pleased to see him. The only opinion that mattered was Elizabeth’s. She was sitting beside her sister working on embroidery, and it seemed as if she was purposefully ignoring him. His heart fell at the thought. Could she be angry with him because of his delay on returning to Hertfordshire? Did she think that he had purposefully misled her?
It was not long before Mrs. Bennet said, “Mr. Bingley, you have long been away, but I have not forgotten your promise to dine with us, and I must say how very much I was disappointed when you suddenly left and broke your engagement.”
“My apologies, Mrs. Bennet. I did not mean to be so rude as to break an engagement, and as soon as you have picked a time for us to dine, I shall gladly accept the invitation.”
This brought a discussion of possible day, and it was eventually settled that the gentlemen would be invited to dine with them the following Tuesday.
As Mrs. Bennet prepared the tea each gentleman took the opportunity to engage the elder Bennet ladies in conversation. Mr. Bingley and Jane immediately began a lively discourse while Darcy, his dark eyes fixed upon Elizabeth, merely inquired after her health.
“It has been very good, sir. I hope that you, too, have been well.”
“Well enough,” said Mr. Darcy gravely, wondering what Elizabeth would think if he admitted to her that he had been most unhappy without her by his side, and that if this was to be, he could never be truly happy again. However it did not seem prudent to mention this in the present company. As for mentioning his illness, he preferred to do so when they had a chance to be alone, for he was certain he would have a great deal of explaining to do if, in fact, Elizabeth was this angry with him.
Elizabeth looked down at her needlework, not sure if she could continue to speak to Mr. Darcy. It was too uncomfortable. She could feel his eyes burning into her. At length she summoned the courage to look up and meet them with her own. At that moment, the tension between them could be cut with a knife. “Mr. Darcy,” she finally said, “May I ask why you have come here today?”
“Miss Bennet, you are perfectly aware of why I am here,” he said seriously.
“A month ago, I would have agreed,” said Elizabeth tersely, “but now I do not know what to think. “
“Miss Bennet, I know I owe you an explanation, but I do not think we should discuss it here. I assure you I have valid reasons for my delay and I hope you will hear them.”
“I do not think there is any point in hearing your explanations,” said Elizabeth quietly, “for I sincerely doubt that there is any hope for a future between us.”
Darcy felt as if she had slapped him again. He was about to say something, but Elizabeth had turned away from him. It was clear that she would not be speaking to him for the remainder of the visit.
An hour later, the elder Bennet ladies waved the gentleman off with Jane practically glowing with happiness.
***
“Darcy, she is an angel! I thought that perhaps my time away had magnified her admirable qualities, but she is as gentle, lovely and kind as she ever was!”
“I am happy for you Bingley, I only regret my part in separating the two of you in the first place.”
“That is no matter, Darcy, all is well, and I am certain she still loves me. I plan on proposing next Tuesday, at the dinner party.”
“That soon?” asked Darcy with some surprise.
“I have no reason to delay. I have been separated from her for too long, and I have the urge to make our engagement official.”
“Congratulations, then, my friend,” said Darcy.
The two men were in the game room at Netherfield. The butler had brought them a bottle of Scottish whiskey, a particular favorite of Bingley’s, and each held a glass in their hand.
“What have you to say about Miss Elizabeth Bennet?” asked Bingley of his friend.
“I do not know if we will ever reach an agreement. Last month she did express a wish to know me better, but now she is vexed with me for my delay in returning to Hertfordshire. I have asked her if she would grant me an opportunity to explain myself, but she made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with me. I do not know what I shall do.”
Bingley was deeply sympathetic and offered to ask Jane to persuade Lizzy to hear him out.
“I thank you for the offer,” said Darcy, “but this is an issue that I must resolve myself. It is my fault that Elizabeth is upset
with me. I will just have to convince her that I did not abandon her. I intend to show her that I am a man worthy of her love.”
“I feel certain that you will succeed in that endeavor. Miss Elizabeth seems a good match for you.”
“I can only hope that I shall one day be as fortunate as you shall be, my friend,” said Darcy, draining his glass, and setting up the billiards.
“Darcy, I do not know why I bother to compete with you, as I usually end up soundly defeated!”
“Maybe your luck will change,” said Darcy absently, as he took his first, perfectly executed shot.
Bingley laughed, catching his friend’s meaning at once, and the gentleman passed several hours in good humor and companionship.
***
Darcy prayed that he would catch Elizabeth alone on her morning walk. Their initial meeting at Longbourn had not gone as well as he had hoped. Bingley, of course had called upon Jane the two following days, while Darcy had thought it best to give Elizabeth some time to work through her feelings.
He had not seen her in three days, and with the dinner party only days away, Darcy knew that he needed to catch Elizabeth alone. He walked briskly down the path that led to Longbourn. The sun had risen within the hour, and there was a soft summer breeze. Darcy knew that Elizabeth loved her early morning walks. He prayed that now luck would be on his side and he would come across Elizabeth alone.
As it turned out he was indeed fortunate. He could see Elizabeth emerging from around the bend. She was wearing a cream colored dress and a wide brimmed bonnet to shield her delicate facial features from the summer sun. Darcy could not help but stare at the vision that was Elizabeth. She was so beautiful and she looked so peaceful. A pang of guilt pierced his heart as he realized that he was going to disturb that peace, but there was nothing to be done for it. He needed a chance to explain himself and this might prove to be his one and only opportunity to speak to Elizabeth alone. He took a deep breath before approaching her.
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