by Denise Wells
“Duh,” Eliza says.
“Okay girls, let her get in the house,” my mom says. We make it through the entryway to the great room where the TV is so I can introduce her to my dad, Brian, and two brothers-in-law, Mike and Nate. My niece, Hailey, shrieks when she sees me and starts crawling toward us. I pick her up and swing her around, then blow raspberries on her belly until she squeals.
“I see you have the same wooing technique for all women, regardless of age,” Remi says. My family quiets and glances at one another. Remi’s eyes widen to an unnatural shape. She mouths something to me that I can’t quite decipher but looks a little like the word pepperoni.
My dad starts to laugh and says, “She’ll do just fine, son.” He pats her on the back as he says it. Remi stumbles forward a step. Dad’s a big guy and doesn’t always realize his own strength. I catch her in my arms and pull her to me as my mom and sisters dissolve into giggles. Hudson barks and runs in circles.
Remi pinches my side, I look down at her, and she looks back at me, a desperate look in her eyes. I lean down and whisper, “They fucking love you.” She relaxes a little against me and starts to laugh with everyone else.
That’s pretty much all it takes for my family to immediately bring her in as their own. Exclaiming how fantastic she is and how she fits in wonderfully. So, to prove her point, I grab Remi by the waist and blow raspberries on her belly until she squeals.
My mom and sisters swarm and pull Remi toward the kitchen area and begin twenty questions times four: asking about where she works, lives, what she does for fun, and anything else they can think of.
I grab myself a beer and a glass of wine for Remi. I catch her eye when I drop it off to her on my way to the couch to catch the end of the game with my dad, Nate, and Mike, she looks at me and smiles. It’s tentative, but it’s not forced or overly panicked.
Yeah, she’s going to be just fine.
Chapter 31
Remi
I look at the beautiful blonde women who have ambushed me and pulled me into the kitchen with them. Chance’s mother, Annalise, looks young enough to be his sister. I’m having a hard time keeping them all straight. I’m not sure if the wine on an empty stomach is going to help me in this situation or not. I square my shoulders and prepare myself for the worst.
Bring it on Bauer ladies. I can take whatever you’re going to throw at me.
I think.
Audrey, the oldest sibling, puts a hand on my shoulder and squeezes it, putting me at ease.
“Relax,” she says softly. “We are a lot at first, but it’s also because Chancey never brings girls home. Not since… well, not for a long time.”
“Since Helen?” I ask.
“He told you?” Audrey asks, her bright green eyes searching mine. The only Bauer sibling with her dad’s eyes. She should be a model for pregnancy magazines with her flawless skin and short pixie-cut blonde hair.
I nod.
“That was hard on all of us,” Audrey says. “But it’s good he told you. It means he’s moved on.”
“What are you two whispering about over there?” Eliza turns toward us from across the kitchen island, her blonde bob-cut hair swinging as she moves.
“The benefits of a D-cup. You wouldn’t understand,” Audrey says to her, gesturing toward her much smaller chest.
Eliza and her mom are built like Lexie: short, compact and petite. Whereas Audrey is tall, thin, and willowy, but with big tits. Charlie is like the perfect blend of them all but with much longer hair, and the only one who got their mom’s curls. I can’t even imagine how beautiful their family photos must be.
“At least mine are staying perky after having a baby,” Eliza says to Audrey.
“Burn,” Charlie says.
“Girls,” Annalise admonishes. “Can we try to act civilized for at least the first hour that our guest is here?” She turns toward me with a smile and blows her shoulder-length curls from her face. “Is it hot in here?”
“Mom’s going through the change,” Charlie whispers loudly.
“Charlotte Ann,” Annalise says, then turns toward me. “I apologize in advance for my family’s behavior, Remi dear. Try not to judge us too harshly.”
Me judge them? Ha! They are perfect.
“Oh, we are far from perfect,” Audrey says. I look at her, my brows raised.
“You said it out loud,” she says. “Don’t worry, I do it all the time.” I decide then that I like Audrey, and we’re going to be friends, no matter what happens with Chance.
