by Rachel Leigh
"What the actual fuck," I spit out. It's all I can say. I'm speechless. I feel like I was just slapped in the face with a gust of wind. A tornado swirls around inside my head while I try to grasp any sort of thought or reaction. "Did you and Josh—” I can’t even say it. I shift into drive and peel out on the paved road. The tires spin relentlessly until they gain traction and a trail of smoke spits up behind us. Whipping the SUV around, I do a U-turn in the middle of the road.
"Lars, she's lying. I swear to God, she's lying." She cries out. “She’s grasping for straws because her brother is missing. I hardly even knew Josh.”
"What was all this for? Money? You wanted my money so you could leave town and raise your and Josh's baby?"
"It's not Josh's baby." She screams so loud that it echoes through my brain. Rattling shit up that was just starting to settle.
I need to get the fuck out of this vehicle. I feel like I’m suffocating in here. Willa and Josh? No fucking way. Vi has to be making this shit up. Like Willa said, she’s grasping at straws. I should believe Willa over her. Willa has no reason to lie to me. Vi, on the other hand, is grieving the loss of her brother and hoping he’s out there somewhere, alive. She has no idea that he’s dead.
It’s apparent in her behavior lately that Vi is having a hard time dealing with her brother’s disappearance. She’s done a one-eighty from a quiet girl to this goth chick who dyed her hair black and pierced her face.
Pulling down the two-track, I stop and shift into park then jump out and slam the door shut.
It’s not long before Willa’s door opens and closes. Dirt kicks up from my feet as I pace back and forth on the side of the SUV. “Lars, don’t listen to her. She’s not thinking clearly. Yes, she bought me the test. Yes, we sat together at lunch and we’ve talked, but I’ve never once even mentioned her brother during that time and neither did she. She probably just assumes because of the timing.”
I throw my arms in the air. “Well, the whole world knows you're pregnant now, so I'm sure they’ll be doing the math and making other guesses soon.”
“Ok.” Her shoulders shrug. “Let them. It doesn’t matter because I’m leaving.”
I wasn’t planning to tell Willa about the paternity test, but it’s already done so no matter what the result is, I’ll know soon. “The truth will come out. Don’t you worry about that,” I say, before pulling the handle of the door and getting back in.
Her body slides between the door and the seat, stopping me from closing it. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that in about forty-eight hours, I’ll know for sure if it’s my baby. That blood draw you did was also a paternity test.”
With pinched eyebrows, she takes a step back. “No?” she says the word like it’s a question. “It was just early pregnancy blood work.”
“That’s what I told you. In case you’ve forgotten, my family has pull. One call and a stack of cash and our DNA was ran.”
“You can’t do that. That’s illegal. You wouldn't do that.” Her head shakes like not believing it might make it true.
“You obviously don’t know me at all, Willa. Now get in, unless you wanna walk.”
Three seconds later, she’s back inside, and we continue to drive in complete silence. Willa stares out the window while I keep my eyes on the road.
"It's not your baby.”
I look over and question what she just said. “What?”
“It’s not Josh’s. But it’s not yours either.”
Not mine?
It's not my baby?
She doesn’t even look at me. She’s too much of a coward. She didn’t grow a backbone. She just learned how to manipulate.
I should feel a sense of relief. I should be happy. So why do I feel like I was just kicked in the stomach? Like I just lost something that wasn't mine to begin with. Why do I feel like Colby is dying all over again?
At least I feel. It's a start.
I don’t even raise my voice. "It was all a lie? All of it. Just a lie. Who the hell are you?”
“Who am I?” she shouts. “I’m the remnants of a winning bet. That’s who I am.” She continues, raising her voice with each word, “I’m the girl who was a stepping stool for everyone at Redwood High. The girl in the back row of the choir who was only up there to begin with because her stepdad was the boss.” She stops shouting and looks back out the window. “I’m the girl who was called a slut because a video of my most vulnerable moment in existence went viral. Once I saw how you treated Trent in class, I knew exactly what I had to do. ”
I catch a glimpse of her out of the corner of my eye and watch as a stray tear slides down her cheek. Don't let it fool you, she's just as bad as you are, Lars.
