I grumble and grouse as Luna pulls me from the couch and makes me change out of my pajamas. We’re just barely going to make the end of the doctor’s office hours. This seems like a lot of fuss but it’s true that the nausea I’ve been feeling hasn’t been behaving the way a flu would and I can’t imagine what else it would be. I suppose it could be a virus in which case the doctor can’t do much about it.
Luna drives and in the car, I spill everything on what happened at work. Her scowl gets deeper and deeper. Hmm. Maybe I shouldn’t have told her. I do actually love Aaron despite whatever it is he thinks means we can’t be together. I’d rather Luna not kill him. I’d prefer him alive.
“He’s an asshole!” Luna says.
“I don’t think so,” I say quietly. I can be logical about it. Maybe it’s because I’m a math person. I don’t have some inherent need to defend him just because I’m in love with him. But logically speaking, Aaron definitely loves me and Aaron definitely thinks there’s a problem big enough that we can’t have a relationship. He just won’t say what it is. But it must be significant if I look at the pattern of his past behavior. It wouldn’t make sense for him to be suddenly irrational and I really don’t think he’s just being a jerk. His past behavior doesn’t speak to that either.
I explain all this to Luna who gapes at me when we stop at a red light.
“Geez,” she mutters. “You’re like the Spock of dating.”
“He said he’s not in witness protection,” I say, smirking. I have to joke a little bit.
My heart is broken.
“Well, if he was, he wouldn’t tell you,” Luna says, laughing. “What about the mafia?”
“Hmm. That would be weird since he’s a tax accountant. Or maybe that’s the perfect cover.”
“I’ll bet he’s a vampire,” Luna says, nudging me.
“He can’t be a vampire, he comes out in daytime.”
“I bet they can come out in day time!” She says as we pull into the lot in front of the doctor’s office. “I bet they could all along. But they spread the rumor about not going out in day time.”
“Oooh. To throw people off.”
“Exactly.”
“That’s very clever of them.”
“They’re no dummies, vampires.”
“That must be it then.”
We joke around about Aaron’s secret life as a vampire and even come up with a complicated story about how he became a tax accountant. Luna thinks Aaron must be secretly hundreds of years old and eventually became bored enough to learn all the minutiae of taxes. As a fellow tax accountant, I’m mildly offended.
It’s all fun and games until I get nauseous again in the elevator up to the doctor’s. I almost don’t make it to the lady’s room before I barf in a stall. My stomach feels like it’s roiling. But I’m also starving. This food thing is weird as hell.
The doctor asks me a million questions and takes my heartbeat and blood pressure and asks me if I’ve had intercourse lately.
“Just a few days ago,” I say. “Not before then for about a year.”
“That’s too soon for morning sickness,” she says, waving her hand dismissively. I feel triumphant in my rightness but Luna is in the waiting room so I can’t give her my ‘told ya so’ look.
The doctor gives me a pregnancy test anyway just in case.
“You must have had intercourse before that,” she says later.
I’m barely hearing her. I can barely track the conversation. I sit there on the tissue cover atop the examining room table. The cushion makes a little squeaky noise when I lean on it. I press a hand to my stomach. My mind is spinning.
I’m pregnant.
“Are you sure,” I say, for probably the fifth time. “I’ve only had sex just a few days ago. Honestly. Before that, it’s been...way too long.”
“Okay well every pregnancy is different,” the doctor says, making notes on her clipboard. “This is highly unusual, but you’re healthy.”
The doc starts talking about prenatal care depending on my decision, writes down what vitamins I should take, schedules a next appointment, talks about my options. I can’t keep up.
“You have a lot of decisions to make,” she says, patting my shoulder. She gives me a whole bag of literature and little bottles. “Either way, we’ll see you soon.”
“Uh huh.”
She leaves and I change back into my clothes. I’ve always been very careful. Of course, you can be pretty careful and still get pregnant. I’ve thought about children, daydreamed about having them even. But I am focused on career and I’ve been happy at the firm, working my way up.
Now, I can’t help but imagine a little baby who looks a bit like Aaron and a bit like me. I have to think whatever is standing between Aaron and me is overruled by a baby.
It occurs to me that I’m already thinking in terms of keeping it. And yes, I think, as I pat my stomach, once I’ve changed back into my jeans and sweater. I do want to keep it. Even if Aaron decides he wants nothing to do with this, I want to keep it. But I predict Aaron’s going to be responsible even if we still can’t be together. He won’t shirk his responsibility. He’s not the type.
I find Luna in the waiting room. She’s just sitting there, reading an old People Magazine as if I haven’t just gotten world shaking news. It’s weird when you have to say a sentence that you’ve never said before that changes literally everything.
“I’m pregnant,” I say.
Luna looks up, eyes wide. “I knew it!” She says. Luna does love being right. “Holy shit!”
She pops up and hugs me and I smile into her shoulder. Maybe it’s stupid of me to be happy when I have no idea what this will mean for my relationship with Aaron or how I’ll manage as a single mom.
Luna seems to know just what to say.
