I stared out at the rain pelting the window. “I’m still confused.”
“Ask me anything.”
“She died six years ago.” I turned to him. “Why now? Why did you come now?”
Noah let out a long breath. “That’s the question, isn’t it?” He looked down at my hand in his for a moment. “I’ve lived with a lot of guilt over not getting her help. Despite how crazy it was that she messaged me like that, I never dreamed her issues were as serious as they were. I never thought to try to find her family or get her to a doctor. I had just wanted it to stop. In retrospect, I absolutely should have done something. When I found out she had taken her own life, it fucked me up. I became even more withdrawn from my marriage and fell into a depression.”
I could relate to that guilt. So often I’d blamed myself for not doing something more to find my sister and help her. I’d never imagined she would take her own life, and that was a very naïve way of thinking.
“I’m sorry you had to go through that,” I said.
“I learned a lot from it.” He threaded his fingers with mine and looked down again at our hands. “Anyway, to answer your question, despite the fact that in her letter she asked me to look after you, I never considered doing it, because it didn’t make any sense—some strange guy you’ve never met showing up at your door, asking if you’re okay? You didn’t even know me. I didn’t see how that would help you. So I decided against it.”
“What changed?”
“As the years went on, I still couldn’t shake what happened. I couldn’t change anything about the past. One day I woke up and realized maybe the only way to rid myself of the guilt was to do what she’d asked. It felt like the least I could do for her. So, I looked you up more than a year ago and found out about this rental situation. I planned carefully so I could book my stay far enough in advance to get a spot this summer. I was pretty shocked when I was able to reserve it for the whole summer, but I decided to go for it.”
I couldn’t make my brain work. “So, you came here on a mission to what? Make sure I wasn’t a mess? To save me?”
“Honestly, Heather, I didn’t know what I was going to do when I got here. I just came because I felt I owed it to Opal. I felt like my lack of action in getting her help had contributed to her death somehow. And I couldn’t live with that. The time was right for me. I had no real commitments anymore. So I bit the bullet.”
Finally, I nodded. “Now it makes sense—all the work around the house, helping me get it on the market, encouraging me to go away to school…”
“Well, that’s the part that makes sense to you, but so much of this doesn’t make sense to me anymore. What I didn’t expect was that almost immediately, I felt very connected to this place—to you. Despite that, I was adamant that I wouldn’t get emotionally involved. That’s why I was so standoffish with you in the beginning. From the second I got here, I felt more invested than I ever imagined, and I’ve tried to fight that. I never meant to interfere with your life, to insert myself into it. My goal was to honor your sister’s wishes, to make sure you were okay, and to set you on the right path before I left. I figured three months was enough time to make that happen. But I never expected to connect with you the way we have, to feel what I’m feeling. And I certainly never planned to tell you the real reason I came.”
My God. I still had so many questions.
“Was this the reason for your divorce?”
“No. All of the mistakes I told you I made happened before Opal. My relationship with Olivia was already in shambles by the time I received the letter. But my depression really kicked in after that. So it certainly didn’t help, but it wasn’t the main reason. We wouldn’t have lasted anyway.”
“Does Olivia know why you’re here?”
“Yeah. That’s partly why we’ve been in touch a lot lately. She’s been checking on me because she knows everything. My father, too. They’re the only ones who know why I came here.”
“Did they encourage it?”
“Olivia thought I was crazy. My father got it, though. He didn’t see the harm in it, if it alleviated some of my guilt.” He searched my eyes. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
Feeling numb, I told him the truth. “I don’t know how to feel right now. I’m in shock. Total shock.”
“I was so worried you’d be angry at me.”
Anger wasn’t the right word. As much as this floored me, I couldn’t be angry at him when his intentions were good. As bizarre as this story was, I could understand how it happened.
“I can’t be mad at you for this. None of it is your fault. You’ve always told me not to blame myself for anything when it came to Opal’s death. Well, the same goes for you. You couldn’t have known what would happen. I didn’t realize Opal was capable of taking her own life, and I was her sister. I knew her a lot better than you did. We tried to help her, but she wasn’t letting us. I’ll never know if I could have stopped her death if I had tried something different.” I paused to take a breath. “The point is, if her own family couldn’t help her, there’s likely nothing she would have allowed you to do to help her, either.”
He took a moment, seeming to let those words sink in.
“Are you mad that I kept my reason for coming here from you?” he asked.
“Well, what were you supposed to do? Announce it when you got here? I get why you kept it to yourself, why you didn’t come right out and tell me. I probably would’ve wanted to send you packing. It’s better that I got to know you first before you laid this on me.”
He placed his head on my shoulder. “Fuck, Heather. You have no idea how relieved I am to hear you say that. I seriously doubted my decision.”
“I just wish you didn’t see me as a charity case.”
