by Ella Arden
Chloe still isn’t looking at me, shuffling papers around on her desk with determined focus. “That wasn’t necessary.”
I shrug. “I don’t like him.”
A small smile curls at her pink lips and her eyes flick up to me, filled with amusement. I never stood a chance against her.
“Listen, about last night…” I reach out and put my hand over hers.
She jerks her hand away before I can say anything more, standing up suddenly. Her chair rolls back into the wall with a clatter, drawing the attention of a few people and she flushes.
“What do you think you’re doing?” she asks me quietly, plastering on a fake smile.
She’s obviously upset and I don’t know what I’ve done wrong. Did I not make my feelings clear last night? Did she think things would just go back to normal between us?
“Can we go somewhere a little more private?” She gestures toward my office and I lead her inside, closing the door firmly behind us.
The second we’re alone, I pull her into my arms and kiss her, unable to resist. I need to know if she wants me like I want her.
Her lips are even sweeter than I remember, soft and plush, parting to let me taste her. I wrap an arm around her wrist and haul her against me so I can feel every inch of her body.
“Holden, Holden, wait,” she’s gasping. “We can’t, this is—someone might see.”
Is that why she was so jumpy at her desk? Relief steals the breath from my lungs. “No one is coming in here.” And I’d fire them on the spot if they interrupted us.
I kiss her again, feeling the second she gives in, her moan made of pure sin as she arches against me. Her fingers pull at my shirt as I back her up until she’s against my desk. I’m already painfully hard in my pants, desire coursing through my veins.
“Do you want me?” I ask, needing to hear her say it.
“Yes.” She doesn’t hesitate, pulling me in for another kiss.
That one simple word sets me on fire. Sliding my hands around her perfect ass, I lift her up and set her on my desk, swallowing down her gasp of surprise.
“I didn’t get to taste you last night,” I tell her, tugging her skirt up her hips as she wiggles on my desk to help me. “That’s all I could think about when I went home—your pussy under my mouth and coming around my tongue.”
She’s beautifully flushed, her brown eyes wide and dark with lust. Once I get her skirt up high enough, I drop to my knees, feeling the smooth skin of her legs. She bites her lip and glances at the door then parts her knees, spreading herself wide for me. All she’s wearing is a little black thong and I immediately shove it to the side, admiring her pretty pink core already glistening for me.
“You’re so perfect,” I groan, not wasting a second before I lean in and bury my face between her thighs. She’s wet and hot beneath my mouth as I kiss and taste her sweet pussy. Her fingers tangle in my hair, tugging and urging me on and when I find her clit with my tongue, her nails dig into my scalp. Pure heat shoots down my spine and I feel ready to come in my pants just from pleasuring her like this.
Focusing my mouth on her sensitive nub, I slide my fingers through her slick folds to tease at her entrance as she whimpers and rocks her hips against me.
“Oh my God,” she gasps quietly when I work two fingers into her, her wet heat wrapping around them so tightly.
I glance up and find her watching me with hooded eyes. When our eyes meet, her thighs tighten around my head and she throws her head back with a moan that she muffles in her hand. I wish everyone in the office could hear her and know that she’s mine.
I can feel when she’s about to come, her pussy pulsing beneath my tongue and around my fingers. I curl them up, brushing against the spot that makes her gasp, and suck roughly at her clit while still keeping my eyes on her. I don’t want to miss a thing.
Her mouth falls open, her eyes press shut, and she orgasms around me. I keep going, wanting to help her ride out her orgasm for as long as possible. I can feel the way she trembles and shakes against me, how her body goes slack after.
I pull away, pressing damp kisses against her thighs before I stand and brush her hair from her face. She’s so gorgeous after she comes. I didn’t get to fully appreciate her last night, didn’t really have a chance to take her in.
“Hopefully no one heard you,” I tease, leaning in to kiss her.
But she pulls away, going pale. “Oh no,” she mutters, covering her face with her hands. “No, no, no.”
My high fades at her clear distress. “Chloe, what’s wrong? I'm joking, I'm sure no one heard.”
“I know but...this wasn’t supposed to happen again.” She slides down from my desk on unsteady legs, straightening her skirt. “Holden, we can’t be doing this. I can’t believe I just let you—we’re at work, I can’t—”
“Why not?” The thought of losing her after I just got her is too painful to think about. Can’t she tell that I’ve never felt this way about anyone before? That it’s impossible to care about my job when she’s so close?
She pins me in place with her gaze. “This is my job, and it’s important to me. You’re the one who brought up the company policy yesterday, remember? If anyone found out, I’d be fired after I worked so hard to get here. I can’t risk it.”
Her words gut me, hollow me out. She’s right about the company policy but I don’t care. All I want is her. I want her so badly that I thoughtlessly put her job, her reputation, at risk. No wonder she’s so upset.
When will I ever treat Chloe like she deserves?
“Besides,” she continues, looking away, “you don’t even like me. It’s fine, but I won’t be your stress relief at work.”
She thinks I don’t like her? That this was just sex? Did she not feel the connection between us yesterday? I’d looked into her eyes and realized this was so much more than lust—I want to make her mine in every way possible. I want her beside me when I wake up and go to bed every night, to touch her however I want through the day and tell her when she takes my breath away.
