by Lorin Grace
She raised her hand. Tap. Tap. Tap. The same three taps her mother had used when she was too weak to talk. One, two, three—I love you.
“Night, Candace.”
She waited until she heard the ping of the elevator. She expected to see a pile of things on the floor or inside a plastic computer-store bag, not a box taped closed with blue electrical tape. Sitting down on the couch, she opened the box. A note lay on top of the tissue paper. Candace set it aside and checked under the tissue. Her wig lay on top of her prosthetics, which had been nestled into opposite corners of the box inside two of his monogrammed handkerchiefs. More tears escaped as she realized he’d treated them with more care than when she tossed them on his table. Her phone was taped to the center of the box. Of course he wasn’t going to let anything happen to her electronics.
The note waited to be read. She unfolded it.
Dearest Candace-
I meant what I said. Call me when you are ready.
Love,
Colin
What had he said? Candace replayed the conversation in her head. Her hair—he thought she had been upset over that. She closed her eyes and rubbed her temples, trying to hear the words again.
I love you the way you are.
But that was before he knew she was only part of a woman.
Candace curled up in a ball on her couch.
She’d never be ready to tell him the rest.
For the gazillionth time, Colin asked Sabrina the time. He knew it had to be his imagination, but the AI sounded exasperated. He’d spent the last hour clearing out any glitches in the code, worried he had figured out how to make the AI self-aware. He hadn’t. The hour before that, Colin had surfed the statistics of breast-cancer survivors. Breast cancer in teen girls was rare. However, the genetic component would have been a factor. Colin ran some numbers. A teen girl had almost the same chance of getting breast cancer as Sean Cavanagh discovering he was a billionaire. No wonder she had assumed the doctor was talking about her in ten years.
While looking for blogs from survivors, he found a gallery of black-and-white art photos of women who’d had single or double mastectomies. He wouldn’t lie—during his lifetime he’d wondered what a female breast felt like. There was more than enough locker room talk that even he had heard some of it. But it wasn’t Candace’s silhouette that had drawn him to her. After looking at the photos of the survivors, he saw the scars as badges of courage and honor. She could never nurse their children, which, considering how red he turned every time he realized Mandy was feeding Joy, could be a good thing.
A couple of the medical websites indicated there was a chance the chemo had damaged her ovaries and any children would need to come via adoption. He was okay with that, too. Candace was the only woman he’d ever kissed, the only one he ever wanted to kiss. Her prosthetics, he’d learned that term also, did not need to stand in the way of a relationship.
His alarm went off, followed by Sabrina’s voice. “Wake up. It is Thursday. You have a meeting with your lawyer at nine thirty to discuss options for helping Peter get a house for his family and other wishes. Daniel is expecting you at noon for lunch with the CEO of a software company you are thinking of acquiring. There are four other deadlines or meetings on your agenda today.”
“Sabrina, is Candace still in her apartment?”
“I cannot answer. It is against my privacy protocols.”
Colin wanted to toss his ethics out the window. He could get into the building’s security system and find out for himself in a matter of minutes. But he had learned his lessons from hacking the Department of Defense. Just because one could didn’t mean one should.
He texted instead.
Good morning. I know we need to talk. Can I see you tonight?
He didn’t expect an answer right away.
But as the day went on and he still hadn’t heard from her, the silence grew more painful.
It was afternoon before Candace dragged herself into the shower. She’d woken up earlier only long enough to text Rick that she was taking a sick day.
Over the last ten years she had gotten good at ignoring the scars. Today she couldn’t. Her fingers traced them over and over as her tears mingled with the water from the shower. The agonizing choices she’d made a decade ago came rushing back now. It was possible she could have survived with a lumpectomy of the right breast, but the genetic component of her cancer and the belief that she only had ten years to live had prompted her to take the more radical route—the one her mother had joined her in, although for her mother it was already too late for the mastectomies to prevent further damage. Her cancer had spread to her lymph nodes, bones, and left lung before it was discovered. A discovery that had saved Candace’s life as Mom had insisted both her daughters be checked for cancer.
The second mastectomy had been voluntary. At the time it hadn’t seemed important to save one of them for future use. It hadn’t mattered with the guys she had kissed to fill her bucket list either. Now that she dared to start planning a future that wasn’t so finite, she found it mattered after all. She’d read enough books and seen enough movies to know that to most men, breasts were an essential part of relations. She’d never worried about it. She was never going to get married. Never wanted more than a few kisses and a week or two of fun.
The shower grew cold. Candace had questions. As she pulled on her robe and reached for her phone to call Mandy, her eye fell on Crystal’s number. Perhaps her sister would be a better choice for this talk.
“Hey, what are you doing, sis?”
“Laundry. It never ends.”
“Do you have time for a few questions?”
There was a pause before her sister answered. “Sure. Let me put on some earphones so I can keep folding this stuff.”
