“Don’t insult my sense of smell. You are not nervous or hesitant. You are,” he paused to sort through the words that matched her scent. “It would be wrong and damaging.”
This was not the time for him to suddenly manifest into a gentleman. Couldn’t he just be a damn brute, and she could play along?
He proceeded to deal the cards. “Normally this is where the small talk would begin. I’m used to my partner being more interested in me than I am in them, and them prodding me with small questions hoping to draw me out and create a connection between us.”
At any other time she might have had a witty remark or dark observation. It took too much energy to keep her misery in check. She managed to pick up the cards.
“Well, I suppose in a unique turn of events, I am going to be chasing. Why Navigation?”
He knew why, she’d told him. “Nobody else was doing it.”
“That’s it? Not because it interested you? Or you wanted to?”
She’d always wanted to know there was something she could contribute. Nobody else in her Generation had taken Navigation. Even if she’d never used it, she’d always figured she’d contribute by keeping it warm for Generation Four.
And now she was here. Spare parts. Thrown away to make room on a shelf for more important parts.
“Let’s try again. Why did you want to?”
Misery twisted a little tighter. Because she’d wanted to be in a position to make a difference when it counted. Because she hadn’t wanted to be powerless.
Rainer waited.
The meaning in her life had only ever been her imagination. She’d been ambitious, yes, because she’d wanted to have a child, and she’d wanted to have one bunkmate and not seven. She’d wanted her life to be used well. She’d wanted to know she’d done everything she could for Ark.
Nothing she ever had done mattered. Nothing she could ever have done or accomplished would have made her matter.
The day Crèche had decided to breed Clotho was the day they’d decided her life had no value.
She had never mattered.
Rainer said, “Let’s try once more. Favorite color?”
He expected an answer. So she said, “Aubergine.”
More silence.
“I’m trying to start a conversation here, Lachesis. I ask a question. You answer, show an interest in what my answer might be, then the banter starts. It defuses a stressful situation. I know you can handle stressful situations. You even crack jokes during them. Usually at the expense of my cock, so resist the temptation and try for variety this time.”
The invitation was right there. She didn’t take it.
“Or don’t?” He raised a brow.
She folded her cards into a single stack and set them down, then stared at the blanket.
He took the cards and set the deck aside. “Having sex with me upsets you this much? I know my scars are ugly.”
“Your scars don’t bother me.”
“This is much more than nerves.”
He thought she’d been traded for a hive of bees and was some super-valuable commodity. Finding out Tsu had fabricated a lie to protect him from the humiliation that his wife was some spare flesh-bag that had been deemed useless for ‘proper’ breeding? Rainer was the Lead Engineer, and this would push him to the breaking point. The ship needed him.
Nobody needed her. Not even Rainer. She could do this much. She could take the truth to the grave. Rainer never needed to know his Captain had lied to him. That everyone had lied to him, and that his wife wasn’t some rare and unique creature. She was a cull. Garbage. The sort of garbage that was such garbage even her fertile womb was worth throwing away.
“It seems too wrong,” she whispered.
“It does,” he agreed. “But this is how we do things and there’s no way around it.”
She looked away from him.
“You’ve been acting strange since last night. What did that rat from Crèche tell you?”
“This isn’t going to happen. Let’s just go.”
“When do you give up on anything? I’ve known you for eight days and I know you do not quit.”
She rolled off the bed and gathered up her clothes. She turned her back on him so he wouldn’t see her wet face, and the way she tried to fight down the sobs. At least she’d seen the rug. And seen the paintings that had to have been what Earth had been like.
Her life had never mattered.
Rainer’s life mattered. The fact the lights were on and they weren’t dead were testaments to that. And if the last thing she did was protect him, well, maybe Gaia was real, and Gaia would weigh the worth of her life differently.
“They’ll be back,” Rainer told her once they were back in his quarters. “Crèche never lets anything end quietly with me. They’ll reschedule in a day or two.”
