by JA Huss
“Maybe. But”—I caution him—“this could be about you. Or Joey. Johnny. Or hell, Brooke and Megan are caught up in all this crap too. It could be about us, Jesse.”
“Mr. Boston,” a singsong voice calls from one of the stopped SUVs.
And yup. That pretty much solves that mystery. It is about us. This isn’t some crackpot fantasy wedding. I mean, who the hell would pay good money for that beautiful wedding only to have mobsters come in and shoot it all up before you even say ‘I do’?
“You found me,” Jesse yells back. He’s calm and cool. Like this is just another chance meeting with some old friends.
The passenger side door of the closest SUV opens and a tall man in a black suit and dark sunglasses slides out while buttoning his jacket. Other men get out after him, all of them pointing guns at us.
Do these men want to hurt us?
Why the hell was Kraken Karen at the resort?
Did I imagine her? Am I just making shit up after a day filled with more make-believe than I can handle? Or was that really her?
Is she being used by the Way? Did someone from the Boston brothers’ secret Mob organization find her and think, Hey, let’s use Kraken Karen to get to Emma and Jesse? Or is she in on this? Is Karen Krakken Channing part of the Way?
Off in the distance I hear the thumping sound of a helicopter. We all hear it at the same time and everyone glances up at the sky for a moment.
Is that the cops? More mobsters? Some secret Fingers Thumb team ready to swoop in like the cavalry? Will we get pulled to safety at the last second and then have a good laugh?
You got us again! Joke’s on us! Haha. Fuckin’ Fingers! He sure knows how to throw a fantasy Shotgun Wedding!
But no. The helicopter never materializes and a few seconds later even the thumping of the rotors disappears.
“Well?” Jesse yells. “What do you want?”
The man is silent for a minute. “Here’s what I want, Mr. Boston. You see that van behind you?”
We know the van is behind us, but we both look over our shoulders instinctively.
“I want you two to walk towards that van with your hands in the air. And once you reach those men, they are going to tie you up and you’re going to be very good and cooperate.”
“Look.” Jesse sighs like he’s tired. “We know this is all part of the wedding—”
“What wedding?” the man in black asks.
Jesse lets out an incredulous huff. “What wedding? Uh, the one we just escaped from?” He does air quotes for the word ‘escaped.’
The man in black just stares at Jesse impassively.
“Hello?” Jesse calls. “My bride?” He points to me. “She’s wearing a big, poofy wedding dress. I’m in coattails? Any of this sounding familiar to you?”
“Sir,” the man says, and he sounds tired too. “Where you were and what you were doing before we stopped you here is none of my concern.”
Jesse looks at me. We make confused faces at each other. Then he looks back at the man in black. “Then… what is your concern?”
“Some people would like to talk to you. I was sent to pick you up.”
“What people?” Jesse asks.
“I’m afraid that’s above my pay grade. Now let’s get back to the van.”
“No,” Jesse says. He pushes me behind him and puts his hands out in front of him. “We’re not going anywhere until you tell us who sent you.”
But then one of the SUV thugs points a gun in the air and shoots it. I jump and maybe even squeal a little, because it was loud and I was not expecting that.
“What the fuck!” Jesse yells. “What the fuck is going on?”
The shooter pops off another warning shot.
The man in black lowers his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose, and glares at Jesse. “Get in the fucking van, Jesse Boston. You’re the last one on our list today. We’ve already got your brothers in custody and if you ever want to see them or their loved ones alive again, you’d better start cooperating.”
And I swear to God the entire desert goes silent in the aftermath of that revelation.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN - JESSE
Emma just stares at me.
And I get it. This is stupid. This can’t be real. There’s a major part of my brain still insisting that this is all fake.
But there’s plenty of reasons why this could be real. We are the fuckin’ Boston brothers. We have more money than God. We’re part of some super-secret organization that does who knows what, all over the globe. And people kinda love to hate me.
But some of this makes no sense.