Candace waited for the click indicating the switch before continuing. “If you don’t want to answer anything, that is okay. My first question is, do you think a guy could ever love me?”
“Of course. What isn’t to love?”
“Double mastectomy.”
“Oh, that. You mean you have never found out?”
“Um, no. You know how Mom felt about premarital relations. I must have gotten that lecture a million times.”
“That was probably my fault.”
“What do you mean?”
There was a long silence. “I wasn’t exactly chaste in high school. Haven’t you ever done the math? Your nephew wasn’t a preemie.”
“I didn’t think about it at the time. I was just so jealous you were planning a future with a husband who loved you.”
“I was jealous of you getting to finish college and going to exotic places while I was stuck changing diapers and worried that Grant would leave me when he saw the stretch marks.”
Candace curled up in her favorite chair. “Did he still love you with stretch marks?”
“We had three miscarriages and another baby, so they didn’t stop him.
“You had miscarriages?”
“Yes, but that isn’t why you called. We can save that conversation. My answer is I think the right man will probably love you even more because of your scars. There is more to relations than just the physical. There are emotional and spiritual components. When you have the emotional/spiritual link, it is so much better. I think for a man who loved you with your scars, that emotional part would be even stronger. Are you saying there is someone?”
“There was, but I might have blown it.”
“Have you talked to him? Grant and I went to a marriage therapist. You would be surprised how much talking helps.”
“I don’t know if I am ready to talk.”
Candace could hear little voices in the background.
“The kids just got home from school. I need to run. Don’t wait too long.”
&
nbsp; “Bye, sis.”
“Bye. I love you.”
“Love you too.” Candace disconnected the call.
She read the text Colin had sent this morning.
She wasn’t ready to talk. A yawn escaped. Having called in sick after a sleepless night, a nap seemed like an excellent idea. She slipped into bed and thought about all the moments she had missed with her sister. Next time she saw the reverend, she would have to thank him.
Hours later, she woke to the ringing of her phone. Mandy.
“Hey, friend. What is going on? Colin is worried, but he isn’t talking. Says you aren’t answering.”
Candace slid out of bed, still in her robe. Her stomach rumbled, protesting its lack of lunch and dinner. “I don’t even know where to begin.”
“Why don’t you try?”
Candace’s phone vibrated. Probably a text from Colin. She ignored it. “Last night things got, well, a bit—” Heavy, embarrassing, and out of hand? “Let’s just say I didn’t do a good job of telling Colin it was breast cancer.”
Her phone vibrated again. Then again. Candace looked at her phone. It was Zoe.
—911 call, please.
—NOW!
Mandy started to say something, but Candace cut her off. “Zoe is trying to reach me. She says it is an emergency.”
Candace hung up and called her cousin. “Zoe, what is wrong?”
“I was attacked, again.”
Once again, the universe reminded Candace that there were bigger problems than just her own. As she listened to the story, she wondered if Abbie could get ahold of the plane and arrange a visit to New York so she could help Zoe as well as give herself more time before she had to face Colin.
nineteen
The sudden trip to New York baffled him. Candace had texted late last night.
—I know we need to talk. Give me a couple days. I didn’t mean to tell you that way. Family emergency. I need to get to Zoe. Mandy and Abbie are going to work on the premiere. 1 2 3
The numbers baffled him.
According to Daniel, the emergency included Mandy, Abbie, and Harmon’s jet. Daniel said he didn’t know why, other than there had been an urgent call from Zoe. Since the women had already discussed going out because of the Hearthfire premiere of the movie Sean and Tessa had been extras for, everything quickly fell into place.
Colin hoped the emergency wasn’t just Candace trying to get away.
His phone rang.
It was Nick. “Do you have a minute? I need help with a problem.”
“You got them too?”
“Not exactly me. Zoe. I need you to legally erase everything you can find on the web, especially social media, for the last two or three years.”
Colin opened his laptop. “That is a tall and vague order.”
“But you are the only person I know who can do it.” Nick’s voice was desperate.
“Do I get to know why?” He typed Zoe’s name in the search.
“I think you will figure it out soon enough. Can I help you with your problems?”
“Unless you understand women, probably not. I goofed, and Candace isn’t talking to me. I think she left town with Mandy. I took the wrong door out of the friend zone.” Colin couldn’t really describe what had happened last night, so he used vague phrases from some of the articles he’d read over the summer.
“Hey, I finally found my way into the friend zone. Might I suggest you let her give you a black eye?”
“There is a story there. Maybe we can get things to change by the premiere.”
“Premiere?” asked Nick,
Rats. As one of Sean’s friends, Nick should have been invited. Colin hoped he hadn’t said the wrong thing. “The Hearthfire Christmas movie Sean and Tessa were scenery for. Mandy and Candace have been working on plans for weeks now in the old theater in Blue Pines.”
“I don’t think I got an invite.”