The way I feel about her is so much bigger than like.
Everything in me is telling me to gather her into my arms and kiss her senseless, make her see how I feel about her. I want it to be enough but I care about her too much to make her choose between me and her job. And I’m disgusted with myself that I hadn’t stopped to even consider it before now. I’d been so caught up in her.
“If that’s what you want,” I tell her, each word scraping at my throat “I respect it.”
Something darkens in her eyes and I feel like I’ve said the wrong thing again.
“Thank you,” she says, her voice brittle. “Now things between us can go back to being professional.”
Professional. I’ve never hated a word more.
She leaves my office and I sit down at my desk slowly. I would never force her into anything but I can’t help but feel like I just made the worst mistake of my life. Chloe is the kind of woman you find and hold onto with both hands, doing whatever it takes to keep her.
And I just let her go.
CHAPTER FIVE
CHLOE
This has been the longest week of my life.
I’m frustrated, I’m horny, I’m angry at Holden...but more than anything, my heart hurts.
Every charged look between us, every brush of our fingers when handing over paperwork, every whiff of his cologne is like a stab in the chest. I can’t stop thinking about what we could have, the way I feel about him that I’ve never felt before. The one man I want to have a relationship with—not that he said he wanted to—would cost me my dream job.
To say that tears me up inside is an understatement.
I guess I didn’t realize how much I wanted him to have an answer, a way for us to be together despite the company ban, until he didn’t. How much I wanted him to tell me that it was more than just sex, until he didn’t.
I didn’t realize how much it would hurt either.
I try to be strong and te
ll myself I don’t need romance, I don’t need sex, I don’t need...love. I’m a determined woman going after her goals and all of those things are just distractions.
But my heart doesn’t lie and the way it’s aching refuses to let me move on.
At least it’s Friday now, and I can have the weekend to wallow in self pity before having to face Holden again. I’m already planning on two days of bubble baths, double fudge ice cream, dog snuggles, and non-stop baking competition shows.
I sigh and go to the breakroom to refill my coffee. Inside, Brad and a few other of my coworkers—Sheila and Ana, both from marketing I think—are chatting.
“Hey,” Brad says, lifting his mug in greeting. “Happy Friday. Congratulations on surviving another week.”
I give him a weak smile. “Thanks.”
“I don’t know how you do it,” Ana says, her blonde eyebrows going up. “I think I’d have poisoned his coffee by now.”
They all laugh but it takes me a second.
“Oh, Hol—I mean, Mr. Decker?” I shrug, filling my mug. “He’s actually not so bad.”
When I turn back around, they’re all staring at me in surprise. It’s true though. Our time in the elevator aside, I’ve come to realize Holden is just really passionate about this place and while he can be tough on his employees, he also does a lot of work behind the scenes to lessen the load for them. Things they don’t even realize that keep him well past five every night. And just the other day, I stumbled upon an email he sent out pushing for company wide bonuses once we land this big upcoming author contract. It makes me sad that just because he’s not social and out on the floor making friends, everyone assumes he’s the devil.
“You’re joking, right?” Ana asks. “Or are you just giving him a pass because he fills out those suits so well?” She nudges Sheila meaningfully while Brad rolls his eyes.
Ugh.
“I’m just being honest. I’ve gotten to know him these last few weeks and he can be nice. I think his people skills are just a little rusty.”
They don’t look convinced.
“It’s like beauty and the beast,” Sheila jokes. “He can’t help but be nice to his pretty new secretary. You’re bringing out the human in him.”
I know she’s only joking but I feel myself blush. Ana gives me an appraising look and I swear there’s a hint of jealousy in her eyes. I can’t blame her for being interested in Holden but I still have to bite back my words warning her that he’s spoken for.
We aren’t even together and I’m having thoughts like that. What is wrong with me?
“Well, I’d better get back,”I make myself say instead. “Have a nice weekend if I don’t see you again before the end of the day.”
Back at my desk, there’s an email notification on my computer. I open it and find an attached report Holden has been waiting on, pressing print. If only I could pretend like I hadn’t seen it.
My foot taps nervously as I wait for it to finish printing. Every time I step into his office, my eyes go straight to the desk where he went down on me like a man possessed. And every time, I know that he knows exactly what I’m thinking about.
I grab the stack of papers, take a steadying breath, and knock lightly on his door.
“Come in.”
He’s at his desk and he looks tired, his eyes shadowed as he glances up. He’s looked like this all week and I can’t help but wonder if it’s because of me. Then again, he made it more than clear that he was happy to let me walk away. That we aren’t anything special.
“I’ve got that report from Marlene you asked for.”
“Thank you, you can just set it there.”
I add it to the stack he pointed at and turn to leave, then hesitate. It’s almost lunchtime and his mug of coffee is untouched, his computer not even on yet.
“Is there something else?” he asks, not unkindly.
I bite my lip. “Holden...are you okay?”
Our eyes meet and I can suddenly hear my heart beating in my ears. The undisguised longing on his face makes my knees weak. We’ve gone all week without talking about us, an unspoken agreement that I just broke.
