by Cecily Wolfe
Jason patted a plain blue insulated lunch bag that sat on the table in front of him before answering.
“I’m good, thanks.”
Kaylie nodded with a smile and turned to follow Connor, who had been waiting. When Maya looked up a few seconds later, Kaylie was walking in front of Connor, and while he was moving as well, he was still looking at Maya, and he did not look happy.
“Not hungry?”
Jason’s voice was warm and comforting, uncomplicated and new. Sure, they had known each other since the beginning of high school, but this was the first time they had really talked for any length of time beyond simple greetings and short conversations in classes that were pretty impersonal.
She wondered why he had asked her to the prom in the first place, but decided not to ask. The important thing was to be sure that he knew they were going as friends, and that had to be clear. She didn’t want to lead him on.
As for Connor with Kaylie, who knew what would happen there. She was pretty and sweet, and without even thinking about it, she just might have put Connor in a position to have a romantic relationship with her, even if that hadn’t been her intention.
It didn’t matter, though. It wasn’t as if she could jeopardize their friendship by suddenly announcing to him that she thought she was in love with him.
“You look like you need to eat something. Seriously. I don’t know what happened between the last time we talked this morning and now, but it seems like you don’t feel well.”
Maya forced a smile and sighed.
“I don’t know. Just thinking too much. You’re sweet to be concerned, though.”
He shook his head, his smile toning down just a little.
“Not at all. Let’s see what I’ve got here.”
As Jason started to pull items from his lunch bag, Maya forgot to worry as she began to wonder how in the world everything fit in it. A single Twinkie, a homemade ham and cheese sandwich cut diagonally, an apple, a tiny box of raisins, and a chocolate Star Crunch had appeared like items from Mary Poppins’ carpet bag. Jason was still adding to the line of food on the table in front of him when Connor and Kaylie returned.
“You’re like a magician.”
She found herself laughing as she spoke, and Jason joined in, his latest find in his hand.
“For you, my lady.”
She took the proffered Twix bar, which happened to be her favorite, and bowed her head with a smile in a literal nod to his chivalry. A clattering across the table made her jump, the smile vanishing from her face.
“Sorry, guys. The tray is a little wet on the bottom, I think.”
Connor didn’t look sorry even as the words came out of his mouth, his eyes dark and narrowed as he stared at Maya. Jason and Kaylie didn’t seem to notice.
“Oh, is that a Star Crunch? I haven’t had one of those since middle school.”
Jason brightened up again as Kaylie pointed at the rice cereal treat. He picked it up and held it out across the table to her.
“Thanks!”
The two of them smiled at each other and began a conversation Maya didn’t quite hear, as she was busy watching Connor, who didn’t seem to be making an effort to hide his dislike of whatever had made him slam that tray onto the table.
“Hi Connor!”
“Connor! Hey, man!”
The hall was the usual blur of faces and bodies, his name hovering the air, and while he generally waved at whoever spoke, or at least in the direction of the sound if he couldn’t quite identify who it was, that afternoon he kept his arm by his side and his gaze forward.
He couldn’t get the image of Maya and Jason together out of his head. First in the hall before lunch, and then at the lunch table when he and Kaylie had returned. He had bought French fries for Maya, hoping to brighten her up with the usual junk they ate together, but she was holding her favorite candy bar, smiling as if no one had ever given her a better gift.
Jason was a good guy, Connor thought, his mind wandering so that he had to concentrate to remember what class he was supposed to be going to, but maybe too good. What if Maya started to like him, as a boyfriend?
So what, is what he should have been thinking. He and Maya were friends, and that was all. Anything more would be awkward, especially if he told her he had started to feel like he wanted something more, and she was freaked out by it.
By him.
He couldn’t take that chance. Their friendship was way too important to him, and he knew that she felt the same, or at least she had until lately. Now he really didn’t know what was going on in her head.
Then again, what was going on in his wasn’t all that clear.
“Hey.”
Now there was a voice he would always recognize. Maya had walked up beside him as he was staring straight ahead, and her hand curled inside his elbow. He swallowed before looking down at her, holding back when he wanted to turn and face her, pull her to the side of the hall and ask her what was going on with her and Jason.
“Hey.”
Lame response, he knew, but a part of him knew that it was okay with Maya. Whatever he said or did, they were cool.