“So, Remi,” Eliza says, leaning over the kitchen island, and chewing on a carrot stick. “What do you do for work?”
“I work in chemical engineering.”
“Is that…” Annalise starts.
“It’s a lot like how it sounds, yes,” I tell her laughing a bit. I go on to explain what I’m working on currently and how it’s going. I stop talking once I see their eyes start to gloss over.
“Oh, you’re way too smart for Chancey,” Charlie says. “I don’t think he can even spell engineering.”
I laugh, remembering that Chance said almost the same thing. He’d told me before we got here that he was closest to Audrey, but that he and Charlie had similar personalities. I can see that now after meeting them all. I’m starting to feel a lot more comfortable with these women, which is nice. Audrey refills my wine glass that I hadn’t realized I’d finished. No wonder I feel more at ease.
“You’re drinking for me,” she says as she tops it off. “And I’m a three-glass girl. So, do me a favor, have four glasses and get loose enough for the both of us, huh?”
“I’ll work on that,” I say as I point a finger gun at her, then wink and make a little clicking noise with my mouth.
Oh God. I just used a finger gun.
I’m drunk.
I excuse myself to use the restroom.
Once in there, I touch up my makeup, relieve myself, wash my hands, and then return the texts that Kat and Lexie have been firing at me for the last hour.
Me: I’m a little drunk. I think. It’s weird, but going okay. The visit not my drunkenness.
Kat: Of course it’s going okay - you’re tres fabulous!
Me: Tres?
Kat: I’m thinking of learning French. That means very.
Lexie: Oh, I’m so happy it’s going well!
Kat: It’s going great, I’ve already learned the word tres.
Lexie: I meant Remi’s family time.
Me: It’s not my family time. It’s just meeting a family. For dinner.
Lexie: Family dinner.
Kat: Have you already had dinner?
Me: No, I think that’s coming soon though. I hope. I need to eat.
Me: Fuck me. They are all such beautiful people. Like literally. The whole family.
Lexie: Just like you!
Me: Ha! Thanks Lex!
Kat: Did you tell him your safe word?
Me: I tried, but he doesn’t think I need it.
Lexie: Oh, you need it.
Me: LEXIE!!
Lexie: No offense. You just aren’t that good in situations like this. People have to get to know you to realize how amazing you are. And you are amazing. Tres amazing!!!
Me: FML. I used a finger gun and I winked.
Radio silence.
Kat: Well, I’m sure you got this, baby girl. Don’t sweat it. You be you.
Lexie: Yeah, what she said. ‘Cause your you is amaze-balls.
I nod my head at the reflection in the bathroom mirror.
I be me.
‘Cause my me is amaze-balls.
Got it.
Me: Thanks guys! Love you!
I switch my phone to silent before they have a chance to respond. I’ve been in here too long as it is. I don’t want the Bauers to think odd of me. I open the door and run right into a wall of chest, bouncing back slightly. I look up, Chance grabs me by the waist to steady me and backs us both into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind him.
&nb
sp; “Hi,” he says, pushing a stubborn strand of hair back from my face.
“Hi,” I say, leaning into his touch.
“You okay?”
“I think so. It’s a little overwhelming. I’m a little drunk. And we never did decide on a safe word.”
“Is that what you were mumbling to me when we first walked in,” he asks.
I nod, embarrassed.
“What is it?”
“Pepperoni.”
He laughs. “Pepperoni? And I’m supposed to work that into conversation somehow?”
“Well, only when you want to get out of something. It’s not as hard as you think. And it’s quick to whisper in passing.”
He looks at me, his eyes dancing in amusement. “I’m going to kiss you, beautiful.”
My breath catches. I love it when he tells me ahead of time. It makes my vagina butterflies come out to play.
He leans in, his lips whisper softly against mine. I moan. He hardens the kiss, grabbing my ass and grinding his hips into me and pushing me back against the vanity. I feel him harden against my stomach. My hands go up into his hair, and I pull at the strands, wishing I could pull my skirt up, spread my legs, and get him inside me now.
