by J. Lynn
“I want to do it.” My voice was light.
He made a deep sound that made my blood hum. “Then you have me.”
If only.
I started to fix my bra, but he caught my hand. “I like you like this,” he said, his eyes like blue fire. “I’ll never forget you looking like this.”
I sucked in a shaky breath. “Who knew you could say all the right words?”
“I know, right?” He chuckled. “Usually I’m saying all the wrong ones.”
That could be said for the both of us, but I was beyond talking. We were a disaster in the making, but as I slid down his body, I couldn’t stop myself. Neither of us could stop. I’d deal with it later. I was good, if not great, at pushing things away to deal with later.
His pecs were hard and smooth under my mouth. I tasted his skin, reveling in the salty mixture as I kissed my way down his tight abs, closing my eyes as I forged a wet path down to the loose fit of his pants. His body was a work of art—hard and like silk stretched over steel. I could worship him all day long.
I tugged gently on his pants and he lifted his hips. “Look at me,” he said. “Being all helpful.”
“So surprised,” I murmured, giggling.
The laugh died off though when I got my first real glimpse of him. His pants were down to his thighs and he was exposed in all his glory, and boy, was it a lot of glory. Every part of him matched up in size, and he was huge.
I trailed my finger down the center of him, grinning when his entire body jerked at the touch. “You like that?”
“That would be a ‘hell yeah.’”
Smiling, I wrapped my hand around the base. He throbbed against my palm. I knew what to do. I’d done this before, many times when I didn’t want to go…well, those times didn’t matter, because I wanted this. I wanted to do this.
I moved my hand in a slow pace, watching him through my lashes. His eyes were almost completely shut, his jaw locked down tight, and his hips followed my rhythm. It was so natural, and I wasn’t really thinking about anything when I scooted down further and lowered my head. The tips of my breasts brushed his thighs as I circled my tongue over the head.
Tanner all but growled out, “Yes.”
Yes. Yes. That word cycled in my head over and over. I closed my mouth over him and took him in, running my tongue as I went as far as I could go.
“Fuck. Your mouth,” he groaned. “God. Damn. I’m not going to last.”
I would’ve laughed, but I was so caught in the act of pleasing him. Normally this…this seemed like such a chore. With Tanner, it felt sensual and promising. Mutual. Give and take. Sexy and beautiful.
His hand tangled in my hair, but he didn’t hold me to him, and that was a…a nice change up right there. He moved, thrusting his hips, but he held back, and he was right, he didn’t last long.
“I’m about to come.” He tried to pull away, but I wouldn’t let him. Closing my eyes, I took him deeper. “Andrea,” he moaned, his hips rising off the comforter.
The feel of him coming apart was something that I would never forget. The musky, salty taste, the way he pulsed and how he held my neck so gently—all of it was as shattering as the pleasure he had brought me.
As I slowed down and lifted my head, I saw that he was staring at me with wide eyes and in a way I couldn’t decipher. I didn’t move as he sat up and gripped the sides of my face, and I sure as heck didn’t breathe when he hauled me against his chest and kissed me. And it was no small kiss either. It was deep and scorching, lighting me up.
When we broke apart, he rested his forehead against mine and let out a short breath. “Well, Andy, this, by far, has to be the best trip to a cabin ever.”
A slow grin pulled at my lips and then spread into a full smile—a real smile, and before I knew it, I was laughing, and it felt like the first real laugh in a very long time.
Chapter 11
Andrea
We lay side by side, our heads propped up on the abundance of pillows stacked at the head of the bed. I’d finally fixed my bra and had pulled my shirt back on, but Tanner was still rocking his bare chest hotness and I was okay with that.
He’d gone downstairs at some point and had grabbed us two sodas. Normally I drank diet, but I slurped up the good old-fashioned kind without complaint. He’d also brought up a block of cheese that he’d pulled apart in chunks, and I think I might’ve fallen in love with him a little at that moment.
Because cheese equaled happiness.
I had no idea where Syd and Kyler were or if they had any suspicions about the kinkery that had just gone down in this room, but I was trying not to do a lot of thinking, because thinking led to stressing and stressing led to stupidity for me.
Tanner talked about some of the calls he’d responded to while working at the fire hall. The funny ones—like when someone had locked themselves out on the balcony of their apartment…naked as the day they were born. Or when the department was called by an overeager child who’d just learned in school what to do in case of an emergency and was more of a show than tell when it came to explaining to their parents what they’d learned.
He laughed a lot, and I liked it when he did. It was a good sound, one I had tried not to pay attention to before, but now I couldn’t help but smile when I heard it. I was slow to realize that he was always laughing. I just had to pull my head out of my ass and pay attention.
“So how did your parents react when you changed your major?”
My eyes widened. “Oh, my God, they flipped out. They think I’m throwing away all of my education and that I’m ruining my life by wanting to become a teacher.”
“I don’t think becoming a teacher is ruining your life,” he said. “Plus, it’s just as important as becoming a doctor.”
I raised one hand and rubbed my thumb and pointer together. “Money. A teacher makes way less money.”
“And that’s all they care about?”
