by Jennie Lucas
Hana’s jaw dropped. In two years of working for him, she’d never heard him apologize to anyone. For anything.
“Sorry,” she repeated numbly.
“Yes.” He came closer, not touching her. “Please. You have to let me explain.”
Antonio Delacruz, who never explained himself to anyone, wanted to explain to her? Her mouth was dry as she said, “Go ahead.”
He stood in front of her, starkly handsome and broad-shouldered in his sleek black suit and long coat. Behind him, the park was a kaleidoscope of color, green and pink and white, beneath the sun’s golden light and bright blue sky.
His black eyes seemed strangely vulnerable, in a way she’d never seen before. “This isn’t easy.”
“Good,” she said, refusing to show him any mercy.
“I treated you badly,” he acknowledged.
“Badly?”
He gave a crooked smile. “Really badly.”
“It took all of my courage to tell you I was pregnant. I know how you are. I knew you wouldn’t exactly be overjoyed at the news. But I never thought you’d accuse me of lying to you!” She shook her head fiercely. “Even with a condom, you know sex always comes with some risk of pregnancy, you know that, right? Plus, you know me! How could you do that?”
Antonio looked down at her. “I had a vasectomy, Hana. Eighteen years ago.”
In the distance, she could see the tips of modern buildings gleaming over the park, against the vivid blue sky. “Wh-what?”
“It’s true.”
“You were just a teenager then!”
“Barely eighteen.”
“But why—why would you do something so permanent to yourself? How could you?”
Setting his jaw, he shook his head. “Why I did it doesn’t matter. Not anymore.” He gave a sudden snort. “And as it turned out, it wasn’t so permanent.”
“What do you mean?”
“After you told me you were pregnant, I couldn’t think about anything else. So I canceled the business meeting—”
“You did what?”
“And I went to a doctor, where I was told that, somehow, my body had healed itself. It’s rare, the doctor said. The rate is less than one percent. But it happens. And it happened to me.”
She was staring at him openmouthed. “You canceled the meeting?”
He gave a wry smile. “That’s the thing that surprises you?”
“You’ve been working like a madman for months—”
“I had to. I thought I knew you. How could you be a lying gold digger, trying to lure me into bed and trick me into marriage?”
“I wasn’t!” she said indignantly.
“But there was no other explanation, don’t you see? I’d had a vasectomy. I couldn’t be the father of your baby. You couldn’t possibly be telling me the truth.” He paused. “I went to a private clinic so I could prove, once and for all, that you were lying.” He gave her a rueful smile. “But it turned out that I was the one who was wrong. And you were right.”
A soft breeze stroked the blossoms lazily, and ruffled his dark hair against his forehead. She fought the sudden impulse to brush it back with her fingertips.
Tightening her hands at her sides, Hana looked past him, to the families with blankets spread out beneath the flowering trees, enjoying a late lunch in the festive tradition of hanami. She looked at the nearest family, a smiling young couple with a toddler, picnicking together on a blanket.
“I was wrong to accuse you of lying,” Antonio said, bowing his head. “I’m sorry. I won’t insult you by asking for a paternity test. I know the baby’s mine.”
She looked at him. “Just like that?”
“Just like that.”
For a moment, their eyes locked, and she felt the electricity of his gaze go straight to her heart.
Then his jaw tightened, and he looked away. “But you and I both know I’d be no good at raising a baby.”
The lump returned to her throat. “Yes. I know.”
“You aren’t going to argue?”
She gave him a wistful smile. “I know you, Antonio. Of course you don’t want to raise a baby. I only told you about the pregnancy because it was the right thing to do. But I know you’re not interested in becoming a husband or father.”
“Oh.” He blinked, then continued awkwardly, “I will of course pay child support. And give you a large settlement to provide for the baby—”
“I don’t want your money.” It was exactly what she’d expected, so why did she feel hurt? Of course he’d offer her money for her baby. What else could he give? His time? His love? She said thickly, “We’ll be fine.”
