She reverently closed her eyes. “Christ, how are you people so nice?”
I smiled. “I guess, what God forgot to give me in cool, he made up for with nice.”
She laughed and opened her eyes. “Thank you. For, you know, opening your home to us and being so kind. This could be really awkward and you’re making it…well, easy.”
“The same goes for you, ya know.”
She focused on the ground and tucked a stray hair behind her ear. “So, you wanna meet her?”
My smile grew. “I would love to.”
Her head lifted, and a shy smile played on her lips. She pointed over my shoulder. “She likes your dog.”
I didn’t know how I’d missed her getting out of the car, but as I spun around, the entire world disappeared except for a little, blond girl with ringlet curls, blazing, green eyes, and the most amazing smile I had ever seen.
Heath had her on his shoulders, and Roman was holding Loretta up for her to pet.
I didn’t care one bit that four armed DEA agents were looming around us.
Or that my dining room had been converted into a security room that now housed bodyguards.
Nor did I care that Leo James and two new guys named Jude and Ethan were waiting on the other side of my door to give us all a security briefing.
No. I couldn’t have cared less.
That moment was perfect.
Just like her.
“She’s gorgeous.” I whispered.
“Inside and out,” Clare replied. “Come on. I’ll introduce you.”
She walked away, but I couldn’t move.
“Mama! Her name Retta,” she told Clare as she dove off Heath’s shoulders and into her mother’s arms.
Clare smiled over her shoulder at me before whispering something in Tessa’s ear.
Then my heart burst with absolute love.
“Hey, Lisbeth,” she called out in an angelic voice.
And she’d pronounced the S. I was sure it was because she couldn’t say her Zs yet. But I took it as a sign.
Roman’s face lit when we made eye contact. He lifted his chin in a silent order for me to join them, but that wasn’t what got my feet moving.
“Wanna see da dog?” Tessa yelled, pointing at Loretta.
I’d had, and loved, that dog for five years, but I’d never been so excited to “see” her in my entire life.
“I’d love to,” I laughed, walking over, my heels sinking into the grass.
“She like balls?” Tessa asked Roman.
He chuckled. “Nah. Loretta’s only trick is not spilling a drop as she pees inside my shoes.”
“It was one time when she was a puppy, Roman. It’s time you let that grudge go,” I teased, sidling up beside him. “She doesn’t like balls,” I informed Tessa. “But she has squeaky toys inside that she likes to chew on. Wanna see?”
She cautiously looked up at her mom and then over to Heath. “We go inside?”
“Yeah, sweet girl,” Heath answered, lifting his hand for a high-five Tessa enthusiastically returned.
“I made cookies,” I blurted as everyone started toward the door. “Well, it’s more like a cookie bar. I didn’t have a cookie sheet and they all melted together, but we can cut it into cookies.”
“Yes!” Tessa shrieked, patting Clare on the shoulder. “Can we have cookies, Mama? Please. Please. Pleeeeeease.”
Clare tightened her lips as she gave me a side eye, but her words were for her daughter. “I don’t know. It depends on what kind they are.”
“Uh…Chocolate chip?” I said nervously.
What if Clare was some kind of health nut and didn’t allow Tessa to have sweets? I really should have broached this topic with her before offering her kid cookies. Damn.
Clare frowned at Tessa. “Sorry, baby.”
Only the little girl didn’t look even remotely upset. She laughed wildly. “You can’t eat dem all!”
Clare poked out an exaggerated pouty lip. “But, but, they’re my favorite.”
Tessa continued to giggle, and my worries drifted away.
“How about you grab Mrs. Elisabeth’s hand and the three of us will race and see who gets there first?”
My breath hitched, and a chill prickled the hairs on the back of my neck.
Oh God.
Tessa cautiously looked up at me as if weighing her decision. She once again looked over to Heath, who gave her a smile and a short nod, before she lifted her tiny hand up in my direction.
I had been wrong earlier. That was the moment when my heart burst with absolute love.
