by K. A Knight
“Yeah, it’s worth a shot,” I repeat.
“Okay, so we do that then.” She grins and then lays her head back down on the bed, stroking my hair as I stare at her. “Don’t overthink it, Spidey, they are just words.”
But that’s where she’s wrong. Words hold power. Her simply saying it out loud is teasing fate and asking for something I can never give.
I can never love this woman or give her my heart like she wants. To do that would be to kill her, and that’s blood I can’t live with on my hands...
No, she can’t love me. Only a fool would.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Nadia
After I had admitted how I felt last night, he was distant, processing. I could see him discarding my declaration, not wanting to believe it. That’s okay, one day he will. I don’t know what prompted me to say it, but listening to him tell me I could have whatever I wanted just made it blurt from my mouth.
I’ll admit it stung when I saw how utterly fucking scared he was. I was terrified I had ruined what was between us. Maybe I have. Sighing, I climb from the bed, my hand lingering on the cold side where he should be. Grabbing his shirt, I slip it on and check the office to find it empty as well. Padding downstairs, the silence cold and constricting, I discover the house empty.
Looking at the clock on the kitchen wall, I see it’s almost eight, so he’s gone to work...without a goodbye.
Wincing, I head over to the counter and slip into my stool. Did I mess this up completely? Fucking hell, why did I have to say those words? I should have just kept them inside. I knew he wasn’t ready. Might never be...
A slip of white on the counter catches my eye and I grasp the note, re-reading it a hundred times as a smile crosses my face. No, I was wrong, letting my panic blind me like he is. Keanu cares for me, deeper than he even knows. It’s in the little things he does that shows me his love, even if he doesn’t realise it. One day he will, and I’ll be waiting.
Good luck today. Remember, whatever you decide, I’m here. Your future is yours.
P.S. Coffee is still warm, and I left breakfast in the grill, keeping warm for you. I will see you tonight, don’t forget to lock up.
K
Okay, so it’s not flowery poetry, but it means he thought of me. That he wants to look after me and make sure I’m okay when he knows how hard today will be for me. He will never spout pretty words and doodle love notes, but I don’t need that. I just need him.
I grab the coffee and food and chow down before heading back upstairs and taking a shower. I find some casual clothes in the top drawer and slip them on before grabbing my phone and bag and heading back downstairs. I lock the house up like he showed me and then realise I’m going to have to walk to find a taxi or a bus stop—stupid man living on the outskirts of town. Resigned to my fate, I lock the gate and set off—least it’s not raining.
To pass the time as I walk, I grab my phone and dial Scarlett.
“Hey, babe,” she answers, sounding distracted.
“Hey, sorry, you busy?” I reply.
“No, no, sorry, just trying to make this stupid colour right. You okay? You with lover boy?” she teases, and I hear a chair creaking in the background, and the sound of another voice. I’m guessing she’s gone in early to the lab, something she hasn’t done in a while, but she says Max distracts her at home with her, and I quote, “fine ass,” not that she isn’t going to pass her final year with flying colours, the bitch already has a ready-made business and clients begging to work with her. She’s so talented, I’m so proud of her...and a little bit jealous she knows what she wants to do in life.
“He’s out. I’m heading to university actually. You want to meet for dinner?”
“Woah, you’re coming back? Are you ready?” she questions with worry in her voice, which makes me smile, her heart is way too big.
“Nah, I’m just going to meet my councillor. I have to check in every once in a while, but I figured we could get some dinner, have some girl time after?”
“Sounds good to me, shit, photoshop just crashed, fuck,” she swears.
“Go, I’ll meet you at the tower at noon. Love you,” I call, laughing as she carries on swearing.
“Love you, babe, bye,” she mutters and hangs up.
That girl is going to go far. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if she got rich and famous from her talent.
An hour later, I’m sitting outside of Mrs. Davis’ office on the third floor of the Gates building on the north side of campus. The door opens, revealing a pale, lanky kid and a sympathetic Mrs. Davis who, when she spots me, smiles gently.
“Hello, Nadia, come in, won’t you?” she calls, her voice soft and friendly like a trusted friend’s. I’m sure she puts it on, but it does put me at ease. Her plump frame is swathed in a polka dot dress, her red hair curled back from her face with a ribbon, and her signature red lipstick in place.
I nod and grab my bag, rising from the plastic chair, which squeaks as I move, and slip past her into the tiny office. I take my usual chair. Her desk is to the right, pushed against the back wall with pictures scattered across it, unorganised papers, and an old computer. The window in front of me is high up on the wall, so I can only see the sky, but I know if you look out of it, it shows you the back of the building and the staff car park.
She grabs her rolling chair and moves it so she’s sitting near me, plopping down with a sigh. “Gosh, it’s cold today,” she comments casually, and I nod.
“Think it’s going to freeze tonight,” I reply friendly enough and she grins.
“So, Nadia, I just wanted to check in and see how you are. Can we do anything?” she asks, crossing one tight-clad leg as she watches me with sympathy. She’s not a bad person, she tries to help and understand, but how could someone possibly understand what I’m going through right now?
