by J. B. Lynn
“Oh, this is not good,” God opined.
17
Clearing the top of the hill, I spotted them. RV was faced off with a woman whose back was to me.
RV was making a placating motion with her hands, obviously trying to calm the other woman.
I walked slowly toward them, not wanting to make the situation worse. RV, spotting me, raised her hand in greeting.
“Everything okay?” I called. I was doing my best not to seem the slightest bit intimidating, considering I didn’t want to spook the witch.
“She saw a ghost,” RV said.
The other woman turned to face me. When RV said we were going to find a witch, I’m not sure what I expected, maybe an old woman with crazy gray hair sticking out at all kinds of angles, or at the very least, a goth-looking chick with dark hair and weird piercings in her face. I certainly wasn’t expecting the harried-looking woman who turned to look at me. She looked more like a suburban single mom with too much to do than somebody who could help us exorcise poor Zippy.
“Hi,” I said. “I’m Maggie. I’m not a ghost.”
“Well, that’s a way to win friends and influence people,” God sniped from his hiding spot.
I ignored him, and we were far enough away that the other woman didn’t seem to hear his squeaking. I pointed to RV and said, “I’m pretty sure she’s not a ghost, either.”
The woman nodded, seemingly unable to speak.
“What’s your name?” I asked.
“Ann,” she choked out.
I shot RV a look. She didn’t look like a witch, and she didn’t have a name like a witch, and I was seriously beginning to wonder if she was a witch, considering she had screamed at the sight of a ghost. I mean, you would think those things would encounter each other on a regular basis, wouldn’t you?
Then I noticed the single dead flower clasped in Ann’s hands.
“She needs your help,” RV said, pointing at me.
Ann cocked her head to the side and said, “With what?”
Feeling like an idiot, I admitted, “I think my grandmother is possessing my grandfather’s dog.”
I held my breath, waiting for her laughter, but she considered the revelation for a long moment.
“So, you need an exorcism,” she said.
“That’s what I’ve been told,” I said, looking at RV.
Ann frowned. “Where was the spirit before it went into the dog?”
I frowned for a minute. “I’m pretty sure it was in a skull.”
“That would make sense,” Ann said thoughtfully. “Trapped in an inanimate object for however long, now free to make mischief in a living being.”
She began to pick up the dead flowers that had fallen from her grip when she’d been startled by the ghost. “Do you have the skull?”
“It’s been misplaced,” I admitted.
She shook her head. “It would be easier to return it to that vessel,” Ann said. “It’s imperative you get it back.”
I frowned and shook my head. “I don’t know if that’s even possible,” I said. “The dog buried it.”
“Well, a skull is a cell,” she began. Now she was really starting to sound like a witch.
“A cell?”
“A prison,” Ann explained. She moved closer to me and peered deep into my gaze. “Are you willing to send your grandmother to a prison?”
“Sure,” I said glibly.
She shook her head. “This isn’t a decision you should take lightly. You’re condemning her to be trapped there for eternity.”
I gulped. I didn’t want that kind of responsibility.
Suddenly, Ann twirled around and faced RV. “Are you sure?” she asked her.
I had no idea what she was asking about, since I hadn’t heard RV say a word. Maybe like Armani said, she really was a powerful psychic and they were communicating telepathically.
RV didn’t make a sound, but from the way Ann responded, I assumed she gave her an answer. The witch turned back to face me. “If we can’t trap your grandmother for eternity,” she said, “your niece might be cursed for it.”
“Katie?” I asked, wondering how she even knew about her.
The witch nodded.
“I don’t understand,” I said. “How can that even—”
Ann held up her hand to silence me. “Now is not the time to discuss this,” she said. “Unless you can retrieve the skull, none of this is doable.” She glanced up at the sky and focused on the moon that was rising against the darkness.
“Time is running out,” she said.
“Time for what?” I asked.
“There’s a time limit to get it done,” Ann explained. “If it’s not done in the next two days…” she trailed off dramatically.
“What?” I demanded to know. The panic that was welling within me made my voice shrill. “What happens in two days?”
“She’ll be able to possess the child at the full moon.”
It felt like my whole being froze at the words, but anger at my grandmother won over. “I won’t let her,” I said.
Ann shook her head. “You won’t be able to stop her. Get the skull back, and I’ll see what I can do.” She glanced once more at RV and muttered something that I couldn’t understand. Then, clutching her dead flowers to her, she stalked away.
RV and I both watched her go, and then I turned to her. “Do you believe her?”
She shrugged. “I’m never sure what to think. But if it was my niece, I wouldn’t want to take the chance.”
I nodded. “Okay, I’ve got to go find the skull,” I said, and started marching back in the direction of my car.
RV hurried to catch up, falling into step beside me. “Do you have any idea where it is on the farm?”
“No,” I said. “It’s not there. It’s at my brother’s place. That’s where we’ll have to search.”
“I’ll help you,” RV offered.
“Why?” I asked. “You don’t even know me.”
