When they were like this, with one or both of them not quite holding it together, the bonds between them vibrated with unsafe possibilities. For him, anyway. Because he was a warlord, and she was magekind. Because she was his at last, the woman he’d lusted after and admired and ended up respecting. And loving.
He took out his phone and unlocked the screen. He had about a hundred texts and notifications. She wasn’t letting him in yet, and her expression had closed off in a way that made him wonder what she wasn’t telling him.
“I should have called you,” she said. “I should have told Nikodemus I needed a break.” Her voice quavered. “I should have asked you to come sooner.”
He opened the messaging app, tapped in the right contact and found one of the icons he and Maddy had never used. He hit send and put away his phone. “Whatever you need from me, you have it. If you need me to leave you alone, I will. But you have to tell me. I don’t want to guess. Let me in so I don’t have to guess.”
Her phone, which she’d left on the desk, pinged. “Oh, what the hell.” She glared at her desk. “This is my quiet time.” She grabbed her phone but instead of looking at it she smoothed a finger over one of her eyebrows. “Kynan, I’m pregnant. And I—”
The office door opened, and Xia stood just inside the doorway, arms crossed over his chest, ignoring Kynan because he was focused on Maddy. “Alexandrine sent me to make sure you’re okay.”
“Go away,” Kynan said.
Xia, who never backed down from anything, ignored him and stepped up to Maddy. “Alexandrine is worried about you. I said I’d find out if you’re okay. I need an answer for her.”
Kynan touched her shoulder, and because she was especially sensitive at the moment, the surge of his power set off a buzz at the point of contact. Xia shot a dark glare at him. Kynan gave him his middle finger. “Tell him the truth, Maddy. If you need me to leave, I will.”
“You don’t need to leave.” She waved the hand with her phone. “Xia, please tell Alexandrine I’m fine.”
Xia glared at him some more before he returned his focus to Maddy. “Are you sure? Blink three times if I need to kill this asshole.”
“Fuck you,” Kynan said. “Did you hear her? She’s fine.”
She set a hand on Xia’s shoulder and gave him a smile meant to reassure him. “Tell Alexandrine I said thank you for her concern, but I’m all right. Everything is all right.”
Xia stroked her shoulder with two fingers. He knew, the bastard, the effect that had on him. Xia was getting him worked up on purpose. “Everyone’s out by the pool. Come join us. You don’t need to be locked in here with this loser.”
“You’re as bad as him.” She gestured with her phone again. “Maybe worse,” she said. “Look how you turned out. You’re practically civilized now.”
The neon blue of Xia’s eyes brightened. “I am ten times the badass he is.”
“Go to hell,” Kynan said because the asshole was only partially kidding.
She patted Xia’s upper chest. “Seriously, tell Alexandrine everything is fine.”
Xia’s fingers continued their sweep across the skin between her shirt and her throat, and he was looking at her like he was hungry and she was the only meal in sight. “I could get Alexandrine and see where we end up.” He waggled his eyebrows. “What do you think?”
Since that was intended to piss him off, Kynan didn’t react.
“You aren’t invited.” Maddy gave Xia a push toward the door. Then she looked at her phone.
Xia didn’t stop smiling, but it wasn’t a friendly smile. He glared at Kynan, a definite threat there. “You hurt her, and I’m coming after you. I don’t give a fuck how many sworn you have.”
“Get in line.”
“Oh, I’m right there at the head of the queue. Warlord.”
“Xia.” Maddy put a hand on his chest. “Tell Alexandrine that I am having some much-needed alone time with the love of my life.”
Kynan growled at him. “Did you hear that? She said alone time. With the love of her life.” He pushed Xia out of the doorway. “News flash, asshole. She doesn’t mean you.”
Xia grabbed both sides of the doorway. “Maddy?”
She slid an arm around Kynan’s waist. “He’s right. I didn’t mean you. Now go. Please. Before I get seriously annoyed.”
He pressed three fingers to the center of his bowed forehead and walked away. When he was gone, Maddy stayed with her head bowed. Her hair was a river of black down her back. She was open to him now, so he had no doubts about her irritation with him and Xia. He spread his fingers over the back of her neck. “Maybe we should have asked him to stay.”
She faced him, serious, but smiling enough to make him smile back. She closed and locked the door. “I’m not in the mood to share right now.”
He was on board with that idea, but they had a couple of things to settle between them first. He ramped himself down because he didn’t want his state to interfere with words like these. “Knocked up by the love of your life?”
She turned around, her cheeks flushed. “I wasn’t planning on telling you like that.” She glanced away, then back. “I must be the least romantic person on the planet, but it’s true.” She stared at her phone again, then fiddled with the screen. Her phone made a whooshing sound. “It turns out—” She sniffled and swallowed hard. “It turns out you are the love of my life, and I wasted too much time denying you.”
His phone pinged.
