by L. A. Meyer
If this keeps up I shall grow quite fat.
My swimming is becoming acceptable, if not elegant, which the Navy would not like to hear, 'cause it doesn't like for its sailors to know how to swim, for fear they'll leave a sinking ship and swim for their lives rather than trying to save the ship. Or so I've heard.
I've got a real good game and that is to ride the rip out of the lagoon when it's really raging. I've taken another length of that dear rope and tied it to the end of a big branch of my tree that hangs out over the water. Now I can take the other end and go up on the bank and then swing out over the lagoon and drop in with a great whoop and splash and then be churned about and carried out by the ripping tide to the gentle sea. It's an awfully good game.
I haul myself out and stretch out on my rocks. I like to lie here and dream up little scenes about how it might have been with the lads back on the island after the loss of me and what they thought when they saw my signal later on. I picture Jaimy all white and wan with heaving great sighs and pining away over the death of his poor dear girl. He curses himself over and over for being a coward and untrue lover by not hanging on to the rope to the bitter end and joining me in my doom. He is praying that I'm happy up in heaven with all the other angels or maybe he's talking with Liam about taking holy orders and Liam's patting him on the shoulder in consolation when Davy runs up and says, "Hey, Jaimy! Remember that girl you used to like who is now lyin' dead and drownded at the bottom of the sea with sea slugs lickin' at her bare bones?" and before Jaimy can square around and belt him one, Davy points out to sea at my signal. Tears of joy pour from Jaimy's eyes as he clasps his hands together and falls to his knees in gratitude for my deliverance.
I have other versions of it, but I like that one the best. I think I'll run it by again.
And so, her brown legs hanging over the sides of her hammock, an opened coconut by her side, her spear within easy reach, Tonda-lay-o, Queen of the Jungle, plays her pennywhistle and dreams crazy dreams and awaits her Bold Rescuer.
And she wishes he would hurry.
Chapter 41
The water is wide, I cannot cross o'er,
Nor have I wings, nor can I fly,
But give me a boat that can carry two,
And both shall row,
My true love and I
I put down my whistle and look out over the sea. I certainly can't cross over, and it's going to take them at least another week to get the boat ready. If I'm right in my figuring of the distance being about thirty miles, they could make it across in around six hours, doing four knots in a moderate breeze. Less, with a good following wind. The waiting is hard, though, doubly so 'cause I don't know what's going to happen to me when they do come over. Did Jaimy, in his grief, tell about me? Has Davy let it all out? Does it matter?
The funny thing about this song, I thinks, putting the pennywhistle back up to my lips and breathing out the slow sad melody, is that it starts out like that with the two lovers all tight and true and then it goes to:
Love is gentle and love is kind,
The sweetest flower when first it's new,
But love grows old,
And waxes cold,
And fades away, like the morning dew
Pretty harsh, that. But is that what's really going to happen to me and Jaimy? Will he grow cold and fade away? He's in love with me now, I think, but then I'm the only girl on the ship, the only port in the storm, the only girl he's ever known. What's going to happen when he meets other girls, maybe girls prettier than me? I don't even know if I am even a little bit pretty at all. I look at my reflection in the pond when it's like glass, but I can't tell. I look down at myself and all I see is Small Girl with White Eyebrow and Tattoo, skin and bones, nothing more. I know the boys thought I was fetching when I was being a girl back in Kingston, but what do they know? If I was a female orangutan in a dress, I'd still have to watch myself with that randy Davy. I just don't know.
There is a ship, and she sails the sea,
She's loaded deep, as deep can be,
But not as deep as the love I'm in,
I know not whether I sink or swim
And whether he loves me or not, what's going to happen to me, anyway? The Deception is becoming a joke. Where will I be put off? When? What will I do? The Captain, in his rage over being made a fool of in commissioning a girl, could leave me right here, marooned, if he wanted to.
