by Ian Todd
Sharon let them chin-wag. Although no unexpected, the fact that poor Squinty Alex hid been brought in and telt that his time wis up by The Corporation hid been devastating. He’d gone doonhill in the space ae a week. Fae being active aw his days, he’d been oot oan his arse wae nowan tae talk tae or look efter him at hame. Despite whit Betty hid been prattling oan aboot, Alex and Nan hid hid a good arrangement between them. He’d gone oot tae work and she’d looked efter the hame-front. As far as she knew, Alex hid never gone tae his work in the morning withoot a clean shirt oan that back ae his and a flask ae hot tea and his pieces in his auld army shoulder bag. Because the business hid taken aff so quickly and Simon couldnae guarantee tae pick them and the sannys up every morning, they’d been forced tae buy a van. Donna The Prima Donna hid spoken tae Tony Gucci, who’d in turn goat that nice Baby Huey wan, the wan who drove him aboot due tae the fact that Tony hidnae passed his test, and who looked like a fat Yul Brynner, tae pick her and Ann Jackson up in that fancy motor ae his, tae take them doon tae see Greasy Jake, who hid a big scrap yard doon oan The Broomielaw and who specialised in cars. Helen, Ann and hersel hid been in the same class at school as Jake in The Toonheid back in the late thirties. Sharon wis sure that him and Betty hid winched fur a while before she’d ended up wae Stan The Man. When they’d arrived doon at the scrappy, Tony and Simon wur awready sitting wae Jake, skoofing a mug ae tea fae manky cups in the office.
“Here ye go then, Jake. Thought ye’d like these,” she’d said, proffering across the bag ae cherry scones she’d made the night before.
“Aye, nothing’s changed. Typical Toonheider. Trying tae saften me up awready as soon as she’s darkened ma door,” Jake hid scowled, clearly pleased, as he took a scone oot ae the bag wae they manky fingers ae his, before haunin them across tae Tony and Simon.
“Aye, well, Ah’ve no goat much tae spend, Jake, so Ah’m hoping fur a good deal noo,” she’d chastised him, as the boys laughed.
Squinty Alex hid burst intae tears when she’d gone roond tae the hoose the previous Sunday, tae ask him if he wanted a wee part-time delivery job in the mornings, Monday tae Friday. Since Nan’s demise, he’d become hoosebound and reclusive, never darkening the door ae Fast Track Dave’s bookies shoap. Despite hivving hid tae reassure him that there wis nothing tae be embarrassed aboot, he’d been terribly emotional and apologetic. The thought ae hivving something productive tae dae wae his time hid clearly overwhelmed him. Despite Nan hivving passed away, the hoose wis spick and span. In fact, if she wis honest, it looked cleaner and tidier than whit it looked like when Nan wis aroond. Efter she’d agreed that he could use the van tae nip across tae The Glesga Crematorium up in Lambhill tae collect the unwanted flowers oan a Wednesday tae place oan Wee Nan and Helen’s graves, he’d burst intae tears. He’d telt her that since losing his job, he hidnae been sure how he’d be able tae afford tae get across there, hivving tae get three buses there and back. Given that the business wis aw cash-in-haun, it hid never crossed her mind that there might be an issue paying Alex cash-in-haun. That wis how aw the lassies, including her, paid themsels. Despite the agreement tae only employ local wummin like themsels, getting fresh flowers put oan Helen’s grave every week wis cheap at any price, everywan hid agreed. Luckily fur everywan, she’d bumped in tae Donna The Prima Donna when she’d been up at Issie’s checking oan how Wee Mary wis coming oan wae her numbers. The issue ae whit age Wee Mary could leave school at hid been resolved. She widnae be staying oan, bit wid leave oan her fifteenth birthday.
“Don’t you worry Issie, hen. That Wee Mary wan will learn and earn mair in a week under ma tutelage than whit she’d ever make wae a shitty wee piece ae toilet paper fae The Albert School across oan Petershill. And as fur you, Sharon Campbell? Get that fanny ae yers doon tae that office ae mine in the toon efter ye finish up alang in St Vincent Street the morra. Ah’ve goat a wee proposition Ah want tae speak tae ye aboot.”
