“I can’t make you trust me, Keeva. I’ll have to earn it and to be honest...” he laughed, “...I don’t know how much time I have to convince you. But what I do know is that I wouldn’t be here if there wasn’t something in me that needed to find you and try. You’re right. I lied to you and that was shitty and I should have stayed away.”
He stood and slowly moved towards me, where I stood frozen. If I backed up at all, I’d end up washed out to sea, sideways wasn’t ever a move I wanted to make, so I stayed still and waited for him.
He stopped directly in front of me, forcing me to choose. Head up or head down. I looked at the ground, arms crossing tighter around my shivering body. He placed a single finger under my chin and gently nudged it upwards. Unable to resist, I let my eyes travel to his, surprised to find a few tears had sprung free and were travelling down my face. He smiled and I released the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding.
“But there’s something you’re wrong about.”
“What?” I was barely able to manage a whisper at this point.
“Something happened. It happened the minute you sat down next to me. I knew I was in trouble. Those green eyes of yours spoke of deep trouble for me and look at me now. Trouble. Big, big trouble.”
He shifted his finger to caress my face, his entire hand holding my head still. “From that point forward, I knew I had a choice to make. I was just too chicken to make it. God, Keeva. I want you so bad. But I needed to finish my job, and be with you when you knew who I was. Who I really am. So...” He took a step back and I felt the cool, wet air hit my cheek. “I’m leaving the choice up to you. No lies from this point on.” He spread his arms out to the sides. “This is me. Nixon Rivers, probably ex-CIA Cyber Security agent. I’m nearsighted, addicted to chocolate and Irish fish and chips. And I’m interested in dating you.”
He dropped his hands into the pockets of his jeans and rocked back on his heels, looking adorably shy and unsure.
“Why didn’t I see it sooner? Robert. A lot now makes perfect sense. Holy shit, Tom? Your administrator? All in on it?”
He nodded again. “I feel really stupid, Nixon. I really wish you would have filled me in sooner.”
“The fact that I’m sitting here telling you any of this right now, means I could very well lose my job. You can’t tell anyone. Not even the pack of people staring at us across the street. No one can know I’ve told you or else I’m in deep trouble, but more importantly, your safety could be compromised.”
“You’re scaring me.”
He grabbed my hands in his and a tingling flew up my arms. “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere, okay? It’s just, when you broke up with me, I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t keep lying to you, but I wasn’t able to tell you the entire truth. I still haven’t. I’ve basically told you enough to keep you aware, but not liable.”
“It’s just a lot to take in all of a sudden. I need the baby back. He calms me down.”
He turned, still holding my hand and pulled me along in his wake.
“Where are we going?”
“Somewhere a little more private. Somewhere where half of your family aren’t giving me the thumbs up from the window, while other half look like they want to kill me, slowly, with very inventive techniques.”
“They’re good like that.”
He looked at me strangely. “Yeah? That’s good?”
“Depends on the day.”
He laughed and I nearly stumbled it was such a beautiful sight.
“Where are we going?”
“Somewhere private.” We had reached a tiny Golf, where he opened the door and motioned for me to get in. “I’m driving.”
“I don’t know where we’re even—"
He spun me around, backing me up against the car door, caging me in. “I’m done playing it safe. I’m done waiting for the time I can fully have you. Please, get in the car. We need some time together, alone and I’ve been dying to get out and drive the countryside.” He was close enough I could kiss him, but I needed to remember the reasons I had broken up with him in the first place.
“Where’re your keys? Why don’t you let me drive? I know my way around. These roads can be deadly.”
He slowly reached into his pocket, not releasing me from his hold and fished out his key chain. I quickly grabbed them and turned to give myself some space. He pushed back from the door, easily released the keys from my hand and went around to the driver’s side and got in. I wasn’t so quick. I needed a cleansing breath, or ten. “You can do this Keeva. Stay strong.”
I got in and buckled up. You couldn’t be too safe driving through some of these mountains. “Did you say something?” he asked.
“Nope.” He threw the car into gear and stopped as I was about to grab a hold of the gear shift in an auto response to my safety. His hand covered mine and I suddenly forgot how to breathe.
“Where are we going?”
“You tell me.”
He released my hand and we took off to parts unknown. I could see my family comically lined up at the front windows of the pub, all vying for space, staring at us as we drove off to get away from them.
I knew just where I was going to take him. We weren’t that far from Conor Pass and I thought a good vehicular scare was in order. Conor Pass was one of the most dangerous roads in Ireland that only a few could drive without suffering some form of anxiety. But, the views from the top were worth it all. It was easily one of my favorite places in the world. Breathtaking views, quiet serenity and dangerous turns made this something I wanted to share with Nixon.
We were quiet as I drove along, occasionally pointing out sights to see, but for the most part, I just tried to allow myself to get comfortable with his presence. When we finally made it to the highway that would lead us to Dingle by way of the pass, I could sense his anxiety level rising.
“Nervous?”
“No.” Oh, he was such a liar. I could read the signs. Hands at ten and two. Eyes straight ahead and he hadn’t said a word in forever.
