by M. Robinson
I did just that, I made her come over and over again, and when I thought she couldn’t take it anymore, I made her come again, playing with her clit like she was my musical instrument and I was the conductor. I moved her legs so that they were on my shoulders and her back arched off the bed.
“Fuck… you’re so tight, so fucking wet,” I growled.
I leaned forward to claim her mouth and sucked on her tongue.
“Do it… do it… do it… come on my cock… do it again.”
“Ah!” she yelled.
And with that orgasm, she took me over the edge with her.
“Honey, please don’t do this, please… you’re scaring the children,” Mom pleaded.
“Do you think I give a flying fuck about the kids? Your life is so fucking easy; I give you the best life and what do you give me? Nothing. You give me nothing.”
“Honey—”
He slapped her; he slapped her so hard across the face that she fell to the ground.
Lauren started crying and Alexis followed. I locked eyes with my mom and she looked so broken, so helpless.
“Shut the fuck up! Shut those fucking kids up!”
Her eyes shut, pleading with me. I moved quickly and grabbed Lauren’s hand, picked up Alexis, and then took them into my bedroom, turning on the TV to block out the noise.
I sat Alexis on my bed and Lauren sat next to her.
“Shhh…. girls, stop crying… everything is okay now… stop crying,” I calmly stated. “Look… it’s Sponge Bob! Who lives in a pineapple under the sea,” I sang and they started smiling and laughing. “Come on, it’s your favorite part. Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?”
“Sponge Bob Square Pants,” they sang in unison, clapping their hands together like I showed them.
“Absorbent and yellow and porous is he,” I sang again.
“Sponge Bob Square Pants,” they repeated, singing.
“If nautical nonsense be something you wish.” I laughed at their happy faces, even though, there were fresh tears displayed all over.
“Sponge Bob Square Pants.” they sang, laughing with me.
“Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish.” I made a funny face.
“Sponge Bob Square Pants.” They made funny faces back at me.
“Ready?” I asked.
“Sponge Bob Square Pants, Sponge Bob Square Pants, Sponge Bob Square Pants, Sponge Bob Square Pants,” we all sang.
They giggled and danced around, forgetting everything they had just witnessed.
I wished I could be so lucky.
I gasped, sitting straight up.
“Fuck… Are you okay?” Lola questioned with a frightened look next to me.
“Yeah… fuck, I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“You were shaking and mumbling. You look terrified. Are you sure you’re all right?”
I nodded. “Yes, I just had a bad dream. Go back to sleep. I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?”
I nodded. “I’m positive.”
I went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me and turning on the shower.
I looked in the mirror and the reflection was the same as it was when I was a child.
Broken.
“I love sunsets,” I expressed, looking at the beauty before me, nestled in the crook of Landon’s arm. We had spent the day at the beach, just the two us.
He looked out over the horizon and let me continue.
“It’s like the world stops spinning for just a few seconds and then night takes over. Once the sunrise appears, you have a whole new start to try again. A whole new day to make changes and decisions that could not only affect you, but everyone around you.”
I could feel his eyes on me. “Jesus… baby…”
I smiled, peeking up at him through my lashes. “What?”
“That’s some deep shit. I wish I could take away—”
“Don’t.”
He sighed. “Why? Brooke… why can’t we talk about it?”
I leaned back to pull away from him and he grabbed my arm, keeping me in place.
“There’s nothing to talk about, and even if there was”—I shrugged my shoulders—“what’s the point? It’s not going to miraculously change anything.”
“But maybe it will if you talk to them about it? They are your parents… don’t you think they have a right to know?”
“A right to know?” I repeated aggravated. “You’re joking, right?”
He rolled his eyes and leaned forward; sitting up to gain authority over me I was sure. “No, I’m not. I’m dead serious. You keeping it bottled up inside is doing you harm. You’ve changed so much over the last two years. I barely recognize you anymore. You’re about to graduate from high school and what? Huh? You’re just going to keep going on the path you are right now? Being this girl that no one can get close to? Especially me… I love you, Brooke. I love you so much, and the fucked up part is that I know you love me, too! I can see it every time we’re alone. Every time we make love, every time you let your guard down for just one goddamn minute, I see the Brooke you used to be. I want that girl back.”
I shook my head, not breaking our locked eyes. “Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to live in that house? To see that my parents look so fucking in love, it’s nauseating! To know that when my father tells us he has something to do, he’s probably going to his mistress’ house, to see his other children… my siblings that I’ve never even heard of. You have no fucking idea and you have no right to judge me,” I revealed, immediately regretting my words.
“Brooke…”
“No! I don’t want to hear it. You have no idea and it’s so much easier to throw stones. It doesn’t matter what I say or do because my mom is fine with it, Landon. How fucked up is that? I wanted more than anything in this world to be like them, and now when I look at them… when I look at love, in general, it’s all fucked up and jaded and I want no part of it. I care about you, Landon, I do. But I don’t love you. I’m sorry…”
“You’re lying, to me and to yourself. You lie to everyone.”
