Tyler smiled at the nervous optimism in her voice. He hoped that she was right. Andrew’s message basically said the same thing, that they’d be by around noon to make a plan. He knew they both meant well and were worried for him. But he knew what he needed to do. It had worked before.
He picked up the phone and called Scotty, his sponsor. Scotty wouldn’t be surprised to hear his news as Tyler hadn’t been at a meeting in over a week. Scotty had left two messages and sounded worried, and Tyler had finally called him back yesterday and lied, said he was out of town. Scotty answered on the first ring.
“You’re not out of town, are you?”
“No, sorry about that.” Tyler paused for a moment. “What’s the name of that place you mentioned to me once? Miller something, on the Cape?”
“Murphy House in Falmouth. If you want to make the call, I’ll take you there. I’ve been needing to get off-island, anyway.”
“You sure? I could probably get my brother to go with me.”
“I’m sure. We’ll take the slow boat, so I can bring the truck and it will be good. We’ll get some coffee and settle in for a good talk.”
“Thanks, Scotty. I’ll make the call, and I’ll book the tickets for the boat, too.”
He googled the phone number of Murphy House, and it didn’t take long to confirm a spot. He felt a sense of relief when he ended the call. It was a little past ten. He had two hours before Kristen and Andrew would arrive. Tyler closed his eyes for just a minute…and woke to the sound of loud knocking on the door. He stretched slowly and glanced at the time on his cell phone. Somehow, it was already ten past noon.
He eased off the sofa and took a deep breath. His head was pounding a little less now, but it still hurt. His whole body felt like one big bruise and he really wanted a drink. Kristen had been smart to pour out the last of the vodka. He would have reached for it instead of coffee if it had been an option. It would have made him feel better, temporarily. What they said about the hair of the dog was true. He didn’t really want a drink. It was just his body that did, but it was hard to say no. His body was persuasive.
He opened the front door and Kristen and Andrew were standing there wearing identical worried expressions. He didn’t quite know what to say, so he just waved them in and walked toward the kitchen.
“Coffee? Water? I don’t have much else to offer you.”
“No, thanks. I already had coffee,” Kristen said.
“I’m all set.”
“So, where do you want to do this?” Tyler looked around the living room. “We can get comfortable on the sofa.”
“That’s fine.” Kristen settled on the smaller of the two sofas, and Andrew sat on one corner of the big sofa. Tyler sat on the opposite corner and took another deep breath. He wanted to tell them not to worry, that it would all be fine. But the words wouldn’t come right away. He was embarrassed that he’d failed both of them. Failed himself.
“It’s been a hard time for both of us,” Andrew began. “I’m sorry that I didn’t see that you were really struggling.” Tyler saw the guilt in his eyes and stomped it out.
“Not your fault, at all. Yes, I’ve been struggling. But I made the decision to drink again. I stopped going to meetings. Started plotting how I would do it and then I put the plan into motion. I had a delivery service bring groceries and a bottle of vodka.” He met Kristen’s eyes and tried to explain.
“I looked forward all day to that first drink. That’s why I didn’t have an O’Doul’s when we went out.”
“And that’s why you didn’t want me to come in. You couldn’t wait to have a drink.”
“Drinks,” he corrected her. “And yeah, I’m not proud of it. It’s why I didn’t go to the dinner last night. I would have been too antsy with everyone drinking. When I’m really sober, I can handle it. I just knew I couldn’t do it. And I had my own party here.”
“So, what will you do now? Will you start going to meetings again? What can we do to help?” Andrew asked.
“Scotty told me about a place on the Cape that I can go to for a little while, a few weeks or so.”
“A treatment program?” Andrew looked hopeful.
“Yeah. I think it’s the best thing. It will help to be away from temptation until I can get myself sorted. It helped before.”
“I think it’s a great idea. Can you have visitors there?” Kristen sounded relieved and apprehensive. Tyler knew she’d never experienced anything like this before.