Donna The Prima Donna wis a bit ae a hero wae a lot ae wummin, including Sharon and the rest ae the lassies. She’d become a legend in her ain time and wis wan ae The Toonheid’s success stories amongst struggling wummin, hivving somehow managed tae get rich in her ain right, despite being married tae Fat Fraser Jeffs. Fraser wis a notoriously tight-fisted basturt, who ran a fleet ae auld rickety vans in the toon centre, delivering parcels fae aw the big shoaps alang tae The GPO Parcels Depot up oan West Nile Street. Although she came across as easy-osy and pretty relaxed, it wis said that she could strip the clothes aff ae a rich man’s back and be up that road like a whippet, before he realised whit the hell hid hit him. Sharon felt relaxed enough tae speak tae Donna aboot her concerns regarding the new business, seeing as it wis Donna that hid done aw the original paperwork fur setting up ‘The Original Jeely Piece Company’ ten days efter she’d spoken wae Tony Gucci and Simon Epstein. At the meeting, Donna hid pushed her tae open up aboot her thoughts aboot the future.
“Whit plans? Other than managing whit we’ve goat, we don’t hiv any,” she’d admitted.
“Ye dae hiv plans. It’s jist that ye cannae see them because they’re scattered aw o’er the inside ae that skull ae yers. They’re definitely aw in there, so they ur,” Donna hid replied, tapping the side ae her heid wae her manicured fingernail. “Think aboot it. Youse ur the only business in the toon daeing whit youse ur daeing. Of course, that won’t last furever wance the word gets oot and the rats come sniffing aboot looking at ways ae taking it aw aff ae youse. Ye don’t hiv any option bit tae expand. Ye’ve become a victim ae yer ain success, so ye hiv.”
“Ye make it sound good and bad, at the same time, so ye dae.”
“It’s a Catch 22 situation, so it is. It’s aboot knowing where ye’re gaun. That’s the key tae success. It never fails if ye’re prepared tae put in the graft and ye hiv the right backer behind ye…somewan who knows the ropes. It’s a shameful waste if ye jist want tae sit back oan yer arse and take hame the peanuts ye’re earning jist noo, believing that’s aw there is tae it.”
“Peanuts?”
“Ye heard me.”
“It might no seem a lot ae money tae somewan like you, Donna, bit believe you me, fae where Ah’m sitting, Ah’ve never come across so much money in ma entire life, so Ah hivnae.”
“That’s understandable, Sharon, bit ye’re jist scratching the surface here, hen. Simon Epstein his gied ye an in, so he his. Tony Gucci and that manky mob ae his ur aw good boys, so they ur. They’re naturals at knowing how tae make a few bob. If any ae that wee crowd offer advice oan the moneymaking side ae things, ye hiv tae grab it wae baith hauns, so ye dae. Simon’s carpeted aw the flairs in the offices ae the new multi-storeys and auld building conversions in the toon and made a mint while he’s been at it. Bit, even mair profitably, he’s made the right connections. You’ve jist goat a wee taste ae that. Whit you hiv tae dae is exploit that connection while ye kin. Ye may never get another chance.”
“So, whit dis expansion look like and how dae ye get there fae here then? We’re aw run aff ae oor feet as it is.”
“Well, first things first. Ye need a partner.”
“A partner?” she’d exclaimed.
“Somewan who’ll invest the time in taking ye fae here tae away oot there and beyond,” Donna hid replied, gently slapping the tap ae her glass-topped desk wae the flats ae they fingers ae hers and smiling as she swished her erm towards the big fancy ornate windae beside them.
“Oh, er, Ah never thought ae that. None ae us hiv, tae tell ye the truth,” she’d gulped.
Silence.
“Whit ur ye thinking?” Donna hid eventually asked her, breaking in tae her thoughts.
“Ah’m…Ah’m trying tae think who wid be stupid enough tae get in tow wae the likes ae us. Ah mean, we may look organised tae an ootsider, bit believe you me, Donna, it’s a bloody nightmare trying tae keep oan tap ae things, so it is.”
“Aye, bit that’s why ye need a partner. Somewan who’ll allow ye tae get oan and dae whit ye’re good at while the partner
takes care ae the rest.”
“Oh, er, wid ye hiv anywan in mind…Ah mean, somewan that wid be prepared tae take us oan?”
“Christ’s sake, Sharon. Ur you hungover or whit?”
“Eh?”
“Ah’m talking aboot me. Ah’m offering tae be the new partner wae you and the lassies…mind you, oan the face ae it, Ah’ll be a sleeper. Ye won’t see me much aboot during the day, bit ye’ll certainly feel ma presence...as will any other vulture trying tae muscle in there,” she’d added, her eyes flashing.
“Oh,” wis aw she’d said, as Donna cackled at her stupidity, slipping oot a wee crystal sherry glass fae her haunbag and wan fae the tap drawer ae her desk.
