by Fox, Lizzie
“Spread yourself, Jessie.” The low vibration of his voice had me shivering, and without waiting to be told twice, I took a step to the side, and he drew his tongue in long strokes over my clit, sending sparks and hot tingles throughout my body, spreading heat and desire all through me.
“Oh god…” I dared to glance down at him; his pupils totally dilated, and he shot me a naughty smirk before diving in again. “Shit…” Holy crap did that feel good… I was quickly beginning to forget my headache, my hangover—all of it.
As the pressure below increased and I tensed, threading my fingers into his mop of dark hair, I let out a very loud moan, and it only encouraged him further. A hand slid down and lifted my thigh, urging it around his neck and my god…
“Jesus, Seth—holy—” I cried out, as a finger slid into my core and found the sensitive spot way deep inside, and without meaning to I bucked against his mouth, needing and craving more of him. It only fired him up more in intensity, and me as well. I cried out his name loudly.
“Uhh… Archer?” A new, surprising voice called out, and I gasped.
Seth pulled away quickly, standing up and pushing me behind him. “Oh my god… that’s Wes. How—?”
“Wes? How did he get in here?” I exclaimed, both in shock and complete frustration that my pleasure was cut short.
“Um, the door was unlocked? When no one answered I came in.” Seth’s friend Wes said uncertainly. “I can… like…go somewhere until you’re finished, but frankly I’m not really minding hearing where this goes.”
My mouth dropped open, and Seth put a hand to his mouth to stifle his laugh.
“Get the fuck out of here you prick!” he yelled. “Fuck. Between you and Shane…bunch of goddamned cockblockers…”
I slapped my hands over my face and shook my head and groaned.
“Really, I don’t mind listening—it’s pretty hot, actually!”
“Piss off you dick—get out!” Seth scolded, and with a loud laugh, Wes walked away.
“Sorry, honey.” Seth rolled his eyes, cringing as he glanced down at himself. “I’ll, uh…be back.” His wet lips pressed over mine before he grinned and left me behind in the shower, grabbing a towel to wrap around himself as he exited.
Sighing with clenched fists beside me, I tried to will the arousal away with a deep breath. When that didn’t work… I turned the water on cold and shrieked as it poured down on me.
Not only did it help get rid of the desire—for now—but the hangover as well. Shivering, I peeked my head out of the stall, made sure Seth closed the bathroom doors before he left, grabbed two towels to wrap over my hair and body, and tiptoed out to the bedroom. I heard the sounds of Seth and Wes talking downstairs loudly, and I smiled lightly and shook my head. I quickly dressed in new underwear, t-shirt, and frumpy sweats—knowing from recollection from Seth that Wes was a bit…perverted. Didn’t want to encourage anything. I toweled off my hair, ran a brush through it, and joined the guys downstairs.
“Jessalie. Good to see you again,” Wes greeted, strangely polite. I exchanged a smug glance with Seth. He’d probably already warned his friend to watch himself. Good.
“You too,” I replied, just a bit skeptic.
“Sorry I, ah, interrupted things. At least I didn’t see anything though so…there’s that,” Wes said with a shrug.
“Fucking cockblocker, so help me,” Seth grimaced, shifting in his seat and looking very uncomfortable doing so. Wes just grinned evilly.
“Thanks for letting me stay here, really. The thought of hanging out with my cousin and their…madhouse…” he shuddered.
I forced a smile. “Yes. I know how much of an aversion you guys have to kids.”
Yeah, okay, that was bitchy. Seth flinched at my comment, and I immediately regretted it. Frowning, I crossed the great room to where the guys were sitting on the sofa and leaned over, brushing my fingers over the side of his face and whispered into his ear, “I’m sorry.” He acknowledged me gratefully with a nod, and despite Wes being here, I crashed into his mouth with a sultry kiss, leaving his lips gently swollen. Wes snickered but I ignored him. “I’ve got some things to do upstairs before your guys’ practice. Have fun.” I gave Wes a friendly smile before I turned and went back upstairs, shutting the bedroom door behind me.
