But, oh, how I craved any risk the man offered – including the danger of love.
“I think last night was good for us, Blue Eyes.” He stroked the curve of my jaw with the back of a single finger, and I wondered if he knew how much it felt like fire on my skin – how it kindled my lust, how it ignited my dread.
I swallowed and took a step onto ground that could be quicksand. “I think last night was good for us too.”
Maybe too good.
“I’m having a hard time concentrating on work this morning because I keep thinking about it. I wish I had time in my schedule – I’d spank your ass red to punish you for being such a distraction.”
“Reeve,” I giggled.
“I love it when I make you blush.” He moved his hands to my ass, pulling me closer so I could feel the hard ridge of his erection. “Almost as much as I love it when I make you come.”
My breath quickened. “You’re so charming today. It’s throwing me off.”
“I’m warming you up so that the next part of our conversation will be productive.” The timbre of his voice justified my earlier wariness.
“What a lead-in. Go ahead then.” I braced myself for the worst, a difficult task since I had no idea at all where he was headed.
“When I brought you here, there were certain expectations of you.”
My mind raced back to the list of rules he’d gone over with me on the way to Kaya. Don’t walk around undressed. Don’t miss lunch or dinner. Be available when he wanted. No arguing with him in front of other people. Sleep with him.
So far, I’d broken all of them except the dress code, though the T-shirt I’d worn for an outfit last night on the porch might have come close to breaking that as well.
The rules had honestly slipped my mind. I cleared the rasp from my throat. “Right.”
“You told me you don’t want our relationship to be based on an exchange of gifts for services anymore. Is that still true?”
I’d said that just before Amber had shown up. With the recent events, it was natural that he’d question if my intentions had changed. Logical to wonder if it was still true.
“Very much so,” I answered earnestly.
His lids grew heavy and his pupils dark. “I like that. A lot.” He brought his hands between us and slid his fingers just under my shirt to dance across the top of my navel. While his caress was sensual, it was also without motivation – an absentminded gesture based in the need to simply touch my skin rather than the need to fuck.
“But while I’m happy about this change in our arrangement,” he continued, “I hope you don’t think it releases you from the expectations I’ve outlined.”
“No. Of course not.” A part of me – the stubborn, independent part – pleaded to say fuck you and wash my hands of the man who sought to train me to his liking.
But a greater part of me wanted his rules and regulations, loved them, especially because it wasn’t easy for me to submit to them. Pleasing him wasn’t just satisfying – it was necessary for my own happiness, just as his happiness depended on my obedience.
But I’d been defiant.
A curtain of shame fell over my mood.
He brought a hand to my face, and, grasping my chin firmly, he lifted it so my eyes would meet his. “Don’t do that. We’re fine. That’s why we’re talking.”
“Okay.” And in just that short admonishment, I understood that he was committed to me, that he wanted us to work.
The realization begged to notch my giddiness into full-on exhilaration, but something held my excitement at bay.
Again, Reeve’s fingers stroked my belly. “What is it that’s preventing you from meeting those expectations?”
And there was the something that had overshadowed my joy. “You know what. Amber.” She was the only thing holding me back, the only reason I hadn’t gone to his bed the night before, the only hesitation in taking any step he wanted me to take.
Before she’d returned, we’d been headed toward those things that came “next” in a relationship. I’d already explained to Reeve that our friendship had ended when she’d believed the worst of me – she’d thought I’d stolen her man, and while, instead, that man had raped me and caused the death of the baby I’d carried, I’d vowed to never take a man from her again.
Didn’t he realize that if I committed to him now, I might be breaking that vow?
Then there were his feelings. He’d been devastated when she’d left him. Wasn’t he interested in a second chance with her? I knew I was.
Well. This was the moment of truth. I’d spoken her name now. I’d labeled her as barrier between us. He had to decide what she meant to him. And I had to decide too.
“Yes, Amber’s here,” he acknowledged. “You were looking for her. She’s been found. Why does that change what’s going on with us?”
“How can you ask that? You loved her —”
“— and she left —”
“And she came back.”
He let a beat pass. “She didn’t come back for me.”
“How do you know that? Did you ask her?”
“Emily, I don’t have to ask her. I know the circumstances that we parted under. I know how she felt when she left, and, trust me – I deserved it. She’s only here now because I’m the one person who can assure her safety when it comes to Michelis.”
I let his words digest. They made sense, but did that automatically mean she hadn’t come back to salvage what she had with Reeve, too?
From everything I’d learned about him and everything I’d known about Amber, the two were not a perfect match. She liked to be adored and catered to, and, though I’d known many men who’d loved me one way while loving her another, I couldn’t imagine Reeve as one of them. He would never pander. He would never bend.
Still – there was no guessing what someone might do, might become, in the name of love.
Reeve tapped a finger on my chin. “You’re overthinking this, Em. She came back for protection. She’s not looking to pick up where we left off.”
Then I realized what his assurance was missing – what he wanted. “Would it make a difference if she did?”
He opened his mouth to answer, but there was a knock on the door followed by it being swung open.