I could actually see Joey getting himself caught by some thugs if he was alone and not with his partners. But Johnny? There is no way that Johnny Boston would allow himself to get caught. He’s too smart. Too ruthless. Too suspicious of pretty much everyone.
But… coming home with Megan and moving out of the Bossy resulted in a major upset in his normally super-tight security protocols. And, though I hate to admit this, if people want to get to Johnny Boston now, all they have to do is grab Megan. Especially since she’s pregnant.
He would flip out if someone got a hold of Megan. Or hell, they could just grab his new puppy. He loves that crazy puppy.
Megan and Jasper are Johnny’s weaknesses just like Emma is mine. Just like Wald, and Huck, and Brooke, and Maisy are Joey’s.
So… this could be real. They might actually have Joey and Johnny somewhere. They could have Megan, and Brooke, and Huck, and Wald too.
We could be fucked.
Mr. Boston. That’s what they’re calling me. And those fake people back in the chapel… they did react when they heard my last name.
Yeah. This is about the Bostons. I can feel it in my bones.
“OK,” I finally say.
We get out of the car.
Emma is stunned and just stares at me, unable to move. So I take her hands, raise them up, and then turn her around and point her in the direction of the van. “We’re walking.”
“This has to be a joke. Right?” she pleads.
I turn my head to look at her, not sure what to say. “I don’t know, Emma. But I’m not going to take any chances. Not when it comes to you. I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For dragging you into my stupid, fucked-up life. If you weren’t with me none of this would be happening to you.”
She huffs. “Don’t be ridiculous. It’s got to be fake.”
“Well, if it is… then why are those two dudes next to the van holding zip ties and black hoods?”
“Oh, my God,” she whispers. “We’re gonna die.”
“We’re not. Well, you’re not. Whatever they want, I’ll give it to them. They want me? Fine. They can have me if they let you go.”
“Fine?” she hisses. “No! That’s not fine. We were married four times today. What part of that whole ‘till death do us part’ thing don’t you understand?”
“Well… not to be a buzzkill here, but we didn’t actually get married at any of those weddings, Emma.”
“It doesn’t matter! It’s the thought that counts! We stood up four times in front of people with the intention of being married! It counts!”
We reach the men. They spin us around and zip-tie our hands and then drop the hoods over our heads. We’re walked forward and we climb into the back of the van. There are no seats or anything, so we back up against the side and lean into each other.
The doors slam closed and then there’s nothing but silence. A few seconds later the van jostles back and forth as the driver gets in. Then we’re moving.
There’s no way to tell which direction we’re headed or where we’re going. And for a long while there’s no real road noise either. But then eventually it becomes clear that we’re back in the city. Whether this is Vegas or not remains to be seen, I guess. But there’s stop-and-go traffic, and long waits at stoplights, and lots of turning.
Then we’re going downward and Emma has to brace herself against me so she
doesn’t fall over. The tires squeal with a familiar and distinct echo as we spiral down a ramp.
“A parking garage,” Emma whispers. “I think we’re in a parking garage.”
I think she’s right. This can’t be good.
The van stops and almost immediately someone is opening the doors and pulling us out. They say nothing. And even though I want to ask all the questions, there’s no point. They were probably instructed to be quiet and just bring us in.
All we can do is walk. Someone has a firm grip on my arm, leading me along a long hallway. I can hear people. I feel like we’re close to a very crowded place. A casino, probably. But which one? I consider yelling. Calling for help. But the low murmur of people isn’t that close. It almost feels like we’re in a separate part of a building. If I called out no one would hear me. Well, no one except for the person who has a hold of my arm.
I force myself to be calm. Once they take the hood off and we know where we are, I can try to negotiate.
Maybe they only want money?
God, I hope they only want money.
We enter a new room filled with the sounds of generators. Maybe AC units or something similar. All I know is that the crowd hum is gone and in its place is the white noise of machinery.
We stop.
We wait.
