by Pepper Paris
I was mad, pissed, and really hurt that you left. I knew that something was missing, and while I want to be selfish in hoping I’m all you think about, I want you to find the parts that make you complete. I don’t feel that you’re running away from something, more that you’re running toward something.
Even though you’re miles away, you’re closest to my heart, and I hope that one day you can come running home to me. I’ll be here through it all for whatever you need.
Love you,
Roxie
Chapter Three
Wade
When Roxie pulled open the pantry door to reveal her cramped bedroom, my heart broke for her. Even with all the love we’d showered her with, she still held onto a past where it was okay for her to be put into the closet.
Even my question to her hadn’t shown what I was feeling underneath. I held onto those emotions and didn’t let her see the sympathy I felt. She’d been so strong while I’d been in juvie, and it had been her friendship that’d kept me from living up to my bad boy image. Sure, I’d lit a dumpster on fire and trashed someone’s car, but I’d done the time for my crimes.
She deserved the same respect, and I couldn’t treat her any differently because she was stuck in a hole where being the victim seemed normal to her.
Sarah and I were left looking at each other as Roxie fled the room. “She gets uncomfortable when she thinks you can see past the shields she puts up.”
“Well, you may be calling us the subscription boys, but we’ve been there to hold her when things got rough.” I nodded in the direction of the front room where her mother was sitting. “We were too young to do much, but we five were the only things standing between the world and each other.”
Sarah held up her hands in surrender. “I’m not judging bad boy box, but just remember that she’s going to fall apart when her mom’s not here anymore. She doesn’t need to feel guilty because she’s finally free.”
I smiled. Sarah had absolutely no idea how strong Roxie was, or what each one of us would do for our girl.
“Why don’t we clean up and I’ll go see how Ms. Vicky is feeling?”
I didn’t wait for an answer, but went to get the tray.
“Hey there. Did you get everything eaten?”
The plate looked like the food had been pushed around instead of eaten.
“Not hungry, huh?”
She looked shyly at the plate. “Roxie’s food is always good. I’m just not sure that I can keep it down.”
I slid onto the couch, taking her hand in mine. “What if I got you some medicine that would make you ravenously hungry? Would you eat a hamburger for lunch?”
Her brows twisted into a frown. “The doctor would have prescribed something for that when he mentioned I was losing weight.”
“This would be something that isn’t quite legal. Does that bother you?”
She started to laugh, but it turned into a cough. “Son, I was doing illegal stuff way before you were born. It’s been years since I did anything like what you’re suggesting, though. Alcohol has been my poison of choice, but the doctor said it would accelerate my problems.”
“Rox mentioned that Sarah’s been hanging out with you in the mornings. While she’s here, I’m gonna look up a few of my old connections and see what I can come up with for you. If I’m successful, I’ll bring back a couple of burgers for us to eat. Do you promise to try and eat if I do?”
With a nod, she took a sip of water and a pill to ease the coughing. “Promise.”
“All right, don’t go anywhere on me, okay?” I gave her hand a pat as I collected the tray to take back to the kitchen.
Sarah had almost gotten the kitchen cleaned up, but sadness filled her face at the sight of the tray coming back full.
“She didn’t eat anything, did she?”
“Nope, but I’m headed out to score some weed for her. I think if we can get her to eat, she may be able to get over her cough. At least it will give her a little strength to fight it.”
“Wade, she’s not going to get better. She’s refused chemo and radiation. We’re just here to make her comfortable until it’s time for her to go on hospice.”
“I know, but that doesn’t mean a girl can’t eat a little something. No point in running straight into the casket. She might want to slow down and see a few sights first.”
In my heart, I knew Sarah was right, but I had to try, even if in the end there was nothing we could really do but be there for Roxie.
It didn’t take me long to look up my old connections and score something that would help Roxie’s mom. Even though bands and musicians had a bad rap, it had been a while since I’d indulged in a good smoke.
Roxie had never said anything about my pot use, but I knew that she didn’t want me backsliding into something that would keep me out of practicing law.
While I would agree that many people used drugs for the wrong reasons, I hadn’t ever understood why so many people were against letting those who were hurting or sick stay that way when there was a solution available. I was thankful that I could do this little thing for Roxie’s mom, and hopefully take care of one worry for my girl.
I snuck in quietly because I didn’t want to disturb them, but Ms. Vicky was only dozing and woke up when I stuck my head in the room.
If she was this light of a sleeper, I had no idea how Roxie had managed to sneak out for all those years.
“I’ve got lunch and something to make you want to eat it.” I triumphantly held up the bag of burgers and the joints I’d rolled before hiding the extra in the old tree house. It was the one place that no one could trace it back to anyone person, and it was only a fence hop away.
“Perfect. Ms. V., you go first because he got it for you.” Sarah smiled happily.
She pulled out a lighter from the small table between the chair and the couch. Holding it with her lips, she expertly flicked the lighter and drew in deeply. It caused a small cough, but that didn’t stop her.