I suddenly felt kinda bad. Conor Pass wasn’t for the faint of heart. There were no guard rails and often the road was really only wide enough for one car. Add in the bends and occasional blind curves and it would freak out the calmest of drivers who were new to the spot.
I put my hand on his forearm and gave it a squeeze. “Sorry. We’re almost to the peak. Close your eyes if you want.”
“You’re hilarious. I’m fine, it’s just that defensive driving lessons were in the states for the most part. Single lane, mountain roads must have been the day I was sick.”
“Want me to drive?”
He smiled a half smile. “Not a chance. You said you wanted to get to know me. This is a huge deal for me. Remember, I’m the nerdy guy who loves a code string of code, but hates a good thrill. Thrill seeking adventurer has never been, nor will it ever, be used to describe me.”
He pulled into the pull over lane to let another larger car go past.
“Okay, look, we can’t stay in this spot forever. We’ve got to keep moving, but I promise you, the view from the top is worth every spike in your blood pressure. You’ll love it.”
He let out a breath and gave me a sexy smirk and I was pretty sure my uterus was clawing its way out of my body to get to him. Down girl. I still wasn’t convinced he was the real deal.
A few heart stopping minutes later, we made it to the car parking area. Hopping out, I was so thankful it was a clear day. Nothing sucked more than braving the drive up, only to have fog for as far as the eye could see. Today, it was green hills, deep blue lakes and the ocean beyond.
“You want to get out and walk around for a bit? It’s a beautiful day. I think we might be able to see clear to the Aran Islands.”
He looked up at me and it was over. My hold out was over. This man for some reason had chosen to want me and need me and that was something I couldn’t say no to. I leaned in, took his head in my hands and lightly kissed him, hoping the contact would
help settle his heart rate down. Another gentle swipe, followed by a third, stronger, more solid kiss.
His eyes opened and he laughed and rolled them upward. “Hi.” His voice was a whisper, but it was a start. At least he was still talking to me.
“Hi there.” I tucked a piece of hair back off of his face. “You gonna be okay? Drive too wild for you, big guy?”
His arms slid around me and pulled me onto his lap. “Yes. I just need a minute to get ready.”
“Ready for what?”
“Everything.” He leaned in and kissed me, not gentle like my earlier attempt, but committed and strong. His arms pulled me in closer and I wound my hands around his neck, wondering if there could be anything better than making out at the top of a mountain with a man who was revealing so many sides of himself to me.
We broke apart, breathing heavy and not just because of the altitude. I grabbed his hand and pulled him up and out of the car.
“Come on, fancy pants. Check out this view with me.”
He got out of the car, shook out his legs, and pulled on his sunglasses while stowing his regular glasses back in the car. Damn. With every minute, my resolve to not fall for this man was melting and now he had to add hot as hell sunglasses wearer to his attributes.
I grabbed his hand, locked up the car and slowly dragged him over to the best spot to view the pass, in my opinion. It truly was a perfect day.
“Wow.”
I gave his hand a little squeeze. “Yeah, right? You good?”
“Keeva, this is just...wow.”
I tugged him over to the edge of the car park where the hiking trail began. “Come on. I want to show you something.”
We proceeded to walk, single file, along the path that followed the edge of the mountain until we came to a low stone wall. I sat down on the wall and motioned for him to sit with me.
“Will it hold us both?”
“Get down here Mr. CIA agent. I thought you were supposed to be all tough and stuff, hustling up the bad guys.”
He gingerly sat down and took a second to relax. “I’m cyber. We don’t physically “hustle” any bad guys. We take them down from afar.”
“Okay, then. So why me? I find it hard to believe you sitting beside me on the flight here to be much of a coincidence now. Are you going to tell me what’s going on that you’re here with me?”
He sighed and looked out at the scenery below. “It’s Robert.” He held up his hands before I had a chance to say anything. “And before you ask, that’s all I’m telling you.”
“But—"
“No, Keeva. Please. It’s bad enough I told you that much. You’ve got to be good with this.”
I reached up and slowly moved his chin so that he was facing me. “I trust you, Nixon. I’m good. But please, promise me something if you can?”
He arched a brow in response.
“Promise me that when you can be open and honest with me, that you are. From now on. I want to know things, not just about what’s going on with my sketchy techie, but with you. With Tom, or whatever his name is. With your life, your friends and family. You know everything there is to know about me and I barely know anything about you. I feel like I’m just starting and you’ve already run the race.”
“I promise. And his name is Hawk, short for Hawkin.”
He reached all the way over and placed a simple kiss on my lips, leaving them tingling and looking for more. He shifted a little closer and put his arm around me, turning back to admire the view. “So,” he nudged me in the side. “Are we back on?”
I rolled my eyes. “Oh, Nixon. I’m kind of thinking we were never really off.”
Chapter 17
Nixon
We spent the rest of the day driving back down the mountain on what the Irish government jokingly called a road, stopping when we could to take in the scenery and make out, until we finally made it back later that night to her brother’s pub.
Walking in, I began to feel slightly nervous. I knew a fair bit about her brother, but he had no idea who I was. What I did know, was that he was fiercely protective of his wife and children and two little sisters. Somehow I needed to convince him I was good for Keeva, when I was seriously having a hard time convincing myself of that fact.