We pull up to Anderson's house and I’m still at a rolling stop when Willa jumps out of the SUV. She slams the door shut and runs toward the house. I sit there watching her, wondering how I ever fell for her bullshit sob story. My right foot digs into the brake so hard that I can feel it grind against the floorboard. I’m such an idiot.
Leaving this house today, I thought I was having a baby with a girl that I was pretty sure I could fall in love with if I was given the chance. I was planning to take her to a baby boutique in the city today. Wanted to buy her a car and fill it up with everything she needed for the baby. Once I got the results, I was gonna go finalize everything at the bank and set up an account for her that I could transfer money into when she needed it. I was prepared to take care of them, forever.
Now we're back and I've lost the baby, and I've lost Willa.
My palms slam on the steering wheel. "Fuck!" I shout. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." Slamming the gear into reverse, I back up and then pull forward into the garage, parking the SUV, just as it was before I took it.
My feet hit the pavement of the garage and I go inside with a heavy heart and an unclear head. As soon as the door shuts, I hear her. Whimpering, sniffling, and panting from the next room over. With light steps, I creep into the living room where Willa is sitting with her knees to her chest and her arms hugging her legs. She rocks slowly back and forth while she sobs with her forehead pressed to her knees.
Weightlessly, in an attempt not to startle her, I walk over to her. She doesn’t lift her head, but she knows I’m here.
“The night the video surfaced, Rick raped me.”
What did she just say?
I freeze. Unable to move. My heart drops deep into the pit of my stomach and I’m not sure that it’s coming back up. I don’t say anything. Wouldn’t even know what to say.
“Every chance he got, he’d physically and verbally abuse me because of it.” Her head lifts and her waterlogged eyes look back at me. “It’s Rick’s baby.”
Drawing in a deep, yet unsatisfying breath, I close my eyes. “Shit,” I mutter under my breath.
“Yeah. Shit is right. Now do you understand why I need to leave?”
Pressing my fingertips into my eyeballs, I rub aggressively as I try to comprehend what the hell I just heard. “He fucking raped you?” I deadpan.
She nods her head as tears slide onto the white sofa.
“He fucking raped you?” I say again, only louder. “Fuck.” I scream.
My body turns around and I have no control over my feet as they take me out the door to the garage where my car is parked. My mind is in a constant state of fog.
“Lars. Stop!” Willa yells as she chases after me. “Stop! Don’t do anything stupid. You’ll make it worse. Please, I’m begging you.” She sobs uncontrollably. The rest of it’s a haze. I have no idea what she’s saying as I get in the car, her words become muffled and strained. As soon as the garage opens up, I pull out, and this time, I’m out for blood.
What I once looked at as a home full of love, stands there as a broken house with rusted gutters, a cracked window, and cement slab steps that lead to walls full of secrets, lies, and abuse. Pastor Jeffries’ white pickup truck sits out front, so I know he’s here.
Ripping open the metal scre
en door, I turn the handle to the main door and push it open. His back is to me as he sits in a recliner with a newspaper stretched out in front of him.
Snapping his head around, he stands up, letting the paper fall to the ground. Long strides on both our parts bring us face to face. “I thought I told you to—”
One punch. Straight to his fucking nose.
“You raped her, you son of a bitch. You hit her and you raped her.”
His hands cup his face and his eyes widen in fear. “Lars, let’s talk about this.”
Another punch. Same spot. Only this time, I hear a satisfying crack.
“I’m calling the—”
Curling my arm, I drive an uppercut into his stomach, feeling the bone of his rib against my knuckle. He balls over and drops to his knees and I use it to my advantage. Giving his head a push, I knock him down onto his back.