You have to get a grip, Jess. This is getting out of control. Seth doesn’t deserve this guilt trip.
And he really didn’t. It wasn’t his fault I wasted years of my life on an awful man who didn’t give two shits about me. A man who blamed me for everything that went wrong in his life—but was more than happy to take the money from my books.
It wasn’t his fault the man I thought I was supposed to have a bright future with took his own life, and it wasn’t Seth’s fault that I lost that baby. It was no one’s fault.
I knew how old Seth was getting into this. And really six years isn’t that far apart, but in guy years…might as well have been forever. And…maybe Seth was right. There could still be plenty of time. A lot of those stupid articles and stories that had me freaked out were just hyped to sell things or treatments—right?
With determination, I grabbed my laptop on the nightstand, grimacing at the rumpled sheets that were disappointedly slept in only—damn you, Wes—and took it over to the window seat.
Setting it on my lap, I opened the screen and moved into one of the files of plotting I’d done for a new story. This one was a contemporary romance, a lot like the first series I’d done years ago, but hopefully with a happier ending. Maybe I should be doing a standalone?
After a few minutes though, I frowned; I couldn’t even figure out what character names I wanted, so this wasn’t even going to work.
I switched to another file; a paranormal romance with omega werewolves trying to find love in a new pack. I snorted—the beginning sounded ridiculous. I read a lot of these types of things, but writing it was something else entirely.
Perhaps I should try something new? Something without any romance entirely. Yeah…start something new. New name, new identity… new genre.
But of course, nothing came to me. I sat like that, typing random sentences for the next thirty minutes, but my mind started wandering. All I could think about was babies, fertility, and weddings. The wedding part was fun, though…
Shane said he was going to email me stuff about the various venues we’d looked at earlier and decided we liked, so I decided to check. Sure enough, there were no less than ten emails from him with different places and I flipped through all of them, smiling at his exuberant messages. He almost seemed more excited about this wedding than I did.
The seventh message was in all caps. “THIS IS THE BEST ONE OMG YOU HAVE TO DO IT! Actually, too late, I’ve already put a deposit on this one. Haha! Happy wedding day—Shane”
I laughed to myself, but when I opened it, I totally agreed. It was a small venue, with a line of beach huts along a private stretch of beach, with plenty of tropical flowers, turquoise water, and white sand. I had actually started to feel a bit giddy when a bunch of ads popped up, offering websites for “wedding registries” and “baby registries.” You know… now that you’re getting married, time to prepare for the baby stuff. I about snarled. Yeah, let’s cut open this wound, stretch it a little deeper, and pour salt in it.
My phone buzzed from the nightstand, and I was relieved for the distraction. I set the computer aside and went for the phone, grinning when I saw it was Shane.
Shane: OMG girl—are you busy!? Holy shit I have to tell you something! You’ll freak!
I snorted. Yeah, not busy anymore. Wes arrived just a bit ago and interrupted…things.
Shane. OH HELL NO. Can I clothesline him later?
Laughing, I shook my head. Not this time. I owe Seth.
Shane: Owe him what?
My lips formed a tight line. I said something a bit nasty to him. I didn’t mean it, it’s just…baby stuff.
Shane: He’s still holding out on that? I figured that he would
have come around already.
Since yesterday? Come on.
Shane: Ugh. Seriously…men. But okay—so you’re not busy?
Nope.
The phone rang then, and I promptly answered it. Before I had a chance to speak, Shane was practically squealing on the other end.
“What?” I demanded.
“You’ll never guess! I can’t believe it! Anthony—he well—oh my god I’m so excited! I mean I’m scared but I’m excited too but so nervous and—”
“—Shane! Pause for a minute and tell me what you want to tell me so I can freak out with you!” I interrupted.
“Oh! Sorry,” he laughed gently. “Anthony was gone most of the day. And when he came home—oh my god I’m still freaking!”