“Don’t you worry, doll. No matter what you decide, I’m gonna be right there with ya, sweetie. I got your back!” She rubs the back in question and I get a lump in my throat, moved at how quickly she proves herself a stalwart friend. “You’re gonna be okay, sweetie. I promise you.”
When she sees the tears in my eyes she coos and hugs me tighter. “No no,” I say. “I am okay. You’re the best, Luna. You’re making me cry, you jerk.”
Luna laughs at that and the two of us hug and cry in the waiting room for a few minutes until we finally compose ourselves enough to leave. I’m probably nuts but I could swear everything looks just a little bit different when we walk outside. But I feel wired up and maybe a little bit panicky. I don’t want to get back in the car. My doctor’s office is on Gregory St. and there are a few blocks around lined with shops and restaurants, it’s a cute little main drag in a tiny area of Quinton, curving uphill and looking out on the mountain and trees down in the valley.
“Can we walk a bit?” I say. The chill air feels crisp and refreshing. It would be good to stretch my legs. Luna made me wear a coat when we left the apartment and I stuff my hands in my pockets, hopping on my feet.
“Of course,” Luna says. She hooks my arm through mine and we take a leisurely stroll in the direction of the shops, intending to browse the window displays, I suppose. “Do you know which way you’re leaning?”
“I want to keep it,” I say softly. “My strongest instinct is that this is a good thing. And I want to keep it.”
Luna stops me and faces me with shining eyes. She claps her hands to my cheeks. “Then it’s going to be cutest, most amazing baby ever in the entire universe!”
I giggle at that. “You’re a big sap,” I say.
“Whatever,” she says, as we stroll on. “Mock me now. You’re gonna be glad when I’m giving you free babysitting.”
“I’m sure I will be,” I mutter. “Wow. It’s really real.”
“Sure is.” She casts me a side glance. “You gotta tell Aaron, ya know.”
“Yeah,” I say, nodding. “Sooner the better. Jesus.”
“What do you think he’ll say?”
“I have no idea,” I sa
y, sighing. “But I think he’d be a great father. I hope I get to see him turn into one.”
“Well, you’ll be a fantastic mom,” Luna says, nudging me. “You’re so kind and warm but you can be tough. And I get to be fun Aunt Luna, which is the best job.”
I feel a little better already, even not knowing exactly what the future will look like. We stop in front of a dress store window and my first thought is that soon enough, none of the dresses in there will fit me. We walk on and then I stop cold at the window display for a baby store. I never notice them usually. I’ve never been the kind of person to look at baby things when I have no plans to have a baby myself. Now my eyes grow large as I take in a bunch of onesies on little hangers. Each onesie is a different bright color and they form a rainbow. There are a teddy bears riding a ferris wheel and a yellow rocking chair.
I whimper. It’s been about five minutes and I’ve already turned to mush.
“I’m gonna get you something,” Luna says, as we huddle there in front of the baby boutique.
“No...no,” I say, shaking my head. “That’s silly. I don’t even…”
“Shut up!” Luna slaps a hand over my mouth and I glare at her. “Not another word. I’m getting you something to mark this occasion. You’re having a baby!”
She moves her hand and my eyes shine again. “I’m having a baby.”
“You’ll tell Aaron,” she says, nodding. “And whatever happens, happens. But right now you’re having a baby and we’re happy about it.”
“Hell yeah,” I say. I feel a bit giddy and I bounce on my toes again.
“Okay,” Luna says, “I’ll be right back. Don’t get mugged. And don’t peek!”
Luna disappears and I huddle outside the store, left to fantasize about what a family with Aaron might look like. If his family doesn’t hate me, I wonder if we’d visit that fancy Tremblay estate. They probably have a guest nursery for when the grandkid visits. At least, that’s what I imagine rich people do. It’s hard not to think of a little boy or girl rolling around in that lush lawn just like in the family photos I saw at Aaron’s apartment.
Aaron.
I bet he’ll be a little overprotective. That seems like him. I’ll have to stop him from going overboard, be the reasonable one. But he seems like the kind of guy to turn to mush around his child. I bet he’ll spoil them rotten. I imagine the three of us walking down this very street; me pushing a stroller, Aaron with his arm around me. A happy little family. Aaron will spoon up behind me in bed at night and when the baby cries he’ll groan and roll out of bed because I’m so tired.
I realize I’m thinking about all this as if it’s already happening.
Take it down a notch, girl, I think to myself.
Luna appears a minute later with a little baby blue gift bag and presents it to me.
“Happy baby day, mama,” she says, beaming.
“Thanks, sweetie.” I reach in the bag and pull out a little stuffed animal. It’s a little wolf puppy. It’s one of those super soft, fuzzy plushes and it’s gray and white with bright blue eyes. It’s huggable and squeezable and I coo and hug it to my face.
“That’s so cuuuute!”
“A puppy,” Luna declares. “For your future pup.”
