One, he had told me, was not enough, because it would get lonely on its own. So Felix needed two dogs. And for Felix to get two dogs, he needed a house with a yard. Where he rented now was okay, but it was an apartment. Besides, Felix had just signed an extension to his contract with Salt Lake Pumas for another five years! A fine time to buy a house.
“I mean, it’s fine,” Felix shrugged. “But I also said the previous four houses were fine,” he pointed out. It was true that I had been the one to find things wrong with them, but I wanted Felix to have the perfect house!
Even if he only lived in it for the next five years, that was a long time! It was hard to imagine Felix being twenty-five, but I was doing my best to find a house that would suit him just as well then as it did now.
Skipping ahead, I moved to unlock the front door. Being able to pick up the keys and look around ourselves was a lot better than having some real estate agent there with us, trying to convince us to rush, rush, rush.
This was a decision that needed time! “Oooh,” I breathed, once I’d pushed the door open. “This is much more like it.” The big reception room was bright and airy, even if the paint on the walls was a bit marked in places. Paint could be refreshed.
“It’s a lot of light,” Felix commented. “That’s something that people care about, yeah?” His question made me laugh, but Felix was right. I’d seen enough property programs to know that it definitely was something that people cared about. With a fresh lick of paint and some nice pictures on the walls, the room would look amazing!
Felix wandered through to the kitchen and I followed him, my eyes widening at the size of it! There was a huge breakfast island in the middle, plenty of room on each side. I knew that Felix didn’t cook a lot but he had been learning.
Looking at me, I could tell Felix was awaiting my verdict.
“It’s great!” I assured him. “The island gives you somewhere casual to eat, when you don’t want to bother setting a dining room table.” It was something a lot of the previous houses had lacked. Knowing that Felix was going to live alone most of the time, apart from the dogs, it hadn’t seemed sensible for a formal dining room to be the only place to eat.
The appliances in the kitchen weren’t as new and shiny as some of the others we had seen. But to me, that just made it feel more homely. “It feels as if people have actually lived here,” I announced. “That’s important, too.”
“That’s important,” Felix repeated obediently. I pretended that he meant it, rather than being sarcastic. “Backyard next?” he asked. That, I was pretty sure, was the only part of the house that Felix actually cared about. Of course, it made sense. Without a good backyard, the house wouldn’t be suited to his dog-getting plan.
A door from the back of the kitchen led into the backyard. It was definitely bigger than the ones we’d seen at the previous houses. A fence surrounded the whole place, it seemed, but the trees and bushes made it difficult to see for sure. The yard, too, felt like it had character!
“This is cool,” Felix decided. “Maybe a few changes to get a firepit going or something, so I can have the guys over for barbeques, but definitely enough to work with!”
“It’s not as expensive as some of the others we’ve looked at,” I noted. “So you could have money left over to do that.” We’d started with the houses at the top of Felix’s budget, assuming that those would be the nicest. Maybe having a little extra money to make the place his was a better way to approach it.
Gardening wasn’t really my area, but what plants there were seemed to be doing well. “I’m sure Hannah could recommend some easy things to grow, too, if you want it to be less bare.”
That was about as far as my interest in the backyard went. “Do you like it enough to check out upstairs?”
“Do you like it enough?” Felix asked. I blushed slightly. Okay, maybe I had been the one to decide against quite a few of the houses we’d seen so far, but it was important that we found the right house! If it was just up to Felix, I didn’t trust that he wouldn’t buy the first house he saw. Besides, he had asked for my help; I fully planned to provide it.
When I didn’t respond, Felix laughed, almost definitely able to tell exactly what had been going through my head. “Yes, Jessie, I like it enough to see what the rest of the house looks like,” he promised. “I especially like it because you seem to like it very much.”
It made my heart swoop in my chest, even if I knew Felix didn’t mean it like that. We were best friends; of course he wanted me to like the house he would live in. And I did like it - enough to lead the way upstairs.
The master bedroom was smaller than some of the ones we had looked at. But big enough for a bed, and wardrobes, and what else would Felix really need?
I peeped into one of the smaller bedrooms. “This would do for a guest room,” I announced. “It’s got a double bed, in case your parents visit.”
Felix laughed at that, shaking his head. “I mean, sure, but it’s hardly my parents who are going to visit most often,” he pointed out and I blushed again. It was true that I did come to visit pretty often. It wasn’t really easy for either of us, with Felix’s games and my performances, but in general, both of us found that me coming here was just more convenient.
So, yeah, a nice guest bedroom would be grand! I didn’t mind Felix’s flat, but his guest bedroom was more like a home gym. Sleeping around a treadmill and weights just didn’t feel particularly homey.
“Alright,” he nodded. “If you say this is a good house, I’ll buy it.”
Maybe I should have insisted that we find a house that Felix liked: but I knew him better than anyone. Besides, if it had been up to him he would’ve bought the first house he saw as long as it had a yard!
“I do say this is a good house,” I confirmed, giving a decided nod. “And it’s one that you can make even better, which means it’s a good investment.”