I sighed, and he continued. “He brought home…something. Something I’ve wanted a long time.”
“What, Shane?” I was starting to get impatient.
“Information on our baby.”
My grip on the phone slackened, and the device fell to the ground with a loud thud.
“Jess?”
Shaking myself out of a stunned haze, I bent over and picked it back up. “Say what now?”
“He’s secretly been arranging things with an adoption agency! There’s a little boy in Milwaukee who needs a home. Just a little over what—one or so? He’s been doing this in secret for a while now, just in case things didn’t work out he didn’t want me to get upset!” Shane’s voice shook with emotion. “Oh my god, I feel like I’m going to die, seriously. I cannot—”
“—That’s great!” I hoped my voice sounded genuine, because inside? I felt dark, and bitter.
But Shane didn’t seem to notice. “Holy shit I can’t believe it. I can’t believe this is happening…oh my god. Oh my god, Jessie!” He let out a squeal.
“Fuck, Shane—quiet down! Who are you talking to?” Anthony demanded from his end of the line.
“Jessie! I had to tell her about the—”
“—are you sure that was a good idea? Knowing that she’s…” He didn’t finish his statement, but he didn’t have to. Knowing that she’s drowning in baby fever?
“Oh shit. Oh shit. Jess, I’m so sorry! I’m an insensitive—” Shane began in a panic.
“It’s okay,” I said, with a light laugh. “Really. I think it’s great! Really!” And I really did but…
…inside my heart was breaking. The one person I had going through something similar was soon to be…not. He would be a “have” and not a “have not.” A “have not” just like me…
“The aunt is still giving us trouble,” Anthony reminded. “Until those papers are signed…”
“…yeah yeah I know. But…” Shane said, with a sigh. “I’m sorry; I guess I did get a bit excited.”
“It’s okay. It’s something you’ve wanted for a long time.” I hoped by smiling in reality it would reflect in my tone.
“It’ll happen for you too, honey. So help me, or I’ll kill him, I don’t care how hot he is. I’ll just—”
“—Shane. It’s okay. It’s not Seth’s fault. I know that. I just…” I sighed. “It’s just hard not to feel like time is running out.” I couldn’t help the tears that fell.
“Aww, no it won’t. And… hey. You could always freeze the—whatever. Eggs?” He suggested, and I laughed shortly.
“That’s very expensive. And…well…”
“At least it’s an option.”
“Yeah…” But was it? It was really expensive. Depending upon how much it was, though… maybe I could swing it? “Hey, Shane—I’m happy for you guys. Really. You’ll both make great parents. Can’t wait to meet him, but I have to go. Still have a headache from last night, if you know what I mean.”
“Oh, I did too until about an hour ago. Ugggh. Well… I’ll talk to you soon, okay? I want to chat about the venue. Did you see it? Do you love it?” He asked excitedly, and I chuckled.
“I did and it’s great. Thank you, Shane.”
“Any time. That’s what I’m here for. Planning weddings and kicking ass if need be. Are you coming to practice?” Their other practice place had been closed, but this week it re-opened. The weather was starting to heat up outside and the garage got a little hot, so I think everyone was glad to be back there for the summer at least.
But honestly, even with the temptation of watching Seth, my sexy fiancé singing on a stage, I didn’t really feel in the mood. So I just answered honestly. “We’ll see.”
“Ohh…I made you sad. Shit, Jess. I’m sorry. It’s just really so hard to imagine Seth not giving you absolutely anything you wanted. He loves you so much, I just can’t…”
“I know, Shane. Don’t worry about it. Really though this headache is nasty, and I feel like I’m going to puke,” I insisted. Not entirely a lie…but a little exaggerated.
“Puke? Ohhh… you’re sure that’s only from the hangover?” He asked, and it was a moment before I realized what he meant.
“Ha ha. No, I’m on the damned pill.”