He sat up to look me in the eyes. “Listen, I had my reasons for coming here, but this experience has been nothing like what I expected. You’re not a charity case. You’re strong, confident…amazing. You’ve taught me just as much as I could ever teach you. I’m drawn to you and finding it damn hard not to show it. My actions are scaring the hell out of me…because the last thing I meant to do was complicate your life.”
I sat back on the couch and rested my head. The story he’d told me played through my head from start to finish like a movie as I tried to imagine how everything had gone down.
“Do you have the photos you took of her?”
He pursed his lips for a moment to think about it. “They’re on my laptop, yeah.”
“Can I see them?”
“Of course. Now?”
“If you don’t mind, yes.”
“Just give me a minute to pull them up. I keep everything I’ve ever shot on a special drive.”
I watched as Noah logged in. It took him about three minutes to locate the file containing the photos.
When he placed the computer on my lap, nothing could have prepared me for the emotions I felt looking at image after image of my beautiful, smiling sister. We looked more alike than I remembered. Now that I was getting closer to the age she’d been in these photos, I could really see the resemblance.
Wiping a tear, I asked, “Did she seem off the day you took the photos?”
Noah moved closer to me. “Not at all. That’s why it was so strange when the messages started coming in.”
“That was typical. She was like two different people in many ways, depending on whether she was taking care of herself.”
“Yeah. None of it made sense.”
Not taking my eyes off the images, I said, “I really want to see the letter, too.”
“I have it at home. I know where it is and will have my dad scan it. I should’ve brought it with me. I just really wasn’t anticipating telling you.”
The questions kept coming to me in waves. “Why did you decide to tell me tonight?”
“Because I couldn’t hold it in any more, couldn’t stand the thought of keeping anything from you. A lot has changed between us, and I don’t know how to handle it. I j
ust know I never want to be anything less than completely honest with you. That goes for my feelings about you, too.”
A part of me wanted him to elaborate on that—his feelings for me—but I knew I couldn’t handle anything more tonight. I needed to absorb this.
“Can you download these photos for me?”
“Of course. I’ll buy a thumb drive tomorrow.”
“Thanks.” I continued sifting through the photographs, starting again from the beginning. “I don’t think I’m gonna tell Mom about this. I don’t know how she’d handle it. I don’t want her to view you differently—not that I think there’s any reason to feel differently about you, but I don’t want to upset her.”
“That’s up to you. I get it. I’m okay with anything you decide, but I think that’s a good call. There’s too much going on right now as it is.”
I stared at the screen. “I’m still in shock.”
“It would be strange if you weren’t.”
I needed to be alone to process this.
Getting up off the couch, I wiped my eyes and announced, “I’m gonna go home. I just need to be alone for a while.”
He stood. “Yeah. Of course.”
I handed him the laptop and headed for the door.
Noah looked concerned. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
I nodded, then walked home in a daze.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
* * *
NOAH
Heather hadn’t come by since my revelation. An entire day had passed. Even though I was tempted to go over to the main house, I tried to give her space. My news was a lot to take in.
I couldn’t help but text her, though, to ask if she was okay. She assured me she was, but I didn’t entirely believe her, because it wasn’t like her to stay away. I’d told her I made her a thumb drive of the photos she’d requested and asked if she wanted me to bring it over. She said no. I’d also had my father scan the letter from Opal and added it to the memory stick. The fact that she didn’t even want to see me long enough to receive it confirmed that she was still processing.
At least I hoped that was it.
I’d done nothing all day but pace and drink coffee in between feeding the guinea pigs. As the afternoon turned into evening, I decided to call my father and fill him in on what happened.
After I told him the story of my conversation with Heather last night, he tried to convince me I’d done the right thing in telling her.
“She said she wasn’t mad, but it’s going to hit her later—or maybe that’s what’s happening now, why she’s staying away.”
“What does she have to be mad about?” he asked.
Is he serious? “Oh, I don’t know…the fact that I came here under false pretenses? The fact that I could’ve potentially done something to save her sister’s life if I’d gotten her help? She has a number of options.”
“No one knew what was going to happen, Noah. You were a married man getting explicit messages from a strange woman. You had no idea what it was. A lot of delusional people aren’t suicidal. You didn’t know her, God rest her soul. Stop blaming yourself for something that’s not your fault.”
I wanted to believe his words, especially since they echoed Heather’s, but I still struggled. I still wondered if removing myself from the situation might be best all around.
“I feel like the right thing to do now might be to go home early.”
“You’re gonna be able to walk away from her?”
“The longer I stay, the harder it’s gonna be. Leaving is inevitable. Why prolong it?”
The thought of leaving now made me sick to my stomach, but maybe it was best for both of us. The property was under contract. Heather was enrolled in college, and she’d have the money for it even if her father took half the real estate proceeds. There was nothing stopping her. I’d be leaving in a few weeks anyway. Staying would cause nothing but more confusion for both of us.
“By the same token,” Dad added, “you could look at it a different way. It’s only a few more weeks. Why rush to say goodbye? What’s the real reason you want out of there so fast?”