“I want you,” he says. His hands move from my ass, down my legs, then back up, bringing my skirt with them. I break the kiss and push my skirt back down.
“We are in your mother’s bathroom!”
“This is the guest bathroom. My mom’s bathroom is upstairs. Guest bathroom means anyone can use it,” he says as he leans in and kisses me again.
I push against his chest. “Chance, I can’t do this in your parents’ house, as much as I may want to.”
“You’re right, I’m sorry. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable,” he says. He does look sorry. I run my hands through his hair trying to tame it.
“Here, let me get the wrinkles in your skirt,” he says smoothing the back of it. Spending extra time and effort on the fabric covering my ass. I slap his hand away and move to the side of him to open the bathroom door.
“Wait,” he says, putting his hand against it to stop me.
“What?”
He gestures to his bulging cock, which is obviously hard even with his jeans to weigh it down.
“Maybe I can give you a blow job?”
His eyes widen. “You want to give me a blow job?”
I nod, lowering myself to my knees. He pulls me back up from under my armpits.
“I don’t think I can get a blow job in my mom’s house,” he says in a low voice.
“Wait, you can fuck me in your mom’s house, but you can’t get a blow job?”
“I think so. I mean, I definitely thought I could a minute ago. But, shit, maybe not. At least not right here, when she’s right out there. Maybe I could in my old room upstairs.” He looks toward the ceiling, eyebrows raised, with his head tilted toward the right.
“That’s. Really. Lame.”
He shrugs in return.
“Okay,” he says, moving to open the door.
“Wait,” I say. He pauses with the door partially open. I peek out, happy to see the hall is empty of people.
“I’ll go first,” I say. “Then you wait thirty seconds and follow me, but go in a different direction, so it doesn’t look obvious.”
“Got it,” he says. Then he walks with me down the hall, his hand on my lower back, directly defying what I’d just asked him to do. We run into Charlie as we turn to go into the great room. She looks at us, one eyebrow raised. The same look that Chance can do. Chance raises a finger to his lips in an ‘shh’ motion. Charlie pretends to zip hers shut in return, then winks at me.
My face heats up to what I’m sure is a deep red. I smack Chance in the stomach. He pinches me in the ass. I have to bite my tongue to avoid crying out.
This family is going to be the fucking death of me.
Chapter 32
Chance
Mom calls us in to dinner and makes us sit in couples with her and dad flanking the heads of the table and Charlie between baby Hailey and my dad. Normally any one of us would help Hailey eat, but I think we are trying to keep it civilized for Remi’s sake by keeping Hailey flanked by her aunt and her mom.
The civility doesn’t last long.
“Yuck, Mama!” Hailey slams her hand down on her high chair tray catching the side of her bowl just right so it flips up, sending bits of mashed food sailing across the table, spraying Mike and Remi. Mostly Remi.
She gasps and jumps up, somehow pulling the tablecloth with her, spilling three glasses of wine in turn, and dumping my plate in my lap and hers on the floor. Mike grabs his before it falls.
“Nice catch,” I say. He nods. He used to play pro baseball, his reflexes are quick.
Hailey laughs, grabbing more food in her hands and trying to throw it, albeit unsuccessfully. Eliza, holding in laughter, takes the food from Hailey and attempts to scold her. We are used to the utter chaos that is family dinner. This doesn’t faze us a bit. And sometimes you just have to laugh at the crazy fucking shit life throws at you.
Like this.
Hudson barks twice, then comes running, nose to the ground to find any spilled food, which he considers fair game.
Charlies covers a laugh with a cough.
Remi looks first at me, her eyes wild and face reddening, then at my mom. “Ohmigod! I’m so sorry—”
“It’s okay,” everyone starts to say at once. My mom rushes over with a towel to wipe the food off Remi. She pulls up her skirt slightly to dab at it, exposing Remi’s garter belts and stockings to everyone.
“Oh, well, aren’t those pretty,” my mom says, her cheeks reddening.