“Because I know what it’s like to deal with a haunted spirit,” she muttered. “But first, we have to go back to my place.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m doubting that you have shovels in your trunk.”
“See,” God piped up, pulling himself up my bra strap so that he could perch on my shoulder. “She always thinks ahead and goes to things prepared.”
I didn’t respond to him, I just focused on my car in the distance. I had to get to it, get the shovels, and find a way to save Katie.
18
When we got back to the compound, I dropped RV off at her camper and hurried back down to the main house, needing to see Katie.
I burst through the front door and encountered Loretta, Leslie, and Marlene sitting in the living room.
“You missed a great time,” Loretta said.
“It was a lot of fun,” Marlene agreed.
I was glad to see the smile on my sister’s face. Her twin sister, Darlene, leaving town had been hard on her, and I was glad she had a reason to be happy.
“You know, Victoria has her angels,” Loretta said. “The Corset is going to have its devils.”
I shuddered at the thought, considering I was contending with potential possession of Katie by an evil spirit. “That’s great,” I said weakly. “Do we know where Katie is?”
“She’s playing cards with Templeton,” Loretta supplied. “I swear that little girl has him wrapped around her finger.”
Nodding my thanks, I dashed out of the room and ran down to the bedroom where Katie was staying. I knew I was in the right place when I saw Matilda sprawled out across the doorway, ready to trip any comer.
“You’re back,” she said.
I nodded. “Everything okay?”
“She’s fine,” the pig oinked. She waddled off, as though I’d relieved her of guard duty.
Stepping into the room, I saw that Katie was indeed playing cards with Templeton. It looked like she was beating him soundly at Go Fish.
“Aunt Magg
ie,” she yelled the moment she saw me. She threw her cards onto the desk where they’d been playing, leapt over DeeDee who was curled at her feet, and ran toward me.
I scooped her up and hugged her tightly.
“You’re squeezing too much,” she complained good-naturedly.
“Sorry, baby girl,” I said, putting her away from me so I could look into her eyes and smooth her hair off her cheek. “I just missed you.”
“Everything okay?” Templeton asked, worry threaded through his tone as though he could sense my concern.
I nodded. “Can you keep an eye on her a bit longer? I’ve got something I need to do.”
“Not a problem,” he said. “Can I help?”
I shook my head. It wasn’t like I could tell them I was about to go look for a cursed skull.
“You be good for Templeton,” I said to Katie, pressing a kiss to her forehead.
“I have to be,” she said. “Otherwise, he won’t make me any cookies.”
I chuckled at her guileless way.
He nodded and patted the seat next to him, indicating that Katie should return to their game.
I caught DeeDee’s eye and jerked my head to the side.
She followed me out into the hall. “Okay everything?”
“I need your help,” I said.
“Katie, protect,” she panted.
“She’ll be fine,” I said. “Zippy’s all locked up in the barn.”
“Not in the barn,” Piss reminded me, coming down the hall. “Herschel took him to his room.”
“Regardless,” I said. “He’s not getting out anytime soon and I need your help.”
On the way out, we retrieved Matilda, who was in the kitchen with Herschel.
“I need your help,” I told her.
“Yay,” she oinked happily.
“Help with what?” Herschel asked.
“An errand. Don’t let Zippy out,” I warned.
My grandfather shook his head. “I won’t.”
“He’ll probably try to convince you to,” I warned Herschel.
Herschel shook his head. “That’s not Zippy, that’s your grandmother.”
I nodded. “I don’t suppose you know why she hates you so much, do you?”
Herschel shrugged. “She hated everyone.”
I nodded, acknowledging that truth. My grandmother, his ex-wife, had seemed to hate everyone, even when she was alive.
DeeDee and Piss hopped into the car, and I gave Matilda a boost in. We headed back toward RV’s camper.
“What’s going on?” Matilda asked.
“We have to find that skull,” I told them. “Otherwise, Katie might be cursed.”
“Forever,” God supplied from my bra.
“How are we going to find it,” Matilda asked.
“We’re going to go search Ian’s place,” I told them. “RV is going to help us.”
“Ooh,” Matilda said mysteriously.
“Ooh what?” I asked.
The pig made a snuffling noise but made no other response.
“Trouble,” DeeDee panted.
“What trouble?” I asked.
“Armani had a fight with Jack about her,” Piss revealed. “He says she’s a murderer.”
“Well, if she was, she’d be in jail,” I replied.
“Not necessarily,” God said. “A lot of people don’t go to jail for the crimes they commit. Case in point… you.”
I couldn’t disagree with his logic.
“We need her,” I said. “Nobody is to say a thing about the murder around her, understood?”
A cacophony of animal sounds blanketed me in agreement.
RV was waiting for me outside of her van. She was equipped with shovels, spades, and headlamps.
“I really admire how much she’s prepared,” God said.
“So you’ve said,” I muttered. “DeeDee, into the back seat.”
The dog jumped over the back, and RV climbed in the front, carefully maneuvering the shovel handles into the enclosed space.