Chapter Nine: Aaron
I feel as if I’m on pins and needles when I go to work the next day and see Michelle across the office looking happy and glowing just like I’ve heard pregnant mothers do (or at least I’ve heard shifter mothers glow when they’re pregnant, I’m not sure about human ones). Michelle gives me a look that makes me think she knows she’s pregnant. I’m not sure how else to explain it. But we don’t have a chance to talk. Work is just too busy and I know we’re both going to be slammed until probably lunch. I feel like I should be the one to make things a little easier if I possibly can so I send her a text.
You look beautiful today.
I don’t know what else to say except the first thing that comes to mind. It might be confusing after everything I said about how we couldn’t be together. But dammit, she does look beautiful today.
Michelle texts back, We need to talk.
Straight to business then. She always has been pretty direct. It’s one of my favorite things about her. I text back that we can talk at lunch. Hopefully, we’ll eat this time. But I feel on edge until then and there’s a meeting just before lunch.
Michelle sits across the conference table from me. We both have to focus and I have to run the meeting. I talk about account goals and the upcoming tax season. I lose track of what I’m saying a couple of times and I see Michelle smile slightly. It’s the strangest meeting as we keep catching each other casting soulful looks across the binders full of spreadsheets and data.
It occurs to me that though I’m pretty sure Michelle knows she’s pregnant, I have no idea how she feels about it and I certainly can’t tell from the look on her face. And as powerful as a shifter’s sense of smell is, I can’t smell it either. For all I know, she’s very upset. Why wouldn’t she be after all? She’s been a driven career woman for as long as I’ve known her. Just because she’s pregnant with my pup and just because that fills me with pride and joy, it doesn’t mean she’s going to be ecstatic. I wonder if I could convince her to have the baby and let me raise him or her. Then I wonder if the impossibility of a human, pregnant with a shifter pup, will make the pregnancy difficult? Or painful? What if she’s going to miscarry in a couple weeks?
“I’m ridiculous,” I say out loud.
Everyone around the conference room table stares at me, including Michelle. I interrupted Claire, who was talking about the Reynolds account. I clear my throat and wave a hand for Claire to continue.
“Sorry,” I say. “Please go on.”
Michelle raises an eyebrow at me and I bite back a smile, which she returns. I’m on the edge of my seat to speak to her. At lunch, we meet in the hall and agree to that casual sit down place again and actually eat this time. She says she’s been feeling better and my heart warms to hear it. But I can’t help feeling so protective. I rest my hand at the small of her back as we walk. I even find myself looking out for potential hazards or enemies. It’s all the wolf.
Must protect the pup and the mate, the wolf insists. Must protect the pup and the mate.
At the restaurant we sit down and order lemonade and look at each other, both of us seeming nervous and awkward.
“How are you?” I say.
“I’m pregnant,” Michelle blurts, and then covers her face with her hand. “What a way to tell you. Also, I want to keep this baby. I know this must come as a shock…”
I hadn’t thought about a way to pretend to be surprised. And I’m not a particularly good actor. I also haven’t thought about how I’m going to have to tell her I’m a shifter soon. I can’t have this innocent human woman giving birth to a pup and not knowing. Soon or later...it’s going to come up.
“You’re smiling,” Michelle says, smiling back.
I wasn’t aware of it but I guess that was a good reaction because it registered as surprise. I reach across the table and cover Michelle’s hand with my own.
“I’m going to be there for you,” I say softly. “For the baby and for you. I promise you, Michelle. I won’t let you down. I’m here for this.”
She squeezes my hand and drops her gaze to the table, seeming sad suddenly. “I keep imagining us together. Imagining us as a family. I won’t lie to you, Aaron. I want that so badly. The whole package. I wish you would tell me why it can’t be like that for us.”
My mate. My pup. My FAMILY.
“Forget all that,” I say, leaning forward. It’s an impulse, certainly. But if the clan is meant to protect its own, that includes Michelle now. It must, or none of this makes any sense. She’s having my pup and as impossible as that may be, it’s a new reality. I’ll just have to make them understand.
Not that I’m looking forward to it.
“Everything I said about how it couldn’t work between us,” I say, holdi
ng her hand in both of mine, “It’s bullshit. It’s all bullshit. You’re more important than all that and so is our baby. I love you.”
“I love you too,” she says, eyes shining.
“I’ll talk to my family,” I say. “And I promise I’ll explain everything soon. I’m going to have to now. It’s just complicated. You can’t imagine how much really.”
“I trust you,” Michelle says, and I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.
That means a lot. It’s strange to remember how long we’ve been working together. But you can learn a lot about somebody working alongside them. I know that Michelle can be cuttingly funny, and that she’s sometimes grumpy in the morning. I know that she forgets to eat when she’s busy and that she makes a little kitten noise when she yawns. And now I know other things, like the way her breasts feel cupped in my palms, the silkiness of her hair running through my fingers, the way she arches her back just before she comes while she’s riding my cock.
“How about after work, you come over to my place,” I suggest, rubbing my thumb along her knuckles. I want her in my place. I want my condo to smell like her. I want her snuggled up next to me on the couch so I can take care of her and then I want her in my bed if she’ll have me again. “We can do anything you like. We can watch those romantic comedies you like, order your favorite food…”
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