She nodded, smiling to herself. “Yeah. You’re right. Not sure why I’m so grouchy. Just frustrating trying to figure all this stuff out.” She paused, leaning back on her palms as she kicked her feet at the snow again. “I turned in my notice at the zoo,” she said softly.
I flinched. I knew the obvious reasons why she might do so, but had expected her to fight it harder. Being around animals as a shifter could get difficult if she became hungry. And killing a tiger or something was probably a felony of some kind. But I had assumed the other bears had normal jobs, and that Claire might get to keep hers after she gained more control.
“Did Armor make you quit?” I asked warily, not sure if I was overstepping myself. He was her Alpha now, and maybe he held that kind of control.
Claire snorted. “No. He argued with me about it. Kept telling me it would get easier with time… But I know it will just be another razor blade for me to juggle. Always making sure I’m not going to freak out one day and lose it.” I nodded, not wanting to offer comment. This had to be her decision, but it hurt my heart to know she was giving up something so important to her.
All because I had gotten her involved way over her head and she’d been attacked by an asshole of a shifter bear. Sure, she had gotten her ultimate revenge, but the cat was already out of the bag, so to speak.
“Starlight offered me a job as the Cave’s doctor. Made my decision much easier. Basically, it’s like I was recruited by some high-tech research lab, learning about new species and how to take care of them. It will also help me understand my own changes a little better. He said that if I get comfortable with it, I can even consult for other types of shifters in town.”
I frowned. “But don’t shifters heal pretty fast already?”
Claire shrugged. “From simple injuries, sure. But silver wounds, punctured lungs, severe traumas. Sometimes they need immediate assistance before their body has time to start the healing process. Imagine a lung filling with blood while their body heals the tear. They’ll drown while their body seals it up. Someone needs to drain that.” I shivered at the thought. “Also, Starlight says it’s not a far jump from becoming a Shaman, like him. Medicine Man of the pack. Or Medicine Chick, I guess.”
“What does that mean?” I asked, leaning forward. I had been curious about Starlight.
I had recently come to learn how woefully ignorant I was when it came to other flavors of supernatural, or Freaks, as the conspiracy theorists called us. I didn’t even know all the main groups in town. But they all knew of me. So, my new task was to learn and socialize.
It seemed that a lot of supernatural beings were suddenly very interested in Missouri. None of them knew why, but they all seemed to be making their way here. As if compelled. I wanted to crack that nut, or at least learn as much as I could about my incoming neighbors. Because like it or not, I kind of worked for the Vatican, and I was beginning to learn that they thought they knew much more than they really did. In a time of turmoil, it would behoove us – me – to have better relations with the various Freaks in my city.
Like Nate Temple had been doing in St. Louis.
Claire cleared her throat. “Bears are pretty… homegrown,” she finally said, attempting to describe it in simple terms. Seeing my frown, she furrowed her brows and shook her head. “They are very reclusive and spiritual. They have all sorts of rituals they do in the privacy of their pack. Think Native Americans. They don’t necessarily worship a god or anything, but they are very in tune with nature and those around them. They spend a lot of time with each other, and even if not blood, we’re all one family. At least in Armor’s Cave, anyway. Most bears are sages and hermits, wandering the woods to… well, find themselves. But Armor and his crew found themselves in Kansas City, and realized a bunch of other bears had done the same. Pretty soon they got locked into politics and were fighting for their own slice of Kansas City. Not for power, but for a safe haven. A place for other bears to have the chance to try out their new concept.”
I nodded. I had always thought bears were loners. Armor’s Cave was something of an anomaly. Sometimes you’d find a group of two or three bears together, but eventually they would disband and go their own ways. Armor, Kona, and Starlight had formed a loose family of sorts with more than two dozen bears. And it had lasted for a few years now.
“But what about the Medicine Man thing?”
Claire smiled. “I’ll show you.”
And she grabbed my hand, leading me back to the bears.