“Yeah, I think on the weekend they have visiting hours in the afternoon, maybe.” He thought the woman he’d talked to had mentioned something about that.
“Good. I’ll come visit then.”
Her sweet, caring smile was like a beacon of hope. Kristen was the best thing in his life. That she hadn’t already walked away was nothing short of a miracle. He looked at both of them and felt so many emotions.
“I’m so sorry, you guys. I really messed up.” He sighed and looked down, trying to gather himself so that he wouldn’t dissolve in tears. He felt arms around him, hugging him close. Andrew gave him a squeeze, then let go and looked him in the eyes.
“This isn’t your fault. I know you didn’t want this to happen. You’d been doing so well. Mom dying so unexpectedly—well, it was hard. I know that.”
Tyler nodded. “It was the beginning of a spiral down. It was hard to write, hard to focus. I got behind and that added to the stress. It started to seem like a good idea. I fought it as long as I could.”
“You can fight it again. And we’ll be here for you when you come back. When do you go?” Kristen asked.
“This afternoon.”
She looked surprised. “So soon.”
“How will you get there? I can find someone to cover the shop, or just close it. I can take you,” Andrew insisted.
“Scotty’s going to take me. Said he needed to go off-cape, anyway. I don’t think he really did, but it will be good for us to just talk about stuff.”
Andrew relaxed. “Okay, good. Scotty’s probably familiar with that place, too.”
“Yeah. He hasn’t been there himself, but he’s been to places like it. I think it might be good for him, too, to go there with me and then to go home. A reminder of sorts, maybe.”
“Okay. Well, I’m glad we have a good plan then. I’m going to let you guys talk a bit. Call me when you’re settled in. I’ll get over to visit while you’re there, too.” Andrew gave him a hug goodbye and left.
When the door shut behind him, Kristen walked over and sat next to him. She pulled him in for a hug. He held her tight and breathed in the sweet apple scent of her hair. He was going to miss her.
“I’m sorry,” he said again. “I know you didn’t really sign up for this.”
She took hold of his hands and squeezed them gently.
“I did, though. It was always in the back of my mind. What would I do if you relapsed? Now I know. I’m sorry you have to go through this. I can’t begin to understand it, but I know it’s not something you can always control. It’s a disease.” Her eyes were sad as she looked at him.
“I really was doing so well. This was my first and will hopefully be my last relapse. I just need to get my head in the right place again. I think it will help to talk to someone. Andrew had suggested I go see someone when we got back from the funeral, but I didn’t think I needed it. Thought I could just handle it on my own. I was wrong. It just made me crave the release of a drink. It’s hard to explain. But I just wanted to forget and to numb the pain.”
“I think I understand. How long will you be gone?”
“Almost a month. It’s a twenty-eight-day program.”
“What will it be like there? Did you look it up online?”
“I did. It looks nice enough. It’s a big house, and it’s all guys. I saw something about basketball and a few other sports, yoga even. Lots of fresh air, exercise and group sessions to talk stuff out.”
“That sounds good. Can you bring your laptop, too?”
; “They said I could. It’s a structured day, but we get a few free hours in there, so I’ll be able to get some writing in, hopefully.”
As horrible as he felt about having let everyone down, he was also looking forward to going, he realized. The idea of having everything planned, a daily routine that he just had to follow along, was appealing. It was a break of sorts, from everything. And as much as he would miss Kristen, he wasn’t going to miss hiding his drinking from her. To think that he chose to have a drink over spending more time with her—he was deeply ashamed of that. And grateful that she hadn’t run screaming. He needed to get himself together, get back on track for himself. And for her, too.
“Well, if there’s anything you need. Anything I can do to help, just let me know.”
“Thank you. I promise you, I’ll be better after this.”
She pulled him in and gave him a sweet kiss goodbye.
“I know you will. And I’ll see you next weekend.”