“I’m okay, keeping busy.” I nod and she smiles sadly.
“Of course, of course, that’s the best thing to do. I’m aware you’re not back yet, your lectures are aware, and your grades are still, of course, brilliant as usual. There is no rush for you to come back, we want you to be comfortable and able to function when you do, take as much time as you need. If you miss too much, you can always re-sit the classes next year. Did you look into the taped videos of the classes like I suggested?”
“Yes, thank you, it was a good idea.”
Lie.
She sits back then, happier with herself. “Okay, so talk to me, what’s the plan?”
Yes, Nadia, what’s the plan?
Licking my lips, I debate what to say. I’m not ready yet. No. True, but no.
I want to punch everyone in their stupid face when they look at me like you are now.
Again, true, but no.
Shit, she’s staring, I’ve been quiet for too long. I open my mouth and words pour out, surprising even myself.
“I would like to withdraw from my courses. I don’t know if this is the correct way to do it, but I think it’s for the best if I took the time I needed to heal without the pressure of university hanging over me. I may come back in a year or so, but I would like to re-evaluate where my future is going, and right now I don’t think that includes this school.”
Shit. What?
She blinks at me in shock, and I can imagine my face is the same. “Er, of course I understand your wishes, but, Nadia, are you sure? You’re a very talented student, you would go far...”
I didn’t come in here with a decision made, it just came out of me, an unconscious thought, but as soon as my words hit the air, I knew it’s right. I’m never one to look back, so I nod to myself, this is my future. It’s terrifying and I don’t know what it holds or what I’ll do...or even if Keanu will be part of it, but it’s bigger than him now.
Whatever I decide, I decide by myself, and university is just no longer the right fit for me. I hope Gammie is watching me, proud, understanding. She always did.
You know your mind better than anyone, little bird, neve
r doubt yourself. Trust in you and you will never be led wrong.
Here’s hoping she’s right, because I’m letting myself be led somewhere I don’t even know...never mind if it has a future, or if it means I will still be alive after this mission is over to have one. But the thought doesn’t scare me anymore, what happens, happens. If I die saving these women, then it was meant to be. If I die loving Keanu, then it’s what he needed.
Everything else can wait. A day at a time, that’s how I will do it. The future isn’t scary, it holds a million possibilities. I wonder which one will be mine.
“I’m sure. Please inform me of the paperwork I will need to fill in, and Mrs. Davis, thank you for being so understanding and supportive. I hope you understand this decision isn’t a reflection on you. It’s simply what I need to do for myself.”
I’m officially not a student anymore.
They tried to convince me to stay, to take a year off and give it some time. They made generous offers, but in the end, I made my decision and wanted to stick with it. It does mean I’m a little late to meet Scarlett, though, and I’m sad to have to tell her that I won’t be around campus anymore. After all, this was our journey together. We were so excited when we started, but I’m no longer that same girl, and I’m confident our friendship will survive me leaving here and she will support me no matter what. It doesn’t stop the wince on my face when I see her waiting in the student bar, her back to the entrance where she’s sitting in the booth to the right, the bench curving around until it meets the bar.
Tables are scattered in between, and a swinging door leads to the kitchen to my left. Crossing the space, I slip into the leather seat across from her and she grins.
“Hey, babe, everything go okay?” she asks, genuinely caring what happened, which is rare to find. I knew when I first met her that she was someone to protect, to love. She’s so kind, too kind, some would say, she sees the best in people. A rare trait.
She’s an amazing friend, an even better sister, and I couldn’t have made it this far without her. “I left uni,” I blurt out, and her mouth drops open.
“What?” she exclaims, obviously lost for words.
“Okay, maybe not how I should have told you, but I swear, Scarlett, it feels right. This isn’t a random decision I just made blinded by grief, I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I love being here, because it means being with my friends, but that isn’t enough for me to stay, it doesn’t feel like I belong here anymore...I don’t know where I do belong yet, but I’ll find it.”
She reaches across the table and covers my hand, a brilliant smile on her face. “If anyone can, Nads, it’s you. I would never call you rash...crazy for sure, but never rash. If you say this is right, I’m with you, wherever you go or whatever do, as long as I get to be there beside you.”
I blink back tears and grin with her. “Yeah? Sure I’m not losing my mind?”
“Babe, please, you lost that a long time ago. To be honest, I always thought you would do something...more exciting, this seemed too tame for you. I think you only came because of me and your family. I saw your gammie’s face when you told her you thought of going to university, she was so excited and proud. Are you sure you didn’t come just for her and now that she’s gone you’re realising you can’t keep up the facade?”
I blink in shock. “Erm, maybe.”
She smiles again, squeezing my hand before letting go. “Whatever you do, babe, I know it will be brilliant. Now, how about we get in some wine and burgers and forget it all for today, the future can wait.”
“That sounds fucking amazing.” I sigh, leaning back in my chair.
“Good, I’ll go order.” She nods, grabbing her purse and sliding from the booth. I watch her cross the floor to the bar and smile at the man there. He’s blindsided, instantly taken with her, poor lad.