“I tell myself I don’t do relationships, except I think I’ve had one with you for years. I’ve never told you I have feelings about you, feelings for you, or that I am committed to making us work no matter what happens. I’ve never told you I respect what you’ve done and what you’ve overcome and how horrified I am that people like me do these horrible, awful things to the kin. I’ve said those things, but I’ve never said them about you.”
“Honey.” He pulled her close.
She put her hands to his chest and resisted his attempt to bring her fully into her arms. “You’ve mostly been gone these last weeks, and the whole time I’ve been wishing you were here or I was there. Or that we could meet halfway.”
“Me too.” He stroked her hair and managed to slip his phone from his pocket. “I wanted that, too.”
“You don’t get it.”
“What?” What he got was her frustration and upset.
“I never said any of that to you.” She squeezed her eyes closed for a moment. “For years I’ve told myself I don’t do relationships, but if that were true I wouldn’t be so resentful of you being away. I wouldn’t miss you so badly that I feel empty even with the bonds and my oath to you.” She touched her upper chest. “I wouldn’t feel like I’d be destroyed if all you wanted was my fealty. I’m terrified of that.”
He cupped the back of her neck. “You are the one, Maddy. You. Only you.”
“You have sacrificed so much for me.” Her eyes glistened with tears. “It’s not fair. It’s not right, and I shouldn’t even tell you how I feel because then—Would you just look at your stupid phone?”
He did. The most recent text was right there on the screen. From Maddy. A big red heart. He blinked in case he wasn’t seeing right. The heart was still there. He looked up and said, “I love you, and I want us formally twinned.”
“I love you too, and all right.”
He brushed away her tears. “Are you agreed we’ll take care of that and make it legal on all that paper you humans love so much?”
“Yes.”
He kissed her forehead and put a hand on the door above her shoulder. “There’s only one more thing then.” He took a breath. “Do you want to stay pregnant?”
Her hands tightened around his and then she went up on her toes and pressed her mouth to his lips. “I said yes to that because it was you. I always thought about it being you, even when I hated you.”
“We’ll make it work. Harsh travels for Nikodemus all the time, and he and Addison manage. We can manage that too
.”
“Yes. We can manage that.”
He kissed her fingertips. “City Hall, here we come.”
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About Carolyn
Carolyn Jewel was born on a moonless night. That darkness was seared into her soul and she became an award-winning and USA Today bestselling author of historical and paranormal romance. She has a very dusty car and a Master’s degree in English that proves useful at the oddest times. An avid fan of fine chocolate, finer heroines, Bollywood films, and heroism in all forms, she has two cats and two dogs. Also a son. One of the cats is his.
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Glossary
Blood-twins: A bonded pair of demons who share a permanent magical connection. They may be biologically related and/or same-sex. Antisocial and prone to psychosis.
Copa: A plant derivative of a yellow-ochre color when processed. Has a mild psychotropic effect on the Kin, who use it for relaxation. For mages, the drug increases magical abilities and is highly addictive.
Cracking (a talisman): A mage or witch may crack open a talisman in order to absorb the life force therein and magically prolong his or her life. Requires a sacrificial murder.
Demon: Any one of a number of shape-shifting magical beings whose chief characteristic is, as far as the magekind are concerned, the ability to possess and control a human. They are psychically bound beings. They typically possess multiple physical forms, at least one of which is recognizably human. Before relations with the magekind exploded into war, they frequently bonded with the magekind. Demons can procreate with humans, but the demon must be in his or her true form.
Entelechy: Demons not born from a human parent. Most are thousands of years old and extremely powerful.
Fealty: Magically binding oath between a warlord and another demon, one of the magekind, or a human. Mutually protective. For the one swearing fealty, a broken oath results in severe harm or even death. A warlord who behaves capriciously with his sworn kin risks severing the bond. A warlord gains power through these oaths. A warlord can swear fealty to another warlord.
Fiend: Subspecies of demon.
Hotblood: An epithet the magekind use to refer to demons.
Kin: What demons collectively call each other. Socially divided into various factions seeking power over other warlord-led factions.
Mage: Human man who possesses magic. A sorcerer. See also magekind.
Magekind: Humans who possess magic. The magekind arose to protect vanilla humans from the depredations of demons, a very real threat.
Mageheld: Demon under the complete control of one of the magekind. A slave.
Severing: The act of removing a mageheld from the control of a mage or witch, through the use of magic.
Talisman: A usually small object holding the life force of a demon. The kin sometimes create talismans by consent if another demon is no longer able to take physical form. The magekind have learned to create talismans through ritual murder. A talisman confers additional magical power on the mage who has it. Sometimes requires an additional sacrifice. See also cracking (a talisman).
Vanilla: A human with no magic or, pejoratively, one of the magekind with little power.
Warlord: A demon who leads some number of other demons, who have sworn fealty. Usually a natural leader possessing far more magic than others of the Kin. Magekind and vanilla humans can swear fealty to a warlord.
Witch: A human woman who possesses magic. A sorceress. See also magekind.