“The group from Callahans is here,” Brent declared without invitation. “I got them set up near the fire so we can start the branding, but there’s a new guy in charge, and he won’t do shit without you.” It seemed it was only then that Brent saw me. “Ah, sorry. Didn’t realize I might be interrupting.”
Reeve threw a glare at his ranch manager. Then he let out a huff of air. “I’ll go down there then.”
I slid off his lap to let him stand. His brow was furrowed as he donned the jacket that had been on the back of his chair. “A new guy? First I’ve heard about it. What’s his name?”
“Grabrian, I think,” Brent said.
Reeve nodded then turned to me. Threading one hand in my hair, he placed the other at my neck. “We’ll talk more later,” he said, his fingers stroking firmly and possessively up and down the length of my throat. “Just know that I won’t be lenient about this for long.”
It should have been a statement that struck fear in me, and it did – terror and excitement twined together and ran up my body, lighting every nerve along the way. He pulled me to him for a rough kiss, causing the thousand little fires inside to spit and flare.
When he broke from me, he took off with Brent, leaving me feeling as branded as his calves, and I was sure the iron he’d used on me was twice as hot.
I let a smile linger on my just-kissed lips for several minutes before I shook the daze from my head and tried to focus on the task I’d been given. Reeve expected me to resolve the issues that were keeping me from being with him. In other words, I had to talk to Amber. While he was likely right about her motivations and intentions, I needed to be clear with her about mine. I owed her that.
CHAPTER 7
The chance to
talk to Amber wouldn’t come if I didn’t make an effort. So after leaving Reeve’s office, I went up to her room only to find her bed empty. It was the first time I’d seen her out of it since she’d returned.
The room wasn’t unoccupied, though. There was a guy I didn’t know dozing on the love seat, likely the person assigned to this four-hour rotation of watching over her. I nudged him awake, irritation clear in my voice. “Where’s Amber?”
He startled, then sat up immediately to scan the room. “Uh…”
Groaning from the bathroom interrupted his guilty stutter. I scowled at the man. “You can go. I’ll take over.”
I didn’t wait for him to leave before going to the door and knocking. “Are you okay in there, Am?”
Her answer came in the form of retching. I tried the handle, and when I found it unlocked, I went in to crouch with her on the hard tile floor. With my hands wrapped in her blond hair, a dozen memories flooded back. Other occasions where one of us – usually Amber, who liked to overindulge – ended the evening leaning over a toilet. There was a certain melancholy to the scenario now. I could still easily slip in next to her to help her out as if not a day had passed since those days, and that was enormously satisfying to me, but, how sad at the same time, that this many years later I’d still have to.
After she’d finished, she rested her cheek on the porcelain. “Thanks, babe.”
“You’re not hooked to the IV,” I noted as I perched on the side of the tub.
“Jeb took me off this morning,” she explained. “Then I had my first attempt at food. It didn’t go too well.”
Her skin, I noticed, had a gray undertone, and she was sweating. “Do you have a fever?” I put the back of my hand up to her forehead and found her to be cool and clammy.
“I doubt it. Just part of the process of getting this out of my system.”
“Is the methadone not helping?” I’d been familiar with the aftereffects of too much coke – the depression, the irritation. It dawned on me now that I didn’t know the first thing about opiate withdrawal.
“It reduces symptoms. Supposedly. If this is reduced, though, cold turkey has to be a fucking bitch.” She wiped at her nose with the back of her hand then scooted back to lean against the wall. “I’d kill right now for another pill. But I never want to go through this again. This shit is the worst.”
I reached over the toilet to grab her a wad of toilet paper. “So you really do want to quit? What was it you were hooked on?”
“Thank you,” she said as I handed her the tissue. “It was oxy. I never meant to start taking it in the first place. You know me, I like the uppers, not the opiates.” She paused, her hand at her mouth as if she’d had another wave of nausea.
I put my arms out to help her back to the toilet if she needed it, but she stayed put. There was amusement in Amber’s eyes despite the ashen look on her face. A moment later, she relaxed, the bout having passed. “You’re such a good nurse,” she said when she could speak again. “It’s one of the things I’ve missed the most about you.”
I stood and crossed to the sink to get a washcloth to wipe her mouth, but also to busy myself because I didn’t know how to respond to her comment. Such a good nurse. I knew what it really alluded to – that I was good at being attentive. Good at pleasing.
I was good at it, and I loved that it was what she’d thought of when she’d thought of me. But there was so much baggage attached to the role I’d played with her, and dwelling on it would only make it more difficult to separate the person I’d been then from the person I was now. The line had already blurred so much since Reeve had rekindled my old desires. One poker in the fire was all I could handle.
Her eyes stayed fixed on me. “I missed lots of things about you,” she said, misreading my retreat. “Not just that.”
I forced my gaze to hers. “I missed a lot of things about you, too.”
She smiled, and I noticed she could do that now without grimacing in pain. “Anyway,” she said, “I only got hooked on the oxy because Micha fed them to me like candy. First, only after he’d gotten rough, or one of his men had gotten rough. Then more often. And then I wanted them all the time because it was easier to escape that way than it was to escape for real.”
