by Nalini Singh
Kit rolled her eyes and kept her mind resolutely off the fact Noah would be wet and stripped to the skin bare yards from her. "It's not like I'm going to lock the door and dance naked in here. You can come in."
She must've been a really good actress because he laughed at her quip, and for one instant, they were simply two friends who happened to be sharing a joke.
Nothing more.
It was still light when Schoolboy Choir got ready to take the stage, the sky streaked red and orange and indigo with sunset. Noah found himself in the unfamiliar position of preparing to head out to the stage with a woman by his side. He was used to picking up women after shows, but he never had anyone with him before a concert.
It had always seemed as if that would be an intrusion. He liked to get his head in the game, fully into the music preshow. He didn't want to talk to anyone except the guys sometimes. He certainly didn't need a groupie coming on to him, expecting him to be happy about it.
So after grabbing a bite once he got up properly and showered to wash off the sleep, he'd been itchy for alone time. Except the media jackals were out, their cameras trained on the bus. Kit couldn't leave so soon after their "romantic reunion," as described online, so they'd been stuck together.
"Noah," Kit had said ten minutes into it, "I'm going into the bedroom to read. Do what you need to do."
Then she'd disappeared.
He hadn't believed it for at least five minutes, but she hadn't come back out, and when he'd peeked in at her, he'd found her sitting cross-legged on the bed, reading a script and marking it up as she went. Returning to the front room, he'd grabbed his iPod, his headphones, and settled in.
Often he played the guitar preshow, but today he'd just listened to stuff. Some of it was their own, some of it sung by his favorite bands, a scattering of it classical. No one expected him to listen to that last, but he liked the purity of it at times, liked figuring out the meaning behind the music. When the music beat in his blood, it cleared out everything else.
Too bad that didn't work while he was asleep. He'd tried it more than once.
Now, bare minutes before showtime, he was getting ready to walk out the door with a woman. It was strange... but good strange. He'd been complaining to Fox about not having a girl of his own, and here she was. Just for a weekend, but she was his, and she got him; she understood that he needed the music and she wasn't threatened by it.
When he'd finally come out of the music and gone looking for her, she'd been frowning at her script. Glancing up with an absent look in her eyes, she'd said, "Is it time?"
"Ten minutes."
She'd taken those ten minutes to change into skinny black jeans that hugged her ass in ways Noah really shouldn't be noticing, paired with black ankle boots and a silky red T-shirt that faithfully caressed her form. The vee in front barely exposed any cleavage, and the design was simple, but the way the fine material hinted at the possibility of a lacy black bra beneath...
Blow-off-the-roof sexy wasn't an adequate description.
She'd also done something to her hair so that it was all tousled and rolled-out-of-bed hot, her lips plump and red, her eyes smoky.
"Holy hell," he'd said, enjoying the look but missing his Kit. The woman who stood in front of him was Kathleen Devigny.
Then she'd winked at him and there she was, his Kit. "What do you think we've been doing in the bus all this time, Casanova? Gotta give the right impression."
Allowing the memory of that moment to fall away because the reality of Kit with him was so much better, he glanced back to where she stood on the living area level while he'd stepped down to open the door. "Ready?"
"Rock on." She handed over his guitar. "I'll be your adoring girlfriend slash mega groupie."
Guitar in one hand, he stepped out with a grin on his face that was real, twisting sideways once he was down so he could grab her hand as she came out. He didn't care about the cameras, just wanted to touch her. He could do that now without crossing dangerous lines because Kit thought it was all make-believe.
But when he wrapped her hand firmly in his and held it against his thigh, he meant it. And when he tugged her close to his side and leaned down to nuzzle at her hair, he meant that too. As he did his words when he released her hand to wrap his arm around her shoulders. "I'm glad you're here."
Eyes suddenly dark, Kit looked away as she slid her own arm around his waist. Her silence was a kick to his fucking heart. But the pain was nothing compared to having her tucked up against him. He didn't deserve her, would never deserve her, but for this short window of time, he could pretend and live an impossible dream.
