The Run Around

by Bernadette Franklin

  “He’s old, he’s been living in a shelter, and he was up for adoption. My boss brought him in and had me babysit him and his kitty friend. I couldn’t let them go back to the shelter, so I adopted them. I even have their signed papers and everything. They were dumped when Lenore was really young. But she’s warming up to me, probably because Edgar Allan Paw loves to keep me company while I work. You will be required to love both Edgar Allan Paw and Lenore unconditionally.”

  “I can meet that condition without any complaint. You know the only reason you didn’t have pets was because we all knew you wouldn’t care for them.”

  I shrugged as she spoke the truth. “I am now a responsible adult. You should be utterly ashamed of yourself for raising me to be a responsible adult.”

  “I would like to take this moment to remind you that you had to have your brother remove spiders because they scare you. You would not enjoy having a pet spider.”

  I thought about Ruby, who was pretty for a hairy, eight-legged arachnid who might eat me in my sleep. “Ruby might convince me to change my mind.”

  “No, Hope. You do not need a spider in addition to your dog and cat.”

  “I can get a spider if I want to, Mom.”

  “Your brother will not rescue you from your pet, nor will your father. There’s no way I’m going to.”

  I giggled. “But you’d visit me even if there was a spider in my apartment, wouldn’t you?”

  “Unfortunately, yes.”

  “I probably won’t get a spider, but it’s fun thinking about it. So, I’ll plan on visiting two weeks from now, assuming Rick is available. If not, I’ll find the first weekend everyone is free. Also, I’m planning another wedding.”

  “But is it yours?”

  “No, Mom. Rick’s cousin is getting married, and she was really impressed with Mat’s wedding.”

  “You did a great job with Mat’s wedding except for the baseball incident. Mat was disappointed you didn’t want him at the hospital.”

  “Not on his wedding day!”

  “Hope.”

  “What? It’s true. After putting all that work into planning his wedding, he was attending it, as were you and everyone other than Rick, and Rick refused to go away.”

  My mother laughed. “Okay. That’s fair enough. How is your head doing?”

  “It’s fine. I had a headache for a few days, but I otherwise escaped intact.”

  “And how are you getting along with Fredrick?”

  “We’re getting along fine, I guess. He’s been giving me information about what his cousin would like for the wedding, and I’ve come up with some good ideas. I think it’ll be nice, although I’m concerned it’s going to be extravagant—far more extravagant than Mat’s.”

  “I’m sure you’ll do a great job. So, two weeks, then?”

  “Unless Rick can’t make it, in which case I’ll give you a call back in the next day or two. I’d rather not ruin your prime rib order. Try not to bankrupt me.”

  “Oh, I’m going to go after your wallet for worrying us. Prepare yourself for the bill, little girl.”

  Damn. When my mother got payback, she did it in a way I’d have to accept with good cheer and a large hit to my bank account. “All right. I guess I’m buying the best prime rib money can buy. I recognize when a cause is lost.”

  “Good girl. Do you want me to put your father on the phone? He’s grumpy.”

  “Because of Mat?”

  “You would be right.”

  “Just tell him I love him and will fight him for the extra cherries. I’d rather not interrupt his brooding.”

  “He needs a good brood every now and then.”

  That my father did. “Love you, Mom. Try not to annoy Mat until I’m there. Also, tell Mat if he doesn’t show up, I’m going to be very annoyed with him.”

  “As far as threats go, that’s a good one. Are you very annoyed with him right now or just slightly miffed?”

  “Slightly miffed.”

  “I’ll inform your brother of the sliding scale of your wrath so he can make an informed decision.”

  “Please let me crash in my old room with my pets, as it’s a long drive home and I’d rather not try to drive while stuffed on prime rib.”

  “Of course. Rick will be invited to spend the night as well. It won’t take but a few minutes to get the guest room ready for him.”