My spine prickled. She’d been a prisoner to the man then. It was what Joe had believed all along.
I sat again on the side of the tub and gripped the edges with my hands. This wasn’t the conversation I needed to have with her, but it was personal and intimate and I figured it might be a good lead-in. “Escape? Were you not with him of free will? I thought you said you went to him to punish Reeve?”
“At first. Yes. Reeve and I…” she hesitated, and I realized she was trying to figure out how much to reveal, not knowing that I already knew the story. “Well, we ended badly.”
I was tired of beating around the bush. “He said he tried to keep you here.”
She eyed me suspiciously. “He told you that?”
“Yeah.” Well, that was one way to hint that he and I had become close. Amber knew him well enough to understand he didn’t give anything freely.
But Amber came up with another explanation. “Reeve probably figured there wasn’t any harm in admitting it since I was obviously not pressing charges. He’s lucky I went to Micha instead of the cops.” Her tone was tart and full of spite.
“He was actually pretty remorseful about it all.” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I worried I’d said the wrong thing. I’d wanted to defend him, but perhaps I should have kept silent and let her hold onto her resentment so that she wouldn’t care that I was with him.
“He was?” She seemed more surprised about this news than that he’d admitted anything to me. “Well, that’s something.”
Her entire countenance seemed to brighten. She’d been so run-down that I was somewhat glad I could say something to cheer her, but, damn, I wished that hadn’t been it.
“So, yeah, that’s what happened,” she went on. “He wouldn’t let me leave the ranch for, I don’t know, weeks. Which really wasn’t as horrible as all that since he treated me like a queen the whole time, but it was still wrong. And I was pissed and vengeful and I stupidly ran to Micha because I knew it would get Reeve worked up. I’d only planned to fool around with him for a few weeks, you know, let it burn. But then Micha was good to me. He gave me a lot of things – really fucking nice jewelry, Em. You should have seen the emeralds. And he was so attentive. He wanted to know all about my life. I actually told him about my dad.”
“Wow.” I was pretty sure she’d never told anyone but me about the father who had repeatedly raped her until she got fed up and ran away at sixteen.
“I know, right? And Micha said he wished he could erase all that pain. I believed him.” Her voice caught, and she paused to blink back tears.
I moved to the floor next to her so I could put my arm around her. “They make it easy to believe,” I said, trying to soothe her. I knew how that felt – to trust someone not to harm and then have that trust betrayed. At least, with Reeve, I’d found a man who could give me what I craved without breaking me down.
Amber dried her tears off after only a minute. “God, I sound like a Lifetime special, don’t I?”
“Nah. You’re definitely an HBO documentary.”
She laughed. “At least I’m premium entertainment.” She leaned forward to get more toilet paper and, after dabbing at her nose, tossed it into the can at the side of the tub. “By the time I realized what he was really like, he’d already assured that I was tied to him forever.”
My spine tingled at the thought of her tattoo and what Joe had said it meant. “How?”
“He found my father for me. And had him killed.” Her delivery was so matter-of-fact that I almost didn’t register what she’d said.
Then… shit. I was speechless.
During Joe’s search for Amber, he’d found her father had been killed while serving time for child molestation in federal prison. Joe had be
lieved the man who’d done the crime had been connected to the Greek mob but there had been no way to prove it.
It had been Vilanakis then. Joe had been onto something after all.
“Yeah,” Amber said in acknowledgment to my stricken reaction. “Micha’s not a man you want to mess with. Or get in bed with, it seems, because then he said I owed him.”
She shifted to face me. “And, you know what? I was willing to accept that. Because even though I didn’t ask him to do it, I wasn’t at all upset that he had.”
Honestly, I didn’t feel any remorse either. But now she owed Vilanakis. Did she realize exactly what that meant? I wasn’t even sure what it meant, and I knew it was bad.
Amber lowered her head. “You must think the worst of me.”
“No. I really don’t. I’m thinking the worst of him.” Thinking the worst and getting pissed. “He breaks the law and then uses that to keep you with him. That’s bullshit, Amber. Then, did he make you get that tattoo? To remind you that you owed him?”
She stretched an arm across her body and placed her hand over the place of her design. “Yeah.” She tilted her head at me. “Did Reeve see the tattoo? Do you know?”
“Probably. I noticed it right away. Why?”
Her face was unreadable. “No reason. Let’s not talk about it anymore, though, okay?” She didn’t wait for my response before bringing her knees to her chest and burying her face.
She was shutting me out. I knew that feeling too. I’d done the same thing after she’d saved me from a dirtbag in Mexico who’d used me and nearly destroyed me in the process. I hadn’t feared that my dirtbag would come after me though. I couldn’t imagine how I would have moved on if I had.
I brushed a strand of hair off her forehead. “Okay. We don’t have to. We can talk about something else.” Perhaps it was the wrong time to segue into my relationship with Reeve, but the weight of his expectations sat heavily on me.
Amber shook her head. “I don’t think I feel like talking at all right now, if that’s okay.” She peeked up at me. “But will you stay with me? You can help me back to bed and then we can turn on bad soaps and make fun of the plots just like old times.”
Last Kiss Page 7
