by Rachel Leigh
“Amazing?” I finish the sentence for her. “It definitely was.”
Biting her cheek, she smirks. “I was going to say unexpected, but amazing works, too.”
“You've got a little kink in ya.” I tap the tip of her nose. “I like it.”
Her cheeks flush and it’s cute as hell.
Once I get myself all cleaned up with my towel, I grab hers and toss them in the corner of the room. “I’ll go find some new bedding for you.” I lean forward and kiss her lips ever so gently. To my surprise, she kisses me back. I’m not sure why it surprises me, but it does.
Once I come back up, I give her one last look, before walking away. When I reach the door, she stops me. “Lars.”
I turn around. “Yeah?”
“Nothing’s changed. You know that, right?”
A prick in my chest has me feeling lightheaded. Instead of responding, I just leave the room. She needs more time. I get it. I fucked her up three months ago and it’s gonna take more than a couple days and some kind gestures to gain her trust. But I will. In time. She brought light into my life and I refuse to let that flame burn out so fast.
I dropped some clean sheets on the bed while Willa was in the bathroom, and decided to give her some space. When I lie down in bed, I stare up at the ceiling and thoughts of her continue to circle through my mind.
She’s got a hold on me. I’m falling while she’s flying away.
16
My eyes flutter open to the sound of something, or someone rather, mauling at the bedroom door. “Willa, get up. Our appointment is in two hours and it’s a long drive.”
Stretching my arms over my head, I let out a yawn. “What time is it?”
“It’s time to get up. Let’s go.”
In a fit, I tear the blankets off of me. It felt like I didn’t get any sleep last night. Although my eyes shut as soon as my head hit the pillow. That bed is so comfortable, I could probably sleep my life away in it. It’s nothing compared to the five-inch mattress on my twin-size bed at home.
“Are you up?” Lars knocks again.
Raising my voice with each word, I shout, “I’m up. Stop banging on the door.” I’m not a morning person, and I’m pretty sure I just made that obvious.
Digging my fingers into my eyeballs, I adjust to the light before I grab Marni’s clothes off the dresser. Black leggings and a purple and black Ravens hoodie. I may have decided to borrow just a couple of things. I wouldn't want to embarrass Lars by going to an appointment with him in a pair of pink pajama pants and a T-shirt.
This appointment is so stupid. Lars knows I’m pregnant; yet, he’s making me take a test. He mentioned that I’ll get some prenatal blood work and a script for some vitamins, too, which I suppose is a good thing. I’m glad that he worked all that out because I didn’t have any intention of seeing a doctor until I was settled in New York.
After I brush my teeth and run a comb through my hair, I head downstairs.
The smell of toast has my mouth watering as I make a beeline for the kitchen. “Mmm, are you cooking?” I hover over Lars while he butters some toast on a napkin.
"Hey, I’ve got a question?” he says, as he folds a napkin around the toast. “Last night, you said nothing has changed. Do you still mean it?"
"Lars, please don't do this. I don't know how many times I have to tell you that it has to be this way." I feel like a broken record. There is a huge part of me that wants to believe that Lars could be the person I used to think he was, but the memory of unfortunate events he caused are still etched in my heart.
He turns his whole body toward me, like he’s been waiting for me to come down here just so he could talk about this. Was he thinking about it all morning? All night?
"I just don't get it, Willa. I was pretty sure all through high school that you had a crush on me and I know that I made some mistakes, but aren't those feelings still in there somewhere?"
Yes. They are. "No." I lie. They are in there, but they've been shoved into the back of the closet and filled with new feelings, such as shame and regret. "When I say that this is for the best, I don't just say it for me and the baby. I'm saying it for you, too. You don't want this life."
Lars snatches up the toast and some bottled waters and begins walking toward the door and it feels as if he’s taking a part of me with him. I hate that he still has this effect on me. Even after everything, I’m still so inarguably drawn to him.
“Hurry up, we gotta go,” he says with anger in his words as he pulls the door open to the garage. I sure hope that he drops this attitude quickly because the last thing I want is an hour long ride with a grumpy-ass.