  We exchanged pleasantries, and after I hung up, I rubbed my hands together and considered how best to implement my plan. First, I needed to call Rick and confirm if he would be available. Then, I’d let the pieces fall together as they would. Rick seemed like the convincing sort, so I’d recruit him to make sure my brother showed up, with or without Amy.

  I brought up my contacts and tapped on Rick’s name.

  As always, he answered by the second ring. “Hey, Hope. What can I do for you?”

  “Family intervention the week after next. Care to join my family for some prime rib and witnessing disaster?”

  “I do care to join you and your family for some prime rib, as a matter of fact. What’s the catch?”

  “You’ll have to bring your dog, sleep in the guest room, and convince my brother he better show up. Preferably with Amy, but I’ll accept just him if necessary.”

  “I’m confident I can do that. Will you be bringing your dog and cat?”

  “As a matter of fact, yes. I have also reserved my childhood bedroom for the night, as I will be too full to drive back to New York following dinner.”

  “I’ll need directions on how to get there. My car should be ready by then, but it’ll be a little questionable. I ordered mine custom, and it takes a few weeks to get it in from the factory, and then I need to have it sent to a body shop for its new paint job.”

  “I could be talked into picking you up from a neutral location that completely hides where both of us live or will be living within two weeks. You might have to catch a cab to said neutral location, but I don’t mind driving you to and from my general state and leaving you somewhere somewhat convenient for you.”

  “I have someone who can drop me off and pick me up from such a location. Will it bother your parents if you show up with me?”

  “Not at all, especially if I tell them it was on the way. They like when I try to be a decent human being, and saving gas makes me a decent human being. Hopefully, our pets like each other. I think the back seat should be large enough for both of the dogs.”

  “Annabel Lee often prefers the floorboards, as she’s a weirdo.”

  I chuckled. “Edgar Allan Paw prefers the back seats because they’re heated and he can stretch out.”

  “I see you got an upgraded model. I had to pay extra for the rear heated seats. Well done on picking a good car.”

  “I’m pretty sure some politician bought it, got tired of it, and dropped it at a loss, and the dealership was willing to wheel and deal with me for it. It was expensive but good for its make and model and perks.”

  “Maybe I should take you car shopping with me next time I go.”

  “You just got a new car. Unless you break that one, you don’t need a new one for at least five years, unless the one you bought doesn’t fit things like an unexpected wife, kids, or dogs. This is good life advice, and I intend on following it. Honestly, I intend on running my car into the ground, as I tend to remain chronically single, and I’m not sure I can handle more than one dog and a cat at time, although I am really considering a parakeet because they’re cute. I’ve decided I probably shouldn’t get a spider, no matter how nice Alice’s seemed to be. In that she didn’t attack, bite, or eat anyone during our meeting.”

  “That sounds like an excellent choice, although I’m saying that as a man who has run away from a small spider. It startled me. I relocated it outside where it belonged when my heart rate lowered to something tolerable.”

  “I used to make Mat deal with any spiders, but I figure I’m screwed if I have to deal with any now. Or I’ll be that awful tenant who asks the bu
ilding staff to rescue me from a spider. Actually, I don’t like bugs all that much, especially since I’ve recently learned there are cockroaches that can fly.”

  “Cockroaches can fly?”

  “I didn’t know this until one flew in my face at the cursed viewing. In good news, my ankle is fine, but yeah. It was in the same building with the bathroom-kitchen monstrosity.”

  “Ah, that reminds me.”

  “Reminds you? Of what?”

  “I am fairly confident I have identified which city you live in due to the reference to the bathroom-kitchen monstrosity. I began doing searches into real estate that followed this trend, and it’s fortunately uncommon except in a few locations. There are only two locations in New York I have found where this trend seems to exist, and only one of those locations has the population required to support numerous male prostitutes. You’re somewhere on Manhattan Island, Miss Hope.”

  Damn. “You literally deduced that based on my exposure to a bathroom in a kitchen?”