He frowned. “But of course you will have a settlement. You deserve it. You earned it.”
“Earned it how?” Her pride suddenly flared. “On my back in your bed?”
He scowled at her. “I didn’t mean it that way—”
“I know,” she cut him off. She’d been rude. But her heart was aching as she thought how different it should have been, sharing the joy of her pregnancy news. How happy and sweet today would have been, if she’d just taken her grandmother’s advice and waited for marriage! If she’d waited until she’d found her true partner and home!
Swallowing, she looked across the beautiful cherry tree blooms against the wide blue sky. “You’ve paid me a very good salary, and I’ve saved most of it for the past year. Working and traveling so much, I had no time to spend it.” She lifted her chin. “That is what I’ve earned. And until I get a new job, the baby and I will be fine.”
“Hana, you’re being unreasonable.”
“It’s my choice. I don’t want your payoff money.”
“It’s not a payoff.”
“Of course it is.”
He ground his teeth. “What is it you want, Hana? Marriage? We both know that’s not going to happen.”
A low, bitter laugh came unbidden from her throat. “You think I want to marry you?” She shook her head. “It must be amazing to be you, Antonio, always confident that you’re the center of the world.”
“Come on, Hana. You’ve spent two years at my side. You know how I am.”
Yes, she did. She remembered all the women who’d tried so desperately to marry him over the last two years. How sorry she’d felt for them. She’d always been attracted to her boss, but she’d heeded the warnings. She would never love him. Her own parents’ intense, almost teenager-like relationship had soured her on the idea of romantic love anyway.
Besides, it was bad enough that, as his employee, she’d based the last two years of her life entirely around Antonio’s needs. She’d traveled when he traveled, lived where he lived, worked when he worked. The opposite of the life she actually wanted.
Since her rootless childhood, Hana had yearned for a real home. But when her beloved grandmother had become sick, Hana had dropped out of college. Desperate to provide Sachiko with the comfort and care of the best medical facility, she’d gotten a job. Giving up her own dreams, she’d taken increasingly demanding, high-paying secretarial jobs requiring her to travel constantly around the world.
Her grandmother had died a year ago. Hana could have quit her job then. But she hadn’t.
Because as challenging as it was to work for Antonio, she’d come to love it. Somehow, his house in Madrid had become like home.
It shouldn’t have felt that way. With all their traveling, they only lived there part-time. And though she’d become friends with the house staff, the palace still wasn’t exactly homey, but ridiculously big with a ballroom and vast echoing hallways.
And yet, two months ago, when Antonio announced out of the blue he was going to sell the Madrid house and move the company’s headquarters to New York, she’d felt a pain in her heart she hadn’t expected. “Time to move on,” he’d told her casually as he looked around the home offi
ce where they’d spent untold hours together. He’d shrugged. “There’s nothing I care about in Madrid anymore.”
A few hours later, he’d been astonished to find her crying in the palacio’s hallway. Shocked, he’d demanded to know the reason. But how could Hana explain, when she didn’t understand it herself?
She had no claim on his house in Madrid. Just as she had no claim on Antonio.
It was time for her to go, she’d realized. To quit her job and move on, so she could finally find a home that no one could ever take from her.
But even as she’d had the thought, she’d suddenly lifted up on her tiptoes and kissed him. With an intake of breath, he’d stared at her. Then he’d grabbed her and kissed her back with passionate need.
Leading to her pregnancy now.
She never should have let herself trade their professional relationship for a personal one. Their argument this morning notwithstanding, Antonio had always treated Hana with respect far greater than he gave his mistresses. If anything, he seemed to enjoy treating his girlfriends badly. Almost as if he wanted them to leave him as soon as possible.