“Am I okay?” he repeats, then laughs lowly. “I spend all day thinking about someone I can’t have, trying and failing to move on. All day wanting to touch you, hold you, just talk to you, and I can’t. It's killing me. I don’t think what I’m feeling counts as okay.”
His words are so raw, so painful. I glance at the cracked door nervously. “I’m sorry, but...even if the work policy wasn’t a thing, I told you, I can’t do the whole ‘co-workers with benefits’ thing. That’s just not me.”
“I understand that, but I have to know what I did, what I said, to make you think that all I want is sex.”
The floor feels like it shifts beneath my feet. “What? You...you want more than that?”
He stares at me like I’m speaking gibberish. “I’m sure it doesn’t change your mind, but yes. Of course, yes.”
His answer shakes me to my core. Does it change anything? It would, if the company ban wasn’t there. But it is and there’s no way around it.
I’m moving before I think to stop myself, leaning down and pressing a searing kiss against his lips, pouring all of my emotions into it. Anyone could walk in and see us, but I just need him to know that I want more with him too.
“You can’t ask me to choose between you and my dream job,” I whisper against his mouth, then pull away.
He gives me a sad smile. “I know, I never would. You’re amazing, talented, driven, and so smart...you deserve to have whatever life and whatever job you want.” He reaches out and caresses my cheek tenderly.
My heart swells at the honesty in his words. He’s perfect and I can’t have him.
His phone beeps on his desk. “I’m sorry,” he says, glancing down at it. “I have a lunch date that I can’t…” He trails off, his eyebrows coming together in thought.
“It’s fine.” It doesn’t feel fine, but what else am I supposed to say? I back up towards the door, trying to breath around the tightness in my lungs. “Enjoy your lunch.”
“Chloe, wait!” Holden’s on his feet before I can leave. “If the company policy didn’t exist, would you be with me? Would you give us a chance?”
What a kind of question is that? Talking like this is only going to make things more painful for both of us.
“Just tell me,” he insists. “Yes or no?”
“Yes,” I murmur, the word heavy on my tongue and filled with longing. “In a heartbeat.”
His face softens and he strides forward to pull me in for a passionate kiss that I feel down to my toes. This man undoes me with every touch and it nearly kills me to pull away.
“Holden, you know we can’t—”
He takes my hands in his. “I think I know a way we can.”
I gape at him. Is he serious?
He lets go of me to grab his jacket and his phone. “Come to lunch with me and you’ll see. I have a plan.”
Lunch? What could that possibly have to do with anything? I want to ask but he’s urging me out the door where my co-workers could hear.
I’m nervous, excited, shaking from both, but I take a deep breath and let him guide me out of the office. I have nothing to lose at this point and everything to gain.
CHAPTER SIX
HOLDEN
Chloe’s bombarding me with questions on the elevator down to the main floor and as we cross the street to the restaurant where I’m having my lunch meeting. There’s no time to explain so I just hurry her along and tell her to trust me.
She does, nodding and following me with renewed determination, and I fall for her even more.
We’re a few minutes late so the person I’m meeting is already there, looking over the menu even though she’s been here a hundred times. We try to meet up once a week for lunch and it’s almost always here since it’s so close to our offices.
“Sorry I’m late,” I say, and next to me, Chloe screeches to a halt wit
h a gasp. “And I brought a guest, I hope you don’t mind.”
“Of course not.” She stands, giving Chloe an appraising look. It’s clear from Chloe’s flustered reaction that she recognizes her.
“Chloe, this is Violet Hamilton, my mom. Mom, this is Chloe Johnson, my new secretary.”
Chloe immediately takes my mom’s hand, shaking it firmly. “It’s an honor to meet you. I love working for your company and I’ve read all about you—inheriting the company from your father at a young age and turning it into a publishing powerhouse, all that you did, I—” She stops, cheeks turning red. “I’m so sorry, I’m rambling. I didn’t know we were meeting you for lunch, or that you two were even related.” She gives me some unsubtle side-eye.
My mom smiles and I can tell that she likes Chloe. “I kept my maiden name and my son doesn’t like to advertise that his mom is the owner of the company he works for. He says he doesn’t want his employees thinking he didn’t have to work for his position.”
If they only knew—the truth is, she made me work at least twice as hard. Though I mostly blamed that on my overachieving brother for setting the bar so damn high.
I pull out a chair for Chloe and we all sit. I can see that my mom is curious but she doesn’t say anything as we order. As for Chloe, she looks torn between anxious and excited, her fingers drumming against her thigh.
“I know you don’t like to talk business at lunch,” I say to my mom after our waiter brings out our drinks, “but I have something pressing that I wanted to discuss.”
Next to me, Chloe’s eyes go wide.
“I think we need to reevaluate the ban on workplace relationships. I would personally be for removing it all together. Quite frankly, it’s outdated and not in line with the company’s progressive values, and I find it unnecessary.”
My mom considers me. She’s always had an impenetrable poker face so it’s impossible for me to guess what she’s thinking.
“What are your thoughts on the ban, Ms. Johnson?” she asks. “Do you think it’s unnecessary?”
