But I still felt like this was an overreaction. What had happened to the girl I’d known before? The sweet, eager creature who’d been so bold, who’d seized what she wanted and had begged for me and laughed at all my stupid jokes?
The girl I’d fantasized about last night while touching myself was clearly not around anymore. This woman was angry, dare I say bitter. Surely it couldn’t all be because of me, could it? Sure it had been a real dick move not to contact them after I’d left and I’d spent a lot of time wondering if it was the right thing, wondering if I should reach out again, if I should get back in touch, but… it couldn’t just be that, could it?
Living with Ash had been like living with a calm lake. He was always steady and sure, always chill. Nothing had fazed him. I probably could’ve entered the living room on fire and Ash just would’ve calmly gotten up from the couch, grabbed the fire extinguisher, and hosed me down without his heart rate so much as kicking up.
Clearly, living with Emma was going to be the goddamn opposite. She was like a raging wildfire, ready to throw sparks at any second.
Well, I’d just have to get used to it, I supposed. Or maybe I’d just caught her at a bad time. She’d just had all this stress from moving and getting a new job, and she had a daughter. A young one, too. Moving with a kid that young couldn’t have been easy, I’m sure her daughter kicked up a fuss.
And I hadn’t exactly made the best first impression.
Taking a few deep, calming breaths the way Ash had taught me, I swapped out sweats for proper jeans, found a dark green shirt that wasn’t dirty, and went into the kitchen. Surely I could do something to fix this mess. It was early days yet, she’d only just moved in. I could fix this.
I couldn’t think without some proper caffeine, so I made some coffee, first and foremost. I doubled everything so that there’d be enough for Emma as well. I couldn’t remember ever seeing her have coffee before, but she’d only been eighteen then and there hadn’t really been a Starbucks around in Rehoboth at the time. The whole coffee culture thing hadn’t really hit the town.
Actually—Rehoboth was pretty slim pickings for proper food of any kind, really. And nobody did bagels better than New York City.
I called up the local bagel place that I loved and put in an order. Why not, right? I could treat the girls to a proper NYC breakfast and it would be fun. An olive branch.
The bagels arrived and I laid everything out on the table, trying to make it look nice. I’d never had guests over so I’d never had to… make up a presentation before. Fuck, that sounded pathetic. But I thought it looked pretty nice when it was all done.
I knocked on Emma’s bedroom door, feeling my heart pounding like I was about to ask her out to prom night instead of just letting my roommate know that breakfast was ready.
Emma looked wary as she opened it. There was a question in her eyes and it wasn’t a particularly polite one. “Yes?”
“I had breakfast ordered up,” I told her. “Proper bagels and all the fixings.”
“We already had breakfast,” Emma said.
Jesus Christ. “Lunch, then. It’s on the kitchen table, if you want it.” I tried to keep my tone light and hide my annoyance, but I wasn’t sure how well I accomplished it. I turned around and headed back to the kitchen so that I wouldn’t have to hear her tell me to go stuff it to my face.
At least I’d have a delicious breakfast, I supposed.
Was this the right idea? I’d wanted a roommate to stave off loneliness and find a way to make friends, but this was the opposite of that. It was like Emma was determined to hate me and make me as unhappy as possible. Was that why she’d agreed to live here? So that she could spend the entire time making me miserable?
I sat down and grabbed a bagel, slathering it with cream cheese. I was going to enjoy my breakfast, damn it, and I wasn’t going to let Emma’s bad mood ruin it.
Perhaps I should… well. It felt crappy, though. I felt like maybe I should go looking for another roommate, but I didn’t want to kick Emma out. She must need a place like this. I wouldn’t want her to be put into a bad situation because of me. Maybe I could… I had the money for it, so I could look around and find another apartment for them, perhaps?