My dad turns his head toward Charlie, his body shaking slightly.
“We should totally get you some of those,” Nate says to Eliza elbowing her slightly. “They’re hot.”
“Because the one kid doesn’t do enough damage? We don’t need hot, you already can’t keep your hands off me.”
Dad coughs the words, “Dad in the room,” in between laughs.
Charlie gives up trying to cover her laugh. I look down the table at Audrey and see that she’s crying, leaning in Mike’s direction. “Our kid is going to throw food, isn’t it? Oh my God, I don’t want a food throwing kid. Please tell me our kid won’t throw food.” I raise an eyebrow at Mike, he mumbles hormones back in my direction.
I turn my attention back to Remi, who is still standing next to me while my mom continues to dab at her skirt with a towel.
“Pepperoni,” she whispers. I wink at her.
“What’s that, dear?” Mom says. “I can’t quite hear you over all the laughing.” She says the last three words much louder as a hint for everyone else to quiet down. A tactic that is never as effective as she thinks it’s going to be.
“I was telling Chance I’m craving pepperoni,” Remi says louder.
“Oh dear, you’re not pregnant too, are you? I craved sausage when I carried Chance.” Which triggers Charlie’s and my infantile sense of humor. Mom craving sausage. I start laughing, while Charlie laughs harder.
Remi coughs out, “No, God no, not pregnant.”
Mom ignores us and continues talking to Remi, “Well, there’s still time. We don’t have any pepperoni, I’m afraid. Maybe a nice salami log?”
This time Eliza and Nate laugh with Charlie and I, full-on snorting belly laughs. Which spurns on Audrey and Mike. My dad hasn’t stopped laughing since Mom commented on Remi’s garter belts.
“That’s enough,” my dad says. But it’s ineffective when he’s laughing too. My mom is oblivious to sexual innuendos. God love her.
Remi’s face is an unusual shade of red at this point, and I realize it’s high time to save her from this.
“Ma, let me bring her into the bathroom. She can clean it off. I think Huds already took care of the floor for you.” Sure enough, Hudson has licked up all the food and wine from the floor. Mom steps back and lets us pass.
“Pepperoni!
Pepperoni! Pepperoni!” Remi hisses at me as we walk down the hall then up the stairs. I bring her to the bathroom upstairs, so we have a little privacy.
“How about sausage instead?” I waggle my eyebrows at her.
“Not the time!”
I get us in the bathroom and lock the door. I lay a towel over the vanity, then pull her skirt up around her waist at the same time as I hoist her on to the towel. A smooth move if I don’t say so myself.
“What the fuck are you—”
I silence her with a kiss, wrapping one hand around the back of her neck to keep her still and working the other up her inner thigh. She sighs against my lips and parts her legs. I don’t even think she realizes she’s doing it.
“Shhh, just relax,” I tell her. I push her panties to the side and get one finger inside of her. She moans. So I add another.
“Oh God, I thought we couldn’t do this here.”
“We can’t,” I say as I trail my lips down her jawline and along her neck. My fingers working in and out of her. Her legs fall open wider and she arches her hips toward me. She wraps one hand around the back of my neck, her grip strong. The other clutches the edge of the sink.
“Chance, I’m going to come,” she says against my lips, her voice deep and throaty.
“That’s the point, beautiful.” I pump faster, curling my fingers up and using my thumb on her clit. Her body tenses, I swallow her screams with my kiss as she falls apart in my arms. She’s exquisite when she comes. A guy could get used to this on a daily basis. At least I definitely could.
She slumps against me. “Jesus Christ, man. Give a girl some notice, would you?” she says into my chest.
I grab her chin and tilt her head up so her eyes meet mine. “Do you feel more relaxed?” I ask.
“So much.”
“Still need pepperoni?” I nuzzle her neck as I whisper in her ear.
She giggles. “No.”
“Ready to go back downstairs?”
“Ohmigod, how long have we been gone?”
I look at my watch. “Almost three minutes.”
She raises her eyebrows. “Impressive timing, Mr. Bauer.”