Chapter 17
Rhett had jokingly warned Lisa that he snored when he moved in with her, but she had assured him that she was a sound sleeper so it wasn’t likely to be an issue. And it wasn’t. But what did get Lisa’s attention one night when she’d woken to use the bathroom and then climbed back into bed was how the snoring and Rhett’s breathing suddenly stopped. She was alarmed and was about to shake him awake when he started breathing again. He did it a few more times before she fell asleep again, and over coffee the next morning she asked him about it.
“Do you know that you stop breathing sometimes when you sleep?”
They were alone in the dining room. No one else had arrived yet for breakfast. Angela would be there any minute, and Kristen had texted her that she was stopping by for breakfast, too, which was a treat. Lisa always loved it when the girls dropped by and she hadn’t had a good chat with Kristen for a few weeks.
Rhett paused before taking another sip. “What are you talking about?”
“I woke in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and you were snoring as usual, but then you stopped snoring and breathing. I almost nudged you, but then you started up again. It wasn’t a one-time thing. You did it several more times that I was aware of.”
“Hm. Are you sure? That’s the first time I’ve ever heard that.”
“I know what I didn’t hear. You breathing. Maybe it’s sleep apnea. You should call your doctor.”
Rhett made a face. “Isn’t that where people wear masks?”
Lisa shot him a stern look. “Yes, but it saves their lives. Sleep apnea is a serious condition, from the little I know. Your doctor will probably order a sleep study and then you’ll know.”
Another thought occurred to her. “You know you have been complaining about being really tired lately. Maybe there’s a connection.”
“Hm. Okay, I’ll call my doctor.”
A few minutes later, Angela and Kristen walked in together along with Edith and Tom Henry, who had just checked in the day before. Lisa walked over to greet the Henrys.
“Help yourself to whatever you’d like. There’s cereal and bagels and fruit on the side bar, along with coffee, tea and juice. And today’s hot dish is a spinach and tomato frittata with white cheddar.”
When she returned to the table where she and Rhett had been sitting, he stood to leave.
“I’m heading out. Have a lot to do today.” He winked at her. “And an appointment to make.”
She smiled and gave him a quick kiss before sending him on his way. “Have a great day. Don’t forget, we have dinner tonight with Sue and Curt.”
“Oh, right. I’ll be back by then.”
She watched him go with a smile before sitting down and joining the girls, who were both eating a slice of the frittata. Angela always had a good appetite, but it surprised her to see Kristen eating something other than fruit.
“This is really good,” Kristen said. “I woke up starving today. Forgot to eat dinner last night.”
Lisa shook her head. “Thanks, honey. It always amazes me when you don’t think to stop to eat. That would never in a million years happen to me.”
Angela laughed. “Me, too. I’m always thinking about what I’m going to eat next. Okay, now that I’ve said that out loud it doesn’t sound very healthy, does it?”
“Oh, I’m the same way,” Lisa said. “So, what’s new with the two of you?”
“Nothing new for me. Just crazy busy with work, which is a good thing.”
Lisa smiled. “That is a very good thing.”
Kristen took the last bite of her frittata and set her food down.
“Well, I have something to share. Tyler relapsed. He left yesterday afternoon for a rehab in Falmouth.”
“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry. Is he okay?”
“He will be. It sounds like it’s a nice place. He seemed to think it will help. He went through a similar program once.”
“How long will he be there?” Angela asked.
“Almost a month, I guess. They have visiting hours on the weekends, so I’ll head over and see how he’s doing on Saturday.”
“What caused him to relapse? Do you know?” Lisa knew his mother’s death had hit him hard. Her heart went out to him. She worried for Kristen, too. She knew that she would be want to be there to support Tyler. But what if this wasn’t a one-time thing?
“He’s been really struggling with losing his mother. I think the stress of that on top of moving here and starting over after his divorce. His wife couldn’t take it anymore.”
“A friend of mine dated an alcoholic. They were engaged, actually, but she ended up calling it off. It got to her after a while. Her fiancé was always struggling. Falling off the wagon, then promising it would never happen again. And then it did.”