But Emma would never accept that. She’d consider it charity. Even when she’d been a kid, Emma had been proud of making her own way in life. She didn’t want help on her homework, she didn’t want anyone to give her a participation prize, she wanted to earn everything. I was pretty sure it was because she was a woman, and because she wasn’t what a lot of people considered conventionally beautiful. Growing up had been hard for her sometimes, surrounded by all of these images from movies and magazines telling her that she should be skinny.
No, she’d bristle at the very idea of my doing that with her. I couldn’t do that. As much as it might seem like the automatic answer to all of our problems. I’d just… you know, struggle through. It would be fine. Wait until Emma got her feet under her with this new job, about six months or so, and then I would help her find a good place, maybe talk to the landlord of it, see what could be done, and we’d be out of each other’s hair for good.
Was I bitter about it? Maybe a little. I’d wanted to find someone to be a friend, someone to be a companion and help me be not so damn lonely. But I was going to work with what I got and not let Emma and her daughter be screwed over because of this.
I was almost finished eating when Emma appeared, her daughter behind her. She really was a cute kid. Hair just like her mom’s. Emma’s nose, too, actually. Her eyes were bright and light, though, not like Emma’s dark, warm ones.
Well. Emma’s eyes had been warm to me. Once. Not so much anymore.
“Ooh!” the kid ran over, grinning. “What are these?”
“What are—are you serious?” I grinned down at her. “You’ve never had bagels?”
The kid shook her head.
“This is Ally,” Emma interjected. “Ally, this is Parker.”
“Pleased to meet you,” I told her, holding out my hand for her to shake.
Ally shook my hand, beaming up at me. “I’m four!”
“Good for you, that’s an accomplishment.” I let go of her hand and gestured at the bagels. “You should have these, they’re delicious. You can’t get any better than New York City bagels.”
Ally looked up at her mom, and Emma nodded, smiling a little. Ally climbed up onto a chair and grabbed a bagel. I looked over Emma. “How has she never had bagels?” I teased her. “What kind of mother are you to deny her such a culinary delight?”
Emma cracked a smile like she was reluctant to show it and shook her head ruefully. “You remember Rehoboth. There aren’t exactly a whole lot of opportunities to do a lot of culinary exploration there.”
I chuckled. “Well now that you two are here we’re clearly going to have to fix that.”
I took the bagel from Ally. “Here, let me toast it for you.” I put the bagel in and then slathered it with cream cheese once it was out. “Sesame seed, good choice.”
Ally took the bagel back from me—and to my surprise, instead of biting into it, she started linking daintily at the cream cheese, like a cat.
The laugh burst out of me before I could stop myself, and Ally grinned at me. “You’re like a little cat with a bowl of cream, aren’t you?” I said, smiling at her. “An Alley-Cat!”
Ally laughed. “My name’s Ally!”
“Exactly.” I winked at her. Her laugh warmed me all the way through my chest. I’d always liked kids and had fun meeting them on my travels—they were so inventive, so innocent, and yet smarter and braver than most adults gave them credit for. But I hadn’t really had much of a chance to spend a ton of time with one kid, just like I hadn’t had time to make a lot of friends.
“I think, Alley-Cat,” I told her, “that we’re going to get along just fine.”
“Me too,” Ally agreed.
Emma didn’t say anything, but she was smiling, so I thought… hey, maybe t
his’ll work out after all.
10
Emma
My first day of work.
Hoo boy.
I was nervous as all get out. I had never had a job as important as this before and I wanted to make a good impression and do this right. By all rights I should’ve had a job like this a year ago, and had internships and all the rest under my belt to back it up, but Ally had taken care of throwing a wrench into all of that. And so now I was feeling… like I was behind, for the first time in my life. I was used to being the top of the class and instead here I was, freaking out at my first big job.
You don’t regret any second with Ally, I reminded myself. You were in your right place with her. And now you’re going to do well for her.
I needed this job, both for myself and to take care of my daughter. I took a deep breath. You can do this.
My new office—my new company—was in one of the many tall, shining skyscrapers that loomed up and dominated the city and the skyline. I tried not to feel intimidated as I walked into the large chrome-and-marble lobby.