The person who had a hold of my arm lets go and then I can hear the faint sound of footsteps over the noise in the room.
“Hey!” I call.
“Oh, my God,” Emma says. “What’s happening? Did they just leave us here?”
But then someone is behind me. I try to turn around, but another person grabs my shoulder.
Strong hands grab my shoulders, holding me still, and I think to myself… This is it. It all ends here. In Vegas, after a crazy day of weddings where we never actually managed to get married. In some dark, kinda stinky room that reminds me of…
Wait.
“The ocean?” I say.
“Yeah,” Emma says. “I smell it too.”
Then the zipties around my wrists are cut and the hood is pulled off my head.
It takes me several whole seconds to take in where I am and what I’m looking at.
“An aquarium?”
And that’s when I see Cowboy Clarence smiling and rocking back and forth on his heels like he’s just pulled off the wedding of the century.
“What the hell?” I say.
“Mr. and Mrs. Boston,” Clarence starts.
I’m about to say something about that—including all the ways in which we are so not Mr. and Mrs. Boston right now—but Emma beats me to it.
“Uh. No!” she exclaims. “We are not Mr. and Mrs. Boston because you—you slimy, cheating, filthy, lying cowboy!—you ruined every single wedding we tried to have today!”
Clarence presses his hands forward, like he’s trying to ward off Emma’s upcoming rage.
But I’m with Emma. “What the actual fuck, dude? We were literally two seconds away from saying ‘I do’ back at the Shotgun Wedding when your… stupid Mob boss barged in and ruined it!”
“Now, listen—” Clarence starts.
“No, you listen!” Emma yells. “We missed Christmas Eve dinner with our family because of you! We are stuck in Las Vegas when we should be in Key West because of you! That rollercoaster wedding wasn’t even for us! The pirate wedding was actually not a wedding, but a stupid show. And by the way, my almost-husband could’ve been killed swinging from those ropes trying to save me.” She air-quotes the ‘save me’ part, which I kinda love. “Then you throw us out of a plane and… and what? Did you fuck up the mics on purpose? I don’t get it! You make no sense! Then you send Cousin Vinnie to talk us into the perfect, over-the-top Italian Wedding, which, also by the way, I loved. And then you ruin everything by sending in some Mob boss to kill everyone!”
“They’re not dead,” Clarence explains. “It was all fake!”
“I knew it was fake!” Emma screams. She’s pissed. “That’s even worse! Because we thought we were running for our lives! I was so… so… kerfluffled, I actually hallucinated my childhood nemesis, Kraken—”
She stops.
Because—what the fuck?—Kraken Karen walks out from the shadows and smiles at Emma. Actually has the nerve to smile at her!
“Not a hallucination,” the Kraken quips. “That was all my idea!”
Emma lunges at her, hands out in a choking gesture, like she’s about to wrap them around Karen’s throat.
I grab her arm just in time and pull her into me. Hug her tight. Because I’m pretty sure Emma is gonna murder that chick.
“Your idea!” Emma screams. “I will kill you with my bare hands for ruining my wedding! Are you that small and self-obsessed that you had to ruin our whole day just because we didn’t want you to plan our wedding and fuck up my wedding photos with your Kraken face? God, you are such a bitch! You really need to get a life!”
“OK, hold on here.”
All of us turn to look at another man standing off to the side. It’s the man-in-black dude who ordered us to get in the van back in the desert.
“You,” I say. “Who the fuck are you?”
“I,” the man says, pointing to his chest, “am Fingers.” He takes a little bow and then smiles at me. “At your service.”
And now Emma is the one holding me back, because this is the actual asshole responsible for everything today.
This is the asshole who deserves to be choked out and I’m going to be the one to do it.
And that’s when a mermaid on a swing begins to descend from the ceiling…
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN - EMMA
“Mila?” I exclaim. And I have to admit, I’m a little shrieky at the moment. The sound of my voice makes everyone cringe. Even me.
“Oh, my fucking God.” Mila laughs. “You two are crazy!”