“Tae us,” Donna hid said, filling the two wee glasses tae the brim wae sherry and haunin wan across tae Sharon. “Insteid ae being the five ae youse, there will be six,” she’d announced, as they baith took a wee sip.
“So, er, ye spoke aboot investment?”
“Ah’m yer investment. Money cannae buy whit Ah’m putting oan the table, so it cannae. You mind and tell the lassies that.”
She’d gone back and spoken tae the lassies. They might’ve been an argumentative bunch ae toe-rags, bit they knew whit success looked like…and that wis Donna The Prima Donna, in they fancy red high heels ae hers and that big flashy motor she ran aboot in.
“So, whit happens noo?” she’d asked Donna at their follow-up meeting, letting her know the lassies wid be delighted tae welcome her oan board.
“Fur a start, we need oor ain premises, some vans and mair employees…aye, a lot mair.”
“Oh, dae ye think so?” Sharon hid mumbled.
“Look, wae the best will in the world, youse cannae aw dae it by yersel, Sharon. Tae survive, ye’ll need tae expand. Set up a meeting wae that bank manager. Ah know Harold McMillan. He’s a bit ae a bumptious prick, bit he’s no daft either. Ah’ll let him know aboot oor partnership agreement and tell him Ah’m putting a business plan thegither that’ll take the business forward fur the next three years.”
“Donna, Ah cannae thank ye enough fur aw this help ye’re gieing us.”
“Look, don’t say that. We’ll be using ma other company’s services. Ah’ll be billing The Original Jeely Piece Company fur everything, bit it’ll be peanuts tae whit youse ur gonnae be making, plus ye won’t be getting ripped-aff. Aw us wummin hiv tae stick thegither. Oor time is fast approaching, so it is.”
“Ye sound like wan ae these feminists, so ye dae,” she’d retorted jokingly.
“Me? Ach, Ah’ve been known tae dae ma bit, as and when asked. Ah’m no wan fur arseing aboot in cauld dank halls, listening tae dribble aboot how good some Lord’s efter-thought daughter wis back in nineteen canteen. Ah’m aboot the noo. When some ae that crowd manage tae get their arses in gear and aw sing fae the same hymn sheet, insteid ae being aw o’er the shoap, Ah’ll maybe join them at the barricades,” Donna hid laughed.
“Ah meant it…we aw dae…when Ah said we couldnae thank ye enough fur yer help, Donna.”
“Sharon, hen, don’t thank me. Thank yersel that ye hid the gumption tae get up aff ae that arse ae yers and get oan wae trying tae dae good fur yersel. Ye’re no sitting here by chance. Ah know a winner when Ah come across wan.”
“It’s a pity Helen couldnae be here tae see aw this.”
“Sharon, Ah knew Helen, God bless her. Knew her aw ma days. She wis wan smart cookie wis Helen. However, the problem wae Helen wis, she goat involved in the wrang fights, so she did. Aye, she wis amazing, aye, she could lead fae the front, bit at the end ae the day, where did it get her? Fae whit Ah kin gather, the warrant sales ur still being rolled oot aw across the city. Ah’ve never been wan fur charging at the man fae the establishment. Ah’ve still goat the physical and mental scars fae ma younger days back in The Toonheid when we wur aw running aboot wae Pat Molloy and Wan-bob Broon’s boys at school. It wis Helen that persuaded me tae go and talk tae Pat Molloy efter Fraser’d gied me ma second black eye in a space ae a week. She’d been gaun oot wae The Big Man at the time.
“Listen, Donna. Ah telt ye last week. If ye don’t nip it in the bud noo, then ye’ll be furever dreading it when that fat basturt comes hame drunk,’ she said tae me.”
“Wis that when ye wur living at the tap ae Ronald Street?”
“Aye. Ah liked that wee flat. It wis oor first wan thegither.”
“So, whit happened efter ye spoke tae Pat?”
“He sent Wan-bob Broon and Charlie Hastie doon tae the wee yard he hid oan Osborne Street where he kept his vans. Whit a mess they left him in. When the ambulance drapped him aff up at The Royal, they thought he must’ve been run o’er wae the amount ae injuries oan him. The basturt never lifted his haun tae me efter that. No only that, bit Pat took a stake in the business fur his cheek,” Donna hid said laughing.
“Did he ever bring it up tae ye?”