"It's interesting being on the back end from the start," she said at last. "The energy is intense." A squeeze of his waist that he wasn't expecting and that made his heart do weird things inside his chest. "You're intense."
"You didn't even come near me. How do you know I was intense?"
"That bus is luxurious but small. I could feel you being all intense and rock-god-like."
Heart continuing to do weird things, he nuzzled his chin into her hair again. "Yeah well, thanks for the patience."
"No, I get it. I hole up like that when I'm readying myself for a big scene." Another squeeze of his waist that made him feel all odd deep within. "I don't want people talking at me, expecting to get a response. All I want is silence in my head so my skin can settle."
Noah just wanted to kiss her. She got it, got everything.
Noah was so warm and strong against her, his scent making her want to bury her face against his neck, draw it in. And he was being so physically affectionate, nothing anyone would expect from him... so maybe, a stubborn kernel of hope whispered, maybe it was real?
Don't fall back down that cliff, Kit. He'll destroy you.
Even as that reminder sliced pitilessly through the hope, Kit accepted the bleak truth that Noah would always be the one. She might one day love another man, but it would never be like what she and Noah could've had together. The promise between them, it had been something most people never experienced. It was broken now, shattered so badly nothing could put it back together, but when it had been whole, it had been beyond beautiful, a priceless gift.
Noah could've been her heart.
Instead, he'd be her friend with whom she could never quite have a real friendship. And he'd be the man she'd have to kiss before he went onstage in a couple of minutes. She'd have to act the doting girlfriend she'd teased him about being, the two of them kissing and snuggling like a couple in the first flush of love.
She'd thought she was ready, had convinced herself it would be just another scene from this movie they were playing out for the cameras.
Only it hurt so much that her first kiss with Noah would be fake.
Walking up onto the back of the stage with him, she smiled at Molly as the other woman appeared with Fox. She hadn't seen Abe, or David and Thea yet, but they had to be nearby. Turning into Noah, she took a deep breath. "You know what we have to do, right?"
He raised a hand and cupped her cheek, his fingers in her hair as he leaned in to press his forehead against hers. Holding her just that way, as if she was precious, he said, "You know something?"
"What?" she whispered inside the cocoon he'd created.
"We just gave them the money shot."
She blinked, startled out of her upsetting thoughts.
Noah had been photographed with women, but he'd never been photographed being tender with any of them. Kit knew, because despite her best intentions, she couldn't ignore reports about him. Noah never cupped a woman's face so sweetly, never smiled at her while stroking his thumb over her cheekbone, never tugged her close against him as he whispered in her ear.
"I'll take care of you, Kit," he said, his lips brushing her ear while his fingers wove deeper into her hair. "I won't let the vultures steal pieces of you."
Kit swayed into him, told herself it was all part of the show. "Thanks."
"Make sure to cheer for me," he orde
red as he drew back, "maybe throw your panties onstage too--aimed directly and only at me."
She shoved at his chest, though she was feeling all warm and hopeless inside. Warm because he was being the Noah she loved, the Noah who did look out for her, the one who'd never hurt her. Hopeless because this Noah was just as real as the Noah who'd so cruelly crushed her heart.
"You wish," she said, digging up a smile. "If I ever throw my panties onstage, it won't be for some pretty guitar player."
"Oh, ouch." Laughing as the crowd started to chant for Schoolboy Choir, he blew her a kiss and, slipping his guitar over his head and across his body, ran on with Fox. David and Abe ran up from the other side at the same time, and the crowd went crazy.
Genevieve slipped on more quietly after saying a quick hello to Kit and Molly.
Cupping the mike with both hands in that way he had of doing, Fox said, "You guys ready to party!" while Noah plugged in his own guitar, as was his habit.
A thunderous roar of sound was the crowd's reply.
The band responded by launching into a hard rock anthem that had the attendees throwing up their hands and jumping up and down. Heading down the steps and around to the special section in front of the stage to join Molly and Thea, Butch, Casey, and the other security personnel making sure they were safe, Kit allowed herself to get caught up in the music, allowed herself to watch Noah.