The two of them walked to his class together, silent, and it didn’t occur to him that anyone would be watching or talking about them. They had been together like this for years, and for the first time since seeing Maya with Jason a few hours ago, he started to relax.
Maya squeezed his arm just enough for him to feel it before she walked away, and it was only then, as he stood watching her return the way they had come, that he realized she had gone out of her way to accompany him.
“Dude!”
One of his basketball teammates brushed by him, his arm held up, hand raised for a high five. Connor half-heartedly smacked it, eliciting an agreeable grunt from the other boy. They both walked into the room, and as the teacher came up behind them to close the door, Connor was left wondering what Maya’s actions might have meant.
At least she wasn’t walking around with Jason, and the talk at lunch following his juvenile stunt with the food tray centered on where to have dinner before prom and the best place to buy a dress. He and Jason just had to rent tuxes, and with only one store at the mall that had them, that was easy. Jason said he had a handle on a classy old car, so Conner mentally checked that off their short to-do list.
The girls could do their thing with the dresses, Connor thought, and Maya would be happy to go to the prom as her mom suggested, with no regrets down the road about missing a high school tradition.
But would he have any about her?
Chapter Ten
The walk to the library after school wasn’t as awkward as it had been lately, and Connor started to wonder if he was just overreacting to everything. After all, it was the end of senior year, with a lot going on, and maybe being so busy with so many changes ahead was getting to him.
Who was he kidding?
“So where were you thinking of working if you don’t get the library job?”
He wasn’t sure if that was the best way of opening a conversation with Maya, especially since they had walked in a quiet, companionable silence most of the way and were nearly there. He had been wondering, though, and since he hadn’t planned on not doing his best to get the job himself, he was a little worried about how she would save over the summer for the school year ahead.
Just because he didn’t need to worry about paying for car insurance and gas, along with whatever supplies his classes required didn’t mean that he didn’t understand how much she did need to. There were other places to work, though, and it was a good idea for her to start putting applications in. She had been so absorbed in this prom thing that she might not have thought of it.
With a short burst of a laugh, she walked a little way ahead of him and turned around, walking backward like she liked to do when they talked. He knew he was going to miss seeing her every day when he was away at Ohio State, in these little ways he had not only grown used to, but depended on. Her response wasn’
t quite as playful as the way she sort of skipped as she spoke.
“I intend to get the job, so it’s not an issue.”
He nodded and smiled, going along with her response. For the moment. It was better to just let it go for now, he considered, especially after the strangeness of today. When it came down to it, Lindsay was responsible for who was chosen, and if it was him, Maya would have to accept that. He had as much of a chance of getting it as she did, so it was a little annoying that she just assumed she was the better choice.
“You’re pretty confident about it. Not a bad thing.”
It was meant as an offhand comment, just something to acknowledge her answer without refuting it. Arguing about it was an obnoxious thing to do, although her answer was a little too self-assured.
“And what about you? You seem to think it’s a done deal for you.”
Maya pressed her lips together after she spoke, as if she was holding back whatever else she wanted to say. Part of him wanted to tell her that if she could think she was a sure thing for the position, why couldn’t he; but another part of him wanted to reach out and stop her, only to kiss those lips.
“I don’t see why I shouldn’t. Maybe you need to think of other places to apply before everyone else gets whatever summer jobs are available.”
When she stopped, he nearly ran into her, stopping only a few inches from her frowning face. She turned around, showing him her back as she answered.
“Maybe you need to worry about yourself and what you’ll be doing this summer. I think I can take care of myself.”
He reached out but caught himself before touching her arm as it swayed back and forth with her forward steps. Taking care of each other was what they had been doing since middle school, wasn’t it?
So what was going on? Was the entire summer going to be this roller coaster of indecipherable moodiness on her part?
It wasn’t fair to think like that when he was just as unpredictable anymore. He was probably annoying her just as much as she was upsetting him. Before he could respond to her declaration, she continued.
“Come on, let’s see if we can get there early, before Steve eats all the donuts. Seriously, the last time Andrea brought in an entire dozen, he said that he only had two, but there was no way Lindsay and Andrea had eaten ten between them.”
It was true, and bringing up donuts when she knew he would be hungry was a good way for Maya to redirect the conversation. She didn’t want to argue any more than he did, which was a good sign.