I took her hand in mine and tried to keep the moisture swimming behind my lids at bay.
She grinned. “I hope you fast. Mama loves chocolate chip cookies.”
I barked a laugh and the tears spilled out. I did my best to hide them, but they wouldn’t stop.
She was perfect.
Head to toe.
Inside and out.
Clare gave me an understanding smile and put me out of my misery by issuing a, “One, two, three, go.”
She pulled up on Tessa’s arm, and I did the same, swinging her off her feet as we headed to the front door, Heath and Roman on our heels.
Those might have been the saddest, most tragic chocolate chip cookies I’d ever baked.
But sitting on a barstool, listening to Tessa giggle when Clare pretended to be Cookie Monster, cry when she spilled her milk, then laugh again when Roman let Loretta lick some of it off the floor made them the most incredible chocolate chip cookies I’d ever eaten.
“Well, as you can see, this room…is rather…um, bare,” Elisabeth said, pushing the door directly across the hall from Clare’s room open.
She wasn’t kidding. The room was empty with the exception of an air mattress and a small nightstand beside it.
“Oh, and this one doesn’t have a private bath. You’ll have to share the hall one with Devon and Alex.” She paused. “Shit…and I guess all the other new guys too.” She worried with her thin, gold necklace. “I figured it’d be best to give Clare and Tessa the one with the bathroom. Even if it does look like shit. I’m gonna have someone come in to renovate it soon. It’s really ugly right now.”
“I’m sure it’s fine,” I said, putting the bag my sister, Maggie, had dropped off on the floor.
“New furniture will be here on Monday,” she added.
“Dis you room, Luke?” Tessa asked, squeezing past me, Clare in tow.
While I was impressed with how well Tessa was adjusting, Clare was starting to worry me. Somewhere around dinnertime, her brave smile had melted away and she’d shut down. She hadn’t eaten anything, and when I’d asked if she wanted to go lie down, she’d shaken her head and diverted her eyes.
She hadn’t let Tessa go since we’d arrived. And I mean, not at all. If she wasn’t carrying her, she was holding her hand. Tessa had tried to break free at least a hundred times, but Clare had refused and redirected her attention to something else.
Roman and Elisabeth were chomping at the bit to get their hands on her, but Clare never gave them a second. She’d included them in conversations with Tessa and urged her to talk to them, but not once had she let her go. I understood her caution, but this was something different. Something more was going on in her head, but I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was.
“Whoa! Dat you bed?” Tessa asked, belly-flopping on the air mattress. “It’s bouncy!”
Clare grimaced and scooped her up, planting her on her hip. “Don’t, baby. You’ll put a hole in it.”
“It’s okay,” Elisabeth said, watching Tessa with a warm smile. “I have an extra downstairs.”
Clare cut her eyes to Elisabeth and clipped, “No. It’s not okay.”
Elisabeth’s back shot ramrod straight as Clare rushed from the room, Tessa in her arms.
I watched with narrowed eyes as she crossed the hall and closed the door to her room behind her.
“Did I say something wrong?” Elisabeth asked.
/> I shook my head. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll go check on her. They’re both just exhausted.”
“Yeah,” Elisabeth whispered, unconvinced.
I squeezed her shoulder. “The last few days have been hard on everyone. We could all use a good night of sleep.”
“Right.” She swallowed hard, staring at the closed bedroom door.
“Go find Roman, Elisabeth. I’ll take care of this.”
She didn’t say anything, but she started toward the stairs. “You’ll let me know…if y’all…you know, need anything?”
“Of course.”
She glanced back at Clare’s door and sighed before finally going down the stairs.
After digging through my bag, I pulled out the pair of headphones I’d asked Maggie to pack and then walked to the door.
With a soft knock, I called, “Clare? It’s me.”
She didn’t respond, so I knocked again.
“Clare?”
No answer.
“Don’t shut me out,” I told the door. “You need time alone, that’s fine, but you gotta let me know you’re okay.”