Chapter 6
Claire pressed through the woods, veering off the main path I had taken to find her, and not bothering to warn me about each branch she shoved out of her way. I either got slapped by the rebounding branches or suffered the airstrikes of dislodged snow. Either way, Claire kept on tugging me like a toddler’s blankie.
We reached the edge of the clearing that housed the bears and I let out a sigh of relief. The bears sat around a large fire, watching a roasting elk as it hung on a spit. Some remained in bear form, napping or wrestling, while those in human form toasted with their thermoses and chatted back and forth, warming their hands by the fire. Beckett was sitting beside Kona. She had been out hunting earlier, but had obviously returned with an elk. She was Armor’s head of security or something, and although we had started off on a rough patch, we’d had a lot of fun last night. The two were talking absently, but seeing us, Beckett made his goodbyes and headed our way.
Claire saw and waited, eyeing him like a piece of meat. His steps slowed as he saw her look, assuming he had done something wrong. “Am I still in trouble?” he asked, smiling crookedly.
“I wouldn’t mind giving him a spank—” Claire began.
I squeezed her hand and she cut off, chuckling under her breath. “You’re fine. Claire was just going to show us something,” I said, grabbing his hand and pulling him after me as Claire suddenly did the same, tugging me in a new direction, but still back into the merciless woods.
It wasn’t a territorial hand holding, even though Beckett grinned at the contact of flesh on flesh, even squeezing my hand affectionately. I didn’t blush. I promise. The heat from the massive fire had hit me, and it just felt nice to slap flesh to flesh.
Okay.
Stop it, Callie, I chided myself.
“Where are we going?” Beckett asked. “Because it looks like you two are leading me to a secluded cabin…”
Claire missed a step but I kicked her foot, forcing her to press on. “Claire wanted to show us something,” I said, glancing over my shoulder at him and shrugging.
He smiled good naturedly. “I’ll try anything once, I guess.”
I smirked, shaking my head at his playful grin. Flesh on flesh, I reminded myself.
“Promise?” Claire asked under her breath before halting and releasing my hand. Then she grinned and jumped between two tall firs, disappearing from view. I blinked. I hadn’t thought there was enough room between them for her to fit.
We shared a look, shrugged, and jumped after her, covering our faces from the spiky branches. We landed in a clearing I hadn’t known existed and a quaint, single story log cabin stood before us. I glanced back to see that the hut was surrounded by a ring of fir trees, blocking it off from the main area where we had been sparring. Invisible unless you knew to look for it.
Claire was already up the stairs and waiting by a wide wooden door – much too big of a door for such a small cabin. Unless bears had built it, of course. What was she about to show us? She held the door open, motioning for us to enter ahead of her. She curled her lips in an entirely inappropriate grin at Beckett as he walked by. “What’s your safe-word?” she asked him, leaning close as she bit her lip.
He blinked, and then smiled. “Teddy bear?” he said, and Claire froze. I burst out laughing, but the sound was cutoff as I began coughing at the thick clouds of smoke in the room. I momentarily began to panic as my eyes adjusted, but then I realized the building wasn’t on fire.
And we weren’t alone.
<
br /> Starlight sat before a small fire, sprawled out on one of a dozen pillows surrounding the pit. He looked up at us with lidded eyes, nodding slowly. “Puff, puff, pass?” he asked, holding out a pipe. I coughed at him, sensing Claire and Beckett step up beside me. He chuckled at my blank look, and then patted a pillow beside him. What the hell? He was a stoner?
We joined him, Beckett and I sharing blank looks. “You’re smoking pot in here?” Beckett asked, waving away more smoke and not looking pleased. He was a cop after all and needed to go back to work Monday.
Starlight shook his head, and handed the pipe to Claire, who set it beside her without taking a puff. She stripped off her clothes until she was entirely naked. Then she began to fold them very meticulously into a neat pile, which she set beside her. Then she crossed her legs and closed her eyes, facing the fire. The smoke around her abruptly shifted, leaving her in a cocoon of clear air. My jaw dropped in disbelief as I watched the smoke outside of the cocoon eddy and swirl. Starlight murmured approvingly, nodding twice, but didn’t say anything to her.