“I’m coming.” I huff with each step. “Geez, couldn’t you have made this appointment in the afternoon?”
“Get used to it, sweetheart. You think babies care if you wanna sleep in?”
He has a point, but still, I find a way to argue it. Snubbing my nose in the air, I smirk. “She’ll be on my schedule.”
“Keep dreaming. Newborns don’t follow a schedule. They wake when they wanna wake, eat when they wanna eat, and shit all day long.” Instead of going to his car that’s parked in one of Anderson’s spaces in the ten-stall garage, he goes to an SUV.
“What are you doing?”
“We can’t take my car. It’s too well-known around here and you can’t be seen.”
He has another good point.
“Isn’t this like grand theft auto or something?”
Keys clank as they dangle from his hand and he seems to have lightened his mood. “Not when you have these.” He pulls open the passenger door and I slide in.
"I'm going to hell." I fuss. "Straight to hell."
"Save me a seat, cuz I'm going with you," Lars says before he closes the door and rounds the SUV to the driver’s side. I'm immediately engulfed in the new car scent and the smell of crisp leather. Lars is accustomed to fancy cars and valuable possessions, but I’m sure not.
“I’m sorry,” I say out of nowhere. “I’m sorry that I came along and shook things up for you.” Regardless of what Lars did to me, I have a guilty conscience of my own. I’m not as innocent as he thinks I am and the least I can give him is an apology to help ease the weight on my heart. Even if he doesn’t know what the apology is for.
“I’m sorry, too.”
There’s an awkward silence between us and the windows begin fogging up because I’m pretty sure I’m inhaling and exhaling three times the normal breaths.
Taking a bite of my toast, I speak with a full mouth to try and break the ice. “So, how do you know so much about babies?”
“I’ve been doing some reading. And I had a baby brother who cried and woke me up all hours of the night and bright and early in the morning.” He quickly changes the subject. “Take a nap and get comfortable, it’s about an hour and a half away.”
When he said he’d take me somewhere that no one would recognize me, he wasn’t kidding.
Once I finish my toast and wash it down with some water, I rest my cheek in my palm and stare out the window. If someone had told me a year ago that this is what I’d be doing my senior year of high school, I would have picked them up and carried them to church. As much as I hate the pastor, I sure do miss my church family. They’re the only real family I have.
Placing a hand on my stomach, I get this warm and fuzzy feeling that ripples through me. Unexpected and totally new. It’s this anxious, excited, butterfly feeling. I have a new family now. My baby and I are going to be the best of friends and I’m going to be the best mommy in the world to him or her. I smile as I stare out the window. I may have lost a lot, had a lot stolen from me, but now I have something that is all mine and no one can take it away.
“What’cha thinking about?” Lars asks. I lift my head with a big smile, but it wears away immediately when I remember what I’m doing to him. Taking his money and running, leaving him with a lifetime of what-ifs.
Pulling out a lie, I rest my head back down. “Just thinking of wh
at themes I want for the baby’s room.”
“Oh yeah? And what have you come up with? If it’s not Baby Yoda, I don’t wanna know about it.”
“It’s not Baby Yoda, so I won’t bother telling you.”
“Humor me with a second choice.”
“Bumblebees?” I say it like it’s a question. I’m not sure why; it’s not like I’m seeking his approval.
“No.” He shakes his head. “Monkeys, maybe.” He clicks his tongue on the roof of his mouth and tilts his head. “Sloths, possibly. But bumblebees are scary as hell. Got stung by one as a kid and I’ve hated them ever since.”
“Duly noted.” I chuckle. “Bumblebees are out.”
Who is this guy and what did he do with Lars Titan? And why in the world am I squeezing my thighs together and wanting him to slide his hand between them?
Pulling out my phone, I turn it on and double check that the location is still off. I ignore all the missed calls and messages and begin playing Pet Rescue Saga to try and calm myself down.