“Steve is a bottomless pit. I’m glad Andrea warned us that she was going to bring donuts, so we had a chance at getting one if we beat Steve to it.”
Maya nodded, slowing her pace. Connor increased his so in a few moments, they were walking side by side, as they had before he had mentioned the summer position. He should have kept his mouth shut, he thought, holding back a sigh.
This was the best part of any day for him. Just being with Maya, the two of them, talking about whatever came to mind . . . except now there was something they really couldn’t talk about. Silence between them had never been a problem, and they had spent plenty of time quietly together, just hanging out, when they could just tell that one or the other of them needed the silence, and it wasn’t uncomfortable.
“I only have two dollars, so if we don’t get any donuts, there’s not much I can get at the drugstore to eat during break.”
Connor knew better than to tell her he’d buy her whatever she wanted. It was a source of pride that even when they shared something he had bought, she took a turn at some point buying snacks for him as well.
“Let’s get a move on, then.”
As soon as he spoke, he started to run, and couldn’t help but smile as he heard her laugh, her footsteps growing closer behind him.
Maya thought a couple of donuts might make her feel better, but beating Steve to the eight left in the box in the staff break room didn’t resonate triumphantly as it would have a month or so ago.
“You two are early today.”
She didn’t hear Lindsay walk into the room, and when Connor turned his head to the manager she saw the surprise on his face as well. Lindsay was like some sort of spy sometimes; she just seemed to be everywhere and never missed anything.
Librarians.
She had a mouthful of donut, but Connor had managed to eat his quickly and could answer Lindsay.
“Andrea told us about the donuts. It was a good incentive to be here before Steve ate them all.”
Lindsay laughed, but it was quick and after a moment, she tilted her head towards her office and with a brief look at Conner, Maya followed.
“Should we sit?” Conner asked, sucking donut glaze from his thumb. Maya started to wipe her hands on her jeans but stopped when she saw Lindsay’s frown. Lindsay was super organized and super clean, and obviously didn’t approve of smearing sugar all over one’s clothes.
“No, I just wanted to check in and see how you two were doing. I know this job opportunity is something you’re both interested in, and I wish I had two positions so one of you wouldn’t be excluded.”
Maya looked over at Conner, who was frowning as he turned his gaze to her. He shrugged and spoke before she had a chance to figure out how to respond. What did Lindsay mean, she was checking in? As if he had read Maya’s mind, Conner asked her question out loud.
“Checking in? What do you mean?”
Their manager pulled out her rolling chair and sat down neatly without causing it to move an inch. Maya thought of how she and Conner used to get in trouble in the middle school library for racing around in the rolling chairs, which, she figured, were just too big of a temptation not to take advantage of.
Since they had both been known as quiet and shy kids, the librarian hadn’t come down on them too hard until the third or fourth time, and then they had to come in after school and shelve books, something they were already doing over at the public library by that time.
“You both seem a little tense. Maybe it’s just because it’s the end of your senior year, and you both have a lot on your minds. It’s understandable. I don’t want this job to be an addition to your concerns.”
It was too late for that, Maya knew, and Conner’s brief glance her way, his expression unsmiling and his eyes dark, reflected that same thought. Lindsay continued.
“Just keep doing what you’ve always done. You’re both very good workers, and since you’ve never been paid, clearly all of your efforts are meaningful in and of themselves. If I can count on you as volunteers, I know I can count on you as employees.”
Maya nodded and tried to smile at Lindsay. Of course, it was exciting to think about a real paycheck, but Lindsay was right about the stress. Soon, she thought, Lindsay would pick her and it would be a done deal. Meanwhile, she and Conner would be busy with finals and prom, and if this job caused difficulties between them, they could work them out.
They had been through so much together that it seemed like nothing could come between them, except this new strangeness that was, she was sure, her own doing because she wanted more than friendship.
She was sure of that now, just as she was sure that she would be the one signing her name on that W-4 in a few weeks.
“Thanks, Lindsay.”
Conner was smiling at Lindsay now, too, as Maya was wandering through her own thoughts. She echoed his words, and turned towards the open doorway, where she and Conner nearly ran into each other. He let her step ahead of him, even as she wanted to stay there close to him, just for a moment longer.