I know they won't let Jaimy go now, wherever I'm dumped. But will he ever come back for me later, after he sails off and becomes an officer and meets proper fine ladies? Will he then find me common and cheap, as he said that time? Am I common? I suppose. I know I'm easy in my ways, but am I cheap? I've always tried to be good as I could be, even when I was a beggar and a thief, but is that good enough? Jaimy has talked about his family, how upright they are. What would they think of me? Good afternoon, Ma'am, I am very pleased to meet you. Yes, I am the renowned Bloody Miss Mary "Jacky" Faber, Scourge of the High Seas, and I'm in love with your son James and he with me and we want to be married, and yes, I feel I know him quite well as we have been living together for the past two years... Right.
I shake that song and all those thoughts out of my head. I'll take what comes. I look down at my little pond shimmering down below.
Ah, Jaimy, we could have had such a time here in my little paradise. I think you would like my camp and I think you would like your jungle girl in her new and golden tan. I would make some of my chowder for you. We would swim and I would show you the games and I would make up for all the times I could not go in the bowsprit netting with you when I wanted to so much. I hope you're feeling better now that you've seen my signal and I hope you didn't throw yourself in some volcano in sadness over the death o' my own sweet self, and wouldn't that he a proper Romeo-and-Juliet ending to my little story now? I'm always reaching up and touching my earring, which to me is my wedding ring forever and ever, and I think of you whenever I touch it.
Chapter 42
When I wake this morning, on the nineteenth day of my exile, it is very quiet. The birds are not singing. Something is wrong.
I hang the glass around my neck and go hand over hand up the line to the foretop. I scan up and down the beach but can see nothing. Maybe it's just the weather, like the calm before a storm when everything seems strange and still. I train the glass on the horizon and...
There! A sail! They've come!
I almost shriek with joy. They've got the wind behind them and they're roarin' in and prolly only a mile out, and I can see figures now and I've got to go down and put the vest and drawers on and...
Something to the south catches my eye and chills my joy. The leaves on the tops of the small trees at the edge of the beach shake every now and again, like someone or something is running into the trunks below. I see a flash of color and metal. I catch me breath.
Clothing! Men! Guns!
I go out on a long branch that stretches out in that direction and look down.
It's the pirates. They've come out into a clearing below and I slink back out of sight. They, too, must have seen the signal fires from wherever they were camped. They've brought along kegs and casks and chests, I guess, 'cause LeFievre didn't trust leavin' 'em, and he's there in his silks and he's placing his men with rifles along the embankment at the top of the tide line. All their eyes are on the incoming boat. I look out at the boat and see without even lifting the glass that they'll beach in a few minutes and there's the Captain and Jaimy and...
They are like ducks on a pond. It will be a massacre. I've got to warn them. They'll never see me up here, and if they did they'd think I mean for them to come in right there which, oh God, I don't.
I slides down my line and hits the bank running. I grabs me swing line and swings out over the lagoon and drops. The tide is out, which is good 'cause that'll give me some room on the beach, and so the water in the lagoon is only up to me knees and I splashes through it out to the beach and I runs out to the surf and waves me arms over me
head and screams, "No, no! The pirates!" and I points south to where the pirates are and then points north and say, "Over there! Hard right! Over there! Hard right! Follow me!" and I runs in that direction and I keeps pointin' and yellin' and the boat starts to turn and there's the poppin' o' musket fire behind me and there's puffs in the sand around me feet and the Dolphins in the boat hear the gunfire and duck down and pull up guns of their own.
I'm poundin' on down the beach as fast as I can with me legs apumpin' and I hears somethin' comin' up behind me and I looks over me shoulder and it's one of the pirates and he's reachin' for me and I tries to run faster and I know I'm runnin' like a girl wi' me ankles flippin' out to the sides but I can't help it I can't help it and then he fetches me a blow to the back of me head and then I sees the sand comin' up t' me face and then I ain't seein' nothin'.