My phone begins vibrating and a text comes through. Only, it’s an unknown number, but just the brief glimpse of it assures me that it’s not Rick or Mom.
“Who’s that?” Lars asks, as he peers over and tries to steal a glance at my phone.
“Just Rick again.” I lie.
Opening the full length of the text, I begin reading it.
Unknown: Hi Willa. I know I’m the last person you probably expect to text you, but I think we need to talk. Don’t fall for Lars’ lies. He’s fed them to me, too. Buttered me up and made me think that he wanted a future with me. In the end, it was all a game that he was playing with his friends. Can you meet me Saturday night so I can fill you in? I think we can help each other.
I immediately send a reply to the unknown person.
Me: Who is this?
Unknown: Madison Bishop. Lars’ stepsister.
My heart drops deep into the pit of my stomach, taking a seat next to the baby. Nausea ensues and I’m not sure how to react. I don’t know if she’s lying to me or if I really should hear her out. She must know I’m in town still. Why else would she think I could meet up with her?
Me: Ok. Meet me at the power lines and please don’t tell anyone I’m coming.
Unknown: I’ll be there. I won’t tell a soul. You can trust me <3
Clearing the messages immediately, I look at Lars who’s side-eyeing me. “Who was that?” he asks again.
“Trent. Told him I moved.” I lie again.
“What’s he want from you?”
“Just wondering why I wasn’t in class today. No big deal.”
“You know he’s got a crush on you, right?”
“Yeah, I know. But I don’t have the same feelings for him.”
“How do you know he likes you? Do you two hang out often?”
I can’t help but think that he’s just the slightest bit jealous and I sort of like it. “A few times.”
“You fuck him?”
My hand slaps his shoulder. “Oh my God, Lars. No!”
“Why is that such a ridiculous question? People fuck. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. You fucked me last night,” he says it so nonchalantly, like we’re discussing a birthday present or something.
“Sex is nice and all, but it’s not really something I care to discuss.” I can feel my cheeks flush with heat and I turn back toward the window before he notices it and points it out. Because that’s totally something he would do.
“So, you didn’t fuck him. Did you kiss him?”
Pinching my eyes shut, I try to ignore the questions. Because, yes, I did kiss Trent once. But Lars doesn’t need to know that. It was just a kiss.
“Well. Did ya?”
“Yes.” I spit out and clap my hands to my legs. “Yes, I kissed him once.”
When he looks at me, it feels like he’s suddenly lost all respect for me. Like the sweet, quiet girl has no life. I didn’t actually have much of a life, but Trent and I kissed a week before school started back up and I found out I was pregnant. We weren’t together, but I’d given up on Lars and was ready to try dating someone in hopes of finding some sort of happiness. I’d never had a boyfriend before and Trent was sweet. He was also clingy, whiny, and needy, but he was nice to me.
Then Lars joined drama class and as much as I hated him then, any possibility of Trent and I being together quickly diminished. My heart was suddenly Lars’ again. I didn’t know it at the time, and I’m still fighting it, but it’s true. He has it and he probably always will.
“How was it?” He eggs me on, not letting this go.
Biting back a smile, I avoid looking at him. “I’m done talking about this.”
The rest of the ride is quiet as I stare out the window, lost in thought. My mind wanders everywhere from Mom leaving to the scars Rick left behind, all the way to leaving Lars and going to New York. The idea of never seeing him again punches at my gut.
Lars maneuvers the ginormous SUV between two closely parked cars then shifts the vehicle into park. “Ready for this?”
I stuff my phone into the front pocket of the hoodie I’m wearing and unbuckle my seatbelt. “Yep. Time to prove you wrong.”
“Me wanting this doesn’t mean that I think you’re lying. It’s just a lot of money to hand over when a stick test could have been wrong.“
“Doesn’t matter. We’re here now so let’s do it. It’s no big deal.” I open the door and step outside before he does. Sticking my hands in my pocket, I meet him in front of the vehicle. It feels so strange being out in public like this with Lars. People pass by us and don’t even question his reasoning for being with me.