Kristen looked horrified before getting up for more coffee. Angela caught a glimpse of her expression and seemed to realize she’d said the wrong thing.
“I’m sure it’s very different with Tyler. Forget I even said that.”
Kristen sat back down with a full-to-the-rim mug of steaming coffee.
“No, don’t worry about it. To be honest, I have wondered about that. It’s my biggest fear. Will this keep happening? And can I handle it if it does?”
“I’m sure it will be fine. If it happens again, you’ll see the signs and be able to help.”
“I hope so. I want to be able to support him. I hope he likes it at this place and that it helps him.”
“Have you looked into joining an Al-Anon group?” Lisa suggested. “That might help, and you will need the support, too, especially when he first comes home.” This was what Lisa had worried about when she first met Tyler and realized he and Kristen were getting serious. She liked him quite a bit, but she worried for both of them.
“I did visit a local group a while back, just to learn more. Looks like I may need to start going more often. I think you may be right about the support. I’ve read about this, but I haven’t experienced it before.”
“I think that should help. And, of course, I’ll do whatever I can. Just let me know how I can help,” Lisa said.
Kristen smiled and her eyes looked suspiciously damp. Lisa couldn’t help noticing the dark circles under her daughter’s eyes. She recognized stress when she saw it.
“Thanks. Just listening is the best thing you can do.”
“I can do better than that. Come for Sunday dinner. I’ll make your favorite comfort food—homemade gnocchi with gorgonzola cream sauce and prosciutto.” Lisa hadn’t made it in ages because it was so rich, but Kristen didn’t have to worry about calories. She could use more of them. Unlike Lisa, who was a stress eater, Kristen tended to avoid eating when she was highly stressed. So, Lisa would make a big batch and send Kristen home with a big container full of leftover gnocchi.
Her eyes lit up. “Oh, yum. That would be wonderful.”
Lisa invited Angela to join them as well. “You and Philippe are welcome, too. There will be plenty of food.”
But Angela regretf
ully declined. “That sounds amazing, but we have another commitment. Some friends of Philippe’s invited us over.”
Kristen stood and picked up her plate to bring to the kitchen. “I have to run, but thank you for breakfast and I will see you tomorrow. I’ll bring some wine.”
Lisa stood and gave her a hug. “Take care of yourself, honey. Don’t hesitate to call if you need anything.”
Chapter 18
“Where are you off to now?” Sue smiled as her daughter Stephanie, who lived in Monterey, California, told her that she was calling to let her know she’d be out of the country for the next week. Stephanie was a traveling nurse and fell in love with the West Coast on one of her assignments. She was thirty-five, single, and loved to travel.
“I’m doing a ten-day tour through Italy and France. It’s a cooking tour, so we’ll be making pasta and drinking wine in Tuscany.”
“That sounds fabulous.” Sue had never been to Italy.
“Do you and Dad have any trips planned? It’s been ages since you went anywhere.” She had a good point. It had been a very long time since she and Curt had gone away together for more than a night or two.
“No, nothing planned. But you’re right. It has been too long. Maybe I will investigate one of these tours. I’ll wait to get the full report from you when you return.”
“Okay, sounds good. I’ll call you when I’m back. Give my love to Dad, too.”
Sue hung up the phone and thought about what her daughter had said. Eating her way through Italy did sound wonderful. And she and Curt were long overdue for a trip. He’d suggested a vacation several times over the past year or two, and each time, she’d put it off. They were always so busy with work, it seemed.
Curt was off at work in the morning and then off to another committee meeting this afternoon. She’d reminded him that Lisa and Curt were coming for dinner and to be sure to be home by six.
Which gave her the house to herself all day. She went shopping in the morning, stopping by Barrett’s farm for fresh vegetables and then to Trattel’s seafood market. Kate’s boyfriend, Jack Trattel, was behind the counter and smiled when he saw her.
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