I wake up with me head throbbing and me hands tied behind me back. I'm lying next to a black keg and there are legs millin' all around me. LeFievre is standing next to me and is shouting something towards the beach. They are trying to parley their way out of this, I thinks through the fog in me head. I hear faint replies from down the beach.
Someone kicks me and I cry out.
"Alors—elle's'est réveillé. Emmène-la ici."
Someone catches me under me arms and I am lifted up. I see a rope has been strung over a low branch, and at the end of the rope, over the keg and hanging down, is a noose. I am put on the keg.
At last, I thinks as I'm stood up wi' me legs all shakin' on the keg. The noose is put over me head and the knot is run down and the rough and hairy rope is pulled up tight against me neck. At last.
LeFievre says something in French to one of the men, and the man goes to the other end of the rope and takes the slack out of it so it's pulled taut, and I'm up on me tiptoes and weavin' back and forth and I'm startin' to gag already and, Oh God, it's really going to happen to me I'm really going to—
"Captain!" I hear LeFievre say through my terror. "Step away from the boat and the girl will not die. All we want is the boat. Step away or she hangs."
I force me eyes open and sees our men lined up.
The Captain crosses his arms and shakes his head and says, "A boat for a mere ship's boy? Or girl, as you say. Surely that's not an even trade for one such as you, LeFievre. We all know our duty. She will do hers."
Then there's pops and shouts from the woods behind us. The Captain has sent men to circle around to take the pirates from behind! Hope springs—
I hear LeFievre curse and I sees Jaimy running towards me with a sword in his hand. Jaimy, oh...
That's the last thing I sees, 'cause LeFievre sees his plan gone wrong and turns to run, but before he does he gives the keg a kick and over it goes.
And finally ... for all me deceptions and all me lies and all me crimes ... finally...
I swings.
Chapter 43
Blackness
Velvet Blackness
Blackness without End Amen
But in the Velvet Blackness a Point of Light
Which Grows Larger
And Larger
And Becomes
the
Sun
And the sun is in me eyes and I'm chokin' and coughin' and Liam is pumpin' up and down on me ribs t' make me breathe and It hurts it hurts, Liam, please don't hurt me and Jaimy is beside me and he's slappin' me face. I'm gaspin' and me throat is burnin' and the noose is still around me neck but it ain't so tight no more ...Oh so tight so tight I can't... and so Jaimy stops the slappin' and just pets me head and cries, and I croaks out "Me hands, me hands," 'cause I can't move me hands and they hurt. Oh God, the choke ... the choking... they turn me over and cut the rope and turn me again, and I throws me arms around Jaimy's neck and bawls away all snortin' and gaggin' and...
"Aye, we thought you was goners there, Jacky, a fair jig you was dancin' at the end o' that rope wi' you all twistin' and turnin' and all," and I see that it's Davy talkin' but I can't make no sense..."And when you went all limp at the end and just hung there, I thought sure you was done..." and then it's Jaimy sayin', "I thought the life had gone out of me again..." and he's lookin' all pitiful and tears are runnin' down his face and I thinks, Whatcha cryin for, Jaimy, what... and all about me men are standin', and I put my face against Jaimy's neck and say, "Pick me up, Jaimy..." and I'm tryin' to hold me mind together but I can't ... Pick me up, Jaimy, and carry me, carry me away from this place, Jaimy, I want to show you my camp, and what's this on me neck, "Oh God, get it off, get it off," and it's Liam what takes it off and I'm breathin' better for it. I feels myself picked up and... It's not far, Jaimy, it's right over there. I know you'll like it. You'll like the pool, Jaimy, and the hammock and my wonderful tree, and Davy, you'll love me swing. "Captain, would you care for some chowder it's really quite good..."
"Please don't mind her, Sir, she's off her mind."