“What? I’ve already got cancer. Do you really think smoking is going to cause me to get more?” She laughed between another coughing fit.
“Well, I hadn’t thought about it like that. That’s what we need to tell Roxie if this works.”
“Oh, no.” She waved the joint in her hand at us. “You can’t tell Roxie about this. She’ll freak out.”
“You might be surprised at how much she just wants what’s best for you,” I suggested.
“Cut the crap, young man. We both know that Roxie doesn’t give a rat’s ass about me. She’s just here to collect on whatever is left after mine and my sister’s funerals.” Her lip curled up in a snarl.
“You really think that she doesn’t care about you when she’s working to pay the bills?” It slipped out before I could stop the anger from making an appearance.
“She just wants to know that you love her, Ms. V. It’s what every kid wants from their parents.” Sarah laid out the burgers on the table for us to dig into when we were finished smoking.
“Don’t discount that she really cares about you. I know you’ve both had some ups and downs, but don’t let this moment pass you by. My parents are still living, but they don’t want anything to do with me. They couldn’t love the person I was, and now I don’t want anything to do with the people they are today.” I let out a sigh mixed with regret and longing.
“I never really wanted her, you know. She ruined my plans to party and have a good time.” She paused to look at the rolled joint between her fingers. “This takes me back, though. You both want me to reconcile with Roxie, but she’s better off without me. She needs to get away from this place and do something other than having a kid. Being tied down sucks, and there’s no way to get rid of a kid without everyone looking at you like you’re a horrible person. I know I wasn’t a great parent to her. I never tried to be one.”
With each word Vicky spoke, my heart hurt a little more for Roxie. At least my parents had wanted me in the beginning. I couldn’t imagine a li
fe where I was made to feel unloved every day.
“I’ll be gone soon, and you can all move on with your lives. Now, give me one of those burgers because I’m suddenly hungry,” she commanded.
We spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying ourselves, watching TV.
Roxie came home, but didn’t do more than poke her head in the room to make sure everything was going well before going back into the kitchen.
I wandered into the room after her, hoping that she would be in a better mood.
“Hey, babe. How was work?” I slid my arms around her, but she visibly stiffened.
“It was fine. I got a letter from Kelly. He’s surviving so far,” she announced as she put the empty pans on the stove loudly.
“You’re mad.”
“Gee, I can’t imagine why you’d think so.” She chopped up some vegetables before adding them to the pot.
“What did I do?” I leaned against the other counter, out of reach from her knife.
“Well, let me see. You smoked pot because the smell is all over your clothes, and from the looks of it, you shared with my mother. I thought you were serious about going to law school.” She shot me a disappointed look as she added the hamburger meat to the pot and turned on the burner.
“Look, your mom isn’t eating. I thought that at least if she smoked something, it would help with her appetite. I was trying to help.”
Roxie stopped and turned to face me, holding the knife even with my stomach. “If you really wanted to help, you could have mowed the lawn or picked up her meds. Instead, I have to do both now, and that means I won’t have time to spend with you.”
I gently took the knife and sat it on the counter before pulling her into my arms. “What if I promised to go mow the lawn while you get dinner ready? I can even run to the pharmacy first thing in the morning for you. I was being serious about being here to help.”
She returned my embrace until the meat started to sizzle.
“If you can do that and take a shower, then I’ll get Sarah to stay here tonight. I really need some cuddle time, and that’s not going to happen here.” She pushed her hair behind her ear and out of the way.
With a quick kiss on the cheek, I headed for the back door and Carter’s house.
I’d met Sophia, but I wasn’t sure if would let me borrow the mower or not. Waiting anxiously at the back door, I was surprised when Mr. P opened it.
“Wade, good to see you.” He pulled me into a bear hug. “Are you back for good or just visiting?”
“I’m here for the summer, which is why I’m at your door. Could I borrow your mower to take care of Roxie’s yard? I’m trying to take a few things off her plate.”
“Certainly. You know where it’s kept.” He pointed toward their shed. “Help yourself. I’m glad that you’re able to do that. She’s going through so much since she lost her aunt.”
“Hopefully things will get a little better for her. Thanks for letting me use it. I’ll bring it back when I’m done, I promise.”
“Of course you will. Otherwise, I’ll haunt your dreams tonight, and I’m sure you’d rather not see me hanging out there.” He gave me a wink.
“Ha-ha. You’re awesome, Mr. P.” I gave a small wave as I headed toward the shed.
It had been years, or maybe never since I’d used a mower because my parents had paid someone to do the yard work on their expansive grounds.
It couldn’t be too hard, could it?
I had to walk it around the block because there was no way I was going to carry it over the fence.
Chapter Four
Roxie
Wade and Sarah were really getting on my nerves. I knew in my head that someone had to stay with my mom, but giving her pot wasn’t exactly what I’d had in mind when he said he was going to help out.
I’d put everything into the soup, and now it just needed a little while to simmer. If I hadn’t been so distracted this morning, I’d have put it in the crockpot so it would already be ready.