“You think?” she asked, although she knew they wouldn’t. They couldn’t risk her telling him the truth. They’d be here soon.
“You’re giving up on this too quickly. What did Crèche tell you?” Rainer flicked his comm across the low table.
Lachesis shrugged, pulled hers off and tossed it aside as well. “I told you. Just what we’re expected to do. Admit it. It’s not going to work out between us.”
“No, I’m not going to admit that,” he said roughly.
She picked up her chimera-tablet. She needed to run a few more calculations before Crèche came for her.
Rainer circled around the table, eyes narrowed. “Something about this is not-right, Lachesis, and I am going to find out what. Are you giving up because you want to go back to Ark?”
She laughed. “I’ve been told I’m not going back to Ark. That’s straight from Crèche here. Now let me work. I want to finish these for you.”
“It will wait an hour.”
“No, I don’t believe so. Crèche will come soon, and we won’t have the shield of spousal privilege.” Her throat tightened, and she managed to get the last few words out.
“They won’t take you from me. We’ll get another chance.”
“No, we won’t. It was one chance. We’re done. You’re free. You got what you wanted.”
“This isn’t what I wanted.”
“Don’t lie. You didn’t want me. Now I’m leaving. Go on shift.”
“No.” Rainer retrieved his large tablet. He crossed one ankle over one knee, braced the tablet on his leg, and proceeded to start sketching.
“You can’t be here when they come.”
“Watch me.”
“Rainer, don’t. Don’t do anything stupid. You didn’t want this or me. You got your wish. You didn’t fail. The task got removed from your list. It’s not something you forgot to check off.”
He ignored her and kept sketching.
There was nothing she could do except work with the time she had left.
*chime*
Her gut flipped. She looked at her tablets. Not nearly done. So much for hoping for a few hours.
“Are you going to answer that?” she asked.
*chime*
Rainer looked at the door, then back at his tablet.
*chime*
Now his tablet started to ping at him.
“Rainer.” She prodded. “Let’s just get this over with. You didn’t want to be married anyway. You won.”
“I wasn’t aware this was a competition,” he snapped at her.
“You didn’t want to be married!” she exclaimed. “You didn’t want any of this! Now you don’t have to have it!”
“Is this how you’re going back to Ark?”
“I already told you I’m not going back to Ark!”
*chime chime chime chime*
He pushed his tablet aside and stalked to the door. On the other side were two members of Crèche: Commander Keenan and the man from the previous day. Her executioners had arrived.
“Commander,” Keenan told Rainer. “You know why we’re here.”
“No second chance?” Rainer didn’t budge from blocking the doo
r.
“It’s very obvious this won’t work out. Do you want me to go through the various boxes you didn’t tick? Should I start with your obvious lack of enthusiasm?”
“She is still profoundly distraught, wasn’t raised with this idea, and you want me to be enthusiastic about traumatizing her further? I want Medical to determine if she’s even emotionally fit for this.”
“Emotions have nothing to do with chemistry, and you two don’t have any,” Keenan said.
Lachesis laughed miserably to herself. If that was the actual problem, she’d have been able to fake it. Somehow she was attracted to Rainer, and that had pushed her over the edge. Stupid sentimentality had killed her.
Her friends would have laughed if they knew.
“Step aside, Rainer,” Keenan said.
“I want her evaluated for Exodus Syndrome.”
“Denied. You should have mentioned that sooner. Too late to play that card.”
“Where are you taking her?” Rainer didn’t budge.
“Third Officer, you have been ordered to move,” Keenen growled. “You didn’t want to get married. You got your wish. You’ve been officially divorced, you’re out of the Pool, and you’re done with Crèche.”
“You’re removing him from the Pool?” Lachesis asked, shocked.
“I am done dealing with him. His bloodline can crawl in a hole and die,” Keenan said tartly. “He won. Congratulations, Commander.”