Everyone come and have some, but please don't eat the turtles... and I points the way. I kiss the salty tears away from Jaimy's cheek but they keep on comin' and I rub my face on his and mix his tears and my tears together, and I say, "Don't cry, Jaimy, it's all right now, you'll see, we'll swim in the pool together and dry off on the rocks together and lie in the hammock together and be together forever and ever and ever and..."
Chapter 44
Well, we ain't together for ever and ever. In fact, we're never together on this ship again, at least not the way we were, at least not now.
I was hardly back in my camp at all when I was taken away from Jaimy and put into the boat and they don't let Jaimy come back with me, or even Davy. Liam is on the boat, though, and they let me cling to him for the five hours it takes to get back across the open sea to the island. We pull up next to the careened Dolphin and I'm taken to sick bay, which is still set up in tents on the beach, and slimy stuff is put on my throat to heal the rope burn. I'm still talking out of my head some, so they give me a bit of the sweet liquid and that shuts me up and I'm out for a day or so. When I awake, I'm quiet in my mind, well, almost—I still have the nightmares and wake up screaming—but my neck is getting better.
None of the men or boys are allowed near me—for my own protection, I am told. There's a Marine guard at the foot of my bed. Tink is in a bed across the way, but he is forbidden to talk to me so is not much company. He is getting better, though, which is good to hear. He will soon be out of bed. The Master, Mr. Greenshaw, is stumbling around getting used to his crutch. The stump of his leg hangs down with his pant leg neatly pinned up around it, but he is philosophical about it. He will get on with his life, he announces; he will still be a sailing Master. The rest of the men wounded in the sea battle with the pirates, except for those who died before the Dolphin limped to the island, recovered. None of ours were hurt in the final battle on the beach, cept maybe me.
Mr. Lawrence comes to sit with me for a bit and he tells me that the boat is making daily runs back and forth to my beach and hauling back fine lengths of good lumber. Looks like a right sawmill back there. The wood is immediately applied to the Dolphin when it arrives here. The hammers pound constantly.
He also tells me that Jaimy has been made Midshipman. The news fills my chest with happiness and I weep for joy. I wish only that we could be together to celebrate.
The Doctor examines me, which I don't like overmuch, and declares me fit enough to be taken to the ship and tossed in the brig. For my own protection. I get out of bed to follow my Marine escort, but before leaving the tent I dash over to Tink and plants a kiss on his forehead. He blushes mightily and the guard says, "'Ere, 'ere!" sternly, but I don't care as much for their rules as once I did.
When I get to the ship I protest that as Midshipman Faber I should be allowed a midshipman's berth, but Mr. Haywood will have none of it, and he is in command when the Captain is gone, so that is that. He actually laughs when I make the request, a strange sound I'd never before heard, and he says, "Midshipwench Faber, I'll be damned." Some joke. The brig is not locked b
ut the Marine stands outside, and he goes everywhere with me. I'm allowed to go topside during the day, but it's into the brig at night and the brig is locked then.
There are not many people left on the ship, as the list takes some real getting used to. Most stay on the beach and are actively engaged in either working or avoiding work. The only ones on board are the First Mate, Deacon Dunne and a few of his clerks, and a few Marines to guard the stores. And to guard me. I see the boat running back and forth carrying long planks of wood. Probably from my poor tree. I'm not getting much information on what's going on, but I do know they're keeping Jaimy over there on the mainland. I can guess why. I hope he gets to use my hammock. I like thinking of him in it.
With my red-coated escort in tow, I went down to my hidey-hole and got my dresses and other things, and I pass my days sitting on the quarterdeck sewing and playing my pennywhistie, which someone, probably Liam, found in my camp and sent over to me, and I spend my nights in reading and thought. I've given up planning, until I see which way the wind blows.
I have resolved that each morning when I wake up from now on, I will take three long breaths and think about each of them as I draw them in and let them out, and I will remember that time at the end of that rope when I could not draw such breaths. And then I will look at the blue veins in my wrists and will know that my blood is running through them, and for that I will be grateful. Amen.
