Even thinking about Joshua gave him no peace. He couldn’t even get to the hospital to make sure his brother was OK. It was too far away. He’d heard Nova’s dad on the phone and although Joshua had broken some bones, he was going to be OK. But hearing it wasn’t the same as being with his brother and seeing for himself. With a bitter start, Liam realized that just as Dad had turned away from him, so he’d turned away from his little brother. Maybe that was why Joshua was so determined to find Liam again, to turn the clock back.
Liam sighed. If only. If only he could have his time over again . . . But it was a pointless wish. It was never going to happen. But at least Joshua and even his dad could get on with their lives. They could move forward. Liam couldn’t. He was stuck, watching the rest of the world go on without him. Stuck like a mosquito in amber. And he couldn’t bear it any more. He just couldn’t.
Liam stood up. ‘I thought I’d go for a walk on the cliff top. I like to look out over the sea. Maybe you could join me?’
‘I’d love to,’ smiled Raye tentatively. ‘If you don’t mind my company.’
‘I’d like nothing better. I’ll meet you outside the hotel in fifteen minutes. I just have something I need to do first.’
‘No problem. I need to wash my face anyway. See you in a minute,’ said Raye.
Liam turned and headed out of the room. He was close to fading out. He couldn’t, he wouldn’t allow himself to do that in front of Raye. She believed in him. He couldn’t lose that. He ran the last couple of metres out of the lounge, looking around quickly before he let himself go. He was safe. There was only Miss Dawn deep in conversation with Raye’s mum at the reception desk. But as he began to fade out, Miss Dawn turned to look directly at him.
She had the saddest look on her face he’d ever seen. And she wasn’t sad for herself. Liam instinctively realized that she was deeply sad for him. Before he disappeared altogether he had the strangest feeling that, in some way he didn’t begin to understand, she was desperately worried.
44. Liam
‘Well?’
Nova put her hand over the mouthpiece. ‘Just a minute!’ she hissed at Liam.
They were in the tiny private study that Mum and Dad used as their office. It was the only place where they could use a phone undisturbed.
‘I’m sorry,’ said the voice at the other end of the phone, ‘but we can only give out that kind of information to members of the immediate family.’
‘I just want to know how he’s doing,’ Nova pleaded.
Liam was almost jigging up and down in front of her. He moved to get his ear as close to the phone as possible.
‘I’m sorry,’ the male nurse told Nova. ‘It’s against hospital policy.’
Nova sighed. ‘Thanks anyway.’ She put down the phone. ‘Well, I tried.’
No way was that the end of it. Liam wasn’t going to stop at the first hurdle. He just had to think. Focus and think. ‘I’m not giving up now,’ he said, his lips set.
Then he had a brilliant idea. If he could just persuade Nova to . . .
‘I’m not going to the hospital to find out how your brother is doing, so forget it,’ said Nova hastily.
‘Did I ask you to?’ Liam snapped, because that was just what he was going to ask her to do. ‘And I’d have thought you’d be only too glad to help me, as this is all your fault in the first place.’
Nova dredged up the filthiest look she had and let Liam have it, full force. Head high, she went to march past him.
‘I’m sorry,’ Liam told her.
Nova carried on walking. Liam ran round her to stand in her way. He wasn’t surprised she was annoyed. What was the matter with him? Why did he always need someone to blame?
‘I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have said that,’ said Liam.
‘If that’s what you really believe, why not?’ Nova said frostily.
‘Of course I don’t believe it. It’s not anyone’s fault. And I’m sorry. I . . . I’m just not sure which way is up at the moment. OK?’
‘OK,’ Nova said at last. ‘But there was no need to bite my head off. I am doing my best.’
‘Yes, I know. Thank you.’
‘Not that my best has got us very far,’ she sighed.
‘Hmm!’ Liam agreed, his tone morose, his head bent. Suddenly he looked at Nova, his eyes lit up. ‘My dad! Phone my dad.’
Nova caught on immediately. ‘Will your dad tell me how Mr— I mean, Joshua is doing?’
‘I’ll tell you what to say,’ said Liam.
Nova moved back to the phone. ‘D’you know what his number is?’
Liam considered. ‘Probably the same as when I lived there with him. He’s in the same house we’ve always lived in, so why would he change it? And if he has, we’ll phone directory enquiries.’
Nova keyed in the number Liam gave her. Her mouth was dry, her throat tight as she waited to see if anyone picked up the phone at the other end.
‘Hello?’
‘Hello? Mr Jackman?’ said Nova breathlessly.
‘Yes . . .?’
‘Ask him about Joshua,’ Liam whispered.
‘Mr Jackman, I’m a . . . friend of your son, Joshua. I was just phoning to find out how he’s doing.’
Liam moved to stand on the other side of the phone so that he could also hear the conversation.
‘He’s stable in hospital. I’m just on my way to see him now,’ said Mr Jackman.
A jolt like lightning shot through Liam. His dad’s voice. His dad was at the other end of that phone line. How was he? Did he look the same? Had he changed? Was he missing Liam – as much as Liam was missing him? Liam closed his eyes, feeling his throat get tighter and his eyes begin to well up. How stupid to cry at the sound of his dad’s voice. He hadn’t cried like that before. Why start now?