  “I may have requested the aid of a real estate agent, as I had trouble believing this could possibly be a trend anywhere remotely civilized. My agent confirmed it, and I think he even directed me to the complex you had viewed. I was even going to have a look at it, but it was undergoing repairs. That is why I am confident in my thought I have your position nailed down.”

  Damn. Rick meant business, and I appreciated his ruthless approach to the hunt. “And here I thought you wanted to drag out the hunt.”

  “I’m debating if I’ll continue to narrow down your location, have you confess your location, or just show up one day, tap you on the shoulder, take you off somewhere, and make it clear I’m the true winner here.”

  That would be quite the feat, especially when I kept my general activities limited to work, walking the dog, and staying at the hotel. Once I moved into my apartment, I would likely only leave to walk the dog and go to work. “I already said you could get away with a lot if you bring your dog and use her as bait, but you’ll have to accommodate my pets now, too. I’m changing that rule because he’s an old man who doesn’t need to be displaced again.”

  “I’ll make sure Edgar Allan Paw is the happiest of dogs while you’re in my custody.”

  “I get terrible wine hangovers, so don’t let me have wine. I learned my lesson after my landlord plied me with extra wine. It didn’t help I’d had a Cosmo before the wine, but we won’t discuss that. I had intended to only have the Cosmo, but then he offered wine and showed me the tub. Waiting to make use of that tub is awful.”

  “I see you’re highly motivated by a good tub. Tell me. What is your dream tub?”

  “Apparently, it’s the one in my new apartment. It’s really nice.”

  He laughed. “Well, I hope you enjoy your new tub when you get moved in.”

  “I also plan to enjoy my new fireplace, too. It also has heated floors. Basically, I’m paying a ridiculous amount to live in heaven, and I’m all right with this.”

  “As long as the amount you pay equates to the happiness you get out of it, that’s great.”

  I blinked, as I’d never heard the issue of high rent put quite that way before. “How about you? How is your foray into real estate going?”

  “I found a really nice place, it did some damage to my investment accounts, but I think it’ll hold its value well over the years, and I’m hopeful it’ll make a good family home for the area I’ve chosen. I won’t know if I had the right idea until I ask the woman, of course, but I’m feeling confident right now.”

  Lucky woman. “And if she doesn’t like it?”

  “We’ll go house shopping until we find something we both like.”

  I needed to yell at my brother for having perfect friends that’d make perfect husbands, especially as edging in on my brother’s turf likely counted as rude. “Well, if you think the value will hold, then it’s a good investment either way, even if she doesn’t like it and you need to move.”

  “Moving is such a pain,” Rick complained.

  “Isn’t it, though? I haven’t technically finished my move yet, and I’m already done with having to move. I’m just glad work is paying for the actual movers, because I’m not sure I could deal with the stress on top of having to pay more money out.”

  “Unpacking is atrocious. It should be criminalized.”

  “Try packing in a hurry. I didn’t have time to properly label everything, so I’m going to be box surfing for months.”

  “Well, that part is okay on my end. I had to inventory everything to bring it into the United States. Let me tell you, that was a pain in the ass. Fortunately, the movers handled almost everything, but I had to pick what would stay and go. I donated a lot of things to charity, as it wasn’t worth importing into the United States. I may have donated too much stuff, but buying new furniture isn’t nearly as bad as moving the old stuff overseas.”

  “I’m still impressed you managed to get a visa to be here.”

  “Money talks. It talks especially well when I can make my money talk in other countries instead. It’s amazing how quickly money can talk when you have a damned good immigration lawyer who knows who to talk to in the government about getting the right forms processed promptly. Making my money talk in this case is going to work well, because it’ll mean a lot of job openings as I open a proper branch of my business here. My main operations are still overseas, but I can do the mandatory work for them anywhere. I take a rather untraditional approach to my business.”

  “I hope untraditional also means legal.”