When a quick check showed my mom still napping in her recliner, with Sarah passed out on the couch beside her, I breathed a sigh of relief. The evidence of their noon meal was still on the coffee table, but I didn’t want to take the chance of waking them up if I didn’t have to. It could wait until later.
A loud commotion made me head to the back of the house where Wade was humorously attempting to start the lawn mower.
He pulled the cord, but because he hadn’t held down the bar at the top, it didn’t start. Then he tried it again with the same results. I was just about to go out and help when he noticed the words written on the handle to hold it down.
With another pull while holding the bar down, it roared to life and he let go to give a celebratory fist pump as it died.
I snickered as I watched him struggle a few more times before he figured it out.
Wiping sweat from his brow, he started mowing right there where he’d started it, zigzagging all over the place.
Sarah joined me at the kitchen window. “What on earth is Wade trying to do? Win the craziest mowing job in town?”
“I don’t think he’s ever mowed before. It never occurred to me that he might not have done this kind of thing. Carter and Kelly both worked for Mr. P, and I’ve always done my own lawn with their mower. Jay might not know how to either because he had two older brothers, and they did those types of chores.”
“Well, you should’ve been recording this. It would’ve made him an internet sensation,” Sarah giggled.
“It would have, wouldn’t it?” I joined in her laughter, letting go of my anger. “He’s really cute when he’s trying to prove something to me.”
“Yeah, he was just trying to help her eat some food. That’s one of the signs that she’s close to the end. When they stop eating, it means their bodies are getting ready to leave this world. I’m sorry, sweetie. He’ll figure it out.”
“I know. There isn’t much we can do but make her comfortable and wait for the end to arrive. At least he’s here, and that’ll make it much easier to handle knowing I’ve got someone on my side.”
Sarah leaned over and gave me a hug. “He’s crazy about you. They all are, really. I know I tease you about them, and don’t think I’m going to stop, but you all fit really well together. You’re the center that holds them all together. I don’t think they realize how much you do for everyone.”
“Speaking of doing for everyone, would you mind staying with Mom tonight so I can go over to Wade’s?” I lowered the curtain and looked at her with pleading eyes. “Pretty please?”
“Of course. I have to lay low for a few days anyway because the Samson twins are looking for another session, and I don’t want them to get any ideas.”
I shook my head at her problems. “I’m going to go change. Can you can keep an eye on the soup?”
“Sure.” She settled into a chair at the table, flipping through her phone.
Dinner was over, and Wade had gone to take the lawn mower back to Mr. P, but I didn’t want to wait for him since I would need my car the next morning.
I drove to his house, debating on if I should go inside like I still lived there, or have him invite me in, when the sound of his motorcycle pulling in made the decision for me.
Wade settled the bike next to my car and took off his helmet, shaking out his hair.
Without noticing, I’d begun to bite my bottom lip as if watching a sexy commercial happening right in front of me.
“See something you like?” Wade flexed his arms, posing as I laughed.
“Maybe,” I replied, not committing to anything. He certainly didn’t need any help with inflating his ego.
“Well, come upstairs and I’ll take you on a ride that’ll make a magic carpet seem dull.”
“Really?” I slung the overnight bag over my shoulder and followed his well-shaped ass up the stairs.
He greeted me with a searing kiss that had me panting for more as he walked us into the bedroom. I couldn’t get out of my cloth
es fast enough, leaving a trail all the way to the door.
With a thump, I fell backward onto the bed as his hands touched me, making the flames grow hotter from the need racing through me.
“Wade, please,” I groaned as he nibbled along my neck, rubbing his still encased member along my leg. His jeans added friction along my sensitive area, increasing the buildup to my release.
“Mmm… You mean like this?” Grinning, he took two fingers and thrust them inside my wet inner lips. “Or like this?” Without asking, or taking time for me to know what he was trying to do, his wet finger entered my ass.
“That feels amazing,” I gasped in shock, and pleasure.
He removed it gently and took the lube from the nightstand, letting it drip onto his fingers as he prepared to enter my virgin ass.
“Rox, I want you to hold your hand out,” he commanded, and I quickly complied.
Placing a small drop of lube onto my finger, I stared at him, confused. “I’m not going to fuck my own ass.”
The snort of laughter made me feel a little better after my declaration, but I wasn’t as in the mood as I’d been second before.
“No, you’re going to take that finger and rub it around your clit with one hand while pulling or pinching your nipple with the other hand,” he explained in a tone that warranted no argument.
“What are you going to do?” I was certain I knew, but it was the unknown that kind of freaked me out. I didn’t want any more surprises.
“When you’re ready, I’m going to give you an orgasm that’ll make you scream.” He seemed to sense my hesitation. “Do you trust me?”
“Yes.” I really did, but that fear of the unknown was playing with my mind. There was no way I could take all of him back there. He might think he could fit, but I really hoped we weren’t going to have to call an ambulance to come get us because he was literally stuck up my ass.