Was it? “That’s a hard question to answer, to be honest. Money is important to them. I don’t think it’s the only thing.” I frowned slightly. “I think they just want to make sure I have a…a good life, you know? That I don’t struggle.”
“That’s understandable, but being a teacher doesn’t mean you’ll be dirt poor.”
I laughed softly as I bent one leg. “Yeah, and they also wanted me to become a plastic surgeon like them—like Brody was going to do. Unless I decided to specialize in emergency procedures, I’d spend my life augmenting boobs and noses.”
“Did Brody change what he’s doing? He’s in med school, right?”
Surprise flitted through me. I had no idea that he remembered anything about my brother. He’d met him once, though it had been brief. “He’s not doing plastic surgery. He’s going for trauma. I think he likes the adrenaline.”
I also think he liked the whole God complex that came with the job. Good fit for him.
“My parents have accepted it,” I added as I wiggled my toes. “Begrudgingly, but hey, at least Brody hasn’t disappointed them, so they have that.”
He cocked his head to the side. “You haven’t disappointed them.”
The way he said it was almost like he completely believed that, but I knew better. They were disappointed. One day they’d fully get over it, and I was sure it wasn’t the only decision I’d made or would make in my life that would upset them. I really didn’t want to think about that.
It was so…different hanging with Tanner like this. Not like we hadn’t had moments, lots of them, when we weren’t trying to kill one another, but this was kind of like we were together, really together. Of course, I knew we weren’t, but…
I cradled the can against my chest, staring down at it, smiling as Tanner’s laughter faded. “You’ve gotten quiet,” he said, knocking his knee off mine. “You okay?”
Shaking my head, I glanced over at him. “I’m okay. Really good. It’s just…this is nice,” I said lamely. “I mean, I haven’t just sat like this with a…”
“With a dude?” he supplied.
I nodded. “Not for a long time.”
“How long?”
I coughed out a dry laugh. “A really, embarrassingly long time. Not since I dated this really dumb quarterback in high school.” My cheeks heated. “So, yeah, that long.”
Tanner didn’t respond.
Ugh. I peeked at him again, expecting to see him looking at me like I was some kind of sad specimen of a person, but he was just…he was just looking at me, his eyes soft. “What?” I whispered.
“I’m glad you picked me to do this with, then,” he said after a moment.
My heart fluttered like a little bird. “I think you kind of picked yourself.”
“Whatever,” he chuckled, and then leaned over me, placing what was left of the cheese and his soda on the nightstand.
“You know, there’s a stand on your side,” I pointed out.
He leaned back against the cushions and gave a lopsided shrug. “Yours is better,” he said, and I laughed at the absurdity that was all him. “But it’s hard to believe that you don’t do this.”
“I don’t.” I lifted a shoulder and something really stupid blurted out of me. “I liked doing what I did to you.”
A slow grin curled his lips. “I did too. I really, really liked it. Basically, whenever you feel the need to do it, you just let me know. I don’t care where we are or what we’re doing. I’ll make sure you can do it.”
Laughing, I shook my head. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“You do that.” He paused as he crossed his legs at the ankles. “Seriously, though, I didn’t expect that. Made it all the more sweet.”
There he went again, saying possibly the most correct thing in the world. I looked away, staring at my soda. “It never felt like that. I mean, anytime I did that before, I kind of felt like I had to, you know?”
A moment passed. “No. I don’t know. Explain?”
“Guys just kind of expect it,” I said, toying with the tab on the can. “No one goes home from bars expecting to chat.”
There was another stretch of silence. “Maybe people shouldn’t go home with others if they think they’ll owe someone something.” His words were clipped, stern.
My head jerked up and our gazes met. “I’m not sure if that was an insult or not.”
He frowned. “It’s not an insult. You should never feel like you owe a guy that. No matter what. I don’t care if they ate you out or gave you a million dollars.”
I raised my brows. “Ate me out or a million dollars? Nice use of examples there. I don’t know, Tanner. I think if someone gave me a million dollars, I’d be down for just about anything.”
His frown turned into a scowl.
“I was joking,” I added softly.
Tanner’s stare was unnerving. “Have you ever been… forced into doing that, Andrea?”
His question caused me to flinch back. “What? No! That’s not what I meant. It’s just sometimes…” I trailed off as what I was saying really sank in. The soda curdled in my stomach, and I wished I hadn’t shoved the huge chunks of cheese into my mouth. My head raced back through the nights that I’d gone home knowing the guy expected to get laid, but not wanting to. I’d done that, because at that time, I’d thought there were no other options. Stupid. There were always options. Like “no,” for example.
Then there were those nights I really couldn’t remember.
Jesus. I felt sick. I didn’t like where my head was going with this. Sweat dotted my palms. It wasn’t like I’d been… I couldn’t even finish that thought. I didn’t know what that meant—doing things because I felt like I had to, or not remembering what I did sometimes. Or maybe I did, and I just didn’t want to grab hold of those thoughts.
I needed a drink.
Okay. That was probably not the best response to the situation.
Tanner reached over, tapping his fingers along my arm. “I’m thinking some pretty bad things right now.”
I couldn’t look at him.
“I hope it’s just my head jumping to conclusions unjustly,” he added.