“You ready to do this?” she asked all the animals in the back. Again, there was a cacophony of animal sounds as they replied to her.
I drove quickly to Ian’s place. It was only when I pulled into the driveway that it occurred to me that I probably should’ve given him a call first. There was an unfamiliar car parked in the driveway, and while I didn’t want to disturb his company, I had work to do.
“Is that you, Maggie?” a smoky, sultry voice called.
“Yes, Mandy,” I said, answering Ian’s opossum. “It’s me and some friends.”
The marsupial wandered out to greet us. “Does Ian know you’re here?”
I shook my head. “We don’t want to disturb him. We just need to do something outside of the house anyway.”
“Like what?” the possum asked.
“Do you remember when that little white dog, Zippy, was here?”
“The one who’d injured his paw,” Maddy said.
“Yes. He stole something and buried it. And we think it’s here on this property.”
“The skull,” Maddy said.
A surge of hope filled me. “You know about it?”
The possum considered me for a long moment and then said, “Ian was really upset that it was lost.”
“Well, it’s very important that we find it,” I told her.
“In the dark?”
“It’s very important,” I reiterated. “I don’t suppose you have any idea where it could be?”
“No. You’re on your own.” With that, the possum turned around and waddled away into the shadows.
“Where do we start?” Piss asked.
“Follow me,” Matilda said. Nose to the ground, she began snuffling away.
“Pigs have an extraordinary sense of smell,” God told us. “Markedly better than dogs.”
Considering we had nowhere else to start, I decided to follow Matilda’s lead.
We were just walking past the house when Ian came out. “Maggie?”
“Sorry to disturb you,” I called. “We just need to find the skull.”
“What skull?” a woman’s voice asked.
Realizing another human being had heard me, I winced. Slowly, I turned to face her. She was standing behind Ian, barely coming up to his elbow, it seemed. When I saw her face, I gasped.
Now I knew why Gino insisted that I meet Ian’s girlfriend.
The medical examiner Ian was dating was also Doctor Yes, the person who had administered emergency medical attention to Angel when he’d needed it.
I saw the recognition dawn on her face, too, along with a look of panic. Apparently, Ian wasn’t aware of her moonlighting activities and didn’t know about our connection.
“What’s wrong?” Ian asked.
“Lie,” God whispered in my ear. “The only thing you can do is lie.”
19
“I…I…” I was drawing a complete blank as to how to explain away my gasp, other than telling Ian the truth. His medical examiner girlfriend was a part-time doctor for the mob. It did explain why she’d treated an unconscious Angel like some sort of medical specimen, knocking on his chest.
“She twisted her ankle,” RV supplied.
“Even prepared with a good lie,” God murmured his appreciation.
“Not that I need medical attention,” I said quickly, not wanting Doctor Yes to get a hold of me.
The short, blonde, perky woman, who’d brought her medical supplies in a flowery bag, gave me a hard stare. No doubt she was thinking the same thing as I, that we both had secrets we didn’t want my brother knowing.
“Well,” she said, “I was going to leave.”
“Great,” I said.
Ian frowned. “No,” he argued. “It’s not great.”
“No,” I said, recovering quickly. “I mean it was great to meet you.”
She nodded. “The same.” She pecked Ian on the cheek and then walked out to her car.
“Doctor,” DeeDee barked.
“Yes,” he said as Yes started her car, bathing the area in the glow of headlights. “She is a doctor, of sorts.”
DeeDee opened her mouth to say something else, and Piss, bless her, snaked out a paw and slapped her across the snout.
The dog yowled, probably more in surprise than pain, and ran away. Piss chased after her, no doubt to explain why she had done what she had done.
Ian shook his head. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” I said with a fake smile.
Ian’s girlfriend drove out of the driveway, leaving us in relative darkness.
RV turned on her flashlight.
“You show up here in the middle of the night,” Ian said. “I think I deserve an explanation.”
“One,” I told him testily, “it’s not the middle of the night. And two, we’re looking for the skull that you lost.”
Ian winced. “Look, I said I was sorry, but—”
“You don’t understand,” I said. “You don’t understand what’s happened.”
Ian frowned, hearing the desperation in my tone. “Then explain it to me.”
“You really shouldn’t,” RV muttered under her breath.
I turned to face her. “Why not?”
She shrugged. “It could endanger him.”
I turned to Ian. “Did you hear that?”
“I heard,” Ian said. Without another word, he turned and stalked back inside his house, slamming the door behind him.
“Oh, this is going exceedingly well,” God remarked.
“Over here!” Matilda oinked.
We all headed through the darkness in the direction of the pig’s voice. “Did you find something?” Piss asked as she and DeeDee rejoined us.
“I think so,” the pig said. “It smells like him.”
“Like Zippy?” God asked.
“Yes,” the pig answered, nuzzling the ground with her snout. “Here.”
“Step back,” RV ordered. Swinging the shovel that she’d had balanced on her shoulder around, she began to dig. I changed my grip on the tool that I’d been carrying and joined her.