His cries ring louder as I kick him repeatedly in the head. One kick after another, assaulting his face with the toe of my boot. “You sick motherfucker,” I scream at the top of my lungs. “Even God can’t save you from what I’m about to do to you.” I lose complete control of my mind and body. Adrenaline takes over and my leg lifts, ready to stomp on his face and end this madness once and for all. Squishing his face so hard that his brains squirt out of his eyes. He’ll never be able to touch her again.
But a hand hits my shoulder. My body stiffens. Thoughts of a life in prison for attempted murder run rampant through my mind. Is it worth it? Yes. If it meant that Willa would be safe from this sick fuck forever. I turn, expecting to see a police officer, but instead, I see Zed standing there.
“No more. I have plans for him,” he says with a calm and collected voice. It’s almost like I’m looking at Zed from a year ago. A guy who was still an asshole, but someone I called a friend. I haven’t seen this version of him in a while. Didn’t think I’d see him ever again.
“You don’t understand.”
“I understand more than you think. If you want this to end, go to Talon’s and lay low for the next forty-eight hours. Make some calls and help Talon invite everyone to his annual Ring in Christmas Break party.”
Looking like him, like he’s the complete dumbass that he is, I disagree. “We’re not having a fucking party with all this shit going on.”
“Yes, we are,” he says sternly. “We need to carry on as usual. If we don’t have the party, it could raise suspicion.” He turns around and walks toward the door. “Come on, let's get the hell out of here before someone calls the cops.”
In a state of confusion, I walk with him, but give Pastor Jeffries one last look. He’s conscious now. His eyes look back at me and it takes all my willpower not to go back and end him. The screen door slams shut behind us and everything feels so surreal.
“That bitch of a sister of yours is stirring trouble. You ready to get your revenge and silence her once and for all?”
“Madison is a big inconvenience right now, but she’s the least of my concerns. What do you have planned?”
“I’m handling things.”
Leaning away, I look at him. “What do you mean you’re handling things?” Zed is like a fucking reaper who holds all our secrets and watches from afar. He’s constantly plotting and planning and comes out of nowhere. He never handles anything lightly and with Willa involved, questions will be asked.
Without a clue what he has up his sleeve, I nod in agreement. Madison is the least of my concerns right now, but she is a problem. “Stay away from Willa,” I tell him with stern eyes and my fists at my side.
“Willa will be fine. You gotta trust me on this one.” Stopping at my car, his body shifts to face me. “We good?” He holds up a fist.
I’m hesitant to trust Zed with my lunch money, let alone information that could destroy my life, but I knock my knuckles to his. “Yeah, we’re good.” I sure as fuck hope I don’t live to regret this. I feel like I just made a deal with the devil. But what else could I possibly lose?
19
It’s been twenty-four hours since my life unraveled. I haven’t left this bed. I’ve just wanted to sleep it all away before I completely fall apart. The possibility that Mom heard the local news has crossed my mind. Thought maybe she’d return to Redwood in a panic and try and find me. She hasn’t even tried to call, meaning she didn’t hear or she doesn’t care.
People will tell you that they have your back in good times and bad, but I’ve learned that people will drop me faster than they pick me up. No one cares. Not mom. Not Vi. Especially not Lars.
The entire town is probably rallying around Rick right now while he feeds them a sob story and plays the loving stepdad. Days and nights will pass by and no one will ever know who he really is. He’ll take the bullets thrown at everyone, tell them God is their shield, but they’ll never know he’s the one who's been holding the gun the entire time.
It doesn’t matter. I can handle the demons in my head as long as I never have to see Rick again.
Lars hasn’t even called. I’m pretty sure he’s given up on me, and why wouldn’t he? I’ve been lying to him. I was furious with Lars for so long. If it weren’t for what he did to me, Rick may have never started lashing out and staking claim in my body. This was the perfect plan to give Lars a taste of his own medicine while getting the money I needed to leave. The thing with perfect plans is, they usually fall completely apart before they come together.
