“That would be Edgar Allan Paw. The rest of him is covering your chest down to your knees. Annabel Lee has claimed the rest of you. Hold on, I’ll get her to stop licking your toes.” A moment later, he clucked his tongue and the torture of my feet stopped. “Sorry about that. That’s how she gets me up when it’s time for her breakfast. It’s effective.”
I bet. “What time is it?”
“Save you from being eaten by my dog o’clock. She would have started nipping your toes next. If that hadn’t worked, she would have tried the same on your ear. It seems I’ve been replaced as her food provider. She wants you to get up, feed her, and take her on a walk.”
“Your dog has betrayed you,” I muttered. “I can’t get up until they’re moved. I’m too tired to move them.”
“There’s coffee downstairs. Save you from being eaten by my dog o’clock is a little after ten in the morning by human reckoning. Mat checked in on you about an hour ago to find this general same situation, except the animals were still asleep, too. Then I got recruited, since Mat is scared Annabel Lee will try to eat him.”
“She wouldn’t hurt a fly.”
“She’ll definitely hurt your toes. She’ll lick the flesh right off before she nibbles, though. I’ve been trying to convince her nibbling is not a good habit, but unfortunately, it usually gets the result she wants along with a morning scolding. Her response? Lick for longer. I just can’t win.”
“Well, you shouldn’t have been late with her breakfast, you terrible, cruel human.”
“You’re probably right. Your mother is making breakfast, as I’ve been told you’re just as grumpy as my dog if you’re not fed.”
“Just because I bit my father when I was four or five for not feeding me doesn’t mean I’m still a monster in the morning.”
“It’s better to be safe than sorry.” Rick hauled his dog off me first, and she hopped off the bed without further encouragement. He took more care with Edgar Allan Paw, easing him to the floor so he wouldn’t jar his old, tired bones. Lenore mewed, and Rick grabbed her harness from the nightstand and put it on her. “You need to teach your cat she doesn’t have to be harnessed all the time.”
“She associates the harness with staying with her dog, and while I take it off at night, she gets upset if it’s off during the day.”
“Are you sure she’s actually a cat?”
“I’m questioning her status as a cat,” I confessed. Without the pets weighing me down, I crawled out of bed, regarded my rumpled pajamas with a resigned sigh, and grabbed the leashes so I could take care of the dogs. If someone wanted me in real clothes, they’d have to pick a fight over it. “Thank you for the rescue, although it was the sweetest of imprisonments. Has Dad roped you into yard work yet?”
“We distracted him with Euchre for a while, but it appears yard work is in the cards as soon as you’re up and ready to tackle some weeds. Apparently, the back corner has been taken over.”
Ugh. Mint. I’d warned my father about planting the herpes of the plant world in the back, but he’d loved the idea of having fresh mint around. “He thought it was a good idea to plant a weed. The weed insists on taking over and choking out everything in its domain. I keep telling him he’ll have to dig a trench and make sure he gets every last bit of root to get rid of that contagion, but he never listens to me.”
“Contagion? What does he have growing back there?”
“Mint.” I wrinkled my nose and headed for the door, and the dogs and cat followed me. Edgar Allan Paw didn’t seem to mind the steps going down, although he took them at a slower pace than Annabel Lee. To keep Rick’s dog from knocking us all down the steps, I released her leash, and she danced in place waiting for us to catch up. “Your dog is very excited for breakfast and her walk. Which does she get first?”
“Walk, else she might explode. After her walk, she will dine like the dainty little princess she is, and then she’ll want another walk within a half an hour to an hour. It keeps my mornings interesting. She’ll take her time on the second walk, as she knows I will have to go to work, and she wants to usurp as much of my time as possible.”
I didn’t blame her for that. “Edgar Allan Paw does about the same, but his morning walk is more of a morning limp to the nearest patch of acceptable grass so he can have his breakfast. Unfortunately, it’s a hike, but he’s a good sport about it. I need to take him to a vet and see if there’s anything I can do for his achy bones.”
“It depends on the cause. I’ve done some research, but I’ve discovered there isn’t any cure for growing old, much to my dismay.”
I nodded my agreement, and while I could have gotten away with letting the dogs run loose in the quiet neighborhood, I kept the animals all leashed, as there were a few kids around scared of dogs. The last thing any of us needed was to listen to their terrified screams at ten in the morning—or deal with the neighbors, who would pitch a fit if their kids were scared.
Once we started the yard work, the dogs could run around unleashed, although I’d keep Lenore tethered to something to make sure she couldn’t run off.
Then, because the last thing I needed was fleas in my hotel room or new apartment, all three animals would be getting a flea bath and a thorough brushing to check for ticks. I’d gotten the combs and shampoos for that purpose, as I hadn’t liked the idea of putting flea collars on my animals.
I liked giving myself more work than necessary.
In what I counted as a miracle, Rick volunteered to take the dogs and cat on their second walk so I could have breakfast and get changed, and I nursed a cup of coffee between yawns. Mom and Dad swooped in, sat at the table with me, and to prevent complaining over a morning ambush, they provided food. In their early sixties, age was just starting to catch up with them, and my mother’s hair had gone more salt than pepper, and my father had a lone gray streak in his otherwise dark hair. As always, it amused me he kept his badger stripe, and I wondered why his gray hairs had showed up all in the same spot.