“What the hell are you doing? And why are you dressed up like a mermaid?”
“Uh…” Mila laughs. “Hello? Earth to Emma? I’m your maid of honor.”
“What?” I’m so confused. But then there are two more swings being lowered from the ceiling. And two more mermaids, swinging their tails back and forth like this is all good fun. “Hannah? Natalie! What in God’s name is happening?”
“Stop hogging the spotlight, Mila!” Natalie says as her swing lowers. “All three of us are your bridesmaids, Ems.”
“I’m so disappointed in you,” Hannah says, kicking her tail. “I cannot believe you were actually going to have a wedding without us!”
“What?” I look at Jesse. I’m stunned.
But he just laughs. Then he points to Fingers and says, “Well played, Mr. Fingers. Well played.”
Fingers holds up his hands again. “I’m afraid none of this was my idea.”
I look at Karen. “You? You really did all this?”
Karen shrugs her shoulders all the way up to her ears. “Well, I would love to take credit for all of it, but I’m afraid it wasn’t my original idea.”
“It was ours.”
I turn to look behind me and see my mother, arm in arm with Miles. “You two?”
Jesse barks out a laugh. “What?”
My mom lets go of Miles and walks towards me. She takes both my hands in hers and gives them a tight squeeze. “Miles told me you were upset that I was bossing you out of your perfect wedding. He called us before you left for Vegas. And then…” She beams a smile at me. “We decided that if you wanted a crazy Vegas wedding, we’d make it happen.”
And then my father and all three of my brothers walk out from behind a large air compressor.
“Are you kidding me right now?” I can’t help it, I practically cackle.
“Cowboy Clarence?” Tony says. “That was my idea.”
“And the rollercoaster?” Luke says. “I came up with that one.”
I look at Alonzo. “And you?”
He opens his hands wide and says, “Fuckin’ pirates! They’re pretty much the answer to everything. And”—he eyeballs Jesse
with a big-brother glare—“the skydiving was a given.”
“You tried to kill me, didn’t you?” Jesse points an accusatory finger at my massive, tatted-up brother.
Alonzo scowls at him. “Hey. You lived, right?”
“I planned the Shotgun Wedding,” Karen quips, trying to defuse the brewing almost-brother-in-law rivalry. “Your mom was worried you’d both bail out before we could get all the arrangements for the aquarium ready, so I came up with something more… traditional.”
“Traditional?” I blink at her. “There was a shootout at the end!”
“Well, we couldn’t let you actually get married before the aquarium was ready,” Luke says. “Duh, Emma.”
“I tried to stop you two from leaving,” Karen says. “The kidnapping wasn’t actually part of the plan. We were just going to tell you after the shootout once we had you in the SUV’s, but then you stole the wedding car and we were afraid you’d get away and miss your big moment. So Fingers agreed to get his men in on this and take over.”
“We didn’t know which crazy wedding you’d enjoy more,” my father explains. “But once we heard you say the aquarium, we knew we had to make it happen. It’s the perfect way for a Dumas woman to say ‘I do.’”
“It took all day to plan,” Mila says.
“And the dress the mean Russian lady was supposed to make for me?” I ask.
“It’s ready,” Fingers says. “If you are.”
“We’re going to get married inside the aquarium?” I ask.
“You’re going to get married inside the aquarium.” Hannah laughs. “And we get to be mermaids!”
“But…” I’m still confused. “How did you guys even get here?”
“Listen,” Mila says. “I never thought we needed the Bright Berry Monster jet. You know how I put up a fight over that thing. But right now, I’m very glad we have it! It’s almost like that jet was waiting for this moment to prove itself worthy.”
I just laugh.
“OK, then!” Fingers claps his hands. “Places, everyone. We have two hundred guests in front of the aquarium waiting on you!”
“Two hundred what?” Jesse exclaims.
“You’ll see,” my father says, taking Jesse by the arm and leading him away. “You’ll see.”
