by Kat Addams
I hoped he was right, but I’d been through these phases all my life with my mother, and one thing was sure—she never changed.
“Do you think Big Glug-Glug is still there? Maybe he’s a best-selling rap artist now, playing at The Cave for Bruno and the wolves. Gosh, that sounds like a band name. If only my readers knew how real my books were!” I laughed.
“They’re probably like you. Wishing for their fairy tales and not realizing just how batshit crazy fantasy realms really are.” He leaned down, nuzzling my cheek.
“I’m still living my fairy tale even if, sometimes, it does get batshit crazy.” I sighed, turning my head to meet his lips.
“Oh!” I flinched, rubbing the top of my belly. “He’s been giving me the worst heartburn. I wonder where he gets that from.”
“Beats me. I’ve not been fiery for years! Are you sure you haven’t been sneaking around with some other genie?” he teased, hoisting me out of my chair and into his arms—my favorite place.
Thump, thump, thump.
“Well, there was this one time I rubbed a vibrator,” I said, nuzzling my head into his chest.
“Who’s the comedian now?” He laughed.
“So, when I get mad, instead of sending you to the doghouse, I’ll send you back to your dildo,” I said, smirking.
“Whoa! You got jokes! Is this a side effect of pregnancy? Are you roasting me? How cliché! I’m rubbing off on you.”
He stared down at me. For a fleeting moment, I swore I could see my reflection blazing back.
“Ba-dum-cha!” I smiled, tapping his nose.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
As always, thank you to my daughter. Your imagination inspires me to embrace the wackiness and stay true to myself. I love you! You’re not allowed to read my books until you’re forty.
Thank you to my amazing editor, Jovana Shirley, who makes my books shine. I would be so lost without you! Also, thanks to my amazing cover designer, Lori Jackson, who also makes my books sparkle. You two are the most amazing team I could ask for in this business.
Also, thank you to Dani Smith and Alex Julian, for lending me your talent. Your art is amazing, and you always put my ideas to paper perfectly. You’re so much fun to work with too!
Thank you to Kari, my assistant, who takes care of pretty much everything so I can keep writing. You’ve been the biggest help to me, and I appreciate you so much. You are an awesome person to work with, and I’m so grateful we connected!
Thank you to the bookstagrammers, the readers, my ARC team, and DTF for supporting me and sharing my work. Your enthusiasm keeps me going. I wouldn’t thrive without all of you.
And lastly, thank you to my own Big D for encouraging me and never letting me quit, even on those super-tough days. You always pick me up and push me forward. You’ve been the support I needed in my life. If I could rub a magic dildo, I’d wish for you on the other side. And maybe that place in Jackson Hole too. I love you.
Coming Soon
V.I.L.F.
A vampy, paranormal rom-com series by Fritzi Cox.
To stay up to date on the latest Fritzi news, visit
http://www.fritzicox.com
Read on for an excerpt from Princess Penelope and the Royal Misfits, Book 1, in the brand-new V.I.L.F. series by Fritzi Cox. Preorder today to meet this problematic princess and the sexy vampires of Morningwood.
FROM THE DESK OF FRITZI COX
It wasn’t long after my travels to Morningwood that I was called back on an urgent assignment. Once my article on the world’s most haunted small town had broken, several residents had reached out and asked if I could tell their stories too. Some events I couldn’t quite understand because I’d recently been sealed off from the magical realm and all its creatures. I could no longer prove the truth in their tales. So, stories were the only link connecting our worlds. It was all we had.
My visit with the fantastical was thrilling but brief. The unpleasant experience left me shaken, confused, annoyed, and after a while, craving more.
As the old saying goes, we never know what we have until we lose it. These days, I feel preoccupied with dreams of my old hometown and the stories within begging to be told. I’ve had to rely on human accounts and witnesses or my once-mythical husband to fill in the missing pieces during my research.
But that hasn’t stopped me from reporting. Plenty of locals have had encounters with the supernatural. Their demanding insistence for interviews sparked my motivation to continue on this journey. They need not only validation, but also an outlet or sounding board—me.
One of these residents is a newcomer by the name of Princess Penelope. Her quick wit and bubbly persona drew me in, as if she’d cast a spell, mesmerizing my thoughts with her many charms. But that was impossible for Penelope. She couldn’t charm a fly off a frog turd. The poor woman’s magic had begun to die slowly, turning her into—as she put it—“a sad sack of stupid human bones.” She couldn’t figure out why her powers had begun disappearing or why she now straddled the line between the human and supernatural realm. To our knowledge, living in both worlds was impossible for most of us.