I bet I had something to do with it.
As I would endure a lot for waffles topped with fresh fruit, I thanked them properly and dug in, waiting for them to drop whatever bomb they intended to smack me with.
They didn’t leave me waiting long. My mother cleared her throat and said, “I think you should explain your rationale for investing in a ball and chain and subjecting your brother’s wife to it.”
I raised a brow, finding their choice of opening volley interesting. “If you need me to explain my rationale, you haven’t been paying attention. Next?”
My parents stared at me as though I’d flung a basket full of copperheads onto the table and let them slither over my breakfast unchecked.
“But—”
“I’m an adult and can make my own decisions and mistakes as I see fit, and I don’t have to justify those decisions or mistakes to you. I love you both, but that’s not how this works anymore. Mat didn’t have to justify his choice of wife to you, either—nor should he. It’s his choice to make, for better or for worse.” I took another bite of my waffles, chewed, and swallowed. “Just like I don’t have to justify adopting an old dog from a shelter and opting to adopt his kitten at the same time despite not really knowing what to do with a cat beyond clean her litter box, feed her at the appropriate times, and pet her when she seems interested in being pet. And provide toys, of which she’s collecting many and uses few.”
My dad huffed before leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest. “And bringing your brother’s friend with you last night?”
“He asked me to help plan his cousin’s wedding, and it was convenient to have him come along for the ride. He’s also Mat’s friend, and it is good for Mat to spend time with his friends. I was being efficient.”
While he narrowed his eyes, my father accepted my reply with a nod. “And this wedding?”
“I guess I did a good job, and his cousin wants someone with a proven track record of doing a good job. It’s more complic
ated than Mat’s wedding, but I think it’ll be fine. It’ll be a challenge, but it should work out all right. And if it’s too challenging for me, I’ll recruit help. I’ve found people will do a lot to secure free help with their taxes.”
My mother frowned. “His dog slept with you.”
“My dog is an old bundle of joy, and it was inevitable that Annabel Lee would want to cuddle up with someone of her own species. I woke up buried in dogs, though, which made getting out of bed difficult. After I’ve eaten my waffles and the hungry beast is tamed, I’ll get changed. Did the mint take over again?”
“It took over again,” Dad confirmed.
“Gasoline and a match will solve that problem for you.”
“But I like my mint. It just gets a little rambunctious is all.”
“How much of the garden has it taken over this time?”
He grimaced. “More than it should have.”
I rolled my eyes. “Come on, Dad. You have to stay on top of the mint or you’re just going to have mint in your yard rather than vegetables, flowers, and grass. We’ve talked about this before.”
“But it’s a lot of work.”
“And that would be why I suggested you not get mint in the first place.”
“But I like mint.”
I rampaged through my waffles, glaring at my parents for having turned their once-pristine garden into a disaster area. “You two are something else.”
“Pot meet kettle,” my brother announced behind me. “You only have yourself to blame for this, Hope.”
“How do you figure?” I demanded.
“You moved out of the area, so you can’t visit whenever they get lonely. I stayed in the area, as I’m a good son.”
Like hell he was. As bickering with my brother would get us both in trouble, I finished off my waffles, grunted, and did the dishes so I wouldn’t earn a scolding to go with my meal. “I need to get dressed, then I’ll deal with the disaster that is the garden.”
Eighteen
They took ruthless to a whole new level.
Life rarely worked out as planned, and my parents’ garden did a good job of reminding me of that simple truth. I toiled on it the entire day, taking a break only to eat the promised prime rib, which I paid for in cash to my father, as my mother tried to refuse to accept payment for the ridiculously expensive dinner. Rick and Mat had a better time than I did, and even Amy seemed to warm up to the family chaos, although we kept our interactions with each other to cordial nods and little else.
The next morning, I returned Rick to the Carters’ home, barely dodged a second clothing session with Juliette as she was working with a client, and dove into the rest of my life. Planning Elizabeth’s wedding would be my last obstacle before I could enjoy what I’d worked so hard to gain, but I could survive through a year of extra work.
I’d done it every single year between moving out of my parents’ house and venturing to New York. One more year wouldn’t hurt me. Much.
Probably.
The move into my new apartment went better than I expected, and Edgar Allan Paw didn’t mind the walk down to the lobby and to the section of yard dedicated to pets needing to do their business. The security guards always had treats for him, which helped convince the old dog he wanted to make his ventures outside several times a day. I took to bribing him on our walks at the office, too.
The tub and fireplace proved to be my saving grace, offering refuge from my work. The wedding planning, as expected, turned into a nightmare, as every damned guest on the list outside of my immediate family had some special request, Elizabeth had a difficult time saying no, and I had to ultimately put my foot down and remind the woman, using Rick as my delivery method of choice, that she was the one being married, not her mother, not her aunts, not her uncles, not her cousins, and not any one of her friends, all of whom thought they knew what she wanted more than she did.