‘Joshua’s going to be all right, isn’t he?’ asked Nova.
‘His legs will take a while to heal but luckily he didn’t have to wait too long for help to arrive,’ said Mr Jackman. ‘Who is this?’
‘My name is Nova. Nova Clibbens from the Phoenix Manor Hotel.’
‘I understand my son was staying there for a while,’ said Mr Jackman.
‘That’s right.’ Nova was about to add more but then she thought better of it.
‘You were one of the ones who found him, weren’t you?’
‘I suppose so. And I was on the beach when the ambulance arrived.’ Nova didn’t want to take credit where she deserved none. ‘I didn’t do much.’
‘Thank you. I’m afraid they’re just small, very inadequate words, but thank you so much,’ said Mr Jackman. ‘I won’t forget it.’
‘That’s OK,’ said Nova, feeling distinctly uncomfortable.
Liam smiled at her. He knew what she was going through, but the last thing she needed now was to blame herself for what had happened to his brother.
‘When Joshua gets out of hospital, you’re more than welcome to visit him if you want to.’
‘Thank you,’ said Nova. ‘But I thought he lived in Manchester.’
‘My son will be staying with me for a while,’ said Mr Jackman firmly. ‘I’ll be looking after him.’
Liam straightened up and turned away, but not before Nova saw the odd expression on his face. He looked . . . hurt.
‘Well, thanks for letting me know about Joshua,’ said Nova. ‘Please tell him that I hope he gets better soon.’
After the goodbyes had been said Nova slowly put down the phone. She walked round Liam to look directly at him. ‘What’s the matter?’
‘Nothing.’
‘Your brother’s going to be fine.’
‘I heard,’ said Liam. ‘And he’s going to recuperate at Dad’s.’
‘That’s good news, at any rate,’ said Nova.
Liam didn’t answer.
‘Isn’t it?’ prompted Nova, puzzled.
Liam still didn’t answer.
‘I thought that’s what you wanted, for Joshua to get on with his life and maybe get back
together with your dad?’
‘It was . . . it is.’
‘Then why the face?’
‘I don’t know what you mean.’
‘Rubbish! Your face is longer than a physics exam. Aren’t you happy for them?’
‘Yeah, it’s great that they’ve got together again. But what about me?’ Liam suddenly flared up. ‘Where does that leave me? I can’t think myself into Dad’s house any more than I can visit Josh in hospital. I can’t get further than a mile in any direction.’
‘You can still stay here—’ Nova began.
‘By myself. Watching you and your family and your guests get on with their lives. Watching all of you grow up, move out, move on – while I’m still stuck here like . . . like bad wallpaper.’
What could Nova say to that? She stared, stricken, at Liam, obviously feeling bad for him. Liam glared at her, hating that sympathetic look on her face. He didn’t want her pity. How dare she?
‘Or are you going to starve yourself to death so you can be with me for all time?’ Liam asked viciously.
‘That’s . . . that’s horrible,’ Nova gasped.
‘Is it? You’re the one throwing up your food. You’re the one who has a choice in this and you’re choosing to die—’
‘No, I’m not!’ Nova yelled at him. ‘I want to be thin. I want to look like Rainbow. I don’t want to die. That’s a terrible thing to say.’
‘What does it matter if you’re thin or fat?’ asked Liam. ‘There are worse things in this world to be, you know.’
‘You don’t understand—’
‘No, I don’t. And I don’t want to. On a scale of one to ten, your problems don’t even make the chart,’ said Liam. ‘I’m alone. This time tomorrow I’ll be alone and this time next year and this time in the next century, I’ll probably still be stuck here.’
‘That’s not my fault.’
‘I never said it was.’
‘Then why’re you taking it out on me? If you really want to move on, then do something about it. Find a way. Let me help you.’
‘I don’t want your help.’
‘Oh, that’s right. You don’t need anyone’s help, do you? You want to stay here whingeing about your life but you won’t help yourself and you won’t let anyone else help you either.’
‘In case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t got a life to whine about,’ said Liam.
‘I’m serious, Liam. If you won’t help yourself then you’ve got no one else to blame for where you are now,’ said Nova.
‘And the same goes for you,’ Liam told her succinctly.
Nova stared at him. Liam could tell that she understood immediately what he was talking about and she didn’t like it one little bit. ‘You know something,’ he said softly. ‘Maybe I should’ve left you and Joshua and Andrew to it. Maybe I should’ve let you get yourselves killed. Then at least I would’ve had some company.’
‘You don’t mean that,’ Nova said, aghast.
‘Don’t I? I just spent the last decade by myself, Nova. I don’t intend to do the same for the rest of eternity.’
‘What’re you going to do?’ asked Nova, a frisson of fear chilling her entire body.
‘I can’t be by myself again, Nova. I just can’t,’ said Liam. ‘And if that means doing something that’s going to make you hate me – and make me hate myself – then so be it.’
‘What’re you talking about?’ The alarm bells pealing inside her were deafening.