Do they think I’m his girlfriend? Sister maybe? No one knows me or my past, and it’s refreshing to hold my head high without judgment. No one knows about the video, my social status, my lack of friends, or even my Christianity.
When we go inside, Lars checks us in, and I feel like a child having him handle the appointment for me. Then again, he’s the one who demanded it, so he should be the one putting forth the effort.
After we’re checked in, Lars shuffles through an old magazine and it’s pretty much what you’d expect to see in a movie. Teenage girl and teenage boy sitting at a health clinic two hours away, waiting to get a pregnancy test. I sit with my hands in my lap, twiddling my thumbs and tapping my foot on the two-toned plank floor. There is one lady, sitting across from me, with her hand on her bulging stomach. She has to be at least seven or eight months pregnant. She looks worn out and in dire need of a nap as her toddler-aged son drives a truck across her tennis shoes.
He makes a car sound as he goes across, then back. “Vroom. Vroom. Vroom.”
Lars looks at me with a grin. “You ready for that?” His eyes shuffle to the boy.
Biting my lip, I snicker, “Ready or not.”
“Willa?” The nurse calls from the open door. She’s wearing a pair of black scrubs and her top has bumblebees on it. I look at Lars and suppress a laugh. When he smiles back, I know that he read my mind. “How are you two doing today?” she asks, ever so sweetly.
“Wonderful. Thank you.” I follow behind her and Lars follows behind me. I jump when he pokes a finger into my side and makes a buzzing sound. Swatting behind me, as I continue to walk, I miss him. When I glance over my shoulder, his hands are in his pockets and my heart doubles in size.
Being in this situation feels far too intimate for us. What if they have me undress for a pap smear? My heart begins to beat rapidly, hammering against my breastbone. What if they do a breast exam? Suddenly, this isn’t feeling like no big deal.
The nurse gestures Lars into an open room and takes me around the corner to get my weight and vitals. “Step on.”
Once my weight is checked, she cuffs my arm and sticks a pulse ox on my finger. “Blood pressure is slightly low but that’s pretty normal. Pulse is great. Now, before we re-enter the room, I have to ask, have you been a victim of sexual abuse?”
My eyes widen an
d my heart pretty much stops. I sure am glad she checked my blood pressure and pulse before asking this question. “No.” I lie.
“And what about domestic abuse?”
“No.” I lie, again.
“Great. Follow me to the bathroom and I’ll need you to pee in this cup. Once you’re done, please head back to the room and I’ll join you shortly.”
“There won’t be any exams will there?”
“Nope. Just the test and if it’s positive, we’ll do a quick blood draw in the lab and then you’ll be done.” She points to the bathroom.
“Thank you.”
I do my business, scribble my name on the cup and stick it in the cute little door in the bathroom then head to the room.
Lars is slouched back in a chair with his legs spread and his face in his phone. I’m pretty sure he didn’t even hear me come in until my shoes squeak against the floor. His head lifts. “All good?”
I hop on the bed, wrinkling the paper underneath my butt. “Now we wait.”
The room is full of posters in front of a giant rainbow painted on the wall. One talks about the different trimesters, another talks about safe sleeping for the baby, there's one with the different types of STDs, and a domestic violence helpline number.
I almost called one of those numbers once. Sometimes, I wish I had.
The door opens and the nurse steps inside, shutting it behind her. “Your test confirms that you are in fact pregnant. Congratulations.”
I’m tempted to stick my tongue out at Lars, but I refrain from the childish act.
“Here is a lab slip.” She hands me a piece of paper. “The lab is through the main entrance at the end of a hallway. We’ll call the number on file when the results are ready. Where would you like the prescription for your vitamins called in?”
Without even lifting his head from his phone, Lars answers, “Wherever’s closest.”
The nurse scribbles something on a piece of paper then hands it to me. “This is the address for the nearest pharmacy. Give them about twenty-minutes. Congrats, again,” she says before leaving.
Once she’s out the door, I do it. Crinkling my nose, I stick my tongue out at him. Call me childish, but he deserves it.