Holding down the power button, I turn my phone back on. Mentally prepared for what’s waiting for me, but also prepared to ignore it all. I’m sure the entire town is talking. Some worried. Some making their own assumptions, much like Vi did. Ugh, Vi! I’m so angry with her. I cannot believe she did this. Everything was going perfectly until she made that comment on national television. I’m not sure if she’s upset because I haven’t returned her calls, or if she truly thinks that I’m off somewhere with her brother.
Maybe it was Vi who has been stalking me. It would make sense because she knew about the pregnancy. Maybe she really does think I know where her brother is and she’s been trying to get me to break.
Regardless, I’ve spent my entire life ignoring snide remarks from others; I have no problem doing it now. The one and only person whose opinion matters to me probably hates my guts now.
Unfortunately, he’s probably going to hate me more after what I’m about to do.
Me: Can you still meet tonight?
Madison said she thinks we could help each other. For whatever reason, she has a vendetta against Lars and she’s my only shot at getting him to give me the money so I can leave. There’s a good chance that after the news interview, she’s changed her mind, and if that’s the case, I’m royally screwed. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Even if I’m doubting what I’m about to do, I have to try and get some leverage over Lars so I can take back the upper hand.
Madison: Yes, one hour. It will be dark by then. And Willa, it’s all going to be ok.
My back drops back into bed and I breathe a sigh of relief.
One hour until my future is decided.
The minutes feel like hours as I drive through town. I’m well-hidden and wearing a pair of black sweatpants and a black sweatshirt with the hood pulled up so I know that I’m inconspicuous. Yet, it still feels like someone is watching me.
I took the same vehicle that Lars has been using—the big black SUV with the tinted windows. Before I left, I looked up at the cameras and wondered if Lars was watching me. Then I remembered that I’m probably scum on the bottom of his shoe and shook that thought away quickly. It was all for the baby. As much I wanted to believe that he reciprocated my feelings, he didn’t. Everything I felt was built on a lie. One thing I did learn is that he’s going to be a good daddy one day and the mom to his child is going to feel so much love and protection from him. I felt protected. I felt adored and important.
Brushing away a tear, I say goodbye to this messy chapter of my life. The next one is going to be bumpy, but it’s necessary to get to
the end.
The SUV rocks as I creep slowly down the beaten path to the power lines. Panic ensues when the possibility of someone else accompanying Madison becomes a reality. No one knows I’m in town still and if anyone else finds out, Rick could find out. He could claim I’m emotionally unstable. Have me committed—or worse.
Headlines shine in front of me and I’m relieved when I see only Madison leaning against the door of a vehicle that matches the one I’m driving. That’s not her car, but it’s possible that she didn’t want to risk driving it down this trail.
My anxiety hits an all-time high and I have to calm myself down before I get out. Feeling like I’m on the verge of a full-blown ugly cry, I pull myself together. I have to because there is so much at stake.
Take a deep breath, hold your head high, and do this.
Stepping outside feels like stepping into quicksand. A restless gnaw at my chest has alarms going off in my head.
“You made it. Nice ride.” Madison shuffles to my side with a smile on her face. I hate that she’s always so happy. I hate that she has reasons to be happy. Envy is a deadly sin, but with many other sins, it’s crept into my soul and made a home there. Three months of pure hell will cause any sinner to beg for company. Is it so wrong to want what she has?
“It’s not mine. It’s…” I shake my head and stop saying too much. “You said we could help each other?” My legs quiver and that invisible quicksand begins sucking me in as I feel about two-feet tall in her presence.
“Come on.” She nods toward the vehicle she came in. “It’s cold out here and we have a lot to talk about.”
I follow behind her like a puppy on a leash.
Once we’re both in the SUV, I shift my body to face her. I have to be bold or I’ll leave here with nothing. “I’m sure you saw the news. Just so you know, it’s not true.” I don’t dare tell Madison the entire truth. If Lars decides to share that information, so be it, but the truth will never escape my mouth again. “I have no idea why Vi would—”