“Oh, you will. They haven’t sent them yet. I’ll just––” Colin paused. A social media post came up, calling Zoe a liar for claiming she’d been assaulted by a fellow student. Comments raged on both sides. Newspaper articles were linked to the post. Zoe wasn’t named, but it all fit together. “Oy. That is why Zoe transferred schools her senior year. This guy smeared her in everything from the university paper to the most unpopular social media websites. Why do people have to be such jerks?”
“I wish I knew.”
“Give me a couple hours. I can’t do much about the newspapers other than trying to boost other things in the rankings in front of them. The papers don’t say her name, but with the social media posts, I managed to quickly connect them. If there are court records, I can’t touch those, but she still shouldn’t be named. Did you know Zoe won a few awards for her design, including one for Wolf Trapp, the National Park, and at the county fair for 4-H things? I’ll push those stories to the top in the searches. Anyone specific I need to hide this from?”
“Sleazy lawyers . . .”
Yikes. Colin didn’t ask. Candace’s urgent run to New York was more than a cover story. Terrible timing, but probably necessary. “I’ll do my best. With any luck, they will only find her detasseling-corn speed record and her prize heifer during a preliminary search and won’t look further. A bullying complaint to a couple of the networks should delete some of this permanently. They are too afraid of lawsuits. See you at the premiere.”
The call disconnected. Colin waded through the sludge, doing whatever he legally could. He reported some of the posts to the social media companies with a bullying complaint using words like slander and #metoo. Some of the posts were removed within the hour. Without the posts, the nameless newspaper articles were harder to connect.
He ran a program that would help redirect the popular search engines to innocuous articles and to other women named Zoe Wilson. Short of breaking the law, he couldn’t do much else other than set up watches like he had on Mandy’s accounts. Zoe hadn’t posted much in the past year and a half. Wise woman.
He texted Candace.
I hope all goes well this weekend. Can’t wait for you to get back.
He didn’t expect an answer anytime soon.
Candace spent the short plane ride sleeping, mostly to avoid talking about her own situation. Everyone was concerned about Zoe and trying to figure out the best way to go see her.
As they landed, Candace got a text from Tessa.
—Zoe is heading to our place.
Thanks. I’ll come straight there.
The driver dropped her off at Tessa’s first and took Mandy and Abbie to meet with the theater owner.
Zoe ran across the room and hugged Candace. “Why are you here?”
“I heard Sean and Tessa were having a party and thought I would drop by.”
Nick stood up from the couch. Candace tried to cover her shock. Her cousin had been sitting next to a man after last night. A man with a black eye.
Before she could ask any questions, Tessa spoke. “Nick’s driver is still in the driveway. We need girl time. Since there is chocolate in the house and none at the new one, we claim this as our temporary girls’ clubhouse.”
Sean kissed his wife before leaving. “I’ll take Nick over to see the new carpet. We’ll have Sebastian drive us.”
Nick stopped in front of Zoe. “Enjoy today and stop worrying about my eye.”
As soon as the door closed, Zoe turned to Candace. “What are you really doing here?”
“Last night when I got your 911 text, I was on the phone with Mandy, hence the reason I didn’t pick up but called you back when I got the text. After you hung up, I called her back and told her I thought we should all get together now. Abbie got involved, and around six this morning, we headed for the airport. Mandy and Abbie are down at the theat
er with baby Joy. Your being here saved us coming into town to surprise you. Now, what happened to Nick’s eye?”
“He startled me, and after last night, I acted before I thought. I know his eye has got to hurt, but he is too nice to say anything about it. I am not sure what to do.” Zoe rung her hands. “He says he believes me about everything that happened two years ago.”
Nick was ten times better for her cousin than she could have ever guessed. The jerk who was Zoe’s boyfriend two years ago had dumped her shortly after the rape, siding with those who claimed she was only crying wolf. Candace grabbed Zoe’s hand. “Tell me everything.” Surprisingly, Zoe focused more on Nick’s kindness than on the assault by her manager the night before. Thanks to nearly two years of self-defense training, the outcome was much different than the one Zoe had endured on campus.
“Then this morning I blurted out my deepest darkest secret to Nick, and he didn’t react like I expected. I’ve been waiting for him to run away from me all morning. At least he didn’t react like some of the guys did back––” Zoe didn’t finish the sentence. Every vile post, every letter to the editor, and the joke of a trial ran through Candace’s mind. She had been helpless to help Zoe other than to stand by her side. Having witnessed Zoe’s near breakdown and subsequent avoidance of men, she never thought there would come a day when her cousin would confide in one.
Candace continued to question Zoe, satisfied that this time her cousin was going to stand strong.
Tessa drew Zoe into a hug. “When you know you can discuss your greatest fears with a man, he is the one you keep forever.”
Zoe turned to Candace. “You never said why you were on the phone with Mandy in the first place. What is going on?”
“I told Colin all about my cancer in a moment of temper, and now I can’t face him.”
“Now it’s time for ‘Questions with Zoe.’ What happened?”