I knew the truth. “Because I can’t control my feelings for her anymore. I know if I stay, they’re gonna explode. I need to go home so she can leave and live her life without any complications.”
“You think that’s gonna make her feel better? To see you drive away when she’s upset and clearly cares for you?”
“She doesn’t know what’s good for her, and honestly, she’s been avoiding me today. She hasn’t wanted to see me. This is probably the best time to make a clean break.”
“I can’t force you to stick it out if you’re intent on leaving. But I don’t get the sense that’s what you want.”
It wasn’t what I wanted at all. I’d never been happier than these past couple of months. But sometimes, doing what’s better for others trumps what makes you happy. It felt like the responsible decision.
“I think I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna pack up and tell her after everything is loaded, to make it easier.”
“You sure about this?”
“It was gonna happen anyway. This will be like ripping the Band-Aid off.” I looked over at the cage on my table. Jesus. I have to figure out how to travel with guinea pigs. “The only complication is the guinea pigs.”
My father was rightfully confused. “Guinea pigs?”
“Yeah. Bonnie and Clyde. Long story. Let’s just say I’m not coming home alone.”
After we hung up, I started packing my things. I didn’t have a lot of stuff, so it only took me about a half-hour. Then I Googled “how to take a road trip with guinea pigs” and realized I’d have to stop somewhere in the morning to get two, soft-sided animal carriers.
Even with that, packing was the easy part.
The hard part was going to be telling Heather I planned to leave in the morning. Maybe after last night’s bombshell, she wouldn’t fight me on it. Maybe she’d see why this was best for both of us.
Even though I’d been cutting back on the cigars lately, I needed to calm down, so I decided to light one up on the porch. As I gazed out at the lake, I thought about how much this summer had changed me. Most of my life, I’d wanted to be any place I wasn’t. The grass was always greener. But not here. At the lake, I was content. I didn’t feel so alone anymore. I was happy just…being. I’d heard about the practice of mindfulness but had never been able to implement it until recently. Here, I listened to the rain, tasted my food, and felt so many things going on inside of me, especially whenever Heather was around. Being able to enjoy the present moment was a blessing, one made easier by being somewhere that made me happy.
I wasn’t kidding when I said I could have lived here the rest of my life. I wondered how much of that had to do with the lake and how much of it had to do with a certain girl who’d infiltrated my soul. That question scared the shit out of me, making me even more sure I needed to leave tomorrow.
I looked out over the water and chuckled to myself, thinking about the first time I’d interacted with Heather. I’d learned that day what a spirited firecracker she was. Thrown off by how alive she’d made me feel, I’d tried everything to scare her away. But it hadn’t worked. Thank God for that, because I never would have gotten the time I had with her, never would have learned I have the capability to be happy after all. For years, I’d thought I was a lost cause. But Heather’s believing in me, and all her kind words about second chances, had resonated.
Darkness eclipsed the daylight, which was fitting as my thoughts turned from happy to sad. It was time to break the news to her.
I was just about to go inside and call her when I noticed her walking toward me in the distance. My body stilled.
She was holding something. As she got closer, I realized it was a pie. My heart squeezed at the sight of her.
I lost my ability to speak, let alone the courage to tell her my plans.
She looked at me for several seconds before she finally spoke.
&n
bsp; “So, I know I’ve been quiet. I needed to ride it out for a day. I’ve been processing everything you told me, but I’m okay. I need you to know that. I didn’t quite know how to express my feelings, how to convey everything to you, so I decided to bake that cherry pie I promised you. The cherries from the tree weren’t good, and there weren’t even enough of them anyway, so I had to go to the store and buy some. It took me all afternoon to figure out the best recipe—one I couldn’t screw up. I think I actually did it. You’ll have to be the judge. The candy corn smiley face on top is my personal touch.”
Her smile was killing me. My mouth wouldn’t move.
“It’s okay, Noah. I want you to know it’s okay. I need you to believe me when I say I don’t hold anything against you. How could I?”
Her assurance gave me the comfort I desperately needed. It also complicated my plans. I no longer had any clue how to tell her I planned to leave in the morning.
Before I could think any further, she brushed past me into the boathouse.
I cringed when she stopped to look around.
“What the hell is going on?”
“I was gonna come over and talk to you tonight. I—”
“You’re leaving?” Her voice cracked. She held her hand over her chest. “Oh my God. Let me put this pie down before I drop it.”
I tried to find words to articulate my decision. The effort was futile. “Heather, I—”
“I can’t believe you were just going to drop this on me.”
“I thought it would be easier this way.”
“Easier? Do you have any idea what you mean to me?”
It couldn’t have hurt more if she’d ripped out my heart. Seeing her tears brought home how much she cared about me. It made me doubt everything again.
“This was gonna be happening in three weeks anyway,” I said, although it seemed like a sad excuse right now.
“I know. And I was going to cherish the fuck out of the time you had left here. The next three weeks mean everything to me. You’re just going to throw them away?”
When August Ends Page 15