Financial stuff was hardly my area of expertise, but if Felix improved this house over the next five years, then he wouldn’t lose any money if he came to sell it at the end of his contract.
“Come on, let’s go celebrate finding a house I deem good enough for you,” I teased. “I know you’re bored with walking around properties.”
Felix didn’t disagree there, but he did pull me into a quick hug. “Thanks, Jessie,” he said. And I knew he meant it, too. Even if I felt a little bit like I had been the one to pick the house rather than Felix, I knew that he wouldn’t let me if he honestly disliked the place.
“Milkshake celebration?” he suggested with a grin.
It was one of our traditions. These days, I pretty much only had milkshakes when I was with Felix. And us being together, even if nothing else was going on, was more than enough reason to celebrate.
“My treat,” I insisted. Before Felix could insist that he made more money than I did and didn’t know what to do with it, I held up a hand. “You’re about to buy a house, Felix!”
He had to give me that one. Besides, it felt right that I should treat him since we were celebrating a milestone in his life.
As we settled down with our tall glasses of sweet treat, I wondered what would be next for us. Good things, I hoped. It was always easier to be positive around Felix than when I was keeping myself company in Houston.
PRESENT DAY
No matter how hard I tried to let things go back to normal with Felix, I couldn’t ignore the way my emotions tangled themselves into knots whenever I was near him. My heart would leap every time he leaned close to me, then sink again when he teased me like he always had.
If I’d been sensible, I would have tried to put some distance between us. If I gave it some time, my feelings might calm down. But losing Felix as a friend was a risk I wasn’t prepared to take.
So we kept doing the things we’d always done. And, in December, that meant taking Felix’s four dogs to the local garden center to see Santa.
My leg was healing well enough that I could handle the line without my cr
utch. Maybe later, it would give me the excuse to lean on Felix’s arm a little. For now, we stood side by side, holding the leads of two dogs each as they strained excitedly to get close to all the other pets in line.
Turning to Felix, I forced a grin onto my face. “Happy Pawsmas!”
The dogs all barked at that, making me laugh. Felix looked almost a little bashful as he shushed them. “I might have been telling them about it,” he admitted. Of course, he had. The fact that Felix had even found a place that did ‘visit Santa’ for dogs showed just how much he treated them as his kids.
“Happy Pawsmas,” he nodded. “Thanks again for coming with me,” he added. “I mean, obviously, you would be missing out if you hadn’t, because who doesn’t want to see Jace, Damson, Pammy and Edgar all visit Santa?” Felix asked with a wide grin.
It was natural instinct to smile back. Felix was right, I did want to be here and see his dogs visit Santa. I wanted to be part of anything that was important to Felix. If the only part he had available for me to play was as his best friend, then that would have to be enough for me. Even if, deep down, I wondered if it would ever really satisfy what I wanted.
“Do you remember the first time you went to see Santa as a kid?” I asked. Presumably, that had been before Felix and I had met. “I imagine you asked for hockey stuff.” Another smile tugged at the corner of my lips. Felix had always wanted to play hockey. It had taken me a lot longer to find my passion, but it had been with Felix’s help that I had found it in the end.
“Of course,” Felix laughed. “Well, I assume the answer is ‘of course’. I don’t remember it much. I was maybe three? I know this because there’s a picture of me and my grams holding me. I’m all crying and stuff.” He dragged his fingers down his cheeks as if to illustrate his floods of tears.
This wasn’t a story I’d heard before; I found myself pretty captivated. “My grams says that I kept saying that the Santa was too scary, so she had to hold me for the picture instead.” The amused tone implied that Felix wasn’t too traumatized by this memory or that I’d have to hold him for the pictures with this Santa.
“No, I think I can be brave for the dogs,” Felix assured me when I teased him.
“A Santa that’s willing to sit and give presents to this many pets can’t be that scary,” I pointed out, then frowned. “But I guess I’d say that about a Santa that would sit and have a lot of kids tell him what they wanted for Christmas, too.” But somehow, doing it for pets seemed much more indicative of a good character. Maybe just because it was more unusual.
Jace tugged against my lead, urging me to take a few steps forward to catch up with the person in front of us. “So, is there anything specific you’re hoping they get from Santa?” I asked. “What’s the pet equivalent of giving kids really loud presents and making yourself obnoxious to the parents?”
“Vegetables that make them fart,” Felix informed me seriously. The deadpan and almost instant answer made me laugh. In the time we’d lived together, I had seen Jace demolish at least two rutabagas. So really, Felix was already providing them with vegetables that made them fart.
We moved along in the line, giving us a better view of all the other dogs getting to take a picture with Santa.
“It’s lovely that they do this,” an elderly woman in front of us commented. “My Bobby loves the attention and I love the pictures I can send my grandkids,” she commented with a smile. “Are you doing this for a Christmas card? A nice-looking couple like you and four dogs! I bet your families are very excited to get that picture.”
Instantly, my smile faltered. The image in my mind’s eye of what that Christmas card would look like was so vivid that it made my heart hurt. I tried to put a happy expression back on my face. The only way this could possibly get worse was if anyone asked me what was making me sad at such a lovely event.