Books by Carolyn
PARANORMAL ROMANCE
My Immortals Series
My Wicked Enemy, Book 1
My Forbidden Desire
My Immortal Assassin, Book 3
My Dangerous Pleasure, Book 4
Free Fall, Novella
My Darkest Passion, Book 5
Dead Drop, Book 6
My Demon Warlord, Book 7
OTHER PARANORMAL ROMANCE
A Darker Crimson, Book 4 of the Crimson City series
DX (A Crimson City Novella)
HISTORICAL ROMANCE SERIES
The Sinclair Sisters Series
Lord Ruin, Book 1
A Notorious Ruin, Book 2
Reforming the Scoundrels Series
Not Wicked Enough, Book 1
Not Proper Enough, Book 2
OTHER HISTORICAL ROMANCE
Scandal
Indiscreet
Moonlight A short story
The Spare
Stolen Love
Passion’s Song
Anthologies
Christmas in Duke Street
Dancing in The Duke’s Arms
Christmas In The Duke’s Arms
Midnight Scandals
Novellas
A Seduction in Winter
An Unsuitable Duchess
In The Duke’s Arms
One Starlit Night
FANTASY ROMANCE
The King’s Dragon A short story
EROTIC ROMANCE
Whispers, Collection No. 1
Excerpts
DEAD DROP
My Immortals Series, Book 6
Wallace wasn’t a woman easily discouraged, but the facts were stark. The whole come-here-and-practice-witchcraft idea? Not working. Not at any level. She was done pretending. Done smiling after she failed again. Done with pretending she belonged here. Just, you know, no more.
No more. She’d ducked into Maddy’s kitchen to steal a few minutes of dignity for herself, but she was conscious the social clock was ticking down. If she stayed here any longer, she’d be conspicuous by her absence, and Randi would for sure key in on that. Sad truth: Randi was a lioness, Wallace was the weak gazelle.
She remained at the kitchen sink with her head bowed and a paper cup of water in one hand. Pep-talking herself. No more feeling defeated and sorry for herself. Buck up, lady. You’re used to not belonging. Get over it, and get on with it. Like that, with some useless affirmations thrown in for good measure. I am a good person. I work hard. I am kind to kittens and puppies. Most people like me. She could be the nicest person in the world, and she still wouldn’t be able to do magic.
The kitchen where she was hiding out was in the Kensington, California home of Maddy Winters. The house had a killer view, a pool, and an open, airy plan. It was also one steep hill, two bus rides, and one long, long walk from Wallace’s South Berkeley rental.
The thought of going back in there with the others made her ill, even though after tonight she was done. There was no point to her being here. When she got home tonight, she was going to email Maddy that she wasn’t coming back. Nice and tidy, with the added benefit of no drama. No one had to fake being sad or regretful. She drank her water, refilled the cup, and turned around.
Her stomach twisted into a knot of razor blades.
Randi stood so close Wallace had to lift her cup over her head to have any hope of not spilling water all over her, Randi, and the kitchen floor. Since Randi didn’t move back, Wallace leaned against the counter.
Randi looked at her and saw a sick gazelle. Fine. All Wallace had to do was get through this evening. She could deal with Randi until then. Maybe just long enough to say she had a headache and wanted to go home.
“God, Wallace. Knock me over, why don’t you?”
“I did not–” Her paper cup flashed hot, and her stomach turned into a black hole. Luckily, the contact burn stopped as quickly as it had started, and she managed not to drop her water
.
Randi darted a look at the cup. Expecting singe marks? “Do you have to be so clumsy?”
“Sorry if I startled you.” She wasn’t. She really wasn’t. In fact, the only thing she was sorry for was apologizing. Randi’s pettiness with the water was an emphatic period to her decision. If she hadn’t been entirely sure she was going to send that email tonight, she was now. Weeks of being relentlessly polite had failed. She wasn’t going to try anymore. “I didn’t know you were that close.”
Randi flicked her blonde hair behind her shoulders. Some witches flat out hated people like her. Where people like her meant not very talented. In fairness to Randi, the other reasons for her issues with Wallace appeared not to be a factor. Some people were not nice. That was Randi. “Like you didn’t hear me come in.”
She met Randi’s gaze, as wide-eyed and fake as possible. “Sure didn’t.”
“You are nothing. Nothing, you hear me?”
Instinct kicked in, and Wallace replied in cool tones. “You need to leave me alone.”
“Really?” Her eyebrows shot up. “Or else what?”
No one was here to see so, no surprise, Randi bumped her again, smiling the whole time. Water sloshed up against one side of her cup. The black hole in her mid-section shifted. It was like being on the ocean in bad weather.
“Whoops.”
Wallace spoke through her nausea. “Go away.”
Randi glanced over her shoulder at the archway from the kitchen to the entry. The others were still around the corner in the living room, but she lowered her voice anyway. “Nobody cares who you are, or where you come from, or how hard your life was. Kiss Maddy’s ass all you want, and you still won’t matter. Not here. Not with us. You can’t do anything that matters.”
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