I heard her humorless laugh.
“I’m not sure I’ll ever be okay,” she said.
I rested my palms on either side of the doorjamb. “Then let me in so I can help.”
“Go away, Heath.”
I groaned, testing the doorknob and finding it locked. “You want to be alone? Why don’t you let me watch Tessa for a little while? You can take a shower, do whatever you gotta do.”
“No one is watching Tessa but me.”
There was something in her tone that bothered me, just the slightest hint of an edge I’d never heard before.
I skimmed my hand over the top of the doorframe and, bingo, found one of those universal pins for opening locks. “Clare, I’m coming in. You dressed?”
“Nope,” she snipped, that fucking edge more prominent.
Worry soured in my gut.
“Then I suggest you get that way fast because I’m coming in.” I poked the key into the tiny hole on the knob until it released the lock. “Let me know when you’re covered,” I said, cracking the door but not swinging it open.
“Jesus Christ, Heath. Yes. I’m dressed.” She snatched the door from my hand, causing the key to fall to the carpeted floor.
We both bent to pick it up at the same time, our heads nearly cracking together.
“Shit. Sorry.” I jumped back up, but she remained hunched over. “Clare?” I questioned, reaching out for her but stopping at the last second.
She folded an arm across her stomach and then used her other to prop herself up on her knee. Her back rounded as a painful moan escaped her mouth.
“Mama?” Tessa cried from the bed, promptly abandoning the iPad I’d loaned her and scrambling over the side.
“I’m fine,” Clare said in a broken voice that told me she was anything but fine.
I squatted in front of her at the same time Tessa careened into her legs.
She winced and an agonizing wail shot from her mouth before she moved the arm at her stomach to wrap it around Tessa’s back. “I’m fine,” she repeated.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, desperately fighting the urge to take her into my arms.
She groaned, using a great deal of effort to stand up straight. “Nothing. I’m good,” she panted as though she’d just run a marathon.
“You’re in pain.”
“I’m just a little sore.”
“Bull—” I didn’t finish the curse strictly for Tessa’s benefit. “Hey, sweet girl. Go get the iPad. I brought you some headphones.”
She looked up at Clare warily but reluctantly followed my direction.
Once I had her set up on the bed, watching one of the princess movies I’d downloaded for her, I refocused on Clare. “Hall. Now,” I ordered.
“Don’t tell me what to do,” she mumbled as she walked past me in a gait that could only be compared to that of an eighty-year-old recovering from a hip replacement. She stopped at the door without crossing the threshold into the hall.
“How bad is it?” I asked.
She glanced over her shoulder at Tessa. “I’m fine, Heath. We just need some sleep.”
“Don’t feed me that shit.”
She was still wearing the scrubs the hospital had given her that morning despite the fact that Elisabeth had placed several bags of clothes on the armchair in her bedroom.
“Why don’t you go take a long bath and get changed?”
“Into what?” she snapped, slapping her hands on her thighs in frustration before wincing again.
I crossed my arms over my chest and rocked back on my heels. “Maybe something in one of those bags.”
She scoffed and glanced to the floor. “I’m fine in this.”
“Yeah, but you’ve been wearing it all day. And you need a shower. I’m not saying you stink or anything, but…” I trailed off and tossed her a smirk.
One she did not return.
Her whole face crumbled, which sent off a chain reaction through her body. She threw a hand out and caught herself on the door.
I would have given anything to take that from her. To make things better. But I couldn’t be sure she even wanted the comfort from me. And, if she didn’t, I would have been no better than any other man who had put his hands on her without her permission.
I pinched the bridge of my nose and ground out, “Talk to me.”
Her breathing sped rapidly as emotions ravaged her, but she kept them locked away.
Pressure mounted in my chest because there was not one damn thing I could do to ease her agony unless she trusted me enough to open up. I couldn’t force her. It was something she had to decide on her own. And it fucking killed me.
She screwed her eyes shut but didn’t move.