The next breath I took hurt for some reason. “It’s jumping to conclusions.”
His hand stilled and he wrapped his fingers around my wrist and squeezed softly. “Hey,” he said gently. “Look at me.”
Drawing in a shallow breath, I lifted my gaze and our eyes met. Held. A heartbeat passed, and I felt stripped bare, more exposed than I had been earlier.
“I just want you to know that if you ever need to talk to someone, I’m here. No matter the time of the day. You got that?”
And then I saw it plain as day in his gaze. There was no mistaking it. Not just sympathy. Part of me could’ve dealt with that, but there was more lurking in those blue eyes.
Pity.
He stared at me, full of pity. Every muscle in my body tightened. Skin prickled with uncomfortable heat. The urge to get away rushed through me. I couldn’t do this.
Tanner
I saw the exact moment Andrea shut down on me. As soon as I told her that she could talk to me about anything, shutters closed over her eyes. The girl who’d sat next to me and laughed was gone. The girl who opened up about her parents had left the room. And the girl who had cried out, surrendered herself, was nowhere to be seen.
Shit.
“Andy—”
“I’m really tired.” She swung her legs off the bed and stood before I could respond. “I think it’s time for me to get some sleep.” She started toward the door, seemed to remember that we were in her room, stopped, and placed her soda on a dresser. Her back was to me.
Heart dropping, I scooted off the bed and held myself back. I had a feeling that going to her would somehow make this worse. “Andrea, I didn’t mean to—”
“You didn’t do anything.” Slowly, she faced me and plastered a smile across her pretty face. Fake. Plastic. “I’m just really tired all of a sudden. You wore me out.” Her laugh was brittle-sounding. “I need my beauty rest.”
I opened my mouth, but clamped my jaw shut as her smile spread—the kind of smile doctors wore when giving patients bad news.
She gathered up a bundle of clothing from the chair, cradling the items close to her chest as she stopped in front of the bed. “I’ll see you in the morning?”
A huge part of me wanted to demand to know what the hell was going on, but there was no mistaking that her walls were up. I watched her hurry into the bathroom and quietly close the door.
I briefly considered plopping my ass down and waiting for her, but I’d accidentally hit a raw nerve, and frankly, I was too pissed to really have this conversation. Not angry at her, but if she really had done things with guys because she felt like she had to instead of wanting to, it was likely I’d punch a wall.
Thank God I did not have a sister.
If I couldn’t deal with the thought of assholes treating Andrea like that, what the hell would I do if I had a sister? Fuck. I’d end up in jail.
Angry and beyond frustrated, I gathered up our drinks and what was left of the cheese and left the room, taking them downstairs. The first level was dark and quiet, and after grabbing a bottle of water, I ended up back upstairs, in my room.
Shit.
Dropping down on the bed, I ran my hands over my face. Things were all over the place with Andrea and me, but I felt like we’d moved forward. It wasn’t just because what she and I had done in that bed, but because of everything before, during and after that. But now? I couldn’t shake the feeling that we’d taken one huge step backward.
Chapter 12
Andrea
My brows rose as I watched Syd place a backpack by the kitchen island. It looked like it weighed more than she did.
“You’re going to carry that while hiking?” I asked.
“Yep.” She tugged her hair up and secured it with a hair tie. “It’s really not that bad and it’s smart to be prepared in case something happens.”
“Like when a rabid bear tries to eat you?”
She grinned. “I don’t think we’re going to run into any rabid bears. And we’re not just going to hike. We’re going to camp out for the night.”
I gaped at her. “Seriously?”
Walking over to the counter, she grabbed the pot of coffee and began pouring the steaming liquid into her Thermos. “Yeah.” She looked over her shoulder at me and laughed. “You should see your expression. It’s like I just told you that we’re going to go camping on Mount Everest or something.”
I hopped up on the barstool. “When did you guys decide this?”
“Last night. After you went to bed.” She screwed the lid on the Thermos and faced me. “You know, after Tanner also went upstairs.”
Schooling my expression blank, I picked up my mug. “Okay.”
“Yep. Kyler and I thought it would be kind of cool to do. We used to camp out all the time when we were kids, so it’ll be fun.” Syd skipped over to me, placing the Thermos on the counter. “We were going to invite you and Tanner.”
“Oh really?” I murmured.
She nodded. “Actually, Kyler went upstairs last night to ask Tanner if he wanted to camp with us.”
My hand tightened around the warm mug.
“Strangely, Tanner wasn’t in his room.” Syd paused, lowering her voice. “And the funny thing was, he heard these noises coming from your—”
“Stop it,” I said, cheeks flaming. “I know where you’re going with this.”
Her eyes narrowed as she climbed onto the stool next to mine. “You need to spill, right now, and make it quick before Kyler gets his butt down here.”
Any other time I would’ve given her all the juicy details, but I shifted uncomfortably. Tanner could walk in on us at any moment. I took a deep breath and said in a quiet voice, “We didn’t have sex.”
She gave me her best serious look. “Don’t you dare lie to me, Andrea.”
I rolled my eyes. “I didn’t say we didn’t do other things, but we didn’t do that.”