It was too late now. I was in so deep I didn’t want to find a way out. I just wanted to keep sinking deeper and deeper until things got so thick I was stuck. The problem was, I still had a ton of stuff that I needed to talk to her about before we figured out how to make this work. Big things. Huge. I was a chicken shit running scared.
The pub greeted us with warm Irish music and loud patrons and I lost a bit of the nervousness looking around. There were some people dancing, most were drinking and all were looking very much alive and happy. All except one that is.
“Keeva Marie Murphy. Ever heard of a phone?”
“Funny you should ask, Brennan. Just yesterday someone stole mine and I spent an entire day trying to sort my life out without it, and without you butting in.”
I smiled and stuck out my hand. “Hi. I’m Nixon.”
“I know who you are. We met in Galway. But your name was Mark then. What the fuck?”
“Right, well, those were different circumstances. I thought maybe we could start over, right name and all that, so hi,” I stuck my hand out again. “I’m Nixon Rivers, formerly known as Mark.”
He looked at my hand and it took all my manliness not tuck my balls and run the other way, but he finally relented and shook it. Well, after Keeva elbowed him pretty good, anyway.
“Keeva,” Brennan said. “Can I have a word?”
“Nope. You’ve had enough words. Nixon and I are starving. Can we get menus?”
She dragged me through the crowd, stopping every once in a while to say hi to someone or introduce me to someone else. We finally made it across the pub and stole a booth from a couple who were just leaving. Sliding in, I felt a weight lift as I settled into life in the past forty-eight hours. I’d done a complete turnaround and it was finally catching up to me.
The server brought us menus and I glanced for a second before returning my attention to the woman across from me. Her green eyes were sparkling, her bangs dropping in her face and her freckles were bright and playful, begging to be kissed. That would have to wait until later, if there was even going to be a later.
“So, it’s three hours back to Galway and since it’s already seven, we can either head back or spend the night. What’ll it be?”
She chewed her lip and I adjusted myself under the table. “Um, well, I don’t know where we’d stay here, so let’s eat then head back. We’ll be back by eleven.”
“Sounds good.”
We ordered and for the next forty minutes, we mixed eating with me meeting every single damn person in the pub. I was beginning to suspect Brennan was behind the constant flow of people, judging by the shift looks he was giving me. But thinking about it as I was driving home alone later, it was still the best date I think I had ever been on.
Keeva had driven her own car down and instead of having to leave one of our cars behind, we decided to give ourselves some space and drive back separately. I had gotten a bit of a head start as I quickly thanked her family and took off for home. Over the course of dinner, we realized I hadn’t yet had her over to my place and in the spirit of being as open a book as I could be, I had invited her to spend the night.
Only, now, I had to get home before her to clean the place up. I was so used to the mess, I really didn’t see much of it from day to day, but upon deeper introspective thought, I knew I had a problem. I was renting an executive flat, but there was only so much the housekeeping service could do when the floors and counters were constantly littered with junk. At least my sheets and towels were clean. Back home in the States, the same probably couldn’t be said for them.
I pulled into my parking spot and texted her that I had arrived and would see her when she got there. She replied fairly quickly for someone driving, letting me kn
ow she wasn’t that far behind. Maybe only ten minutes or so. Shit. I hopped out of the car and realized I was humming and was sporting a goofy grin, something I was pretty sure, hadn’t been there with any other woman I had dated. Dated. Wow, that was also something I hadn’t been expecting.
I ran up the stairs, let myself in, shut the door and froze. A soft light was on and my ex-wife was sitting on the couch, arms crossed, angrily staring at me as I walked in.
“Lauren, what in the hell is going on? What are you doing here? And more importantly, who let you in here?”
This could not be happening. Keeva was due to arrive any minute and my ex-wife had decided to pay me a surprise visit, fresh from prison I was going to assume.
“Sit down, Nixon. I’ll explain everything.”
“No, I’m not going to sit down. Explain it now. I’m waiting, Lauren.”
I dropped my keys and set my phone down on the counter, trying not to let this woman see my anxiety. She would exploit it for all she had.
“Fine. You always were so dramatic. I cut a deal. I’m out and I’m working for the CIA now.”
“What? That’s impossible. That doesn’t happen. I’m not getting sucked in by your lies again. You’re going to have to leave.”
“It is true. I’ve been vetted and I’ve been through months and months of training. Your boss is prepared to employ me, so why can’t you?”
“Does Hawk know?”
“He will by now.”
“Jesus. Lauren, you need to go. I can’t deal with this now. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
She walked closer to me and I instinctively took a step back. “Nixon, come on.”
There was a slight knock on the door and I knew whatever peace I had found was gone. The woman on the other side had asked me for honesty and Lauren was the one thing I had left to reveal. She would never forgive me.
Lauren looked at me with her classic smirk, the one I had once fallen in love with and now when I saw it, it made me want to throw a dart at her face. “Expecting someone?”
“Yes, my girlfriend.”
There had only been one other time I’d uttered those words and that woman was standing here staring at me with malice, anger and something else I couldn’t name. How I had ever found her attractive was beyond me.
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