Right. Just go up the elevator, get off on your floor, and meet your new coworkers.
Couldn’t be that hard.
My phone buzzed as I waited for the elevator. It was Van.
My mood lifted immediately, even before I read her text. Tiny bear believes in you! You can do the thing! The text was accompanied by a gif of a dancing bear.
I grinned. Van always knew how to cheer me up.
You’ve got this, I told myself. I had earned this, goddammit. I was going to make this work and I wasn’t going to be intimidated. This was the place that I belonged, and even if it had taken me a bit longer to get here, through a different route, I wasn’t going to be ashamed of that. I was raising a whole human being! That was something to be proud of.
Besides, if I couldn’t do this, they wouldn’t have hired me.
When I got up to the right floor for the company—like most skyscrapers, this one had multiple companies on it renting different floors—the secretary at the reception desk told me to have a seat and that someone would be right out for me.
I didn’t have to wait long. A familiar face appeared only a minute later, smiling. I smiled back and stood up, feeling the knot of worry in my chest start to release. This was Julie, the woman who’d interviewed me. I’d liked her immediately, and it did me more good than I could even express to see a friendly and familiar face.
Julie was the same age that I was, which was reassuring. She didn’t really seem to take much care in her appearance, her brown hair just pulled back into a tight bun and with dark, ill-fitting, boring clothing. It was weirdly good to see that—to see that people here didn’t care so much about what you looked like, just about what you could do.
She adjusted her glasses as she walked up to me, looking me up and down. “Nervous?”
“Maybe a little,” I admitted.
“Ah, don’t be.” Despite her serious appearance, Julie’s blue eyes twinkled and she seemed lighthearted. She’d intimidated me a little in our interview because, well, she was interviewing me for a job, she’d also cracked some jokes. Hopefully this meant she was an easygoing person. “Follow me, I’ll show you around. We’re glad to have you, we’ve been excited about getting this position filled.”
The office was laid out as an open plan, with a large middle section filled with desks, and then along the sides were the private offices that belonged to the management. I liked that there were no cubicles—it made the place feel less confining this way and if I needed to talk to someone it would be easy instead of having to peer over my cubicle like I was a lab rat inside of a box.
There were plenty of people to introduce me to, and I tried to remember everyone’s names. Everybody seemed welcoming, and the staff all looked to be around my age, in their early-to-mid-twenties, which was reassuring. It made me feel like I wasn’t young and inexperienced.
Julie took me to HR and got me my ID badge so that I could access everything, including the elevator after regular hours, and I could just flash it at reception up here and down on the ground-floor lobby to get in. “Sometimes there will be security guys, checking people into the lobby, so you’ll just show your ID badge.”
“Thanks.”
“Of course! Can’t have our newest employee getting arrested like the last one.” Julie winked at me to let me know that she was joking, and then led me back from HR into the main office. “Your desk’s right outside my office so don’t hesitate to let me know if you need anything. I know it can take a little bit to settle into the rhythm of a new place.”
“I really appreciate it, thank you.”
“Take your time, get your desk set up! Get yourself acquainted with all the different aspects—your email and all that—and let me know if you need anything. I don’t have any specific assignments for you today since it’s mostly orientation but I can give you an idea of some projects we’re working on to help you prepare.”
“I’d appreciate that, thanks!”
“I’ll get those for you!” Julie beamed and left me to sort myself out at my new desk while she got whatever it was she wanted me to look at from her office.
My desk was definitely not the big office that Julie had, but there was plenty of space. I’d brought with me a small box of personal things to make it all a bit more homey: a picture of Ally, myself, and Lucas at Ally’s third birthday (Van had taken the picture), a picture of Van and me as each other’s dates for prom, a picture of Lucas and me with our parents the summer when I was sixteen.