She’d felt such great pity for his last mistress, a beautiful Instagram fitness model who’d clung to him in the face of all his rudeness, that Hana had actually arranged a Christmas gift for the girl, a rare vintage camera. She’d signed Antonio’s name to the card. As his secretary, Hana figured it was her job to try to make it at least appear that Antonio had normal human feelings—her job to make him look good, or at least less bad.
But it had been useless. Antonio had been furious at her interference, and he’d broken up with his mistress anyway. On Christmas morning, too. Well, at least the girl still had the camera as a parting gift.
Hana looked at him now beneath the cherry trees.
“You’re right,” she said in a low voice. “I do know you. It’s probably for the best you don’t want to be part of our baby’s life. You’d be a horrible father, and we both know it. And as a husband—” She rolled her eyes heavenward, as if there were no words.
For a moment, Antonio’s face was shocked. Then he looked inexplicably offended. “Horrible seems rather a strong word—”
She held up her hand to stave off his protest. “I’m just agreeing with you. You’re incapable of being a father. You have absolutely nothing to offer us except money. And since I don’t need that, there’s nothing more to discuss, is there?”
Antonio opened his mouth. Closed it. Finally, he said tightly, “I apologized. Why are you still attacking me?”
“Attacking? You should be glad!”
He ground his teeth. “Glad you’re telling me I’d be a poor excuse for a father and an even worse husband?”
“Glad I’m not trying to change you!” She shook her head. “You can move on with your life, Antonio. Get your air routes into Asia. Expand the company worldwide, gather more billions into your bank account. I won’t bother you.” She lifted her chin. “You won’t be my baby’s father, you’re no longer my boss. You’re not my lover, nor even my friend. So I think we can agree there’s no reason for us to ever see each other again.” She stuck out her hand. “Goodbye, Antonio.”
He looked down at it. She felt the sizzle from his gaze, and suddenly realized her mistake. She tried to pull her hand back, but it was too late.
Antonio took her hand in his larger one.
Just that simple contact, palm to palm, caused her to gasp. Electricity sizzled through her, from her scalp to her toes.
His expression changed, and his hand tightened on hers.
“I can’t let you go,” he said quietly.
“You can’t?” she breathed.
“Maybe I won’t be a good father. Maybe I can’t be a husband. But I still don’t want to let you go.” Antonio pulled her closer, searching her gaze intently. “Stay with me, Hana. As my mistress.”
“Mistress?” The word was slippery on her tongue, causing a flood of desire to pulse through her blood, tightening her nipples as tension coiled low and deep inside her. Mistress. “For how long?”
He gave her a sensual smile, lifting his other hand to her cheek. “As long as we want.”
Barely able to breathe, Hana stared up at his handsome face, his dark eyes, his sculpted cheekbones, the five o’clock shadow on his hard jawline. His cruel mouth.
As long as we want.
He meant as long as he wanted, she realized. A month. A week. Even a night. She’d seen it play out, time and time again. Hadn’t she just been pitying those foolish women who fell for him, just seconds before?
And yet she’d never expected to be asked. Not like this. It felt strangely difficult to refuse, with his dark eyes burning through her as the memory of their night together pounded through her blood.
“And the baby?” she said hoarsely.
Antonio shrugged. “We’ll see. Maybe I could be some kind of father to it. Who knows?”
Maybe? A father to it?
A shudder went through her. Maybe had nothing to do with her idea of family. Family was forever. Family was all a person had to cling to in a chaotic, uncertain world.
What he was talking about was something else entirely. He was a petulant boy, not wanting to be parted from a toy.
Hana ripped herself away from the temptation of his touch. “You can’t just amuse yourself for a while and then toss us aside when you’re bored. I won’t let you do it. Not to me and definitely not to the baby!”
He stared at her incredulously. “Don’t you understand, Hana? I’m offering to let you live with me. That’s more than I’ve ever offered any woman.”
Antonio actually believed he was offering her something precious. She saw that in his handsome face. He expected her to squeal with delight, throw her arms around him and scream “Yes!”
He was inviting her to live with him, but he didn’t seem to realize she’d already done that for two years, living at his beck and call.