“Where are you taking her?” Rainer growled back.
“To Crèche for debriefing and she’ll stay with us while we plan her next situation. She’s not your concern, Commander. Lachesis, get your things. You are done here.”
Lachesis set her tablets down. She wouldn’t need them where she was going, and the calculations hadn’t finished. She arranged them on the table, then got her bag of datachips. She wouldn’t need the chips where she was going, but if she didn’t bring them, Rainer would be more suspicious. What a waste that all her navigation scenarios would be destroyed.
She pulled out the one chip that had the letters to her mother and sister, and set it on the table. Then she tapped out a quick ping to Rainer:
[Rainer] >> Please mail the chip I left to my family on Ark. I don’t want it to miss the next mail run. Thanks.
Clutching her bag, she ducked under Rainer’s arm. “I’m ready, Commander Keenan.”
“Lachesis.” Rainer grabbed her wrist, face dark.
“Wish I could tell you it was fun, Rainer.” She pulled her wrist out of his grip. Something else tore in her heart. “How about it was interesting?”
No.
Rainer strode into Engineering. He pointed at three of his top assistants as he passed the main corridor, and from one of the bays, spotted two more members of Crew that could be trusted.
They followed him into the access closet that served as an insulated meeting room when he wanted to talk dangerous shop. Jess pulled off the comm from behind her ear and tossed it onto the floor of the hallway. The other three did as well. Bernard slid the panel door closed. Within an instant the air thickened and reeked of human bodies.
“What’s up, boss?” Jess asked, dropping the sir. When the Commander had a private meeting with no comms in the closet, it wasn’t about rank, and there was nothing official about the conversation that was about to happen.
Rainer growled, more rattled than he’d been in years. His fingers itched to stretch into claws and rip through softer things than metal panels. “Lachesis and I’s Supervision was this morning.”
“Didn’t go well?” Hop asked.
“Fucking Crèche,” Rainer snarled. “She’s too traumatized. Supervision was her breaking point. But she gave up. She backed away from it. She was broken before she even got there. Lachesis does not give up. Lachesis fights to the death. I’ve seen her fight. Something stripped the fight out of her.”
Jess cocked her head.
This was too small to pace in, and just as well. The pressure of his team corked up the fury seething in his blood. “The rat from Crèche that spoke to me yesterday spoke to her first, and whatever he told her upset her. She wouldn’t tell me what. And just now they came and took her. Keenan pulled rank on me. No second chance, no time, nothing.”
A few exchanged looks. Hop said, “Boss, sometimes—”
“Sometimes nothing,” Rainer snapped. “I need ears. Eyes. She’s being held by Crèche until they decide what to do with her, but I know for a fact she’s not going back to Ark and Crèche has nowhere to hold her. They’ve got those three Supervision rooms, but I know she’s not there. No power draw, life support’s off, as always. Find out where they’ve moved her to.”
Jess nodded. “No problem.”
Bernard was more pragmatic. “What are you going to do when you find out? She’s not your wife any longer. She’s not your problem.”
“You didn’t want to marry her, boss. Let it go,” Hop said.
The violent need to find Lachesis nearly strangled him, and the not-voice howled he had to find her, she was in danger. They’d taken her from him when he’d promised to keep her safe. “She’s her own Generation Zero, and she was brought to this ship for me, and now nobody will tell me what her fate is. This is wrong. I know it is wrong. They traded a hive of bees for her but quit this quickly? This reeks worse than the last dead cat we pulled out from an access panel. Find the body.”
“Rumor confirmed,” Hop told Bernhard. “Pay up.”
“Fuck.” Bernhard sighed.
“Maybe Bennett’s butthurt over it,” Jess said. “He’s had three wives and Bennett hasn’t gotten the call-up, and he’s thirty-three. Time.” She tapped her wrist as if wearing an old fashioned watch.