“Aww. Well… just stop taking it,” he suggested. “There’s one way to get what you want.”
I shook my head vehemently even though he couldn’t see. “No. No way—I won’t do that to him. I have to hear those words. I won’t risk…you know…making him unhappy.”
Shane sighed. “Jessie, I promise he’s just scared. If it happened—even this early in the game—he would be fucking elated. I have no doubt.”
“Still. He deserves to make the decision.”
“And if he makes the wrong one?” Shane asked expectantly.
I hesitated. I didn’t want to say the words, as I caught a glance of the sparkling ring on my left hand. “I don’t know,” I replied. And that was the truth. I didn’t know what I’d do.
I didn’t want to—couldn’t lose him. One way or another, I’d just have to forget.
Forget…and let it go.
8
Seth
“Where’s Jessie, Seth?” That was the immediate, unsurprising question the moment I walked into practice, down the single center aisle of the little former-theater. Alone.
“Ask him,” I said dryly, narrowing my eyes towards Shane who proceeded to stand behind his husband and cower.
Sabrina’s gaze drew over towards the two of them, and Anthony just held up his hands, stepping aside so Shane could take all the heat.
His gently-made up eyes turned downcast. “I got her drunk as a skunk last night.”
“Again?” Sabrina shook her head and snickered. But it was short lived when Bethany and Isla came tearing down the aisle, shrieking at the top of their lungs. I winced briefly at the sound as they pushed by me, not even paying attention when I’d nearly toppled over. She rolled her eyes so hard I thought they were going to snap off her head. “Girls! Dammit!”
Ian spun around and blocked their running, clasping each one on the shoulder, leaning down to speak to them sternly. I couldn’t hear what he was saying, but the unusual seriousness on his face was amusing. Guy with rainbow colored hair trying to look scary. Ha! They walked off after a minute, obviously perturbed, and found a corner where they collapsed onto their backsides and started chatting.
“Okay, what’s up? You look like you have something on your mind?” Sabrina questioned, and I sighed, scratching the side of my head and frowning.
“I guess I kind of do. Did you, um, ever feel like your…biological clock was ticking?” I asked her quietly.
She laughed sharply. “Oh, sweet Jesus yes. It’s the worst feeling in the world, let me tell you. You feel so helpless, and your brain and body are thinking these irrational thoughts even though you know it’s ridiculous. I actually had panic attacks any time I would come near a baby before the twins were born.”
I pulled a sour face. “So, it’s…normal?”
“It’s normal, yeah, especially if you haven’t had any yet and you’re—oh. I see where this is going.” Sabrina frowned. “Jessie?”
I shrugged. “Yeah…”
I raked my teeth over my piercing. “I didn’t say that.”
“So, you do?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“So, what are you saying, Seth?” Sabrina crossed her arms over her thin frame and cocked an expectant brow.
I threw up my hands. “I don’t know. I’m saying I am…freaked out.”
She sighed slowly. “Well…I get that. It’s overwhelming. It is scary. Does Jessie know this is where you’re at?”
“She does,” I replied glumly, glancing down at my feet and kicking at an invisible spot on the rug.
“And…?”
“She says she’s trying to be okay with it, but I know she isn’t.”
“Oh Seth. I guess I don’t know what to tell you. But if it’s something that might be important to her… and you can’t make it happen…you might have to let her go. Or find a compromise,” Sabrina said.
“Compromise?” I inquired hopefully. “Like what?”
“Umm…well there might not be one here, actually. Forget I said that.” Sabrina frowned.
Groaning, I fell into the seat behind me covering my face with my hands. I felt myself tensing severely at both the idea of kids and, even more so, of letting Jessie go because I couldn’t give her something she desperately wanted.
But I could do it…I just didn’t know if it was a good idea.
Oh, fuck this was complicated…
I felt a hand on my arm. “Seth. You just have to be honest with her. Did you try talking about this in therapy?”
I shook my head, not unburying my face. “No…”