“Who? Fraser? Nah. He knew fine well why he wis getting a doing, bit they hauns ae his stayed well away fae that coupon ae mine efter that, so they did. Thanks tae Helen, Ah gained and learned a lot fae that experience. Because Fraser wis too scared tae keep me in line, Ah went tae night school tae learn aboot bookkeeping.”
“Aye, Ah kin remember.”
“That’s right. Ah kin remember you, Helen, Issie and Betty looking efter the weans at the time. It wis a bit ae a struggle, especially wae the weans being really young, bit Ah persevered. Ah kin remember looking at aw the people in ma class and asking masel whit the hell Ah wis daeing there. Efter Ah’d passed ma bookkeeping exam, Big Sandy Mitchell, who’d been daeing Pat’s books fur years, died ae cancer.”
“Aye, poor Doreen. Ah think she drank hersel tae death efter that.”
“Aye, she did. Anyway, Pat wis a suspicious basturt and didnae trust anywan, so he came roond tae see me. Ah kin remember the hoose wis like a shitehoose, wae stuff aw o’er the flair and the weans aw screaming and greeting at the wan time and here’s Pat Molloy, sitting there oblivious tae the chaos, asking me if Ah fancied daeing his books,” Donna hid said as they baith laughed.
“Maybe that’s why he never ended up hivving weans himsel,” Sharon hid remarked.
“God, noo that ye mention it…” Donna hid said, chortling. “Another thing Ah learned efter getting that black eye fae Fraser wis that, even if Ah’d wanted tae, there wid’ve been nae use retaliating. He wis too big and strong. Men hiv been at the intimidation business a lot longer than us wummin and ur far too strong fur us tae confront them up front. They always hiv aw the guns and ammo. Ah prefer tae fuck them up the arse wae a smile oan that sweet face ae mine, while allowing them tae think they’re the best thing since sliced breid,” Donna hid said, laughing. “Ah owe Helen a lot, so Ah dae.”
“So, how dae we go aboot finding premises then?”
“Ah’ve goat a few Ah’m looking tae purchase. Wan ae them wid be fine and dandy fur whit we’re efter. Ah’ll gie the company a competitive three-year lease, less twenty percent, wae an option tae purchase wance the lease is up.”
“We’ve goat this court case coming up in a few months time. Ah might end up in the jail fur a long time. Whit happens then?”
“Look, furget that. There’s a time and place. Ye kin address that nearer the time.”
“Aye, that’s whit young Tony and Simon advised.”
“Well, ye hivnae done too bad wae that last piece ae advice that they gied ye, noo, hiv ye?”
“Aye, Ah suppose so,” she’d replied, smiling.
“Start tae look aboot at who’s looking fur a wee job amongst the wummin up in Springburn. Don’t promise them anything, bit tell them there might be a few hours coming up.”
“Whit aboot the other offices in the toon?”
“Encourage yer customers tae spread the word. Ah see young Tony regularly as we’ve goat a few business interests oan the go. Ah’ll mention it tae him tae see if Simon kin get youse access tae another office block, bit we’ll need tae get the preparation work oot ae the way first.”
“Jist you turn up. That door ae mine is always open tae ye, Mrs Campbell,” the money-grabbing basturt’d hid the cheek tae say tae her.
“And no before bloody time,” Betty harrumphed again, breaking intae her thoughts, as their new van, coughing oot black oily smoke fae the exhaust pipe at the back, wae Squinty Alex behind the wheel, slowly heided towards them through the busy traffic ae St Vincent Street.
Their next stoap wis the big polis office jist alang the road and up the hill oan Pitt Street. Alex hid been sent back up tae The Springburn Halls tae pick up a new batch ae sannys that hid been freshly prepared at five o’clock that morning, which wur sitting waiting oan him. Wan ae the typing-pool managers, a nice lassie, who’d worked fur The Majestic Insurance Company fur the past fourteen years and who’d promised tae put oot the word aboot the business tae her man, hid goat back tae them the day before and said that they wid be mair than welcome tae start selling the sannys up in Pitt Street. That man ae hers wis a superintendent there and hid telt her that they’d take as much as they could bring wae them. Although it wis a polis office, it wis mainly typist lassies and pen-pushers that worked there. The fact that Sharon could genuinely prove that aw employees and partners within The Original Jeely Piece Company wur legit in payroll terms hid eased her reservations at expanding in tae that place. Whit she wisnae looking forward tae, wis telling the bunch ae foulmoothed harridans, huddling oot ae the rain, while cursing Alex, that they’d aw be gaun hame that coming Friday, thanks tae Donna The Prima Donna, wae a broon wage packet and a payslip in their hauns.