“What more do I have to do? Huh? Do I need to go fuck someone else to prove to you that I don’t love you?”
His eyes widened.
“You have been an amazing friend to me and I love the time we spend together. I love what we have and I love you as a person, but I’m not in love with you. Why can’t you understand that?”
“I can’t do this anymore,” he replied, catching me off guard.
“You don’t mean that.”
“I mean that more than anything. I can’t play this game with you anymore. I can’t be with you and not really with you. It’s not fair to me. This ends, right now.”
I lowered my eyebrows. “What?” I whispered, trying to comprehend what he was saying to me.
“If you can’t tell me you love me, Brooke, if you can’t give me any hope that this is going somewhere, that we’re going somewhere, then this is done. I can’t keep doing this with you. I’m done.”
I laughed. “So you’re giving me an ultimatum?”
He shook his head. “Call it whatever you want. I don’t care.”
“Just go,” I breathed out.
He jerked back, surprised. “Really? Just like that?”
I nodded not looking at him.
“No, baby.”
That made me look at him.
“If you’re going to do this, then you’re going to have to look at me and tell me that you don’t love me and that this is over. I want you to be of sound mind and body, acknowledging that this is your doing… not mine, so when you look back on it, you will know that you lost me… not the other way around,” he stated with torn emotion and sincerity.
I pulled the hair away from my face, wanting nothing more than to pull it the fuck out and run away from this situation. Run away from the man standing before me. As much as I wanted to tell him not to leave… I couldn’t. I couldn’t give him my heart because it
no longer belonged to me. I left it on the floor by my parents’ bedroom door when it shattered and I never went back to pick up the pieces.
I looked straight into his eyes and told the only man that ever truly loved me that I didn’t love him back, that what we shared and I held so dearly to my heart, didn’t matter and didn’t mean anything.
I didn’t hesitate.
I didn’t cry.
I didn’t show any emotion.
And right there before my very own eyes, I watched his heart shred into a million pieces…
Just as mine had two years before.
Two years went by in a breeze. I blinked and I was twenty-eight. As much as I didn’t want to own the bar at first, it turned out to be the best decision that I had ever made. Not only was it profitable, but also fun. I got to live a life most men would dream of. I partied, I slept around, and I became successful overnight. My bar was named one of the hottest party spots on South Beach and I didn’t even have to try. It was simple.
I was good looking, and I had a staff that was good looking as well. Being attractive got you somewhere in this city. I experimented with drugs and drank like nobody’s business. I took care of my family and they never had to worry about a thing. My mom was barely working part time; I loved the fact that I could take care of her and she was finally able to enjoy her life.
She started dating this guy, Scott, who owned a mechanic shop. I approved and so did my sisters, who also seemed to be tied down by someone, but I approved of them as well. All was right with the world, so to speak.
The nightmares never went away and I was sleeping between three to five hours a night if I was lucky. I was contemplating going back to my therapist, but as soon as I remembered how much I hated it, I decided to just deal with the dreams on my own. Just like I always had.
My mom was still on my ass about meeting a nice girl and settling down, and I couldn’t blame her. Seeing my sisters and her happy did settle my overthinking mind and heart. They were happy and I wanted them to be. They deserved it. I’m not saying that I didn’t, but I had other priorities I needed to take care of and it didn’t involve women in the sense of a relationship.
“Hey,” Liv greeted, catching me off guard in my office.
“Hey, Livvy” I replied with a kiss on her cheek. “What brings you here?” I asked, leaning back in my chair as she took a seat in one of the wingback chairs.
“I’m pregnant,” she blurted and I almost choked on my saliva. “I know what you’re going to say. I’m not going to quit school and I already talked to mom and she is going to help me with the baby. But John and I love each other and he’s asked me to marry him. I know what you’re thinking, Devon, but please don’t worry. His parents know and they’re being really supportive; everyone is going to help until we finish school. We’ve already looked into upgrading our apartment into a two bedroom for the baby and it’s not that much more expensive. He is going to move in and help me with expenses and I’ll get a job. But, please… please don’t be mad or disappointed with me. I couldn’t take it if you were.”
My mind was racing with thoughts and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. “Fuck… Liv… how could you—” I stopped when I saw tears pool in her eyes. I took a deep breath and leaned forward, placing my arms on my desk. “I’m not going to yell at you.”
“Okay…” she wallowed. “I really want you to walk me down the aisle, Devon; you’re the only dad I’ve ever had and it would kill me to know that you didn’t support this. Please don’t be upset with me. John wanted to come and ask you for my hand in marriage—he already asked mom—but we thought that you might kill him if he told you, so mom suggested that I come and tell you myself. But, please… don’t be mad at him. We were being careful, I swear, but nothing is one hundred percent effective.” Tears slid down her face, exactly how they did when she was a kid.
It immediately brought back memories of my father and I wanted to brush the streaks of tears away just like I had when she was little.
“Liv, I’m not mad, I’m… I’m shocked. I didn’t want this for you,” I explained.