The only difference was that now she’d also service him in bed. She’d live with him as his girlfriend, at his whim and on his schedule, grateful for any time and attention he chose to give her or their child, assuming their relationship even lasted until the baby was born. And when Antonio chose to leave, she’d be expected to let him go without complaint. She wouldn’t even have the dignity or security she’d had as his secretary.
That was the deal he offered her. He’d possibly be a father to their child, or possibly not; he wasn’t willing to commit, but still, either way, she was supposed to be grateful, and put her heart on the hook to twist whichever way his wind blew.
Her body reacted before her brain, snapping her spine straight. Anger washed through her like a flash flood, knocking out every other emotion as she looked up at him in cold fury.
“No,” she said flatly.
* * *
No? No?
Antonio stared at her in shock, hardly able to believe he’d heard her right.
No?
He couldn’t remember the last time he’d heard the word no, from anyone, for any reason. Hearing it from a lover was particularly shocking, especially after he’d fought for the last hour to resist his need to possess her, and stick to his original plan.
He’d never expected, if he surrendered to his overwhelming desire for her—even offering to give up his precious freedom and allow her to live with him, in his house—that she might refuse.
Antonio glared at her, feeling somehow betrayed, as if she’d lured him into this moment, just so she could reject and humiliate him.
“Why?” he demanded. How could she say no? She wanted him as much as he wanted her. Didn’t she?
Hana raised her chin. “I went to see a doctor this morning, too.” She looked down at her waistline beneath her white skirt suit. “I heard our baby’s heartbeat.”
The baby’s heartbeat. What a strange idea. “And?
”
With a slight smile, she put her hand on her belly. “Everything is coming along just fine,” she said softly. “I’m due in mid-October.”
Beneath the warm sun in the Tokyo park, his gaze followed hers. The barest curve beneath her white fitted jacket hinted at the child growing inside her. A baby. His baby. Setting his jaw, he pushed all emotion away. “Another reason for you to live with me.”
She narrowed her lovely brown eyes. “I don’t want my baby to be part of your world. Whatever made you become like this...”
“Like what?”
“So cold, so distant, so untrusting.” Hana took a deep breath, then added, “So broken.”
Broken? Anger shot through him. He said tightly, “You don’t know me. You don’t know anything about me.”
“Don’t I?” Hana gave him a wistful smile as the sun went behind a passing cloud. “I know you don’t want a family and won’t commit to anyone, ever. Why would I want to raise my child with a man like that? Even if I thought you’d actually stick around. Which I don’t.”
His lips parted. He wanted to defy her words, to tell her that he could commit anytime he wanted, he simply chose not to. But the words dried up in his mouth.
Her expression changed as she watched him. She shook her head, looking yearningly toward the happy young family picnicking nearby beneath the blooming cherry trees. “My parents were teachers and we moved to a new country each year. I was rarely in one place long enough to make friends. Growing up, family was all I had.”
“I find that hard to imagine.” Antonio remembered her grandmother’s funeral last year, when so many people had come forward to comfort Hana. “You seem to make friends wherever you go.” His lips suddenly tightened. “Like Ren Tanaka.”
“He’s my oldest friend,” she said softly. “Almost like family.”
“How is it that I never knew of his existence?”
She lifted her eyes. “Because you don’t pay attention to anyone’s life but your own.”
“That’s not true.”
She gave a humorless smile. “I know you, Antonio.”
“You don’t know everything,” he said tightly. No one knew about his childhood—he’d made sure of that. He himself had tried to forget how he’d been shown, over and over, that he hadn’t been wanted as a child, not by anyone. Twice, foster families had brought him home from the orphanage. Twice, he’d been sent right back. The final time, when he was six years old, it had been because his foster mother had unexpectedly become pregnant. “Nothing personal, boy,” his foster father had explained kindly. “But we’re having our own baby now, so we don’t need you anymore.”