“Bennett likes the butthurt,” Hop said, “because he’s not getting any. Being a Commander is really lonely. When do you figure the last time he’s gotten laid was?”
“I don’t know and while I should care, I don’t,” Rainer interjected. “He’s going to be all over this. He’s had his eye on Lachesis since she arrived, and he was furious about all of this from the beginning. Jealous or not, I don’t care, but he’s going to make damn sure he comes out with I told you so rights. Avoid him. I can’t protect you from him on this one.”
Hop grinned, slyly. “Leave it to us.”
“Maybe they’re going to marry her to Bennett instead,” Jess said. “They did pay for her. Need to get the use.”
Rainer snarled. “She was chosen for me, not him, and if that’s the fate she’s going to, we’re going to prevent it.”
The three of them went quiet. His human mind told him he’d just said too much, but he didn’t care. He was not going to let Crèche recycle his wife to another. Especially not Bennett.
“Go,” he growled. The scent of their doubt and uncertainty crowded the little closet. “There’s not much time. Report back to me in person only in my quarters. No comms, no pings, no messages. I know what I’m asking. If you don’t have the stomach for it, say so now.”
Jess clucked her tongue. “You’d do it for us, Commander. We’ll find her.”
* * * * *
“Where is she?” Rainer growled at Captain Tsu.
The Captain didn’t respond to the growl. He just said, “She’s not your concern, Rainer. You didn’t want to be married, she didn’t want to be married. You’re no longer married.”
“I want to know where she is and what you’re going to do with her.”
Tsu wove his fingers together and rested his hands on his desk.
“I consented to the marriage,” Rainer said angrily, the not-voice howling so loud he could barely think. “I didn’t have to do Supervision with my other two wives.”
“Did you even have sex with them?”
“Yes, I did my damn duty. I’ve faithfully bred every cup, dummy, and female Crèche has put under my loins,” he snarled.
“You were excused from Supervision the first two times, but in retrospect, everyone agreed that just made things worse. Keenan t
old me she’s pulling the plug on this one. Not wasting time. Lachesis has been through enough trauma on your account. You didn’t want her, she didn’t want anything to do with you, it wasn’t—”
“She was terrified!” Rainer snapped. “Some rat from Crèche said something to her the day before and broke her. I want to know what he told her!”
“He didn’t tell her anything,” Tsu said. “Just explained Supervision to her. It’s a custom Ark doesn’t have. Chemistry exists, or it doesn’t. When was the last time you got laid? Keenan made it pretty clear you weren’t interested.”
“She reeked of despair and misery. She didn’t fight. Lachesis always fights. Someone broke her, and it was Crèche.”
Tsu sighed, patiently. “I appreciate you feel like you got robbed of a chance to give NightPiercer a child, but I’m deferring to Keenan on this one. Just like I don’t tell you how to run Engineering, I don’t second-guess Keenan when she says no.”
Tsu could only get pushed so far, and he’d need the Captain on his side when he found Lachesis. “She’s being hidden from me.”
“Yes, yes, she is,” Tsu said.
“I will find her.”
“Have you considered she doesn’t want you to find her?” Tsu raised both brows.
Rainer’s entire body clenched and tightened, the violence brewing in his blood. A dangerous violence, and Tsu’s scent shifted from patience to wariness. He had to hide it, crush it down to where it smoldered like embers to goad him. He forced himself to shape words. “I haven’t.”
Tsu rubbed his head. “Did Lachesis ever give you any indication she wanted you around?”
“We got off to a very challenging start,” Rainer said.
“Is that what you call it? You all but abducted her, Commander. You still haven’t explained why you left two days early. I’m still composing a letter of apology to Captain Tomley for your behavior. Once I finish the apology, you and I are going to have a very, very detailed conversation. Until then, this matter is concluded. I am deferring to Keenan. She’s said she’s done with you. No more wives, no more samples, no more attempts. Your bloodline is dead. Go home and forget about Lachesis.”
NightPiercer Page 22