It didn’t take much convincing for me to help. If I could figure out how to get her fully back into the magic realm, perhaps I could return at will too. But Princess Penelope had more in mind than answers. As soon as her skills had faded, so had her fiancé’s love. Her Prince—Not So Charming—had taken her lack of magic as a hit to his ego.
Once his favorite enchanted mirror had become a total asshole, roasting him at every pass, he’d had enough of Penelope’s sudden disgrace. Prince Jerkface had thrown the princess and the rest of her broken friends out of his kingdom forever, leaving her a woman scorned. And scorned she was. Just as charming as she could be, there lay a deadly urge for vengeance simmering below her surface. This jilted bride wanted back more than her powers.
After she settled into an abandoned cottage, shame-faced and hiding deep within the forest of Morningwood, Penelope began working tirelessly on a plan to pay her ex-lover his dues. She consulted with witches, dabbled in black magic, and even practiced a hex that would grow the victim’s—aka Prince Not So Charming—nose hairs inches on the hour until they became long enough to wrap around his neck, choking him in their scratchy grip. For this reason alone, he couldn’t sleep for more than two hours at a time and forever had to keep a pair of trimmers in his back pocket.
But all of her practicing barely taught Penelope anything. Her magic flickered in and out like static on my mother’s old television set. Sometimes, I could see the princess and hear everything she’d said. Other times, she appeared like a wisp of smoke before vanishing for days. I desperately wanted to help find her magic again. But as my time in Morningwood had taught me, some things weren’t meant to be. Sometimes, we stumbled and never got back up.
The last interview I had with Penelope was before the ball at Bostwick mansion, where the fragile princess began to mix her charm with a much more sinister audience. The last events she recollected back to me were sometimes dark enough to turn my stomach but, at other times, fascinating enough to keep me coming back for more. Once she mentioned the vampire brothers who ran the local winery, I immediately became hooked. Their mission was something that could aid in opening the supernatural world to both of us once again.
But alas, after she told me their secrets, I never heard from the princess again.
I don’t know what happened to Penelope. She’s disappeared from my life entirely, which means she must have solved the code and forever returned to the realm of magic, or her vampire friend had sealed her fate with his alluring bite. Either way, I was devastated. I spent countless hours trudging through the forest, searching for her cottage, and I even took a few dangerous trips to the Bostwick Winery to look for clues of her whereabouts. But the mansion was closed for repairs, and I saw nothing else out of the ordinary at any of these locations. Sadly, my vision only reached as far as my human eyes could take me.
When Penelope
had first asked if I could write her story, she’d begged me to call out her asshole ex and squash his big ego for good. As my once-genie husband would say, her wish was my command. But the tragic princess deserved better … more. She needed her happily ever after, and despite my reservations about her new, ominous friends, I would write her one.
I can’t recount every detail or fact-check every rumor. Because of my inability to do so, this is a work of fiction. Some names have been changed to protect egos, lives, and myself, except for Prince Not So Charming—aka Theodore Fuckwad. He’s real.
Once upon a time, there lived a jilted bride by the name of Princess Penelope. This is her story.
To continue with Princess Penelope’s story, preorder today.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Kat Addams is a forever twenty-nine-year-old fashionista following her lifelong dream of writing contemporary romance inspired by the exotic men she meets in her worldly travels. At least, that’s what she would like for you to think. She’s certainly not a stay-at-home mom indulging in excessive daydreaming, frozen pizzas, an unhealthy addiction to purchasing pajamas, and one too many cocktails on the regular. That’s some other romance author. The poor thing probably has to sneak away upstairs to write her dirty stories! What would her family think? Thankfully, that’s not Kat!
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OTHER BOOKS BY KAT ADDAMS
DIRTY SOUTH SERIES
Hotty Toddy (Free for newsletter subscribers: https://kataddams.com/free-book)
Grit and Grind
Nashvegas Nights
Mr. Big Ego
Mayday
DTF (DIRTY. TOUGH. FEMALE.) SERIES
On the Rox
Cream-Pied
Whip It Out
Just the Tip
FU (FORKS UNIVERSITY FASHION ACADEMY) SERIES
Sew Basic
Sew Haute
Sew Knotty
PARANORMAL ROMANTIC COMEDY
Ghosted
FOR A COMPLETE LIST OF KAT ADDAMS’S BOOKS, VISIT HTTPS://KATADDAMS.COM