Instead, he turned to us and spun his paws in a circle, urging us to hurry up.
I glanced at Beckett, who looked just as confused. “I don’t get it…” I said.
Starlight cocked his head playfully. “Clothing. Remove it. No ties to the world. Come clean to this place. Did Claire not explain?”
“Definitely not,” I said, shivering instinctively at the thought of taking my clothes off in a strange hut with drugs, a bear, my best friend, and a cop. Goldilocks Gone Wild. I realized the room was much warmer than I thought, and that I actually had loosed my coat already. I shot Claire another look, but her eyes were still closed. Her breasts were misted with sweat now, and the hair above her ears was damp with perspiration. I blinked away the smoke and realized Beckett was waiting for me to make up my mind.
“Why don’t you catch us up,” Beckett said, studying the tiny bear. His eyes might have drifted to Claire, and he might have even licked his lips at her glistening display. Either that or he was licking away the sweat that was trickling down his nose and upper lip. I wiped my own forehead, staring down at my wet palm. What the hell? I was sweating, too?
Starlight sighed. “Bears are very spiritual. We take after the Native Americans in a way, and try to become one with the land around us in order to balance our human form with the emotional urges of our beast,” he said, waving both paws at his own bear form.
I nodded. “Why haven’t I ever seen you in human form?” I asked.
He stared at me but didn’t answer my question. “We spend a considerable amount of time getting to know ourselves, searching inward to find our totem. That essential part of ourselves that is neither beast nor man. This ritual shows you this raw self, among other things. This is a form of Peyote. It is not addictive, and is only used on these pilgrimages, not on a regular basis. This is a privilege. Each bear does this only several times per year. It shows us our past. Eventually, with understanding of the self, it can show present and even futures. Unlocking your subconscious mind, connecting dots you may otherwise not see.”
I nodded, leaning forward eagerly. “This shows you your past?” My heart raced. I would give anything to see even one glimpse of either parent. They had abandoned me on the steps of Abundant Angel Catholic Church to keep me safe from… something. Possibly demons. My mother had been a wizard named Constance, but I didn’t know my Nephilim father’s name.
Starlight nodded. “How we came to be. Well, not how we became shifters, but certain memories of those first shifters. It’s not a science, so everyone sees it differently.”
Beckett coughed, waving away a tendril. “Out of respect, I would like to accept, but I’m a policeman. I must weigh the consequences.” Starlight nodded respectfully. “Is this illegal?”
The impish bear shrugged. “We don’t have a permit because it’s not even known to your police. It is all natural, and has been used by our kind for generations. You’re free to leave,” he offered. “But I ask that you not take this away from our people. It is not recreational.”
Beckett nodded, looking torn. Not judgmental, but conflicted.
“What will it do to us? We’re not bears…” I said, staring at Claire. She was entirely slick with sweat now, the water dripping off her breasts to splash onto her thighs. She breathed deeply, but still didn’t open her eyes. Starlight made a strange purring sound as he glanced at her.
As graceful as an angel, she blindly reached for the pipe and took a large draw. I found myself leaning forward, waiting for her to start tripping balls or whatever people called getting high these days.
She breathed out a thick cloud of smoke, and it struck her small cocoon of protection, swirling around her as if she was in the center of a vortex. Then she did this again, two more times, entirely filling her small cocoon so that I almost couldn’t make her out anymore. She was… hot-boxing with magic. Hardcore. Then she set the pipe down, and began to hum to herself.
There were no words in her melody, but it was gripping. Alien. The tune swept me up, carrying my mind far away. The tone spoke of family, of holding a newborn close to your breasts and feeding them for the first time – even though I didn’t know what that felt like from personal experience, I did feel it in her song. Then it shifted to loving frustration in trying to rationalize with a toddler, fear as they scraped their knees for the first time, encouragement for them to get back up and try again, pain, more pain, smiles, pain…
And the heartaches continued as the child continued to progress through life, learning the harsh lessons involved with growing up – scraping a knee, surviving bullying, losing fights, arguing with friends, failure, success. Life.