For the first time since they'd met, she didn't have to hide anything.
So she watched him move, listened to him play, and felt her heart thunder as loud as the crowd. "This is amazing!" she said to Molly and Thea.
"I've done the festival before, but never like this!" Thea took a few photos with her phone as she spoke, tweeted them. "I'm tagging you," she said to Kit. "Retweet."
"Always working." Laughing, Molly pretended to confiscate Thea's phone while Kit obeyed the retweet order, then took photos of her own to share.
Thea bared her teeth at Molly's efforts. "I want everyone to know how my gorgeous man is rocking the festival already."
"Hey." Molly elbowed her sister. "That's our men."
When the other woman took out her own phone, Kit laughed. Molly had a single social media account that she rarely used, but today she sent out a photo of Fox making love to the mike, captioning it: My guy owning the stage at Zenith. #love
Simple. Perfect. So much what Kit wanted to write, but those words would haunt her when this illusion ended; she couldn't put her heart out there for the universe to mock. So on the photograph she sent out into the world of a wildly talented man with storm-gray eyes, she just wrote: Noah rocking #Zenith!!!!!!
Chapter 21
They'd kicked off the festival with a fucking boom, Noah thought as he came backstage after the final set. Not thinking about his actions, he hauled Kit close and pressed the side of his face to hers. "I'm starving."
She laughed. "You're also sweaty."
Her hands landed on his bare skin, his T-shirt now the property of whoever it was who'd caught it when he'd thrown it out into the crowd. The intimate contact burned, sending a shock of sexual need through his body.
He pulled back with a jerk that had Kit's eyes going wide before she blinded him with a Kathleen Devigny smile. "The cameras are still on," she said without ever losing that smile. "Take my hand if you can't stand for me to touch anything else."
She could've kicked him and done less damage. Grabbing her hand, he squeezed. "It's not what you think."
Her smile remained high-voltage, but her eyes, they were hard and hurt at the same time. "You've been very clear, Noah. Don't worry, I'm not getting the wrong idea. I know you don't want me."
He almost laughed because wanting Kit was so much a part of him, there was no Noah without it. But his laughter twisted inside him. Holding Kit's hand tight, he said, "We're all having pizza together. I just need to quickly shower off the sweat."
Kit nodded and they walked to the bus. Soon as he pulled the door shut behind them, she released his hand--or tried to.
He held on. "Don't."
She shook her head. "It's fine." A tight smile. "I really am not getting any ideas." Sliding out her phone, she waved it at him. "Van messaged. We dated last year, remember? He's asking if you and I are serious."
Noah winced as his fantasy shattered. Kit wasn't his. He had no right to stop her seeing other men. Releasing her hand, he said, "What're you going to tell him?"
"Nothing." She looked down at her phone, fingers moving across the screen. "You and I are officially a couple, and I have to keep up the fiction or this is all for nothing." A quick look up, a quicker smile. "Won't be forever."
Noah's body grew rigid. "Two minutes," he said and ducked into the shower.
Kit braced a trembling hand against the counter of the kitchenette, trying to breathe past the pain in the center of her chest, an agony of knives stabbing at her from the inside out, stabbing so hard they were punching through rib and muscle to make her bleed.
Every time she thought Noah couldn't hurt her any more, he did it again.
She swallowed convulsively, squeezing her eyes shut to hold back the tears that threatened to choke off her air. She could hear the shower turning on, knew it wouldn't last long. Noah had to be starving after that show.
Breathing through her nose, she forced down all the emotions tearing at her, as she'd learned to do while filming the traumatic scenes in Last Flight. Her character had undergone torture, loss, agonizing emotional suffering, and sometimes the crushing power of living those emotions had threatened to take Kit under. She'd had to learn to compartmentalize, to shift from a wrenching scene to a joyful one, the shooting schedule not always cohesive or chronological.
Now she used every skill she had to bring herself back under control.