“But I’m happy; I’m really happy, and I know we’re young, but Mom and Dad were—” She stopped, and I’m sure it was because she caught my facial expression. “I mean… we love each other and it will be okay; everything will be perfect.”
I nodded, trying to hold back my emotions and temper. “You’re not working. I’ll continue to pay for your personal stuff and you’re not dropping out of school, do you understand me?”
She vigorously nodded, smiling.
“I don’t care if we need to get a nanny to help you out, but school comes first. And I cannot guarantee that I’m not going to kick John’s ass for knocking you up.”
She giggled.
“And I would be honored to walk you down the aisle. I’ll pay for the wedding. You’ll have the wedding of your dreams… you’re not going to the courthouse.”
“Devon you don’t—”
“That’s my nephew or niece in there, Liv. I can’t have them not have the best. We can throw you a nice baby shower here at the bar. I can close it down for your friends.”
“Oh my God, Devon!” she shouted, getting up and jumping in my lap with her arms tightly around my neck. “I love you so much, thank you.”
I hugged her back with the same enthusiasm and silently prayed that I was doing the right thing.
One thing was for sure…
She wasn’t the baby anymore.
But I would still always protect her.
“Congratulations, graduates,” the principal announced on the microphone. We all threw our caps in the air; it was official, I was a high school graduate.
I had been accepted into UM and decided I wanted to stay in the city. Miami was home to me and I didn’t want to go anywhere else. I looked up at the stands to where my parents and sisters were sitting and there was no sign of him. Not that I expected him to be there. We hadn’t spoken for several weeks, not since the beach.
“Are you ready for a night of debauchery, my lady?” Christine chimed in.
I smiled, laughing. “But of course.”
“What time are your parents leaving the house?” she asked as we walked away from our families and to my car. I had picked her up that morning; we had to be at the ceremony earlier than the arriving guests to rehearse though I didn’t understand why. You stood when they called your name, received your diploma, and threw your cap in the air. The end.
“They’re going to make sure that the caterers and party planners have set everything up and then they are out.”
“Where are they going again?”
“I think just somewhere in Fort Lauderdale. They want to stay close, just in case,” I said, pulling out of the parking spot.
“I still can’t believe they are letting you throw a party without them being home. That’s fucking awesome; my parents don’t trust me to make dinner.”
“That’s because you almost burnt your house down.”
“Oh my God, that only happened like two times.”
I shook my head. “Have you talked to your brother?”
“Yeah… he said he couldn’t make it to graduation because he had to talk to his professor about his summer internship or some shit like that.”
I nodded.
“Or maybe… it was because he didn’t want to see your heartless ass since you dumped him.”
I looked over at her, concerned.
“What? I know chicks before dicks and all that… but still… you know you broke his heart.”
“I know.”
“You’re such a bitch. I don’t know why I’m friends with you.”
I pouted.
“Oh yeah… it’s because I love-ed you. I totes forgot.”
I rolled my eyes, laughing.
“Maybe he will come to your party?”
“I doubt it. I’ve tried to call him a few times and it always goes to voicemail.”
“Have you left one?�
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“No.”
“Then how is he supposed to know to call back if you don’t leave a message?”
“I’ve texted him, too.”
“Maybe he’s dyslexic and can’t read text messages? What? It could happen. You should just show up at his apartment, naked.”
“I’m not going to do that,” I replied.
“Why not? I have seen you naked and you have an amazing body; I’m sure he will appreciate it. Men love naked girls, Cosmo says so.”
I laughed again. “Can you be serious for five seconds?”
“I just want you and my brother to get back together… please…”
“Christine, we were never together.”
“Right, and Lance Armstrong didn’t land on the moon.”
“He didn’t… that was Neil Armstrong.”
She cocked her head to the side. “Oh yeah… Lance is the guy with no balls. Can you imagine not having balls? Can you still come with no balls?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Can you still get hard?”
I shook my head. “Why are we talking about this?” I questioned, confused. This was our friendship, random.
“Because you’re a heartless motherfucker who won’t take my brother’s cock back.”
“Christine…”
She smiled and patted my head. “I’m just playing.”
The night proceeded without a hitch. Everyone was having a great time except for me; I couldn’t stop thinking about Landon.
The party was winding down and the caterers needed to be paid.
“I’m sorry, I can’t find the check that my mom left me. Can you give me a few minutes? I’ll go try to find my dad’s checkbook.”
They nodded so I went into my dad’s office, rummaging around his desk and paperwork to no avail. I looked everywhere and couldn’t find it. I was about to call him when I remembered the safe he had hidden behind the Picasso painting. After several attempts of unlocking it, I guessed the code. It was my parents’ wedding anniversary.
How quaint…
I opened it, and found the checks right on top. When I pulled them out, there was metallic lettering that caught my eye. I grabbed it; it was a business card. I had never seen it before. It was black with silver lettering on it; it read VIP. I flipped it over; there was a phone number and address, and nothing else.