“Clare, I’m gonna be real honest here. I’m on the verge of spontaneously combusting. I refuse to be one of those men in your life who puts my hands on you when you have no say in it. But, if you don’t stop being such a hard-ass and lean on me, I’m going to lose my mind. If you want to be left alone, I’ll completely understand. But, for the love of God, babe, open your mouth and tell me what the hell is going on in your head.”
Her sad, blue eyes lifted to mine; the pain shining within was staggering.
I loomed forward, thrumming with need to hold her. “It’s me, Clare. Whatever you need, you know I’ll give it to you. You just have to tell me.”
Finally, fucking finally, she closed the distance between us, folded her arms around my waist, and pressed her cheek to my chest. “I wanna go home, Heath. I can’t stay here. I can’t…”
That was all the permission I needed. I’d promised myself that I’d only give to Clare, but as I wrapped her into a gentle hug, I had to admit that it was for me. My heart slowed immediately as I filled my lungs with her scent.
“I can’t let you go back to that.”
“No,” she corrected. “Not back to Walt’s. I mean home. To the shitty trailer I lived in before I met him.” She paused and then softly finished with, “Before my life ended.”
“I can’t let you go back to that either, babe.”
Her shoulders shook as her breathing shuttered. Her fingers tensed at my back as she clung to me.
“I know this is hard,” I told the top of her head. “But we’re all here for you. Me. Roman. Elisabeth. The DEA. Everyone.”
“I don’t belong here,” she squeaked.
She was so fucking wrong. She belonged exactly where she was—safe and in my arms.
“This isn’t permanent.”
She lifted her head off my chest and tilted it back to catch my gaze. “That’s the problem. I don’t belong anywhere. A woman I only met hours ago bought me underwear today, Heath.” Her voice hitched. “I don’t even have my own underwear,” she choked out. “What happens when this is over? I have no family. My parents are dead, and my aunts and uncles, who I haven’t spoken to in over a decade, could barely take ca
re of themselves back then. I can’t imagine that anyone is going to be rushing to my aid when this is all said and done. I have nowhere to go. No money. No clothes. No way to take care of Tessa. No job. No experience. No nothing.”
“You’ve got me,” I replied without hesitation. And I fucking meant it.
I wouldn’t abandon her.
Even if I couldn’t stay.
“You’re a really sweet guy. But come on… Eventually, the DEA is going to stop paying you to take care of me.”
I cocked my head to the side. “You think I’m only here because it’s my job?”
“I don’t think it’s the only reason you’re here. But, Heath, two days ago, I still thought your name was Luke.”
“And…” I drawled.
She sighed. “And…it’s hard to believe that next time you go undercover and your name becomes Gino that you’ll still be my Luke.”
My Luke.
Wrong name, but I could live with it as long as it was preceded by “my” and it came from her mouth.
“Okay, let me stop you right there. One, I have blond hair and blue eyes. I’m willing to assume no one is going to buy me as a Gino. So we’re both safe there.” I smirked.
She half laughed, half cried.
“Two, I already told you this, but it seems it needs repeating.” I smoothed a hand up her back and stared down into her swollen and battered, but no less beautiful, blue eyes. “I don’t want to be your Luke. Not anymore. I’m Heath. I’ve always been Heath. I’ll always be Heath. But, regardless of what my name is, I’m not going anywhere.”
Not until you’re ready anyway. I ignored the stabbing pain in my chest.
Her lashes fluttered as her eyes closed just before she rested her forehead on my chest. “Why?”
Because I wouldn’t be able to breathe without knowing you’re safe.
Because I’m drawn to you in ways that would ruin us both.
Because it’s irrational, illogical, and so fucked up that I feel like I’m going insane, but I can’t stop feeling like you and Tessa are mine.
“We’re friends, Clare. That’s what friends do.”
She hugged me tight then mumbled something I couldn’t quite make out into my chest. I assumed it was some variation of thank-you. So I gently returned her squeeze.
The Complete Retrieval Duet Page 24