I also put up some of Ally’s artwork. She loved finger painting and had done quite a lot of it in our old house on the hardwood floors where we didn’t mind stains. Now that we were in such a nice apartment I’d have to lay down some plastic or tarp underneath it to keep the paint from possibly staining. Finger paints were supposed to be water based and easy to clean up but better safe than sorry when it came to kids, I’d found out.
Ally had a ton of artwork, and I had definitely been that typical lovestruck mom and saved all of it, but most of her pieces were in a special ‘memory box’ back at Lucas’ place in Rehoboth. I’d have to make a new memory box for while we were in NYC, actually. But these pieces were my favorites, ones that I had carefully picked out. One was supposedly a boat with a horse on it, and another was theoretically Van, Lucas, Ally and me. It was impossible to actually tell, of course, from the way that the pictures were drawn. They were just a blur of crazy colors and abstract shapes. But I didn’t care. They were made by my daughter and they were made with love.
“I’ve never seen abstract art of this variety before.”
I turned around, startled at the sound of a deep, male voice, and found a man standing almost directly behind me, grinning. He looked to be about six or so years older than I was, with dark brown hair and brown eyes. He looked like the kind of guy who went hiking all the time.
He must’ve been making a joke. He hadn’t been introduced to me by Julie but I could only assume this was another coworker of mine. I wanted to start off on a good foot.
“The color choices are impeccable,” he went on.
He must’ve been joking. I laughed. “My four-year-old daughter does have quite an eye for color.”
I wanted to make it clear right away to everyone that I had Ally. I knew I was young, and I had no ring on my finger, so my coworkers probably thought I would want to go out with them all the time, and I wished that I could, I wanted to actually make some friends in this town—but I had to get home to my daughter every day, and they needed to be aware of that.
The man chuckled at my response, then stuck out his hand for me to shake. “I’m Nolan, Noland Brand.”
“I’m Emma, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“So what will you be doing here?” he asked, holding onto my hand for a second or two longer than necessary before pulling away.
“I’m—”
“Mr. Brand?” A woman about my age hurried up, look
ing nervous. “Your meeting with the newest client is starting in two minutes, we need to get you into the conference room.” She smiled at me apologetically.
“Ah, of course.” Nolan smiled at her, then nodded at me, his smile growing a little. “I certainly hope to see you around, Emma.”
I couldn’t help but stare a little as he walked away. Who was that? Well, Nolan Brand, yes, but who was he in this company? Someone important, clearly. A meeting with a client? Was he a sales rep or something?
Julie emerged from her office with a couple of folders in her hand. She looked unhappy—no, annoyed, her face pinched. She adjusted her glasses and handed me the files. “That’s Nolan, he’s the CEO.”
My legs gave out from under me in shock and I fell backwards into my desk chair. “What?” I was just joking around with the CEO?
Julie nodded. She still looked annoyed. Was she unhappy with me for some reason? “I’d be careful if I were you, honestly. He’s a huge flirt.”
“Oh.” She wasn’t annoyed with me, she was annoyed with Nolan for flirting with me. That had been what he’d been doing, right? I hadn’t had anybody flirting with me since Parker, so I was pretty damn rusty. But Nolan had also been fairly obvious. Eyeing me like he was starving and I was a huge slice of chocolate cake.
Julie nodded, handing me the files. “Yeah, he flirts with everyone. You should be careful about him. And frankly…” She glanced around like she was looking to make sure that nobody was eavesdropping, and lowered her voice. “Frankly? I don’t think he deserves his position in the company. He doesn’t really do anything.”
I nodded. I was used to the idea of the people supposedly in charge not really doing anything.
“Watch out for him,” Julie said with an air of finality. She squeezed my arm affectionately and then returned to her office.
I pulled my chair up to my desk and moved the files to the side, booting up my computer so I could start to get to work on my email and other information. I was definitely going to give Nolan Brand a wide birth. Julie had been nothing but kind and chipper this entire time. If he could get her so irritated so quickly, I didn’t want to get to know him better. I trusted other women on this a lot more than I trusted a man.
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