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “Felix just does it because he has to spoil his dogs in any way that’s available.” It was something I loved about Felix, really. He was so generous, even with animals. Perhaps especially with animals.
Turning to him, I didn’t quite meet his eyes. “What do you even do with all the pictures?”
The way an honest to God blush colored Felix’s cheeks made my heart skip a beat. When had I started looking at him like this?! Sure, I’d always known Felix was attractive, I’d liked him on and off for long enough. But now it was like my heart ached for him, like all I wanted was to tiptoe and kiss the color off his cheeks.
“I frame them and I have an album,” he answered. “And I send some to my mom, too.” He sounded equally embarrassed and proud. The elderly lady nodded.
“They’re very pretty dogs,” she complimented, making Felix beam.
“Thank you! Your dog is also cute,” he told her, probably more politely than anything because her dog looked like it had been electrocuted quite recently.
Luckily, the line moved then and it was the lady’s turn to go have the picture taken with her dog.
“You’ll have to take a picture with us,” Felix informed me. “You can’t come to Pawsmas and not take a picture with me and the dogs! It can go in my album,” he teased.
I wanted that, but I wanted so much more than that, and it all tangled together in the pit of my stomach. “Of course,” I agreed. “Besides, you can’t hold all four of them at once.”
Felix could, really, but it would be much easier if I were there to help out. And probably slightly less overwhelming for the guy playing Santa.
“But you won’t be able to send it out as a Christmas card if I’m on it,” I teased.
There was a small pause. For a moment it felt like Felix might say that he would anyway. He didn’t say that, though, which was probably for the best. It kept coming in waves, the way things felt so normal between us and then not. I really needed to get a grip on myself.
“I don’t really send Christmas cards,” Felix shrugged then. “So don’t worry about it,” he added. Before I could tell him how I wasn’t worried, the line moved again and it was our turn to go to Santa. The dogs, if anything, seemed even more excited now.
“Wow, that’s quite a family you’ve got here!” the Santa laughed as Edgar bounced over to him, dragging Felix with him.
“They’re usually well-behaved,” Felix promised. “They just love Christmas,” he joked.
“And who doesn’t love Christmas?” the Santa asked, making me smile. Just as I’d thought, he had to be pretty good with both people and animals to be able to do the job he did.
Felix insisted on individual pictures with the dogs, as well as one group shot with me. The photographer had to crowd us together, my body pressed along Felix’s side. I could feel the warmth of him through our clothes and prayed that it wasn’t making me blush.
Hopefully, rosy cheeks would be expected. Or I could blame it on the heat of so many people and animals gathered close together.
Once we’d finished with the pictures, Santa handed Felix and me two presents each. Since we’d already held up the line, I led the way over to a space where we could unwrap them together.
“Fingers crossed there’s no vegetables,” I teased.
Felix laughed, reaching down to pet Jace’s head. The dogs seemed pretty interested in what the boxes held and when Felix unwrapped his to find a squeaky toy, Damson gave an excited bark.
“It is for you! That’s right. Santa gave you a toy,” he cooed, before handing the toy to the dog. Thankfully, there were enough things for everyone so no dog felt left out. I had no idea when I had started to worry about such things, but it was clearly important.
When I told this to Felix, he laughed again. “That’s what happens when you live with dogs. You’re now a dog person forever,” he informed me.
But before I’d been a dog person, I’d been a Felix person, and that was forever too! That was why our friendship was so important to me. I had to hold onto it, no matter how deeply my feelings for Felix developed.
Keeping Felix in
my life was my top priority. Hopefully, having a house full of people for Christmas might help me keep that in mind and not give in to any inappropriate emotions. I hoped it would help our friendship to feel more normal.
Chapter Seventeen
Felix
The Christmas season came in somewhat of a flurry.
It was lucky that Jessie had agreed to help me with hosting. I was still excited at the prospect of having my whole family over, but it was turning out to be about as time-consuming as I had assumed. Jessie and I had spent two days food shopping and doing as much prep as we could.
She was even getting my parents from the airport so I could keep an eye on the dinner. Both Paisley and Harley, having arrived yesterday, had pointed out how they could have been in charge of cooking. And it wasn’t that I didn’t trust them, but this was my holiday season. Well, mine and Jessie’s.
“And you don’t think it’s a bit... much?” Harley asked with a frown.
“No, of course not.” I shook my head. “Jessie’s essentially family. You know that.” I knew that my siblings liked Jessie, my parents practically saw her as one of their own. Spending Christmas together was hardly that big of a leap.
“But with everything going on between the two of you?” Paisley asked and my eyes widened.
“Wait what?” Harley, of course, had heard. “What’s going on between you and Jessie? Are you guys finally having sex?”
I couldn’t help but groan. At least it was slightly more nicely phrased than what Paisley had said when I’d brought it up with her.
“No, that would honestly be easier,” Paisley answered on my behalf. “Felix, naturally, has to be the most difficult out of anybody.”
Harley frowned, turning in his chair so he could look between both me and Paisley. “What?” he asked, his tone almost plaintive.
Friend Locked (Salt Lake Pumas) Page 16