Liam didn’t say a word as he slowly began to fade out.
‘Answer me,’ Nova ordered desperately. ‘Liam, where’re you going?’
‘I’ve got to meet someone.’
‘Who?’
‘No one you know.’
‘Liam . . .? Come back. Liam . . .?’
Liam could hear her voice echoing after him, but he didn’t go back. He was so desperately tired of being lonely. He was just so desperately tired. He had meant every word of what he’d just said – and it scared him.
But being alone scared him even more.
45. Confession
‘Isn’t it terrible about the man trapped in one of the tunnels around here?’ said Mrs Cooper, the elderly woman at the reception desk. ‘The guard on our train told us all about it.’
‘Yes, it was terrible,’ Dad agreed. ‘Thank goodness he was found in time.’
‘And I understand a body was found in the tunnels. A body that’s centuries old.’ Mr Cooper’s blue eyes gleamed.
‘I’m not sure it’s centuries old. They did find a body and it’s been taken away for further analysis,’ Dad informed them. ‘But most people round here think it’s the body of a boy who disappeared over ten years ago.’
‘Is there any chance that we might have a quick look in the tunnels?’ asked Mrs Cooper hopefully.
‘You’re the seventh person today to ask me that.’ Dad’s smile took the edge off his words. ‘I’m afraid I couldn’t possibly let anyone into the tunnels while they’re so unsafe.’
‘What a shame!’ Mrs Cooper was extremely disappointed.
‘Do you plan to open them once they have been made safe?’ asked Mr Cooper.
‘I’m not sure. Maybe,’ said Dad truthfully. ‘Anyway, you said you’d like a room for how many days?’
‘Dad, where’s Raye?’ asked Nova.
‘Nova, I’m trying to book these people in.’ Dad smiled through gritted teeth.
‘This is important,’ said Nova. ‘I have to talk to her.’
Nova had spent the last twenty minutes sitting in the hotel lounge trying to make up her mind what she should do next. Now she’d finally decided to talk to Raye. She’d tell her sister the truth about her bingeing and vomiting – and the reasons behind it – and if Raye decided to tell Mum and Dad then so be it. And Nova was going to tell Raye about Liam – all about him. She’d sit Raye down and make her listen and she wouldn’t stop until Raye believed her. In his current mood, there was no telling what Liam might do and Nova felt totally out of her depth. But Liam really liked Raye. If he was going to listen to anyone, it would be her sister.
‘Raye said she was going for a walk,’ said Dad, less than impressed with Nova’s interruption.
‘Where?’
‘I’m so sorry. I’ll only be a moment,’ Dad apologized to the elderly man and woman waiting to check in.
‘Take your time, dear,’ the elderly woman smiled.
‘She went to the cliffs. Or the beach,’ Dad said to Nova impatiently. ‘She said she was meeting a friend there.’
‘Who? Is Andrew out of hospital then?’
‘I’m not sure. Maybe. Now if you don’t mind . . .’
‘Why is she going for a walk?’ asked Nova.
‘Because it’s a lovely day? Because there’s an R in the month? Take it up with your sister. OK?’ said Dad, adding to himself, ‘I’ll be glad when school starts again!’
With a deep frown turning down every line in her face, Nova headed into the kitchen.
‘Hello, love,’ said Mum, placing a huge roasting tray filled with marinated chicken portions in the oven. ‘Come for a snack?’
‘No, I . . . Mum, can I talk to you?’ said Nova.
Mum shut the oven door and sat down at the table. To Nova’s surprise, she instantly had her mum’s full attention. Mum’s expression was watchful as she indicated the chair opposite her. Nova sat down.
‘What is it, Mum?’ asked Nova.
‘I should be asking you that. I’ve thought for some time that maybe you had something to tell me,’ said Mum gently.
‘Like what?’
‘I don’t know, Nova,’ said Mum. ‘But something’s going on with you, isn’t it?’
Nova nodded.
‘Is it school?’ Mum asked at last when Nova didn’t continue.
Nova shook her head.
‘Are you being bullied?’
‘No, nothing like that,’ said Nova.
‘Then I’ll shut up and let you tell me,’ smiled Mum.
<
br /> ‘I was really going to talk to Raye about this first,’ Nova began.
‘Anything you can tell Raye, you can tell me,’ said Mum quietly. ‘But I’m glad to see you two are friends again. You both had me worried there for a while.’
‘Why?’
‘Well, it was like you weren’t sisters and you weren’t friends. Like you didn’t even know each other any more . . . So what is it you want to tell me?’
‘You won’t like it,’ Nova sighed.
‘I rather thought I wouldn’t,’ said Mum.
‘It’s just that . . . ’ The alarm bells that had been pealing in Nova’s head a while ago now sounded as loud as cannon fire. Why was that phrase so familiar – ‘like you didn’t even know each other any more . . .’? Where had she just heard something similar? Like a light being switched on in her head, Nova suddenly remembered. She sprang up from the table. ‘Raye’s meeting Liam . . .’ she said, appalled.
Mum sat back in her chair. ‘Is that what you wanted to tell me? Raye’s gone for a walk with her latest boyfriend?’
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