Then the song shifted to loving sadness – of that loved one leaving the home, setting out on their own for a new life unsupported by family. A life of danger, fighting, challenging death, fear, coldness, loneliness. I felt my heart ripping, and realized tears were falling down my cheeks. I briefly saw through the smoke that Claire was sobbing as well, but her lips formed a smile, as if knowing what was on the other side of this pain.
Then it came to me. The offspring coming back with a child of their own, bringing the newborn back to me to hold, their lover in tow. They had survived. Won at life. Returned.
And my heart exploded, too big for my chest to contain. I wept in silent sobs.
I found myself panting as the song faded. Claire was rocking back and forth on her rear, the cocoon gone, but her eyes still closed. When she opened them, her eyes were distant, glazed, but deliriously happy. Euphoric.
Beckett cleared his throat, vocal chords raw. I glanced at him to find his eyes bloodshot, and not from the smoke in the room. I finally turned to Starlight. “What happens if we try it?”
He studied me thoughtfully. “Only one way to find out, Heaven Walker.”
I ignored the title with barely a shiver. I’d heard it before in a demon-possessed house. Without looking, I held out my hand for the pipe. “You don’t have to do this, Beckett.”
I heard a rustling, and realized he was taking off his clothes, folding them as neatly as he could, trying to replicate Claire’s focused attention when she had done it. I blushed, realizing that we were all going to get naked and try a hallucinogen. And that I had forgotten that part of the ritual, asking for the pipe before meditating and getting down to my skin.
I withdrew my hand, let out a deep breath, and began to undress.
What happens in Alaska stays in Alaska.
If Roland could see me now, I would be in a confessional booth for a millennium.
Chapter 7
Starlight waited until we were naked, our folded clothes set to the side, and then motioned us closer to the fire. Beckett scooted up beside me, his hairy legs brushing my own damp flesh, but I didn’t glance down to measure his… dedication to our crime.
With a curled lip, I focused my thoughts, relaxing my mind, remembering Claire had seemed to meditate. I knew how to do that. I’d
spent years training with Roland on just that. I wondered how Beckett would fare here, but that was up to him.
“I will be your guide,” Starlight murmured from directly beside me. I flinched, not realizing he had moved. I saw Claire murmuring similar words to Beckett. She definitely assessed him as he closed his eyes. I bit back the flash of anger, but was relieved to see Claire look guilty for a moment, shaking her head as she forced herself to focus on the spiritual task at hand. She began whispering into his ear, slowly circling him, massaging his shoulders – not inappropriately – but as Roland had once shown me. Helping me to relax and clear my mind. Sometimes physical touch helped still your racing thoughts, giving you something else to focus on. Smell, taste, and whispered mantras also helped. She used her soft voice and the touch of her fingers to ease Beckett into meditation.
Starlight murmured in my ears, barely a whisper, almost as if I was listening to myself.
“You can use the pipe or you can have a diluted tea if you prefer. Either has the same results, but the drink will wear off sooner. The choice is yours, but if you have trouble quieting your mind, I recommend the drink,” he whispered.
“I’m fine,” I said, breathing deeply. His claws began tracing my upper back, making me shiver. They paused on the shoulder blades, as if noticing something. I heard faint whispers and wondered if it was a result of the second-hand smoke. It reminded me of the wind I had heard with Claire while overlooking the valley, but this was louder, more insistent. Not wind, definitely voices. I dismissed them, sensing Starlight’s claws still resting on my scars.
He knew what they were from. He had seen them. Where I had temporarily sprouted wings during a fight with a demon. I wasn’t sure if it was a Nephilim thing – since my biological father had been a Nephilim – or if it was related to the Angel’s blood I had accidentally come into contact with.
The wings had also come with the ability to use a silver form of magic that I didn’t fully understand, but using it had attracted an Angel named Angel who lived in Kansas City. He’d sent one of his Nephilim to let me know that I had passed some kind of test and that I was now ready to talk to him. Since I had just killed a Demon all by myself, I hadn’t felt charitable and had booted the Nephilim out of the Church. Literally.
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