Hearing the shower cut off, she released a quiet, deep breath, was waiting with a slight smile on her face when Noah stepped out... and almost doubled over from the punch to the stomach that was his damp body. He'd wrapped a white towel around his hips, but water trickled from his hair down his pectoral muscles to kiss its way over his ribs and past his ridged abs to disappear into the softness of the towel.
When he turned to head into the bedroom, she saw the phoenix, stunning because it was on the masculine architecture of Noah's body.
Wrenching away her gaze with a harsh reminder that he couldn't bear her touch, she slid her phone out of her pocket and skimmed through her e-mails. There were a couple from Harper telling her there was no news on Redemption, but that no one else--namely Abigail--had been signed either. The race was still on.
Right then a message popped in from Thea's intern, copied to Noah and Thea. It was a roundup of all of Kit's and Noah's media mentions today. The efficient young woman had included a file of clippings of the main articles, even screenshots of tweets and other posts online.
#NoKat was trending worldwide, thanks to the "money shot" Noah had engineered.
Kit knew she shouldn't; she'd been in the business too long not to know the Internet could wound, but she couldn't stop herself from doing a search on that hashtag. She didn't know what she was expecting, but it wasn't what she got.
Did you see that?! I TOLD you he was into her! #NoKat #Forever
OMG, so romantic! Why can't my boyfriend look at me that way? #NoKat #Romance #SCFans
Okay, I was bummed when Noah hooked up with her, but yeah, he looks happy, so #NoKat, I'm on board.
Even my cold and bitter heart is melted. #NoKat #SCFans
That is the most romantic thing I've ever seen. #NoKat #Happy #Staytogetherforeverplease
The sentiments were repeated over and over and over again. A lot of women were crushed that Noah was taken, but most found it romantic that the bad boy had apparently reformed for his girl. Meanwhile, the band's male fans were chest-poundingly proud that "their" Noah had hooked up with such a "hottie."
Kit wanted to scream and laugh at the same time. Yeah, she was hot. So hot that Noah was physically repulsed by the idea
of any sexual contact with her.
"Hey." Noah stepped out of the bedroom. "Just let me pull on my boots."
She watched him do exactly that. He'd changed into a fresh pair of black jeans that were just as disreputable as the ones he'd been wearing earlier and a plain black T-shirt. As far as she could see, he'd just run his hands through his hair after rubbing it dry with a towel and left it at that. And he was flat-out gorgeous.
Noah put his arm around Kit's shoulders after they left the bus. She didn't resist, sliding her own arm around his waist and acting the smitten girlfriend, but he was conscious of her tension. No one else would be able to tell, but he could sense it through his skin, feel it in his gut. He'd hurt Kit because he couldn't handle his own reaction to her, and he didn't know how to fix that.
How could he tell her about his fucked-up psyche without betraying everything?
He couldn't.
All he could do was try to be the best friend he could be in his own messed-up way. Putting his lips to her ear, he said, "I'm sorry," then took a breath and slit open a vein. "I'm so damn happy you're here, with me."
Fuck, it was hard to just lay himself out there. "I like having you in my space, near me." Loved the smell of her soft skin and hair, the way she felt against him, her smile. "I don't want to push you away, but there's stuff inside me that"--another harsh breath--"that just screws me up sometimes."
Her hand clenched on his T-shirt. He wondered if she remembered she'd given him this tee. It was plain, but it had a tiny guitar stitched at the bottom on the right. The guitar was in black, hardly visible, but he'd always liked that tiny, secret detail.
She didn't say anything in answer, but her hand opened and she kind of... petted his side. It was just a small motion, but it spoke louder than any words she could've said. Unable to fight the need, he took advantage of the situation to cuddle her closer.
If it could always be this way, if he never had to think about sex, if he could fix his brain so it didn't hunger for the same thing that destroyed him, he'd beg her forgiveness on his hands and knees and find a way to put a ring on her finger that would never ever come off.
Only that was such an impossible dream that he might as well wish for wings.