  Rick chuckled. “Perhaps I’ll hire your firm and demand you’re in charge of making sure the accounting department for my American operations are properly legal and set up efficiently.”

  “Did you know that’s how you flirt with an accountant, Rick? That’s how you flirt with an accountant, especially a nitpicker of an accountant like me. You shouldn’t be flirting with me.”

  “I was more thinking I value competence in the workplace, but I consider myself educated on how one might flirt with an accountant. I had no idea tidy, legal paperwork could possibly count as flirting.”

  “If you saw what I have to do during a bad job, you would understand that tidy, legal accounting is equivalent to an elaborate marriage proposal. Some of the accounts I’ve had to do have been that bad.”

  “I am making a note to have all of my operations properly audited, and then I’m going to buy flowers for all of my accountants, and I may also give wine, chocolates, or whatever other edible vices the accountants need to get over any accidental cruelties I’ve subjected them to.”

  “Can you burn the tax code while you’re at it?”

  “If only.”

  “Bummer. So, can you get on the phone with Mat and make sure he knows he can’t miss our date with prime rib?”

  “I’ll make sure he’s there,” Rick promised.

  “I need to get back to work, so we’ll talk about where I’m picking you up from later, and we’ll go from there. I’ll call you sometime this week?”

  “Sounds good. I’ll give you a call if your brother puts up a fight.”

  “Inform Mat baseballs to the head really, really hurt, and if he puts up a fight, I’m coming armed with one so I can beat sense back into him.”

  “I will warn your brother that you are ready to wage war for family peace.”

  “When you phrase it like that, my mediation efforts sound somehow violent and contradictory.”

  “Hey, I’m not judging. If it takes a baseball to the head to make things work out, it’s a small price to pay. Mat’s head is hard enough to handle it.”

  I considered my head, how I’d gotten rather lucky all in all, and wondered what would have changed if I hadn’t gotten smacked with a baseball. “I did get to skip the reception because of a baseball. Does that count as working out?”

  “It was a good start. I’ve got to run. I’ll let you know if there are any problems with Mat, and I’ll shoot you a text as soon as I know
either way.”

  “Sounds good. I guess I’ll see you in two weeks.”

  “I’ll see you in two weeks.”

  Rick hung up, and I considered my phone through narrowed eyes. Threat? Promise? Something about his tone conveyed there was more to it than met the eye, but I couldn’t figure out what.

  Whatever. I’d think about it sometime after I played the family mediator and kept the little fights from turning into big explosions.

  Sixteen

  I loved snuggling up to my old man of a dog.

  Mat agreed to come, he somehow convinced Amy to go along with it, and I worked every waking moment to make certain I finished with the McCarthy file before I was scheduled to pick Rick and his dog up from an associate’s home in Hell’s Kitchen. Before he’d told me where he’d be, I hadn’t heard of the neighborhood, and I wanted to know why anyone would want to live in a place with such a weird name. A little research online indicated the place was gradually gentrifying, budding actors tended to live there, and it was fairly close to Broadway, drawing in those who enjoyed the arts.

  Armed with everything my pets would need for the weekend, extra supplies in case Annabel Lee needed them, and enough room in the trunk for anything Rick might have with him, I braved the roads and headed for the address, discovering a nice row of townhouses with a larger house on the end, the sort of place a young couple might move into to build their family.

  SUVs dominated the driveways, and I only found the house because there was an available spot for my car, something Rick had promised would be waiting for me to spare me the headache of trying to find a spot on the street. Considering how busy a Friday night could get in Manhattan, I appreciated the courtesy. I wasn’t sure how dinner and staying the night had turned into a weekend-long affair, but I didn’t look forward to the four or so hour drive to reach my parents’ house before I could crash out for the night.

  At least I’d enjoy sleeping, as I’d enticed both of my pets to join me in bed. Edgar Allan Paw needed help to get onto the mattress, but some prices were worth paying.

  We kept each other warm, and I loved snuggling up to my old man of a dog.