Three weeks into the venture, I wanted to quit, but I refused to give up without a fight. I’d thought Amy had been picky, but she’d been a mere blip on the radar.
I had to, much to my disgust, completely ban dogs, cats, and any other pets from the cruise ship, which meant I’d have to board Edgar Allan Paw and Lenore for the week. Fortunately, Jacob offered to watch them, however much I hated the idea of leaving them for a week. I considered staying on the cruise only long enough to see the wedding go off without hitch. I could, with a little work, arrange for a pickup—or jump overboard and swim for shore.
After the edict barring all animals from the cruise ship, Rick avoided me, not that I blamed him.
Since I’d banned animals, Elizabeth’s family and friends wanted to hire their specific caterers, to which I said no. In what most wedding planners would consider the suicide of their careers, I sent everyone on the guest list a sternly worded reminder that the wedding was for Elizabeth and her groom, and as guests, they were to show up and enjoy the festivities of their choice.
Then, as I had a death wish and faltering patience, I put a hard limit on one request per household, which included allergies, personality clashes, and preferred cabin assignments.
All other requests, unless it came from the bride or groom, would be ignored.
In one email, I earned the wrath of everyone and began a wedding-wide war aimed in my general direction.
It beat the guests feuding with each other, as I’d learned Rick hadn’t been kidding about the oddly combative relationships the family ‘friends’ had with each other. One by one, the requests came in, and when it came to seating, I’d have to play a masterful game of chess to keep the bloodshed to a minimum.
No wonder Rick had wanted to keep his woman a secret from everyone.
They took ruthless to a whole new level.
I could also understand why Rick had fled the country to get away from them. When emailed threats to cooperate didn’t work, I started receiving letters with demands, which I put into a box after reading to check for anything important, including allergies and possibilities of bloodshed should they be placed near an enemy. I found nothing overly obnoxious, and while a few guests had allergies, most refused to have anything dealing with shellfish, something I found odd but easy enough to accommodate. From clams to lobster to shrimp, I banned it all, made sure none of the stocks or other ingredients contained any of it, and made arrangements with the caterer Elizabeth had liked the most who was willing to work a cruise ship for a week.
The bill had shocked me, but she’d paid the deposit without hesitation and would pay the balance a week before the ship set sail.
After the caterer came the fittings, and while the caterer’s bill for the event had about floored me, Juliette Carter went for Elizabeth’s purse ready and willing to kill. I freaked after seeing the cost per gown and suit, and she’d gotten something for everyone. Elizabeth put her foot down, dictating that the guests would wear what Juliette gave them or they would be uninvited to the wedding.
I hadn’t even spoken directly with Elizabeth more than three times, but the entire tone of the wedding planning changed with her single display of authority. The guests fell into line, and none of them dared to peep and find themselves removed from the bride’s list of those allowed to board the cruise ship.
The groom, who I learned was named Edward only because of the wedding invitations, went with what Elizabeth wanted with a very important catch: when he decided something wasn’t happening, no force on Earth could move him.
My most ruthless stunt of the entire wedding was to declare that if both Edward and Elizabeth didn’t agree to the changes made towards the finalization of the plans, it wasn’t happening.
The weeks slid by, and while I’d regretted upsetting Rick with the no pets policy that made a mess of his plan to use his dog to secure his future wife, I stood by my decision, although I did remind people about the importance of why.
A cruise ship was not a safe place for a lot of animals, and while there would be a doctor on board, cruise ships weren’t equipped t
o take care of sick animals. Elizabeth and Edward backed me on it, as none of the guests had service animals and they knew it.
Two months before the wedding, I gathered up the courage to send Rick a text, consisting of a predictive headline claiming a New York wedding planner might be tossed from cruise ship deck by stubborn guests.
After months of not a single word from him, it startled me when my phone rang. According to the display, it was Rick, but I hesitated for a few rings longer than normal before I answered, “Hope speaking.”
“While my family can be quite brash, none of them would actually toss you over the rail. They might complain enough you’d consider flinging yourself overboard and swimming for shore, but none of them would actually help you over. They might break a nail or wrinkle their suits.”
According to Rick’s tone, he had as many issues with the guest list as I did. “They were not amused when I brought Edward into it.”
“That’s because Edward doesn’t at all care about what any of them think, and they all know it. This would count as a peace-making marriage if the bride and groom hadn’t decided they wanted to marry for love sometime after the initial marriage negotiations went through. That’s half the problem right there. How dare they interrupt old traditions? Frankly, it wouldn’t surprise me if the bride and groom decided to start tossing wedding guests overboard at this point. Good job on putting an end to the stupidity, but you’ve earned zero friends.”
“Not my problem, Rick. I’m here to make sure the wedding happens, not cater to their delicate and bruised sensibilities. If they want someone planning the wedding around their whims, they should get married and hire their own wedding planner.”
“Yes, they are horribly dismayed to discover their usual tactics for bringing a wedding planner in line simply doesn’t work with you.”
“And it must annoy them even more that I refuse to accept bribes to change just one little thing for them. How dare I have ethics, Rick?”
The Run Around Page 24