My phone goes off then and I pull it from my pocket to see a text from Keanu, just three words, three simple words, but they send my heart racing and a dopey smile crosses my face, making my day instantly better...yes, I made the right decision.
Spidey: I miss you.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Keanu
Brat: I miss you too.
Hiding my smile, I pocket my phone and lift my head as the door opens and the brute named Steve leads the girls from the bathrooms. I straighten and drop into the line behind them. There are three of them, all stumbling along and barely clothed, their skin dirty and their hair greasy. I’ve learned they only get to wash once a week unless they get sold, then they are scrubbed clean by one of the guys and made pretty for their buyer.
Tears track down their faces, their spirits broken as they hang their heads, not even bothering to try and cover their bare skin. They have been here for over a week now, and I dread to think what has made them look this way. I avert my eyes out of respect, trying not to curl my hands into fists, kill everyone here, and just set them all free.
The plan, stick to the plan.
I repeat it like a mantra, and it was the reason I had reached out to Nadia. I needed to hear from her. I was weak, my soul blackened and broken from the desperation and vile acts taking place here. It’s taking its toll on me and I needed her for a moment, to remind me that I'm not a bad person for not dragging these girls to freedom.
Think of the thousands I’ll be saving, I remind myself.
Steve opens the door and grabs the first girl, throwing her inside the cell with a laugh, revealing his crooked and broken teeth and the golden cap he has. His bald head shines under the light, his body huge but not really strong, it’s all a facade. The girls shrink away and rush past him, but he grins and grabs a feel as they pass, laughing when they cry out. He slams the door shut and locks it, looking at me as he tosses the keys my way.
“I need to piss, you’re up, newbie,” he orders, as he struts back down the corridor.
I’ve been here four hours now, and I’ve debated killing everyone at least a hundred times. Turning my back to the wall, I ignore the distant cries of the women being held here—at least none of them are being...violated. I don’t know if I could stand by and not do anything if they were. Nadia’s smile flashes in my mind, the thought of her being one of these women sending a flash of pure anger through me.
If my girl was taken, I would rip this world apart until I found her. No one would be safe, and everyone who even touched her or thought of it would die...painfully...horribly.
To pass the time, I imagine all the different ways of killing these men, ignoring their jabs and taunts, their laughter echoing from the other room. Being the new guy means they are giving me all the shit jobs, but that’s okay, it means I don’t have to pretend to be one of them right now, I don’t have to smile and play nice.
Suits me just fine.
I check my watch to see it’s time for cell one to use the bathroom. Sighing, I force myself to harden as I head that way and open the door, my eyes scanning the dank, dark room with just a few mattresses on the floor and nothing else. I see the occupants and force a scowl. “Up, it’s time for the bathroom.”
I can’t have them thinking I’m nice or weak, but I won’t be outright cruel. There is only so much a man can be pushed. They rush to their feet, two out of three not looking at me, the third does and I meet her gaze, letting her see the cold there, which makes her drop her chin, her shoulders slumping in defeat. She was hoping I would help them.
I wish I could.
I escort them to the bathroom and stand inside like I was instructed. There are four stalls, all with no doors. They have no privacy here and one shower in the back corner—again, no door. It’s a giant wet room and bubble, and I can feel their mortification. I don’t look at them or listen, I give them as much privacy as I can by turning my back, but I can’t let them escape or I’ll end up dead, and then no one can help them.
I know logically they will be sold at some point, only then will I be able to help. I will hunt each and every one down and free them. For that reason as
they are tripping past me and back to the cell, I force myself to remember them, to store their faces away, each and every birthmark, hair colour, eye colour, and characteristics until I know them better than my own face.
I lock them back up and stand guard in the corridor, resigning myself to this. I’ve worked undercover before, but never like this, never have the stakes been so high. It was easier when it was just drugs or warlords, this feels personal.
And I hate that I can’t do anything.
I let it grow in me, consume me. One day, I will let it be free, and all these men will die by my hands.
Eight o’clock comes around too slowly, the rest of the afternoon spent simply standing in the hallway, waiting, listening, watching—doing what I do best. I daren’t try and break into their security systems, not on the first day, they will know it’s me. I do, however, place some cameras around when no one is watching.
I leave my post as another comes to take over. He doesn’t speak, simply nods at me. He’s another big guy, but I can tell this one isn’t just for show. He’s strong, really strong, and from the battalion tattoo on his arm, I can tell he used to serve. His eyes are cold and calculating, unnerving, I would call them. This is a man who likes pain, who likes his job. I make a note to keep my eye on him. Of all the men I’ve met today, he seems the smartest, the one that would hurt these women and know more than he should.
I’m escorted back to the docks like this morning. I was allowed to see where I was then, guess he trusts me to a certain extent, not that the location offers me much. I already checked on the deed and sales on my phone to see that it was bought by a company that traces back to the Bahamas. No traces, no forwarding address. Nothing.
They don’t exist, it’s a shell company.
